Mom and sister just came over to begged me to come home...

[AMCRambler]

I know what you're going through. I'm 23 living at home too. I can move out any time I want, money is not a real big issue. As dumb as it sounds my reason for staying is I've got a classic car I'm trying to restore so I kind of need the driveway and my pops tools to get that done. So in the mean time I'm sticking it out and living there. They do drive me crazy and my solution has been to be at home as little as possible. I work all day, I go home for dinner and then usually right after go out to my friends house or girlfriends house or go out and work on my car. It's worked well for the last couple of months, no fights about stupid crap, no nagging, and when I am there, they're happy to see me because I'm never around. So unless I'm working on the car the only time I am home is to eat dinner and to sleep, lol. The other thing it kind of helps with is getting them used to me not being there so when I do move out(next spring hopefully), they're not going to notice it as much.
I have a feeling your family is pretty close and when you left, it left a noticeable void in your family. When you left it may not have been on the best of terms either and that could make them feel terrible. They don't want to lose you, but you have to get them to realize you're not going out of their lives forever, but that you need some space and the best way to have that is by getting out on your own. No matter how much they drive you crazy they're your family and you shouldn't push them out of your life totally. I'd say get the mail thing fixed so you don't have to go over there any more and tell them you'll see them for Thanksgiving. Maybe call them once or twice before then so they know you're alright. They'll calm down when they see you're doing fine.

 

[rahvin]

You know the post office has these things called change of address forms that you fill out and they start forwarding your mail. I know it's shocking.

 

[StormRider]

Originally posted by: dvdrdiscs
I left home thinking that they will have to be forced to get used to it. But I don't want to regret it later when something bad happens to my parents and I'll be blaming myself. They're pretty old and fragile.

That's something that constantly worries me. There was a long time when I had so much anger towards my parents and now that distance and time has healed it, I am constantly worried that something bad will happen (my parents are also getting old and fragile) and it will be "my fault" because of all that bad karma I had towards them back then.

 

[iamwiz82]

Originally posted by: StormRider

Originally posted by: dvdrdiscs
I left home thinking that they will have to be forced to get used to it. But I don't want to regret it later when something bad happens to my parents and I'll be blaming myself. They're pretty old and fragile.

That's something that constantly worries me. There was a long time when I had so much anger towards my parents and now that distance and time has healed it, I am constantly worried that something bad will happen (my parents are also getting old and fragile) and it will be "my fault" because of all that bad karma I had towards them back then.

I have always wondered why people blame themselves for things like that? What would have been different had you been there?

 

[StormRider]

Originally posted by: SagaLore

Originally posted by: dvdrdiscs
I left home thinking that they will have to be forced to get used to it. But I don't want to regret it later when something bad happens to my parents and I'll be blaming myself. They're pretty old and fragile.

How old do you consider old?

And what idiot taught you that the youngest child is supposed to take care of their parents when they get old?

The youngest asian child is usually the "most Americanized" while the oldest child is the one saddled with all the guilt of clinging to the old values and culture. I sometimes envy my younger brothers because of that.

StormRider <- oldest child

 

[iamwiz82]

Originally posted by: StormRider

Originally posted by: SagaLore

Originally posted by: dvdrdiscs
I left home thinking that they will have to be forced to get used to it. But I don't want to regret it later when something bad happens to my parents and I'll be blaming myself. They're pretty old and fragile.

How old do you consider old?

And what idiot taught you that the youngest child is supposed to take care of their parents when they get old?

The youngest asian child is usually the "most Americanized" while the oldest child is the one saddled with all the guilt of clinging to the old values and culture. I sometimes envy my younger brothers because of that.

StormRider <- oldest child

I will help my parents when they get older not because it is my duty, but because I want to help. I, however, am not asian.

 

[StormRider]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82

Originally posted by: StormRider

Originally posted by: dvdrdiscs
I left home thinking that they will have to be forced to get used to it. But I don't want to regret it later when something bad happens to my parents and I'll be blaming myself. They're pretty old and fragile.

That's something that constantly worries me. There was a long time when I had so much anger towards my parents and now that distance and time has healed it, I am constantly worried that something bad will happen (my parents are also getting old and fragile) and it will be "my fault" because of all that bad karma I had towards them back then.

I have always wondered why people blame themselves for things like that? What would have been different had you been there?

I think for a lot of asian kids, the roles are a bit reversed. When we were young we had to translate and explain things for our parents. So, in a way, we're playing the adult role and we always worry about our parents. But it also drives us crazy because we wish we could do things like the other kids in school.

 

[StormRider]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82

Originally posted by: StormRider

Originally posted by: SagaLore

Originally posted by: dvdrdiscs
I left home thinking that they will have to be forced to get used to it. But I don't want to regret it later when something bad happens to my parents and I'll be blaming myself. They're pretty old and fragile.

How old do you consider old?

And what idiot taught you that the youngest child is supposed to take care of their parents when they get old?

The youngest asian child is usually the "most Americanized" while the oldest child is the one saddled with all the guilt of clinging to the old values and culture. I sometimes envy my younger brothers because of that.

StormRider <- oldest child

I will help my parents when they get older not because it is my duty, but because I want to help. I, however, am not asian.

I plan on taking care of my parents for the same reason but I just wish I had a bigger window of time when I could have been a little more selfish. It seems like I've always placed their feelings and wishes ahead of mine and I'm 40 years old now.

 

[maziwanka]

ya dude. more power to you.

 

[DaviDaVinci]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82
all of the 23+ year olds who still live at home are coming out of the wood work.

Have one on me.

 

[StormRider]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82

Originally posted by: StormRider

Originally posted by: dvdrdiscs
I left home thinking that they will have to be forced to get used to it. But I don't want to regret it later when something bad happens to my parents and I'll be blaming myself. They're pretty old and fragile.

That's something that constantly worries me. There was a long time when I had so much anger towards my parents and now that distance and time has healed it, I am constantly worried that something bad will happen (my parents are also getting old and fragile) and it will be "my fault" because of all that bad karma I had towards them back then.

I have always wondered why people blame themselves for things like that? What would have been different had you been there?

Actually, now that I think about it -- I think I was always worried that God would somehow punish me for being "selfish" by making something bad happen.

 

How far away did you move?

 

[iamwiz82]

Originally posted by: StormRider

Originally posted by: iamwiz82

Originally posted by: StormRider

Originally posted by: dvdrdiscs
I left home thinking that they will have to be forced to get used to it. But I don't want to regret it later when something bad happens to my parents and I'll be blaming myself. They're pretty old and fragile.

That's something that constantly worries me. There was a long time when I had so much anger towards my parents and now that distance and time has healed it, I am constantly worried that something bad will happen (my parents are also getting old and fragile) and it will be "my fault" because of all that bad karma I had towards them back then.

I have always wondered why people blame themselves for things like that? What would have been different had you been there?

Actually, now that I think about it -- I think I was always worried that God would somehow punish me for being "selfish" by making something bad happen.

you aren't being selfish, you are growing up. A normal progression of growing up is to leave the nest. It is like that Mastercard commercial with teh kid who goes to college, the parent must understand that he/she must let go.

 

[norcalhiker]

Unless your family truely deserves it (and it doesn't seem that they do) shutting them out like you are is a bad choice. Family is the only group that will offer your unconditional love and support no matter how nerve wracking they are. I'm not saying that you need to move in with them (although it is a good idea for cost saving reasons) but you do need to show them some respect and love if you have it. It seems like some of your previous depression was caused by you constantly lamenting over how unhappy you were. Just make sure that you don't lose your family because you seem to be on the verge. Plus, you can always re-route your mail at the PO so that it gets sent to your new place.

 

[DaviDaVinci]

Originally posted by: iamwiz82
all of the 23+ year olds who still live at home are coming out of the wood work.

Have one on me.

 

[SuperTool]

Move again, and don't list your number this time.

 

[cmdavid]

i think you're approaching it all wrong..
rather than tell them that you're moving out because you were depressed at home, hated living there, tired of being nagged and so forth and so forth, you should just tell them you're moving out because you're 23, you have a job and it's time for you to become independent...
Don't let them think that moving out has anytyhing to do with them, so they don't feel guilty about it.. just let them know you're doing it for yourself...
anyways, congrats on moving out and good luck with it...

 

[DaWhim]

my chinese father has a different prospective. he has been telling me that he won't be responsible for me as soon as I am 18. I didn't ask them for money since I was 16. I am 19 now and I moved out because of college. I really don't plan to move back after college. my mom starts to scare losing us (3 of my sisters also in college). she wants to be in the nyc and none of us wants to move back there.

 

[alkemyst]

Dont know if has been mentioned yet....but hmmmm have your mail forwarded. Tell them to put it back in the box and the postman will forward it also.

Are you sure it's not you causing this stuff?

 

[OmarGustav]

Originally posted by: dabuddha

Originally posted by: OmarGustav
23 and living at home...loser

And you're an idiot. Move on.

Thanks - that means a lot coming from a putz like you

 

[imported_Tomato]

I empathize, dvdrdiscs.

Would you consider going home, if only for a little while, to try and smooth things over with your family as well as save some money? Do you think it would be that much of a sacrifice to go back for a month or two?

You're an adult, and you can live your life as you please. If you think you'll be happier/saner on your own, by all means, do that... and definitely put in a request w/the post office to have your mail forwarded to you.

Good luck!

 

[waylman]

this is an easy one. DO NOT MOVE HOME! If you do, you're just going to get bummed out again, and it's going to be a big pain in the ass to move out again. Just stay put!

 

[sygyzy]

Congrats for moving out. Took you long enough.

Let me guess, since you are the oldest, you are expected to also take care of your parents when they get old?

 

[Thegonagle]

DON'T move back in. If you want to smooth things over, frequent visits are in order (as long as they realized that you've left for good), but it's important for you to maintain the independence that you've finally asserted. My mom invites me to stay the night every time I visit, but I say good night every time and go home to my own place, because I can.

It's OK. Things are going to be OK.

 

[Lithium381]

how old is your sister? pics?