I need help - I hope I am making the right decision

[astrocase]

If you want the guy out of the picture then my method will work. Screw her too though. You can find better.

 

[boyRacer]

Originally posted by: OHFunds

Originally posted by: yowolabi

Originally posted by: Trishul
Comon folks, all of you are very cynical.

Hmm, 14 posts, and the only one saying he should stay. You wouldn't happen to be his girl?


For the OP, anytime that you're in the position where you feel the guy who is dating your girl is more trustworthy than your girlfriend, it's time to break up. If you and her were in the same city, you'd be a moron to put up with this sh!t, so how does it make sense to stay just because you're 300 miles apart?

If I was in the same city, this guy wouldnt remember anything that happened - I ASSURE YOU OF THIS. However, I have come to realize why he called me. It wasnt to tell me things that happened, it was to get me out of the picture - this is why I have to cut this guy completely off with her.

You know... it's not really the guys fault why all this is happening.

But hey, you're going to do what you want to do anyway so 5 pages of people telling you what to do is pretty much useless. 🙂

 

[Baked]

300 miles away... it's pretty safe to say she's been around the campus a couple times already, if you know what I'm saying.

 

[PimpJuice]

She'll never see you as a man if you take her back. She knows she can get away with murder with you, and a girl like that will never have respect for the way you treat her the way that she should.

 

[HeroOfPellinor]

Originally posted by: OHFunds
I agree. However, since I care so much for her, I think I am going to forgive her and give us the chance. Its in God's hands now, I have asked for his advice - soon enough he will tell me. I need to find out for myself NOW, rather than when it involves kids, mortage, bills, house, finances in general. I am going to talk to her tonight - I am going to tell her what I want, and I want her to tell me what she wants. One of my strongest points is this - I never want her to see or talk to him again. They may have been FRIENDS in the past, but the fact is it got to the next level. If she is seriously chosing me, she needs to be fair to me. I am NOT a controling person, but I feel this is vital if we want to save this relationship - AM I WRONG HERE FOR DOING THIS?

I don't give two sh!ts WTF happens with your relationship, but don't you dare bring God into this mess and thereby make yourself representative of a Christian. Your life is a mess...your relationships are messes..........clearly you've not been seeking Godly wisdom throughout your day to day decisions. Not that He can't give you the answer because He can......but the fact of the matter is that He's already given you the answer or at the very least a way to find the answer.

Here's a link to Bible passages on god's will for your life. Do you really think He wants you to stay with a lying, cheating woman?

http://www.christiananswers.net/q-dml/dml-y001.html

 

[Bryophyte]

She cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you, so she's too chicken to break it off with you. But that's what she wants to do, and is hoping that you'll do it for her. If you two were meant to be together, it won't be right now, but in a few years when she's had a chance to experience life and grow up a bit more. Be the bigger person, tell her that you wish her the best but you both need to cut off contact for now. Then do it. You can't keep chasing her, she just doesn't have her heart in it anymore. You can't make her be faithful to you. I don't think she's a bad person, she is just postponing an unpleasant mess.

 

[Trishul]

unfavorable...but this looks like a more realistic take

Originally posted by: Bryophyte
She cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you, so she's too chicken to break it off with you. But that's what she wants to do, and is hoping that you'll do it for her. If you two were meant to be together, it won't be right now, but in a few years when she's had a chance to experience life and grow up a bit more. Be the bigger person, tell her that you wish her the best but you both need to cut off contact for now. Then do it. You can't keep chasing her, she just doesn't have her heart in it anymore. You can't make her be faithful to you. I don't think she's a bad person, she is just postponing an unpleasant mess.

 

[DaiShan]

Originally posted by: OHFunds
Do you understand my feelings for her? I mean, I love her so much that I admit my faults.

Look, we've all been there at one point or another. You can't stand being away from this person, you make excuses for them etc. But what you have to realize is: you guys got together when you were ~18. The chances of that working out for the long haul are 1 in a thousand. Then you made it a long distance relationship. The chances just moved to 1 in 100,000 that it would work. She cheated on you and fell for someone else. As hard as it is for you to hear this right now: things will never be the same again.No matter how much either of you work at it (and I don't get the impression that she is really committed to doing any more work than it takes to string you along) you will never have what you had before. Once you realize this it will be easier to let go. Try to find some transition girls, but make sure you don't get attached, just date 3 or 4 or 10 girls, however many it takes. Good Luck to ya man :beer: if you're old enough.

/edit Kranky made a really good point. Don't look at this as a failure. I know that when I was younger I didn't want to give up on a relationship because I didn't want to "fail" at it, but this is just a terrible reason for staying with someone that is only going to continue to lie to you.Relationships are built on trust, and if you can't trust her (you can't, from what I've read) then it's time to move on.

 

[JM Aggie08]

"Do what you want with her and broom her fast"
Osbourne from spiderman

but really man, break it off. This happened to me 2 months ago, february 22nd to the day. I had it worse, it was with one of my better friends, even while we were still serious together. I may be young, but i do know what love is, i was in it, and i am out of it. i found out what she didnt want me to know, and ended it right there. and if you want to tell me i am too young to love another, save your breath. if i can get over it, you can. its going to hurt a while, but soon, like myself, you will be over it. i thought there was still a chance between us, but after breaking it off with her, i see that i have made the better decision, and currently talking to someone else. good luck.

 

[OHFunds]

We are talking on the phone............

 

[purepolly]

Originally posted by: OHFunds
We are talking on the phone............

Why? Don't feed into the sl*t's drama play. Take the high road, wish the sleazes well - it's clear they are a perfect match, and move on with your life.

 

[pontifex]

Originally posted by: OHFunds
Ok. I dont even know where to begin. I come to you guys, and only you guys because I cant ask anyone I know personally, simply because this is a big embarrasment to me, PLEASE help me out, please dont make fun of me, please dont make my situation anymore chaotic than it is now.

So tell me why you decided ATOT was the best place for this?
well, you haven't been here very long, so i guess you just didn't know better.

 

[dirtboy]

Two words: Move on.

Stop calling her and answering her calls. It will be hard, but you'll get over it.

 

[NaOH]

My girlfriend and I went through the same thing sort of. We met our junior year of high school but ended up going to different college. Well, during the first year in college, she started getting distant and I kept calling her and being a woman. I kept bugging her about why she is being so distant and stuff. It took a couple months for her to admit she is starting to like this other guy (i assumed it was him in the first place). After countless attempts to solve it with communication, (she never seemed to have time to talk about it, EVER) I said fvck it and broke it off. After about a month and a half of no communication ( i didn't pick up her calls, and when I did, I usually hung up shortly after by saying I was busy ). We both went home one weekend and i guess sort of made up. We decided to try again. At first she was still hanging out with that guy, and it eventually ended up with me saying she can no longer see him (he liked her and would sleep over in her dorm in a sleeping bag). So the first month back was hard but it worked out in the end. (She and her friends got annoyed of him and stopped doing anything with him) Still going strong almost 3 years later. This experience made me stronger because it got me out of the pansy ass stage of "love is everything" that movies tend to portray. You have to stand up for YOURSELF and be realistic about your situation. Things don't always work out and you need to be strong to know when to stop. If I were you, it would have been over already. Shoot, let that guy have your GF because has she lost feelings for YOU. It's not worth staying with someone who doesn't love you. If she really cared she will realize what she lost and come back someday. It's time to stop being weak.

 

[Fraggable]

Originally posted by: HeroOfPellinor

Originally posted by: OHFunds
I agree. However, since I care so much for her, I think I am going to forgive her and give us the chance. Its in God's hands now, I have asked for his advice - soon enough he will tell me. I need to find out for myself NOW, rather than when it involves kids, mortage, bills, house, finances in general. I am going to talk to her tonight - I am going to tell her what I want, and I want her to tell me what she wants. One of my strongest points is this - I never want her to see or talk to him again. They may have been FRIENDS in the past, but the fact is it got to the next level. If she is seriously chosing me, she needs to be fair to me. I am NOT a controling person, but I feel this is vital if we want to save this relationship - AM I WRONG HERE FOR DOING THIS?

I don't give two sh!ts WTF happens with your relationship, but don't you dare bring God into this mess and thereby make yourself representative of a Christian. Your life is a mess...your relationships are messes..........clearly you've not been seeking Godly wisdom throughout your day to day decisions. Not that He can't give you the answer because He can......but the fact of the matter is that He's already given you the answer or at the very least a way to find the answer.

Here's a link to Bible passages on god's will for your life. Do you really think He wants you to stay with a lying, cheating woman?

http://www.christiananswers.net/q-dml/dml-y001.html

God doesn't want 2 Christians to marry if they've got serious lying problems, but He also says that you should forgive people as many times as they repent and ask you to forgive them. Forgiving her 'right off the bat' may have been a mistake. She has to be sorry for forgiveness to mean anything.

Maybe he hasn't been doing this relationship the way God would like him to, but hey - he's human and obviously wanting to do the right thing now, so take it easy on him.

And to the OP, I think you did the right thing. Maybe a few things you might have slipped up a bit, but IMO you did very very well in such a difficuly situation.

At this point, I think the measurement of whether the relationship will still work is how sorry she is. If she's like well, ok, i won't do it again then you might be wasting your time with her. If she's really sorry and makes that very clear, then you're better off than most other b/f g/f's. I mean, if you can work through this kind of a problem that says a lot for caring for each other.

 

[lokiju]

Why ask for advice if you want take it?

 

[BigToque]

I would dump her. She cheated on you and lied to you REPEATEDLY.

If she truly cared for you, it NEVER would have happened. If she didn't care for you, and was a person with any worth, she would have broken up with you before she did anything with someone else.

You've seen exactly what kind of person she is, and it's obvious she isn't a good person.

 

[ColdFusion718]

You're setting yourself up for a world of hurt. Don't blame the world when it happens because you've asked for advice and was given plenty. Good luck.