dude, i would move back just so i can save money on rent. but it would be a place to rest and nothing more. i would spend most of my time at work or school. get what I need to do done, like school, get a good job. it's kinda pointless to move out if you can't even support yourself you know. of course moving out will be the goal, and you will, and you're more prepared.
lokiju
Lifer
- May 29, 2003
- 18,526
- 5
- 0
Time heals all wounds.
My mom wouldn't stop calling me or my brother when we moved out and we just lived down the street! I moved out when I was 20 am now 23, it just takes time for the parents to get used to the idea that you don't live at home anymore. Its funny it used to be similar for me, I hated every moment I had to spend being around my parents, they drove me nuts that last year I lived at home, it was every little thing they would just nit pick at. Now every time I see them its more enjoyable and we get along great, plus it probably helps that I live about 4 hours away from them which makes me miss them more.
My mom wouldn't stop calling me or my brother when we moved out and we just lived down the street! I moved out when I was 20 am now 23, it just takes time for the parents to get used to the idea that you don't live at home anymore. Its funny it used to be similar for me, I hated every moment I had to spend being around my parents, they drove me nuts that last year I lived at home, it was every little thing they would just nit pick at. Now every time I see them its more enjoyable and we get along great, plus it probably helps that I live about 4 hours away from them which makes me miss them more.
alkemyst
No Lifer
- Feb 13, 2001
- 83,769
- 19
- 81
I moved out early, I moved back after my divorce for a bit, and then after another break up...
I think if you have a good relationship and your parents aren't tools it's not a problem. Hell even when I didn't live at home my g/f's wanted to go see my mom and dad.
I live about 30 mins from them now, but we have a good relationship, I was over there this past weekend helping him pressure clean the house so we can paint it. Two weekend job to clean and probably 3 to paint...but he helps me when I need extra hands too.
I do think it is a problem when you are approaching mid-20's and have never been on your own, this is where the stigma comes from....when I got back into dating in 1999 after a long term relationship, I was surprized to learn from women that so many late 20 - 30 year old men are living at home and how so many have never left. A lot of women also are doing this, but it's sort of a double standard.
I think if you have a good relationship and your parents aren't tools it's not a problem. Hell even when I didn't live at home my g/f's wanted to go see my mom and dad.
I live about 30 mins from them now, but we have a good relationship, I was over there this past weekend helping him pressure clean the house so we can paint it. Two weekend job to clean and probably 3 to paint...but he helps me when I need extra hands too.
I do think it is a problem when you are approaching mid-20's and have never been on your own, this is where the stigma comes from....when I got back into dating in 1999 after a long term relationship, I was surprized to learn from women that so many late 20 - 30 year old men are living at home and how so many have never left. A lot of women also are doing this, but it's sort of a double standard.
So I decided to go home today to do laundry, show face around the home, and calm their worrisome. About half an hour of being home, it was my dads' turn to give me this talk about going back home. He told me to tell my landlord that I want out at the end of the month and my siblings will come help me move back home. He talked about how he understood what is going on and tried to calm me by talking about those things. But guess what?
Those things = frickin' irrevelant on a larger scale of the reasoning behind why I moved out. He was like "oh that lecture I gave you about burning dvd movies is just to warn and help you, not because I hate you." I'm like "WHAT THE F*CK?!?! You think I moved out because you told me not to burn mother-f*cken movies?!?!"
I just sat there quietly letting whatever he had to say go in one ear and out the next. He ended with him asking me again if I would move home at the end of the month. I sat there and did not reply. I was midway through my laundry when I just took it out and decided to leave.
For once I never felt so much hatred towards my family. I don't really hate anyone in particular but I just hate being around my family and the environment they create. I feel like a total stranger when I stepped back home; like I would feel no different if I were to walk into a random house down the street. There is so much anger and resentment inside me that I feel like dying off the face of their world. I have high goals for myself so I would never put myself in a situation I would regret. At this point, all I really want is to dissappear from their lives and start my own.
Those things = frickin' irrevelant on a larger scale of the reasoning behind why I moved out. He was like "oh that lecture I gave you about burning dvd movies is just to warn and help you, not because I hate you." I'm like "WHAT THE F*CK?!?! You think I moved out because you told me not to burn mother-f*cken movies?!?!"
I just sat there quietly letting whatever he had to say go in one ear and out the next. He ended with him asking me again if I would move home at the end of the month. I sat there and did not reply. I was midway through my laundry when I just took it out and decided to leave.
For once I never felt so much hatred towards my family. I don't really hate anyone in particular but I just hate being around my family and the environment they create. I feel like a total stranger when I stepped back home; like I would feel no different if I were to walk into a random house down the street. There is so much anger and resentment inside me that I feel like dying off the face of their world. I have high goals for myself so I would never put myself in a situation I would regret. At this point, all I really want is to dissappear from their lives and start my own.
Babbles
Diamond Member
- Jan 4, 2001
- 8,253
- 14
- 81
Everybody gets to tht one point where it is just the right time for them to move out. Seems as if you just found your moment. Your parents will just have to get over it, because as you know one day your sibling(s) will have to move out as well; they are just going to have to get used to it.
Anyhow, I suggest that you make a weekly visit and that may make life easier for them and practical for you: laundry day and raid the fridge day.
Anyhow, I suggest that you make a weekly visit and that may make life easier for them and practical for you: laundry day and raid the fridge day.
alkemyst
No Lifer
- Feb 13, 2001
- 83,769
- 19
- 81
Hmm you have just proven yourself one of those total whiny types that keep putting themselves into harm's way, yet wonder why people stop throwing you cookies.
Why did you not forward your mail, why are you still going home to do laundry? Sure either of these things are fine for those with normal family lives, unlike the unspawned Jerry Springer episodes at your family abode. Can you actually afford being on your own? Can you actually handle the responsibility? Sounds like your family is actually worried (and probably correct) you are too young to leave the 'nest' mentally.
I am willing to bet that was what you can told them, without going deeper into more reasons.
oooooohhhhhh quiet angst! the response of a teenager! Dude, tell them what's on your mind....1) you now have your own place 2) you are an adult (well technically, I don't know about actually)
What the hell are you babbling here? Gone for a month and now you think your are like someone that's been gone from home 10 years? I think we all have it figured out....you are the antisocial one in this situation and by the actions of even older siblings still living at home, you are trying to be the outcast. Are you saying your high goals are keeping you from killing your family or hurting them?
IF YOU WANT TO DISAPPEAR THE FIRST STEP *IDIOT* IS TO NOT GO BACK HOME, GET IT?!?! MAIL = FORWARDED LAUNDRY = LAUNDROMAT CAPISH?!?
Now I understand completely why your family is worried...you have the mental maturity of a two year old in 'advanced' classes.
Originally posted by: alkemyst
IF YOU WANT TO DISAPPEAR THE FIRST STEP *IDIOT* IS TO NOT GO BACK HOME, GET IT?!?! MAIL = FORWARDED LAUNDRY = LAUNDROMAT CAPISH?!?
Now I understand completely why your family is worried...you have the mental maturity of a two year old in 'advanced' classes.
I hate to do it, but I have to agree with this man. If you really want to break off from your family, then you need to do it. If you want to be a man, you need to call your family and tell them you need to talk to them as a family, and explain how you feel.
Otherwise, nothing will be resolved, and you will still feel this way years from now.
I concur. Sorry dude, I hate to say it, but you're obviously not ready to move home if you still keep those little attachments to your family like not forwarding your mail and going home to do laundry. If you can afford to live on your own, then good luck. If you can't afford it, then you're a moron for leaving a family who wants you back.Originally posted by: Murphyrulez
Originally posted by: alkemyst
IF YOU WANT TO DISAPPEAR THE FIRST STEP *IDIOT* IS TO NOT GO BACK HOME, GET IT?!?! MAIL = FORWARDED LAUNDRY = LAUNDROMAT CAPISH?!?
Now I understand completely why your family is worried...you have the mental maturity of a two year old in 'advanced' classes.
I hate to do it, but I have to agree with this man. If you really want to break off from your family, then you need to do it. If you want to be a man, you need to call your family and tell them you need to talk to them as a family, and explain how you feel.
Otherwise, nothing will be resolved, and you will still feel this way years from now.
I lived at home till a few weeks before i turned 22,When I BOUGHT my own house.
Much quieter,whne i want quiet.
If i want to watchTV,listen to my Stereo,no one complains.
{I keep it low enough to not waken the neighbors in the next house,LOL}
Why would anyone want to live at home till 30+ years old??
Much quieter,whne i want quiet.
If i want to watchTV,listen to my Stereo,no one complains.
{I keep it low enough to not waken the neighbors in the next house,LOL}
Why would anyone want to live at home till 30+ years old??
alkemyst
No Lifer
- Feb 13, 2001
- 83,769
- 19
- 81
I am 32, married, divorced, remarried, a bunch along the way in the course of hated experiences and nice ones.
However, in my current apartment the laundry isn't big enough for my comforter so I go home to do it, they'd rather me do all my laundry there, but it's an inconvenience. I help them (like painting the house these next two weeks) and they help me...however I never have *really* hated my family.
The original poster seems too though so with that they need to cut all ties or deal with interaction. You can't have it both ways.
alkemyst
No Lifer
- Feb 13, 2001
- 83,769
- 19
- 81
There is a lot of reasons really.
I had my own home at 23, on the water...it was a really great place. However I later moved back home. I have no problem with my parents, although I would classify them as atypical. Everyone loves my parents....my current wife was upset when I moved out....my parents love me and I love them, but I really need my own place if I am going to be married.
There is really no reason wrong with living at home: IF YOU HAVE A GOAL....however most don't and just blow all their money on partying. I know of two people now that actually saved enough to pay cash for a house (sort of stupid in my opinion with the rates being low as of late, but that was their decisions). I know of a couple others that saved to start their own businesses and complete college debt free. All of these people had freedom as adults and weren't pressured by their parents other than to do well and succeed. I think that's the big deciding factor.
My parents knew I'd have sex on day and accepted that. I didn't until my freshman year of college (then sort of went way downhill from there
). They knew I'd eventually probably drink (since 15 I was 'clubbing', I was a *big* teenager), do drugs (tried and like pot, but it's really rare I do it), get arrested/in trouble, etc...They let me grow and mature and learn. They provided me with advice and consequences...I never doubted they were being honest, unlike some parents that tell things so wrong even an infant would know they are being lied too.Unfortunately not many people can do a house by early 20's...I am trying to get my second one, I could if I moved I suppose, but I like Palm Beach County....I have a couple leads on nice places. I don't want to buy a new house, I just don't like them....I can't get what I want built since my square footage requirement and what I want built is too small....I want a shell or a 'fixer/upper' to customize. My first house I tore it apart and redid the deck, flooring, kitchen, roof, all the walls, the lighting, new a/c, etc.....I lost a lot of cash by gutting alot of what was totally functional.
Since you own your own place now, I recommend paying an extra $100-200 or more each month and get it under your belt free and clear. A home that's totally owned offers more freedom in life than almost anything else. Once you got a roof, it doesn't take a lot of cash for other things.
Å
alkemyst
No Lifer
- Feb 13, 2001
- 83,769
- 19
- 81
I can't believe I was one of the first to protest when you got banned.
My Saturn is hardly 'riced out'.
It's actually a very clean car, I wouldn't be selling it if my next plan of a 350+hp engine would work in a FWD vehicle in SCCA type racing.
I hardly call it a life accomplishment though....my house was a decent one, being able to plop down $40k on a down payment and another $40k on furnishing and a home theatre was another one, making middle 5 figures in the mid 90's as a 20 something without a degree was another one being able to quit banking and persue what I'd like to at a pay hit is another one.
However, keep following me around and crapping on my well written replies, pencilneck.
Å
The problem with a lot of Chinese parents is that they cling too hard which drives away their children. If only they would just let go, most of their children would come back. They usually raised us well with good values.
When I was younger my parents never understood my anger either. I would keep it bottled up but I would sometimes have nightmares where I would yell out at night stuff like, "How can you be so stupid!?!". And then my mom would tell me not to watch so many sci-fi movies because it gave me nightmares. I just don't think they could comprehend that it was they that was causing my nightmares.
And it's hard to explain it to my parents because of the language barrier. Their English and my Chinese were not good. And it was just hard to explain because it's hard to explain. I can't even explain to myself what exactly it was they did to make me mad. But things occurred like:
When I first moved out to the dorms as a freshman, I told my mom weeks in advance that I would probably won't be coming home the 1st weekend because I wanted to try and socialize, get my bearings, and make friends. This was very important to me because my parents moved before my senior year in HS and I didn't have a lot of friends during that time. I also wanted to avoid any embarrassing situations in front of my new roommates -- so don't discuss this while we are there. I will call you to pick me up when I want to visit home. After they helped me unpacked, and in front of my new roommates, my father announced, "So, when do you want us to pick you up on friday?". This seems trivial now, but at that time I was furious. Most teenagers don't like being embarrassed in front of their peers by their parents.
It's like they don't even listen to what I said. I ask one thing and they do the exact opposite. Happened all the time.
I sometimes wonder why they are so clingy. After all, my mom left her own mother and traveled halfway around the world to marry my dad when she was around 18. I never met my grandparents until I was close to 18 so that meant she didn't see her own mother for 18 years. If she could separate herself from her own family like that, why did it bother her so much if I didn't come home one weekend during college? Then again, maybe it was because of that. I dunno. My parents did so many things that didn't make sense. They would give me all the meat from a fish and just have only the fish head for themselves but they would purposely undermine my social growth and happiness.
But luckily time and distance heals most wounds. It would have been good if you could just visit once a week to have dinner with them but it seems your anger is too great so maybe it's best for you to have some extended time away from them with no contact.
When I was younger my parents never understood my anger either. I would keep it bottled up but I would sometimes have nightmares where I would yell out at night stuff like, "How can you be so stupid!?!". And then my mom would tell me not to watch so many sci-fi movies because it gave me nightmares. I just don't think they could comprehend that it was they that was causing my nightmares.
And it's hard to explain it to my parents because of the language barrier. Their English and my Chinese were not good. And it was just hard to explain because it's hard to explain. I can't even explain to myself what exactly it was they did to make me mad. But things occurred like:
When I first moved out to the dorms as a freshman, I told my mom weeks in advance that I would probably won't be coming home the 1st weekend because I wanted to try and socialize, get my bearings, and make friends. This was very important to me because my parents moved before my senior year in HS and I didn't have a lot of friends during that time. I also wanted to avoid any embarrassing situations in front of my new roommates -- so don't discuss this while we are there. I will call you to pick me up when I want to visit home. After they helped me unpacked, and in front of my new roommates, my father announced, "So, when do you want us to pick you up on friday?". This seems trivial now, but at that time I was furious. Most teenagers don't like being embarrassed in front of their peers by their parents.
It's like they don't even listen to what I said. I ask one thing and they do the exact opposite. Happened all the time.
I sometimes wonder why they are so clingy. After all, my mom left her own mother and traveled halfway around the world to marry my dad when she was around 18. I never met my grandparents until I was close to 18 so that meant she didn't see her own mother for 18 years. If she could separate herself from her own family like that, why did it bother her so much if I didn't come home one weekend during college? Then again, maybe it was because of that. I dunno. My parents did so many things that didn't make sense. They would give me all the meat from a fish and just have only the fish head for themselves but they would purposely undermine my social growth and happiness.
But luckily time and distance heals most wounds. It would have been good if you could just visit once a week to have dinner with them but it seems your anger is too great so maybe it's best for you to have some extended time away from them with no contact.
I'm sorry, but none of those things you did is something I would ever be jealous of so you can drop that. Now, how was it not riced up? What actual perfomance mods did you do?
alkemyst
No Lifer
- Feb 13, 2001
- 83,769
- 19
- 81
So you speak for all of AT? Damn what a responsibility.
So what makes you so special?
About my car I am selling:
hmm what was not performance I did?
better brakes
header, throttle body, porting, exhaust, intake.
Coils and wires
springs, struts, sway, FSB
better rubber
upgraded motor mounts
what's rice about those things...as a matter of fact other than being slightly lowered and with different wheels, most think my car is stock.
keep trying big boy
dvdrdiscs
Our situations are not all that different. My family has slowly been circling the drain for the 21 years of my life, and in the last couple years they have rapidly approached the bottom of the sink. I am the only one who managed to escape the fate the rest of my family has chosen. I realized contact with my family was becoming more and more confrontational, and that I had to do something to avoid it. Being a full time student on a limited income, moving out was (and still is) not an option, so I doubled my efforts in school, became absolved in martial arts, video games, and generally finding ways of staying out of the house. Recently, I sat down with myself and thought about the prospect of going on in my life "without" my family. Surprisingly, the thought was more comforting than upsetting. Living my life with hatred towards my family would be taking huge steps backward, and I won't allow anyone to do that to me.
Which brings me to my point, dvdrdiscs. You are the one that matters here, and if you feel moving out is what is best for you then you have done the right thing. Your family might beg, plead, and shame you for the life you've chosen, and that is not acceptable. Period. It would be presumptuous of me to give you specific advice beyond what I have already given because it is not my situation. Best of luck to you, whatever path your choose (and whoever you choose to take along with you). PM me if you want to talk more.
Our situations are not all that different. My family has slowly been circling the drain for the 21 years of my life, and in the last couple years they have rapidly approached the bottom of the sink. I am the only one who managed to escape the fate the rest of my family has chosen. I realized contact with my family was becoming more and more confrontational, and that I had to do something to avoid it. Being a full time student on a limited income, moving out was (and still is) not an option, so I doubled my efforts in school, became absolved in martial arts, video games, and generally finding ways of staying out of the house. Recently, I sat down with myself and thought about the prospect of going on in my life "without" my family. Surprisingly, the thought was more comforting than upsetting. Living my life with hatred towards my family would be taking huge steps backward, and I won't allow anyone to do that to me.
Which brings me to my point, dvdrdiscs. You are the one that matters here, and if you feel moving out is what is best for you then you have done the right thing. Your family might beg, plead, and shame you for the life you've chosen, and that is not acceptable. Period. It would be presumptuous of me to give you specific advice beyond what I have already given because it is not my situation. Best of luck to you, whatever path your choose (and whoever you choose to take along with you). PM me if you want to talk more.
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