I am so fvcking mad at my parents.

[gopunk]

I feel that the student paying for his own education will be more motoviated to be a better student and not waste money.

maybe you should work on your guilt tripping skills then

 

[gopunk]

Originally posted by: Jfur

Originally posted by: gopunk
jfur, i don't think you can definitively say whether one way or another is right. different strokes for different folks... you may not consider it a moral obligation, but others might. for example, i do a lot of website stuff for my mom.... am i morally obligated to do so? a lot of people would probably say no, but i believe that's part of my duty... my parents told me "education is the most important thing, don't worry about the money". a lot of their life has been devoted to making sure that my sister and i have opportunities that they didn't have. and i carry their same viewpoint... when i have children, i'm going to make sure that money will not get in the way of a good education for them. i don't want to have them distracted from their studies by monetary issues. i'm not a spoiled brat or whatever... if my parents stop paying for my school, i'll know that they really tried their hardest, but that's life. i'm eternally grateful to them for working so hard to give me a good life, and i try to show my gratitude by being a good son, etc.... also, part of the reason i have such a strong desire to succeed is so that i can take care of them when they get old. i mean, if it were just me, i think i would just settle for a normal life... but because my parents have been so kind to me, i really want to be rich, so i can buy them a nice big house, winnebago, etc.

i guess this was kind of rambly, but just thought i'd share my perspective.

Gopunk, I don't think you are taking advantage of or expecting too much of your parents, as I know that you work hard in your classes and also that you started college well before 18

oh hehe, yea i just meant to say that people can expect their parents to pay for college, and still not be spoiled brats i'll be honest, i expect it, in that i would be sort of taken aback if they said they wouldn't... but it's not like i would make a big deal out of it (*cough*). because i know that they would pay for it if they had the money, so there's no point in making them feel bad or something. it kind of sounds like the original poster of this thread has other issues with his parents (ie, this is just the tip of the iceberg).

Actually, I'd say making websites for your Mom *is* an obligation of sorts. And caring for parents when they age is also an obligation, even after "just" 18 years. In many cases (yes, even in the USA and certainly in parts of Asia) children work to help support the family in addition to going to school.

i completely agree... i remember recently my mom asked me to teach a class at her school and she said she would pay me. it felt really weird to involve money in family matters...i was surprised that she would even think about it. i never taught the class (ended up just doing other stuff for her school) but i wouldn't have taken the money anyways.

It seems nowadays many people feel they are owed things by their parents and that they should have an eternity to "grow up" and explore. I think a parent also has a MORAL obligation not to spoil a child or give them unreasonable expectations, because it is not just the parent who ultimately sacrifices.

i agree... but i might disagree on what "unreasonable" is that said, a well-raised child would understand their parents' situation regardless.

The child and the rest of society are also burdened if people do not develop a strong work ethic and reasonable expectations about what it takes to live. So even if I were a billionaire, my children would do some work to help support their education, either through scholarships or working a few hours a week on campus.

i would hope that my children would go to work on their own accord, not to pay for anything really, but because they want to get a start on a career. i would expect my children to have that kind of initiative

And although I am a strong advocate of higher education, I would never make a child feel like they *had* to go. For some people, it's not the right answer.

well i'm asian hate to say it, but i'd make damn sure my children feel like there is no alternative


i guess the moral, the thing i'm trying to get at here, is that all this stuff about college is trivial. different people have different viewpoints regarding whether or not a parent should pay for college, but ultimately, if the parent did a good job of raising the child, it shouldn't be a problem. in my eyes, the parents should *want* to pay for their child's education, but it shouldn't make the child hate the parents if the parents can't pay. i do think this guy's parents are kind of crappy for squandering their money (according to him) and not thinking about their child's future, but i also think there are some larger issues (ie, it sounds like his parents are a little self-centered in general...) that caused such strong resentment.

 

[Aceman]

Originally posted by: gopunk

Originally posted by: Aceman

Originally posted by: Gonad the Barbarian

Originally posted by: Jfur
You know, I really disagree with the idea that parents SHOULD pay for a college education, a car, or virtually anything after one is old enough to work and has finished high school. If they can help out, that's great. But I find it odd that some people assume that their parents' assets are theirs, that they are *entitled* to inherit property, etc. Call me a hardass but giving people expectations like this leads to a lot of spoiled and lazy people who are not even motivated to find work after their college degree is done. Or feel like they work too hard to make a simple living once things are no longer free. I'M NOT SAYING THAT APPLIES TO ANYONE WHOSE PARENTS BUY THEM THINGS OR HELP WITH SCHOOL, but think about the implications of the entitlement mentality. When did this become the norm?

So parents aren't entitled to get chores out of their kids? Or help & care when they get old and decrepit? You ARE entitled to certain things from your parents, just as parents are entitled certain things from their children. It's part of the nature of the relationship, and it's shameful when one side doesn't even make an effort to deliver.

I'm entitled to feed, shelter and love my children. I ask for chores to be done by them to teach them that cleaning a room or doing dishes are a part of life and as a simple "repayment" of the neccessities I provide them. Do you pay for the electric bill that your computer generates? Nope, your parents do. Do you pay for your public education? Nope, your parents do through taxes. Paying for college does not equal love and at 18yrs old you are no longer a child, you're an adult. As a parent, I don't have to pay or provide jack sh!t for you anymore!

you don't have to, but wouldn't you want to?

I would help them with their education if I had the means. Just as my parents help my sisters. I have two older sisters. Both got partial assistance to pay for their education from my parents. I got none because the well dried up with my one sister that went and got a PhD (JFur don't you dare forward that comment to her ) My education was paid through $1,400 in student loans, about $400/month from the Army, and about $500/month from a 30/hr a week job. I'm quite proud and happy that I paid for all my college. I "owe" them nothing for my college education. I "owe" them everything for the values they instilled and how well they raised me.

I will definitely help my kids, without spoiling them, when they sink and it's a last resort.

 

[Pliablemoose]

Sorry to hear about your parent's lack of financial responsibility, mine didn't plan either & it was pretty tight, @ one point, I had 3 part time jobs, & I had to live off campus, cuz I couldn't study well while on campus (& I really tried).

Made me take my education more seriously than I would have otherwise though...

Stuff like what you're going through makes you want to do better for your kids, when & if you have any.

 

[AmazonRasta]

Actually, I just came back to say that I had a long talk with my father and that I realized that all of you guys are right. Sorry I wasted your time with this bullsh!t.

 

[mithrandir2001]

If neither your parents nor you have the cash then there's prolly a fat government program out there to underwrite your tuition.

 

[AmazonRasta]

And so you guys know, I did have the cash. I did pay for everything and I am still paying for everything.

Anyways, it's over and done with now.

 

[PC Freak]

School should be almost free with all the grants and scholarships out there.
That, I think, would help.

 

[Cyberian]

Originally posted by: PC_Freak
School should be almost free with all the grants and scholarships out there.
That, I think, would help.

Can everyone get grants and scholarships?