I need some Atheist jokes...

[Looney]

Originally posted by: Marshallj

Originally posted by: Moralpanic

I have given up on people like you. You talk smack but you cannot back it up.

LOL what kind of smack have i said that i couldn't back up?

I love meeting people outside of forums... quickly their place in the world is suddenly revealed. No hiding behind screen names.

You're free to meet me. I haven't hidden my location. LOL

If we were talking to me in person you wouldn't be so disrespectful. And no, I'm not going to travel out of the country just to meet some kid.

LOL right, 'some kid'. I'm older than you. And who's the one disrespecting who? You're the one that told me to get a life.

 

[Marshallj]

Everyone is such a "tough guy" on the internet. No, I'm not saying I would beat someone up for talking that way, I'm just saying that when you meet someone in person you're more respectful and not as harsh and critical.

 

[Ausm]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: bunker Absolutely pathetic cuda. Nobody is going to be offended by this if that was your intent.

Obviously it wasn't, why would I do that when Im against offending people. However it is an example of how there can be jokes that can make fun of certain groups of people. And in some cases can be extremely offensive.

I to say this but it is so much easier to find/make jokes about religious zealots then it is for an atheist.


Ausm

 

[Brutuskend]

Lighten up people.

First of all, if there is NO GOD. No harm no foul.

If there IS a GOD all you have to do is look at some of the people out there running around to KNOW he has a GREAT sense of humor!

 

[dabuddha]

Back to the topic:

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there. After the service, he was approached by a woman who said, "Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS mood swings." The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and that he would look for it.

The following week after the service, the preacher called the woman aside and showed her a passage which read, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

 

[Brutuskend]

Originally posted by: dabuddha
Back to the topic:

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there. After the service, he was approached by a woman who said, "Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS mood swings." The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and that he would look for it.

The following week after the service, the preacher called the woman aside and showed her a passage which read, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

 

[Marshallj]

Originally posted by: Moralpanic
LOL right, 'some kid'. I'm older than you. And who's the one disrespecting who? You're the one that told me to get a life.

Your tone towards me in nearly every reply has been nothing but disrespectful from the start. How am I supposed to treat you with respect when every comment you make is a criticism, wisecrack, accusation, or attack?

Of course that's going to break me down and cause me to disrespect you. I can only take so much.

 

[Ausm]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Red Dawn Bring it on. If it's funny I will laugh

I agree, I laughed at a few of the Satan/Jesus jokes. But I don't laugh at the offensive ones, and I don't think you would laugh at offensive jokes to you either.

WTF does Satan have to do with an Atheist?


Ausm

 

[Marshallj]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Marshallj
Yes, I attempted to suggest making the board a better place and I was relentlessly criticized for it. You people have absolutely no room to talk.

I tried, and failed. You don't try at all.

I didn't try to make the board a better place by attempting to eliminate offensive jokes? Man, your getting worse!

Sorry, I had the wrong person in mind. It seems that you did try. But as for the others...

 

[Looney]

Originally posted by: Marshallj

Originally posted by: Moralpanic
LOL right, 'some kid'. I'm older than you. And who's the one disrespecting who? You're the one that told me to get a life.

Your tone towards me in nearly every reply has been nothing but disrespectful from the start. How am I supposed to treat you with respect when every comment you make is a criticism, wisecrack, accusation, or attack?

Of course that's going to break me down and cause me to disrespect you. I can only take so much.

Is that all you do is whine? Read what i said that you took so much offense to. If you have such thin skin, i really don't think this forum is for you. And i never said i wanted respect from you, but that doesn't mean you need to disrespect me (not that it bothers me... i just find it hypocritical that yesterday you were whining about it, and here you are).... but you notice that your post here was nothing but disrespectful to Cuda since the very start?

 

[dabuddha]

Originally posted by: Marshallj

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Marshallj
Yes, I attempted to suggest making the board a better place and I was relentlessly criticized for it. You people have absolutely no room to talk.

I tried, and failed. You don't try at all.

I didn't try to make the board a better place by attempting to eliminate offensive jokes? Man, your getting worse!

Sorry, I had the wrong person in mind. It seems that you did try. But as for the others...

Yeah Cuda did try. Using stupid arguments but he did try.

 

[Red Dawn]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Marshallj

Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Thats what happens when you are on a board thats has members with no care for anyone elses feelings. If they did they wouldn't post or condone the activity of posting offending jokes.

True, but I wish it wasn't this way. The attitude has to go both ways. I'd rather have a civilized, mutually respectful conversation with people. But when people are resorting to strong, personal attacks while I try to stick to the topic, it just doesn't look good for me. It leaves little choice but to reply in kind.

It leaves choice, you just don't like one of those choices. I don't blame you, losing isn't fun. But sometimes its more important what your fighting for, then whether or not you win.

Cuda, defender of Christiandom!

 

[Marshallj]

Originally posted by: dabuddha

Yeah Cuda did try. Using stupid arguments but he did try.

I still have to give him credit for trying. Even if I dont' agree with all his views, he's still trying to make the forum a better place.

 

[Ausm]

Originally posted by: Red Dawn

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Marshallj

Originally posted by: Cuda1447 Thats what happens when you are on a board thats has members with no care for anyone elses feelings. If they did they wouldn't post or condone the activity of posting offending jokes.

True, but I wish it wasn't this way. The attitude has to go both ways. I'd rather have a civilized, mutually respectful conversation with people. But when people are resorting to strong, personal attacks while I try to stick to the topic, it just doesn't look good for me. It leaves little choice but to reply in kind.

It leaves choice, you just don't like one of those choices. I don't blame you, losing isn't fun. But sometimes its more important what your fighting for, then whether or not you win.

Cuda, defender of Christiandom!

Shouldn't he be wearing a Knight's suit?

Ausm

 

[Red Dawn]

Originally posted by: Marshallj

Originally posted by: dabuddha

Yeah Cuda did try. Using stupid arguments but he did try.

I still have to give him credit for trying. Even if I dont' agree with all his views, he's still trying to make the forum a better place.

For Nancyboys who squat to pee?

 

[Dedpuhl]

Originally posted by: Marshallj

Originally posted by: dabuddha

Yeah Cuda did try. Using stupid arguments but he did try.

I still have to give him credit for trying. Even if I dont' agree with all his views, he's still trying to make the forum a better place.

...for whom?

 

[Yossarian]

Ok wait wait I got one, I just made it up--

What happened to the Atheist after he died?






















He decomposed.

 

[kleinesarschloch]

it takes a lot more than an angry bible-thumper and a half assed joke to get me offended.

 

[BDawg]

Have you heard of the insomiac, dyslexic, athiest?

He awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

And yes, the reasoning behind this thread is stupid.

 

[Mookow]

Originally posted by: BDawg
Have you heard of the insomiac, dyslexic, athiest?

He awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

And yes, the reasoning behind this thread is stupid.

It should read agnostic. Although both you and the guy who posted this joke earlier in the thread both messed that part up . But, an atheist believes there is no god. An agnostic either: believes there is no way to know for certain whether there is a god, and thus sits on the fence; OR is not sure whether there is a god (but doesnt believe that you cannot know).

 

[Red Dawn]

Originally posted by: BDawg
Have you heard of the insomiac, dyslexic, athiest?

He awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

And yes, the reasoning behind this thread is stupid.

Kind of like that joke

 

[Mookow]

Originally posted by: yllus

John: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."

Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me: "No relish? No mustard?"

Mary: She looks positively stricken.

John: He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary: Sticks her fingers in her ears. "I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."

My question is, what specifically does the relish, mustard, and sauerkraut stand for?

 

[MercenaryForHire]

<paraphrased> Religion easily has the greatest bullsh|t story ever told. Think about it - it's actually convinced people that there's an Invisible Man, living in the sky, who he watches you all the time, every day.

And the Invisible Man has a special list of ten things that he does not want you to do! And if you do any of these things, he has a Special Place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send you to suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry until the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and he needs money! He always needs money! All-powerful, all-knowing, all-wise - but just can't handle money! Millions of dollars, no taxes - and they always need a little more.

- M4H

 

[Rogue]

Atheist here. Not offended yet. Still waiting. Mindless drivel and whining about "arguing on the internet" permeating and ruining the thread. Please stop. Tell jokes.

 

[BDawg]

Originally posted by: Mookow

Originally posted by: BDawg
Have you heard of the insomiac, dyslexic, athiest?

He awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.

And yes, the reasoning behind this thread is stupid.

It should read agnostic. Although both you and the guy who posted this joke earlier in the thread both messed that part up . But, an atheist believes there is no god. An agnostic either: believes there is no way to know for certain whether there is a god, and thus sits on the fence; OR is not sure whether there is a god (but doesnt believe that you cannot know).

I thought it was like this: Athiest believes there is no god. Agnostic thinks there is a higher power, just isn't sure of what form. By that definition, atheist still applies.

I did a search for dyslexic in this thread...I suppose I could have misspelled it.