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I need help - I hope I am making the right decision
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folks...why is the premise that the girl is evil or bad...maybe she is confused, maybe she made the mistake of finding comfort elsewhere when she needed it most and doesnt know how to get out of this mess that she brought herself in...maybe she is finding it hard to tell the other guy goodbye.u could say it might happen again..but one chance..wtf...give it sometime...people find it hard to show faults in themselves..the fact that OH did state that there was a mistake from his end too..its abt people folks...not an open and shut case...i think there isnt enough for a breakup...its not like she is going to a better guy...dirty slimeball...tell her this is what you heard from him...
"She told me it was WAY TO MUCH to tell me"
this is what happens when someone is cornered and feels wrong...anger and frustration...cos they have no defense...just give it sometime..make her comfortable...evaluate the relationship..again..if it happens again...let go.
"She told me it was WAY TO MUCH to tell me"
this is what happens when someone is cornered and feels wrong...anger and frustration...cos they have no defense...just give it sometime..make her comfortable...evaluate the relationship..again..if it happens again...let go.
SViper
Senior member
I only read the OP and none of the replies, so I apologize in advance if I say something that someone else already said.
Move the fvck on. You SHOULD NOT blame yourself for something she did. She cheated on you...bottom line. It may be hard, but you need to move on with your life.
Move the fvck on. You SHOULD NOT blame yourself for something she did. She cheated on you...bottom line. It may be hard, but you need to move on with your life.
uncomfortable circumstances can bring out lies . im sure a lot of us lied when faced with situations where we are wrong..
gigapet -- unless we approach relationships with a sense of destiny...there will always be reasons to break away...anything can be spun as problem enough to breakaway...
Look at it like a fictional finalism...give it your all with the goal that it will work out...but be prepared for a possible negative eventuality.
dont give up easily..thats all im sayin...if this persists...let go...the timeline u specified is too small...a few more weeks is realistic...if she is still with him, say goodbye to her.
i dont know what im sayin...what does love mean...i say all this with the understanding that u were in something that was truly special and cherished by both of you...if it was a relationship just for the sake of being in love or experiencing the concept called love..then i guess u should move on.
no no nono. you cannot live without principles. I will not tolerate lying, cheating, stealing, deciet, or manipulation in myself nor in any of my relationships and I will not compomise this either to give someone another chance. If he breaks up with this girl and 10 years down the road they are reunited and they've both changed and matured and they hit it off again.....so be it.....THAT IS DESTINY. Letting someone walk all over you and then trying to rationalize their inexcusable behavior by any justification you can come up with will only lead to greater disappointment.
ColdFusion718
Diamond Member
She is playing you. She keeps going back to you for "emotional" support but won't hesitate to screw the other guy. If she can lie about being "faithful" to you she can lie about that. She'll always come back to you when she needs an emtional pick-me-up because she knows you will always be there for her. Don't let her use you like this.
Do you honestly think they haven't s3x'ed yet? If you believe that for more than a second, you need help. I was in a similar situation 2 years ago.
I was engaged to the girl I dated throughout my entire college career. She lives in New Zealand and I am from California. For 4 years, we made it work, but 6 months before I graduated, I found out she had been seeing another guy. Before graduation, I turned down a job with Intel because I was moving to New Zealand to be with her.
Needless to say that I was broken-hearted and I felt that I had nothing left to live for. I cursed her, cried my heart out, and then picked myself up with the help of my friends and family. Now I have a great job, good money, and enjoying my life more than before.
It will hurt for a while; actually it will hurt a lot for a very long time. There's no way around this. It will speed up the healing process if you hang out with friends, engage in some sort of sports activity, just something that takes up your time so your mind isn't free to dwell on the past.
When I was little and my father passed away, my mom said that one day the pain will slowly diminish. When I told her about my ex, she said, "Remember what I told you when you were little and your dad passed away? This, too, shall pass."
My mom has never been wrong about that. So this, too, shall pass.
Do you honestly think they haven't s3x'ed yet? If you believe that for more than a second, you need help. I was in a similar situation 2 years ago.
I was engaged to the girl I dated throughout my entire college career. She lives in New Zealand and I am from California. For 4 years, we made it work, but 6 months before I graduated, I found out she had been seeing another guy. Before graduation, I turned down a job with Intel because I was moving to New Zealand to be with her.
Needless to say that I was broken-hearted and I felt that I had nothing left to live for. I cursed her, cried my heart out, and then picked myself up with the help of my friends and family. Now I have a great job, good money, and enjoying my life more than before.
It will hurt for a while; actually it will hurt a lot for a very long time. There's no way around this. It will speed up the healing process if you hang out with friends, engage in some sort of sports activity, just something that takes up your time so your mind isn't free to dwell on the past.
When I was little and my father passed away, my mom said that one day the pain will slowly diminish. When I told her about my ex, she said, "Remember what I told you when you were little and your dad passed away? This, too, shall pass."
My mom has never been wrong about that. So this, too, shall pass.
That sucks dude.wish u all the best. The pain does take time to go away, especially when the dream of perfect love lays shattered
Each relationship and each girl is different , i think we are playing on to a stereotype if we bring in the whole "girl comes back for emotional support", from the description, it doesnt look that way. im not sure if she lied about being faithful, maybe she needs time to wiggle out, must be hard cos she will hurt the other guy who helped her... (life sucks)..time will tell you how things are meant to be..i think being open and calm is what is needed.
It is hard to get over a loss to death, but it is another thing to constantly know that the other person is living and breathing elsewhere with someone else, your perfect love in the arms of another man.the freakin thoughts always eating through your head.
In heartbreaks there is only one eventuality,pain, there is no way to avoid it, why not put in some effort for sometime, maybe the relationship can be saved and a lot of pain avoided.
This is where im coming from.Nothing to lose, if it was meant to fail, it will fail, there is no way to avoid the pain.There is always the danger of the once bitten, twice shy reaction,you will probably not love someone else the way you love this woman cos you will be vary of love and then get defensive to avoid heartbreak.You may not experience or feel about love the same way, thats why i say , give it some patience...i might be wrong here,but a lot of us state opinions based on experiences, this is how i look at it and remember, every relationship is different.
Each relationship and each girl is different , i think we are playing on to a stereotype if we bring in the whole "girl comes back for emotional support", from the description, it doesnt look that way. im not sure if she lied about being faithful, maybe she needs time to wiggle out, must be hard cos she will hurt the other guy who helped her... (life sucks)..time will tell you how things are meant to be..i think being open and calm is what is needed.
It is hard to get over a loss to death, but it is another thing to constantly know that the other person is living and breathing elsewhere with someone else, your perfect love in the arms of another man.the freakin thoughts always eating through your head.
In heartbreaks there is only one eventuality,pain, there is no way to avoid it, why not put in some effort for sometime, maybe the relationship can be saved and a lot of pain avoided.
This is where im coming from.Nothing to lose, if it was meant to fail, it will fail, there is no way to avoid the pain.There is always the danger of the once bitten, twice shy reaction,you will probably not love someone else the way you love this woman cos you will be vary of love and then get defensive to avoid heartbreak.You may not experience or feel about love the same way, thats why i say , give it some patience...i might be wrong here,but a lot of us state opinions based on experiences, this is how i look at it and remember, every relationship is different.
imported_nautique
Senior member
MOVE ON!
ColdFusion718
Diamond Member
I used to be a romantic who hopes and sees the future as if nothing could possibly go wrong. After being burned, it has made me a little wiser. How many times will you have to get jacked before you realize that people are never as infallable as you see them in your mind?
Having such an innocent view of what love is doesn't make you weak; however, it does make you incredibly susceptible to being hurt. That's neither good nor bad. You just have to decide if you're willing to go through the pain if it blows up in your face.
OP, there's more to life than finding "the one" and end up marrying her. If you think that should be your only motivation to live, you have a lot to learn about life and this thing called love.
Love is like a leap of faith. Unfortunately, if you fall for the wrong one, it is not your legs that break, but your heart.
Buck Armstrong
Platinum Member
Right, and as for Trishul's concerns that the "premise (is) that the girl is evil or bad", then pretend she's the man and he's the woman; it doesn't change the situation one bit, and I'd advise a girl to get out of the same mess (man away at college having oral sex or more with another girl while lying and scheming to cover his tracks).
interchange
Diamond Member
This girl cheated on you. She betrayed your trust and made you hurt. Now you're teaching her that what she did was forgivable. This will become a pattern. You need to make it stop right now. You are throwing all the power in her court, and you will wind up jaded and insecure about women if you don't come to some realizations:
1. No matter what you did or do, there is no reasonable excuse for cheating ever.
2. If you teach someone how to take advantage of you, they will do it repeatedly. This is not me calling you a pansy or telling you to suck up your feelings. Your behavior is very understandable, but it will cause repeated trauma to you if it doesn't change.
3. There are other fish in the sea. You are very young, and you probably haven't had a lot of girlfriends. Trust me. Everyone falls in love with their first few girls. That's before you've had the experience to know which ones are going to do things you can't live with.
1. No matter what you did or do, there is no reasonable excuse for cheating ever.
2. If you teach someone how to take advantage of you, they will do it repeatedly. This is not me calling you a pansy or telling you to suck up your feelings. Your behavior is very understandable, but it will cause repeated trauma to you if it doesn't change.
3. There are other fish in the sea. You are very young, and you probably haven't had a lot of girlfriends. Trust me. Everyone falls in love with their first few girls. That's before you've had the experience to know which ones are going to do things you can't live with.
This is painfull to read.
You need to move on. Trust me, there are better out there. The faster you drop her the sooner you can get over the pain. Man this is just sad.
You have to have more self confidence. I don't know how you'll get it but your relationship is over and you need to be the bigger person, drop her, and find someone better.
You need to move on. Trust me, there are better out there. The faster you drop her the sooner you can get over the pain. Man this is just sad.
You have to have more self confidence. I don't know how you'll get it but your relationship is over and you need to be the bigger person, drop her, and find someone better.
Hmm, 14 posts, and the only one saying he should stay. You wouldn't happen to be his girl?
For the OP, anytime that you're in the position where you feel the guy who is dating your girl is more trustworthy than your girlfriend, it's time to break up. If you and her were in the same city, you'd be a moron to put up with this sh!t, so how does it make sense to stay just because you're 300 miles apart?
I agree. However, since I care so much for her, I think I am going to forgive her and give us the chance. Its in God's hands now, I have asked for his advice - soon enough he will tell me. I need to find out for myself NOW, rather than when it involves kids, mortage, bills, house, finances in general. I am going to talk to her tonight - I am going to tell her what I want, and I want her to tell me what she wants. One of my strongest points is this - I never want her to see or talk to him again. They may have been FRIENDS in the past, but the fact is it got to the next level. If she is seriously chosing me, she needs to be fair to me. I am NOT a controling person, but I feel this is vital if we want to save this relationship - AM I WRONG HERE FOR DOING THIS?
the very least you should do is seperate for a while.. just end the relationship and tell her you have no idea if it will ever work out..
give yourself a couple of months and you will feel better about everything.. you'll be thinking more clearly.. you'll realize that their are other fish in the sea...
give yourself a couple of months and you will feel better about everything.. you'll be thinking more clearly.. you'll realize that their are other fish in the sea...
Gunslinger08
Lifer
Yes, you are. You should be dumping her. But, you won't. You'll understand in a few months or years why everyone is telling you this.
Are you trolling? Did you not just read what everyone told you? My god you're a sucker!
She broke one of the golden rules. The trust is broken. I think you should take the advice above and do her ITB, but to make her life a little more crappy keep the condom and give it to the other guy. There's nothing like recieving the used condom from a guy who's doing your girl ITB. That'll teach both of them. He shouldn't be dancing in your parade and she shouldn't have been cheating on you.
If I was in the same city, this guy wouldnt remember anything that happened - I ASSURE YOU OF THIS. However, I have come to realize why he called me. It wasnt to tell me things that happened, it was to get me out of the picture - this is why I have to cut this guy completely off with her.
What in the world makes you think that you have any control over if she will see him. And what makes you think you can trust her to be truthful even if she agreed. She didn't tell you she was seeing him in the first place, and lied even when you found out. How can you possibly trust her to not just do the same?
This situation is why once you lose trust, everything else is gone. She could promise to be the perfect girlfriend, and you would have to assume she was lying just like she's been doing for a long time. And why would she stop lying, when there was no penalty for it the first time, and you forgave her without her having to prove she is worthy of forgiveness.
Gunslinger08
Lifer
Just let this thread die. You are obviously not listening to anyone here. Your trust will be abused again in the future. You think she'll change? People don't change. They're always the same on the inside. You're going to regret your current actions in the near future.
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