I need some Atheist jokes...

[Cuda1447]

Holiday for Atheists

An atheist complained to a Christian friend, "Christians have
their special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter; and Jews
celebrate their holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur;
Muslims have their holidays. EVERY religion has its holidays.

But we atheists," he said, "have no recognized holidays. It's
an unfair discrimination."

"What do you mean, atheists have no holidays," his friend replied,
"People have been observing a special day in your honor for years."

"I don't know what you're talking about," the atheist said, "When
is this special day honoring atheists?"

"April first."






Obviously you know why I posted this. I can find jokes alot more offensive then this Im sure. But there is no need to. That would be childish. You get my point right?

 

[dabuddha]

Here's an idea.
Grow up already and get over it. Please.

On that note:

Q: How does a girl Rationalist have her hair done?
A:In big bangs


Q: Why did the Rationalist cross the road?
A:To be sure to see both sides.

Why God never got a PhD
-----------------------

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

 

[bunker]

Absolutely pathetic cuda.

Nobody is going to be offended by this if that was your intent.

 

[Ameesh]

Originally posted by: dabuddha
Here's an idea.
Grow up already and get over it. Please.

 

[Schadenfreude]

Originally posted by: bunker
Absolutely pathetic cuda.

Nobody is going to be offended by this if that was your intent.

Meh - good jokes are good jokes, regardless of religion - bring on the jokes!

 

[bunker]

Obviously you know why I posted this. I can find jokes alot more offensive then this Im sure. But there is no need to. That would be childish. You get my point right?

You've already hit childish.

 

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: bunker
Absolutely pathetic cuda.

Nobody is going to be offended by this if that was your intent.

Obviously it wasn't, why would I do that when Im against offending people. However it is an example of how there can be jokes that can make fun of certain groups of people. And in some cases can be extremely offensive.

 

[clamum]

here's one:

an athiest goes up to a christian (or muslim, jewish, whatever) and says "you actually believe in all that garbage?"

 

[bunker]

Originally posted by: Jehovah

Originally posted by: bunker
Absolutely pathetic cuda.

Nobody is going to be offended by this if that was your intent.

Meh - good jokes are good jokes, regardless of religion - bring on the jokes!

I agree, I like all jokes. I couldn't care less who is offended, but cuda posted this thread because he was getting pwned in an argument in the thread about Jesus jokes.

 

[ChrisIsBored]

Originally posted by: bunker
Absolutely pathetic cuda.

Nobody is going to be offended by this if that was your intent.

Agreed... it wasn't even funny... weak punchline.

 

[dabuddha]

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.



George Carlin's Revised List of 2 Commandments:

1) Thou shalt be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie.
2) Thou shalt try very hard not to kill anyone.

 

[Schadenfreude]

Originally posted by: bunker

Originally posted by: Jehovah

Originally posted by: bunker
Absolutely pathetic cuda.

Nobody is going to be offended by this if that was your intent.

Meh - good jokes are good jokes, regardless of religion - bring on the jokes!

I agree, I like all jokes. I couldn't care less who is offenended, but cuda posted this thread because he was getting pwned in an argument in the thread about Jesus jokes.

And I say to that, "Who gives a fvck?!" Where's my jokes man?!

 

[Eli]

 

[Looney]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Holiday for Atheists

An atheist complained to a Christian friend, "Christians have
their special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter; and Jews
celebrate their holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur;
Muslims have their holidays. EVERY religion has its holidays.

But we atheists," he said, "have no recognized holidays. It's
an unfair discrimination."

"What do you mean, atheists have no holidays," his friend replied,
"People have been observing a special day in your honor for years."

"I don't know what you're talking about," the atheist said, "When
is this special day honoring atheists?"

"April first."






Obviously you know why I posted this. I can find jokes alot more offensive then this Im sure. But there is no need to. That would be childish. You get my point right?

Come on, that was pathetic. Although i'm an atheist, i would like to hear some jokes.

 

[Red Dawn]

Bring it on. If it's funny I will laugh

 

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: bunker

Originally posted by: Jehovah

Originally posted by: bunker
Absolutely pathetic cuda.

Nobody is going to be offended by this if that was your intent.

Meh - good jokes are good jokes, regardless of religion - bring on the jokes!

I agree, I like all jokes. I couldn't care less who is offended, but cuda posted this thread because he was getting pwned in an argument in the thread about Jesus jokes.

Based on opinion. Just because I fight you 10 on 1 doesn't mean you won I roxxord joo boxxerz!




But you guys are right, Ill drop it now. I suppose I was just trying to show the double standard taking place. If no one wants to see it from my point of view, thats fine. I hope we can all be friends after this is said and done

 

[reitz]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447
Obviously you know why I posted this. I can find jokes alot more offensive then this Im sure. But there is no need to. That would be childish. You get my point right?

More offensive? Go for it!

 

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: Red Dawn
Bring it on. If it's funny I will laugh

I agree, I laughed at a few of the Satan/Jesus jokes. But I don't laugh at the offensive ones, and I don't think you would laugh at offensive jokes to you either.

 

[Schadenfreude]

Originally posted by: dabuddha
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

ROFLMAO! We have a winnah! (I think I found my second quote for my sig!!!)

 

[dabuddha]

The epiphany

There was this atheist who had set up an oversized garbage can toward one side of a mildly busy parking lot. He stood on the top of the lid, jumping. Every time that he would jump up he would say - Forty. Every time that he landed on the lid he would say - One. It didn't take long for a christian (You know it was a christian because he had on his "Jesus Saves" t-shirt.) to notice what was going on and come over to ask about it. The atheist proclaimed that he had experienced an epiphany. For every jump he made, he was that much closer to god. Well, like any good christian, the man decided he wanted to be closer to good also. After much begging and pleading the chistian was finally allowed to mount the garbage can in order to bring himself closer to god. He took a great leap and shouted - Forty. As he desended, the atheist pulled the lid off the garbage can and the christian landed inside with a loud clang. The atheist replaced the lid and remounted the can. As he jumped up he said - Forty. As he landed he said - Two.

 

[Red Dawn]

Well it looks as if you got your way Jesus Boy!

 

[dabuddha]

The angel had to ask:

It was supposed to be a happy time, but it wasn't. Santa was really pissed. It was Christmas eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the Christmas cookies. The Elves were bitching about not getting paid for the overtime they had put in while making toys, and the reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. They had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and crashed it into a tree, breaking off one of the runners. Santa was beside himself with anger.
"I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours from now and all my reindeer are drunk, my Elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid Little Angel out hours ago to find a tree and she isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"
Just then the Little Angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree.
"Yo, Santa, where do you want me to stick the Christmas Tree this year???" she says.

And thus the tradition of Angels perched atop the Christmas trees came to pass....

 

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: Jehovah

Originally posted by: dabuddha
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!" "Why shouldn't I?" he said. I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!" He said, "Like what?" I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?" He said, "Religious." I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?" He said, "Christian." I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" He said, "Protestant." I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist? He said, "Baptist!" I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord? He said, Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!" I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?" He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!" I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

ROFLMAO! We have a winnah! (I think I found my second quote for my sig!!!)

Hehe that was funny.

 

[LinuxIdiot]

*points*....*laughs* *goes and reads the the pwning in the jesus joke thread*

kthxbye

 

[reitz]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447<brI suppose I was just trying to show the double standard taking place. If no one wants to see it from my point of view, thats fine. I hope we can all be friends after this is said and done

What double standard? It appears that a lot of people here are interested in reading more of your atheist jokes...that seems pretty equal to me.