I need Jesus jokes! **Offensive to the thin-skinned**

[Schadenfreude]

Originally posted by: dabuddha
Jesus and Moses were strolling by the Red Sea, when Moses nudged Jesus and said, "Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it."

Moses turned towards the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high. The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted. Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus.

Jesus scoffed. "Moses, my boy," said the Messiah, "I have still got it." And with a flourish of his robes, Jesus stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple.

But to Moses' amazement, halfway across the water, Jesus suddenly began to sink. He splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed him around. Moses grumbled at Jesus' sillyness and parted the water once more. Moses helped Jesus back to shore, as the Saviour hacked up salt water.

When they had finally reached shore, Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet."

ROFL

 

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Where's all the jokes ?

Unfortunately, thewaronfaith.com is the only site that isn't blocked by work, so here are more jokes from that site:


Q. What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune Juice?
A. A Religious Movement

Q. What kind of a files does the Catholic Church use to make small holes bigger?
A. Pedophiles.

Q. Have you ever heard of an in instant Easter Kit?
A. It's three nails, two board, and one Jew.

Q. What did the man on the beach say to the Priest?
A. Get out of my sun!

Q. Why is a Fundy in a chat room like a hemorrhoid?
A. Because you can't see him, but he's still a pain in the ass.

Q. How many Fundies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they just form a youth group and pray for light.

Q. What did one Roman guard say to the other?
A. Looks like Jesus is getting the hang of it.

Those are the types of jokes that are offensive. They are aimed at specific groups of people like Christians. So my point has been proved Red Dawn, this is no different then poking fun at blacks.

The man wanted Jesus jokes....geesh....

Then let him search google. A public forum is not a place to be making fun of specific groups of people, and singeling them out. (Singling? Singeling? I can't spell that word, anyway you get it.)

 

[Schadenfreude]

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged.

"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest.

It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

 

[blakeatwork]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Where's all the jokes ?

i know.... bunch of sensitive god-boys got all up in arms... and I'm still waiting for a killer joke... (no pun intended)

 

[halik]

boohoo christian people dont like jokes that make fun of jeesus...

they didnt like other peoples beliueves back in the day as well, but wel all know what happened to them

 

[Dedpuhl]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Where's all the jokes ?

Unfortunately, thewaronfaith.com is the only site that isn't blocked by work, so here are more jokes from that site:


Q. What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune Juice?
A. A Religious Movement

Q. What kind of a files does the Catholic Church use to make small holes bigger?
A. Pedophiles.

Q. Have you ever heard of an in instant Easter Kit?
A. It's three nails, two board, and one Jew.

Q. What did the man on the beach say to the Priest?
A. Get out of my sun!

Q. Why is a Fundy in a chat room like a hemorrhoid?
A. Because you can't see him, but he's still a pain in the ass.

Q. How many Fundies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they just form a youth group and pray for light.

Q. What did one Roman guard say to the other?
A. Looks like Jesus is getting the hang of it.

Those are the types of jokes that are offensive. They are aimed at specific groups of people like Christians. So my point has been proved Red Dawn, this is no different then poking fun at blacks.

The man wanted Jesus jokes....geesh....

Then let him search google. A public forum is not a place to be making fun of specific groups of people, and singeling them out. (Singling? Singeling? I can't spell that word, anyway you get it.)

What did you expect from a thread about Jesus jokes??!? If you don't like it, then don't read it.

 

[Red Dawn]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Where's all the jokes ?

Unfortunately, thewaronfaith.com is the only site that isn't blocked by work, so here are more jokes from that site:


Q. What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune Juice?
A. A Religious Movement

Q. What kind of a files does the Catholic Church use to make small holes bigger?
A. Pedophiles.

Q. Have you ever heard of an in instant Easter Kit?
A. It's three nails, two board, and one Jew.

Q. What did the man on the beach say to the Priest?
A. Get out of my sun!

Q. Why is a Fundy in a chat room like a hemorrhoid?
A. Because you can't see him, but he's still a pain in the ass.

Q. How many Fundies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they just form a youth group and pray for light.

Q. What did one Roman guard say to the other?
A. Looks like Jesus is getting the hang of it.

Those are the types of jokes that are offensive. They are aimed at specific groups of people like Christians. So my point has been proved Red Dawn, this is no different then poking fun at blacks.

The man wanted Jesus jokes....geesh....

Then let him search google. A public forum is not a place to be making fun of specific groups of people, and singeling them out. (Singling? Singeling? I can't spell that word, anyway you get it.)

Hey I have a better idea , start your own site and make your own rules.
The last thing we need is some Fund A Mental Case Wanker telling 8us what we can post and what we can't. Especially when he's been here less than a year!

 

[boyRacer]

 

[dabuddha]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Where's all the jokes ?

Unfortunately, thewaronfaith.com is the only site that isn't blocked by work, so here are more jokes from that site:


Q. What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune Juice?
A. A Religious Movement

Q. What kind of a files does the Catholic Church use to make small holes bigger?
A. Pedophiles.

Q. Have you ever heard of an in instant Easter Kit?
A. It's three nails, two board, and one Jew.

Q. What did the man on the beach say to the Priest?
A. Get out of my sun!

Q. Why is a Fundy in a chat room like a hemorrhoid?
A. Because you can't see him, but he's still a pain in the ass.

Q. How many Fundies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they just form a youth group and pray for light.

Q. What did one Roman guard say to the other?
A. Looks like Jesus is getting the hang of it.

Those are the types of jokes that are offensive. They are aimed at specific groups of people like Christians. So my point has been proved Red Dawn, this is no different then poking fun at blacks.

The man wanted Jesus jokes....geesh....

Then let him search google. A public forum is not a place to be making fun of specific groups of people, and singeling them out. (Singling? Singeling? I can't spell that word, anyway you get it.)

Apparently you never learned how to read.

Topic: I need Jesus jokes! **Offensive to the thin-skinned**

See that word? I even bolded it for you It says Jesus, not group of Jesus? or whatever you're belly aching about. No one is singling out anyone except for you.

On that note:

Sister Margaret
Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell.

She immediately called Saint Peter and said, "This is Sister Margaret. There's been a terrible mistake!"

She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he'd get right on it.

The next day the nun didn't hear from Saint Peter so she called him again. "Please set this error straight before tomorrow," she begged. "There's an orgy planned for tonight, and everyone *must* attend!"

"Of course, Sister," he said. "I'll get you out of there right away."

Apparently, her plight slipped his mind, and the following morning Saint Peter received another phone call from hell.

He picked up the receiver with tribulations of his heart and started to listen.

He heard the following, "Hey, Pete, this is Maggie. Never mind!"


Not a jesus joke but funny nonetheless

 

[Dedpuhl]

Originally posted by: dabuddha

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Where's all the jokes ?

Unfortunately, thewaronfaith.com is the only site that isn't blocked by work, so here are more jokes from that site:


Q. What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune Juice?
A. A Religious Movement

Q. What kind of a files does the Catholic Church use to make small holes bigger?
A. Pedophiles.

Q. Have you ever heard of an in instant Easter Kit?
A. It's three nails, two board, and one Jew.

Q. What did the man on the beach say to the Priest?
A. Get out of my sun!

Q. Why is a Fundy in a chat room like a hemorrhoid?
A. Because you can't see him, but he's still a pain in the ass.

Q. How many Fundies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they just form a youth group and pray for light.

Q. What did one Roman guard say to the other?
A. Looks like Jesus is getting the hang of it.

Those are the types of jokes that are offensive. They are aimed at specific groups of people like Christians. So my point has been proved Red Dawn, this is no different then poking fun at blacks.

The man wanted Jesus jokes....geesh....

Then let him search google. A public forum is not a place to be making fun of specific groups of people, and singeling them out. (Singling? Singeling? I can't spell that word, anyway you get it.)

Apparently you never learned how to read.

Topic: I need Jesus jokes! **Offensive to the thin-skinned**

See that word? I even bolded it for you It says Jesus, not group of Jesus? or whatever you're belly aching about. No one is singling out anyone except for you.

On that note:

Sister Margaret
Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell.

She immediately called Saint Peter and said, "This is Sister Margaret. There's been a terrible mistake!"

She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he'd get right on it.

The next day the nun didn't hear from Saint Peter so she called him again. "Please set this error straight before tomorrow," she begged. "There's an orgy planned for tonight, and everyone *must* attend!"

"Of course, Sister," he said. "I'll get you out of there right away."

Apparently, her plight slipped his mind, and the following morning Saint Peter received another phone call from hell.

He picked up the receiver with tribulations of his heart and started to listen.

He heard the following, "Hey, Pete, this is Maggie. Never mind!"


Not a jesus joke but funny nonetheless

LOL...so you go and post a non-jesus joke!?!?!

 

[Pastore]

Hey Cuda, there are plenty of books that would be offensive to you at the library, do you go out of your way to read them? NOPE, so stop going out of your way to read this thread, STFU.

 

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: Red Dawn

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Where's all the jokes ?

Unfortunately, thewaronfaith.com is the only site that isn't blocked by work, so here are more jokes from that site:


Q. What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune Juice?
A. A Religious Movement

Q. What kind of a files does the Catholic Church use to make small holes bigger?
A. Pedophiles.

Q. Have you ever heard of an in instant Easter Kit?
A. It's three nails, two board, and one Jew.

Q. What did the man on the beach say to the Priest?
A. Get out of my sun!

Q. Why is a Fundy in a chat room like a hemorrhoid?
A. Because you can't see him, but he's still a pain in the ass.

Q. How many Fundies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they just form a youth group and pray for light.

Q. What did one Roman guard say to the other?
A. Looks like Jesus is getting the hang of it.

Those are the types of jokes that are offensive. They are aimed at specific groups of people like Christians. So my point has been proved Red Dawn, this is no different then poking fun at blacks.

The man wanted Jesus jokes....geesh....

Then let him search google. A public forum is not a place to be making fun of specific groups of people, and singeling them out. (Singling? Singeling? I can't spell that word, anyway you get it.)

Hey I have a better idea , start your own site and make your own rules.
The last thing we need is some Fund A Mental Case Wanker telling 8us what we can post and what we can't. Especially when he's been here less than a year!

Aww now why did you have to do that Red Dawn? I was being polite to you and everything, and you have to go and insult me like that. Well I think a year is plenty of time to know what should and should not be posted on a public forum. Im not trying to make rules, Im just saying I am sensing a double standard, and in my opinion these threads should not exist. Now some of these jokes were ok, I laughed at them. But others, just as I had expected, were way out of line and make fun of Christians as a whole, not just Jesus. So even if you just ask for Jesus jokes your going to get jokes intended to offend Christians.

 

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: halik
boohoo christian people dont like jokes that make fun of jeesus...

they didnt like other peoples beliueves back in the day as well, but wel all know what happened to them

They went to school.



Do black people like jokes that make fun of blacks? Probably not.

 

[Pastore]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: halik
boohoo christian people dont like jokes that make fun of jeesus...

they didnt like other peoples beliueves back in the day as well, but wel all know what happened to them

They went to school.



Do black people like jokes that make fun of blacks? Probably not.

Do the french like jokes that make fun of the french? Fvcking dumbass.

 

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: Beast1284
Hey Cuda, there are plenty of books that would be offensive to you at the library, do you go out of your way to read them? NOPE, so stop going out of your way to read this thread, STFU.

Would we be allowed to post a Black person joke thread here? NO. Why? Because it is a public forum. There are different rules here then at a library. If we are allowed to post this then we should be allowed to post any jokes about anyone. But we can't, thus a double standard.

 

[blakeatwork]

Originally posted by: Red Dawn

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Where's all the jokes ?

Unfortunately, thewaronfaith.com is the only site that isn't blocked by work, so here are more jokes from that site:


Q. What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune Juice?
A. A Religious Movement

Q. What kind of a files does the Catholic Church use to make small holes bigger?
A. Pedophiles.

Q. Have you ever heard of an in instant Easter Kit?
A. It's three nails, two board, and one Jew.

Q. What did the man on the beach say to the Priest?
A. Get out of my sun!

Q. Why is a Fundy in a chat room like a hemorrhoid?
A. Because you can't see him, but he's still a pain in the ass.

Q. How many Fundies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they just form a youth group and pray for light.

Q. What did one Roman guard say to the other?
A. Looks like Jesus is getting the hang of it.

Those are the types of jokes that are offensive. They are aimed at specific groups of people like Christians. So my point has been proved Red Dawn, this is no different then poking fun at blacks.

The man wanted Jesus jokes....geesh....

Then let him search google. A public forum is not a place to be making fun of specific groups of people, and singeling them out. (Singling? Singeling? I can't spell that word, anyway you get it.)

Hey I have a better idea , start your own site and make your own rules.
The last thing we need is some Fund A Mental Case Wanker telling 8us what we can post and what we can't. Especially when he's been here less than a year!

So i'm guessing then, you['ve chosen to ignore the Crusades or Hitler, the goal of both being the eradication of any religion not theirs??? Or do they not teach you history that conflicts with your "individual" ideals??

**My comment of course being aimed at Cuda, not Red Dawn... I enjoy NOT having my pooper reamed**

 

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: Beast1284

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: halik
boohoo christian people dont like jokes that make fun of jeesus...

they didnt like other peoples beliueves back in the day as well, but wel all know what happened to them

They went to school.



Do black people like jokes that make fun of blacks? Probably not.

Do the french like jokes that make fun of the french? Fvcking dumbass.

I can tell you were never good at debate, Attack the point, not the person making the point. Thx for the insult though, I appreciate it. *Zips up flame suit* Did any of the French get on here and say they were offended by those jokes? No. But if they had then I don't think we should have had those threads either. The fact of the matter is that there are people offended by this, so if you want to tell these type of jokes keep them on PM, and not in a public place.

 

[bunker]

Queen Margaret and Dolly Parton are killed in a car accident together.

They arrive at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter greets them both, "I'm sorry ladies, but we only have room for one more person today. I'm going to have to find a way to decide which one of you gets in."

At that, Dolly lifts her shirt and shows St. Peter her breasts.

"WOW!", is his only reply.

The queen reaches in her bag and throws an old douche bag out on the table.

"Very well, your highness, you may enter, " says Peter.

Stunned, Dolly says, "I show you these two perfect breasts and she throws down that old nasty thing and you let her in instead of me?!?"

Peter replies, "Sorry, Ms. Parton, but everyone knows that two pair can't beat a royal flush".

**Ba dum bum**

 

[Red Dawn]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Red Dawn

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Where's all the jokes ?

Unfortunately, thewaronfaith.com is the only site that isn't blocked by work, so here are more jokes from that site:


Q. What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune Juice?
A. A Religious Movement

Q. What kind of a files does the Catholic Church use to make small holes bigger?
A. Pedophiles.

Q. Have you ever heard of an in instant Easter Kit?
A. It's three nails, two board, and one Jew.

Q. What did the man on the beach say to the Priest?
A. Get out of my sun!

Q. Why is a Fundy in a chat room like a hemorrhoid?
A. Because you can't see him, but he's still a pain in the ass.

Q. How many Fundies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they just form a youth group and pray for light.

Q. What did one Roman guard say to the other?
A. Looks like Jesus is getting the hang of it.

Those are the types of jokes that are offensive. They are aimed at specific groups of people like Christians. So my point has been proved Red Dawn, this is no different then poking fun at blacks.

The man wanted Jesus jokes....geesh....

Then let him search google. A public forum is not a place to be making fun of specific groups of people, and singeling them out. (Singling? Singeling? I can't spell that word, anyway you get it.)

Hey I have a better idea , start your own site and make your own rules.
The last thing we need is some Fund A Mental Case Wanker telling 8us what we can post and what we can't. Especially when he's been here less than a year!

Aww now why did you have to do that Red Dawn? I was being polite to you and everything, and you have to go and insult me like that. Well I think a year is plenty of time to know what should and should not be posted on a public forum. Im not trying to make rules, Im just saying I am sensing a double standard, and in my opinion these threads should not exist. Now some of these jokes were ok, I laughed at them. But others, just as I had expected, were way out of line and make fun of Christians as a whole, not just Jesus. So even if you just ask for Jesus jokes your going to get jokes intended to offend Christians.

Polite? Does the second line in my sig remind you of you being polite to me? If you don't like what is being posted in this thread then don't read it. Hell we don't need any Fund A Mental Case Crusaders telling us what to post.

 

[Pastore]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Beast1284
Hey Cuda, there are plenty of books that would be offensive to you at the library, do you go out of your way to read them? NOPE, so stop going out of your way to read this thread, STFU.

Would we be allowed to post a Black person joke thread here? NO. Why? Because it is a public forum. There are different rules here then at a library. If we are allowed to post this then we should be allowed to post any jokes about anyone. But we can't, thus a double standard.

So complain to the mods, not the supporters of this thread. Jesus hates you.

 

[dabuddha]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: halik
boohoo christian people dont like jokes that make fun of jeesus...

they didnt like other peoples beliueves back in the day as well, but wel all know what happened to them

They went to school.



Do black people like jokes that make fun of blacks? Probably not.

Let's try this again. I know you can do it!

Topic: I need Jesus jokes! **Offensive to the thin-skinned**

Now where do you see a group of Jesus' in that title? Strange how everyone seems to get it except for you.

On that note:


What did Jesus say as he was being crucified?

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh...!"


What's the difference between Jesus Christ and an oil painting?

You only need one nail to hold up a picture.


Why can't Jesus eat M&M's?

They keep falling through his hands.

 

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: blakeatwork

Originally posted by: Red Dawn

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Where's all the jokes ?

Unfortunately, thewaronfaith.com is the only site that isn't blocked by work, so here are more jokes from that site:


Q. What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune Juice?
A. A Religious Movement

Q. What kind of a files does the Catholic Church use to make small holes bigger?
A. Pedophiles.

Q. Have you ever heard of an in instant Easter Kit?
A. It's three nails, two board, and one Jew.

Q. What did the man on the beach say to the Priest?
A. Get out of my sun!

Q. Why is a Fundy in a chat room like a hemorrhoid?
A. Because you can't see him, but he's still a pain in the ass.

Q. How many Fundies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they just form a youth group and pray for light.

Q. What did one Roman guard say to the other?
A. Looks like Jesus is getting the hang of it.

Those are the types of jokes that are offensive. They are aimed at specific groups of people like Christians. So my point has been proved Red Dawn, this is no different then poking fun at blacks.

The man wanted Jesus jokes....geesh....

Then let him search google. A public forum is not a place to be making fun of specific groups of people, and singeling them out. (Singling? Singeling? I can't spell that word, anyway you get it.)

Hey I have a better idea , start your own site and make your own rules.
The last thing we need is some Fund A Mental Case Wanker telling 8us what we can post and what we can't. Especially when he's been here less than a year!

So i'm guessing then, you['ve chosen to ignore the Crusades or Hitler, the goal of both being the eradication of any religion not theirs??? Or do they not teach you history that conflicts with your "individual" ideals??

What at all does any of this have to do with the fact that your telling jokes intended to offend specific people? I'm not going to get into a religious battle with out about whether or not you agree with Christanity, thats not the point I'm trying to make.

 

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: Cuda1447

Originally posted by: Dedpuhl

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Where's all the jokes ?

Unfortunately, thewaronfaith.com is the only site that isn't blocked by work, so here are more jokes from that site:


Q. What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune Juice?
A. A Religious Movement

Q. What kind of a files does the Catholic Church use to make small holes bigger?
A. Pedophiles.

Q. Have you ever heard of an in instant Easter Kit?
A. It's three nails, two board, and one Jew.

Q. What did the man on the beach say to the Priest?
A. Get out of my sun!

Q. Why is a Fundy in a chat room like a hemorrhoid?
A. Because you can't see him, but he's still a pain in the ass.

Q. How many Fundies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they just form a youth group and pray for light.

Q. What did one Roman guard say to the other?
A. Looks like Jesus is getting the hang of it.

Those are the types of jokes that are offensive. They are aimed at specific groups of people like Christians. So my point has been proved Red Dawn, this is no different then poking fun at blacks.

Again Ill say it. Although the title didnt ask for it, you still got THESE!

 

[dabuddha]

Hey Cuda1447, I'm offended by your posting here. According to your logic, you should stop now Let's see if you're a hypocrite or not

On that note:

What did Jesus say as he was being crucified?

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh...!"

 

[Cuda1447]

Originally posted by: dabuddha
Hey Cuda1447, I'm offended by your posting here. According to your logic, you should stop now Let's see if you're a hypocrite or not

On that note:

What did Jesus say as he was being crucified?

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh...!"

If you would read all of my replys you would notice that I mentioned earlier that people who are offended for a good reason. Not just to be sarcastic and ATTEMPT to make a point.