With every post you reveal what a greedy bastard you are. Having a wedding is not a gamble to see whether you can turn a profit. Good thing your bet paid off and your friends and relatives paid for your wedding.
With every post you reveal what a greedy bastard you are. Having a wedding is not a gamble to see whether you can turn a profit. Good thing your bet paid off and your friends and relatives paid for your wedding.
Well, again, if you're so worried about a good start in life with the economy being in the crapper, have a scaled-down wedding. It's very simple, really. If you can't afford it, don't do it.
<shrug>
The only things required for a wedding are:
1) Bride
2) Groom
3) Minister/Priest/Judge/etc.
4) Witnesses
5) Marriage License
The rest is gravy. How nice and elaborate that gravy is is the sole responsibility of the bride, groom and their parents.
Yes, I've planned and helped to plan a few weddings in my time. I'll get to plan the two most important weddings in my life (well, after my own, I guess
) when my daughters eventually get married. And I'll say again that I won't expect to recoup one dime of the expenses from guests. The gifts/money will go to my daughters and their husbands for them to do with as they please.Of course we expected to get gifts and money for our wedding. However, we didn't give a single thought to who could give what when it came time to put our guest list together. We just wanted people there that would be happy for us and happy to share our celebration. True gifts come from the heart not out of obligation.
In this day and age, many people have lost sight of what getting married is really about. It's not about how big the diamond is. It's not about how big the wedding is. It's not about how expensive the wedding gown is. It's not about which country club the reception will be at. It's not about how many gifts you'll get. And it's certainly not about your guests subsidizing your wedding or providing the down payment for your house.
Gifts are a part of wedding celebrations, but they are far from the focus and emphasis that Optoman has put on them.
Gifts are a part of wedding celebrations, but they are far from the focus and emphasis that Optoman has put on them.
OMFG, Like I said, her parents paid for most of the wedding. We could of taken that money straight to the bank but wanted to get everyone together. We didn't think we would get more than her parents were willing to give us but we did.
Are wedding was pretty simple. Got married in church, had the reception under a tent. We must of had one of the best deals on alcohol because like I said before, it was less than $2K for all the alcohol. No open bottle fees. We got wholesale on the flowers and a family friend did them as his wedding present to us. The limo was $200, the band was only $1200. We splurged on the band because DJs aren't the greatest and the DJs were all about $500-600. The photographer was around $2k with all the photos we ordered. Most of the people from my side of the family had to travel more than 500 miles and we had people from around the globe at our wedding.
If you haven't noticed the average price of a wedding is now around $25K. We spent the money her parents told us to spend and came out ahead once you added all the gifts in. It was a once in a lifetime and was well worth it. It was a perfect night and was the best damn wedding that I have ever been to. We took all the expriences from all the other weddings we have ever went to and tried to please at least 80% of the people and it turned out that everyone loved the wedding. The food was awesome, the band was great but having friends and family be happy and have a great time was our goal. Not the money.
TrueBlueLS asked what a good amount is and I shared my experience. If you haven't planned a wedding in the past five years then you have no clue on the costs, headaches, tears and the plain unknown.
Maybe I am not coming across on what I am saying. Her parents were going to give us the money in cash if we didn't want the wedding. We could of done the city hall bit but we wanted to celebrate the day. We wanted all our friends and family there and we wanted them to have the time of their lives. We wanted a no headache wedding for our guests.
We could of taken the money and put it in the bank but we didn't. We went through months of driving 4 hours each way to the church, looking for reception places, photographers and everything else a wedding can invovle. The time we put in was huge. We wanted to see everyone's faces when we walked down the aisle. We had people come in from Japan, Europe, Mexico and Canada. We had not seen some of these people in years and it was awesome that they came. It was the best day of my life. We got to celebrate it with everyone we love and the money didn't mean didly.
The question was asked that if you go to a wedding what should you give. You should give what you think is fair. You can give a gift that has a meaning that is special. You could give cash. You don't have to give anything. I personally feel that you should give the cost of the meal plus anything else you can afford within reason. If you don't know what the meal costs and think $25 is going to cover it then you are an idiot.
That is exactly how her parents were and it was the best thing. They didn't care if we made any money back but they were happy that they could give us such a great present. It was a good start and we have been building on it ever since.
For all those big spenders on here. Do you mind sending me your addresses? I will make sure to send you an invitation when I get married. I would make a fortune just from inviting you guys.
Com'on guys, where do you get off thinking that guests should pay for their share of the meal? It's like throwing a party and ask for admission fee at the door (I know some people do that in highschool). A wedding is just another party and you should be just grateful that people are showing up. Let's see how many people will show up at your wedding if you specifically put down that gifts and cash are required. I would just snare at it in disgust and throw the invitation in the trash.
Com'on guys, where do you get off thinking that guests should pay for their share of the meal? It's like throwing a party and ask for admission fee at the door (I know some people do that in highschool). A wedding is just another party and you should be just grateful that people are showing up. Let's see how many people will show up at your wedding if you specifically put down that gifts and cash are required. I would just snare at it in disgust and throw the invitation in the trash.
How old are you? 12? A wedding is not just another party. Until you go through it you have no idea what it really is.
I've been reading this thread with great interest because I have 3 weddings to go to within a month. I've often wondered what is an appropriate amount to give for going to a wedding. For those of you who expect large checks from everyone, let me ask you this...What about the close friend you invite who doesn't have that kind of money? Do you not invite them because they will not give enough? Or do you simply make an exception in your mind that their $15 is 'okay'? I am so poor that for me, just going the wedding is practically the only gift I can give. Two are nearby, one is a $260 plane ticket away. I will probably give a card and a $20 gift-card to each couple. I can do no more. Thankfully, my friends know my situation. Even more thankfully, they aren't snobs who expect some certain amount from me for admission.
If you want to demand a cover charge for your wedding, then do so. If you want to invite your friends/family to celebrate your marriage, then do so with a right mind...No one owes you anything. Every single gift/card/whatever you receive, is a gift of grace...you don't deserve it at all. If you expect some certain gift value from each person, your greedy self will be sorely disappointed.
If you want to demand a cover charge for your wedding, then do so. If you want to invite your friends/family to celebrate your marriage, then do so with a right mind...No one owes you anything. Every single gift/card/whatever you receive, is a gift of grace...you don't deserve it at all. If you expect some certain gift value from each person, your greedy self will be sorely disappointed.
Like I said before, you typically can tell what people can afford. If they know your situation then they would be understanding if you only gave them a card. If you are really tight on cash then maybe you could get them something a little more personalble that doesn't cost a lot.
I agree you don't deserve anything when you invite a someone to your wedding. But it is insulting when someone gives you a gift that has no meaning, looks like they picked it up at the local convience store on the way to the reception. It's like giving a waitress a penny for a tip.
You also don't deserve presents on your b-day, x-mas or any holiday or event but people still give them. Give what you think is right. If the people know you then they will understand and be grateful. Just don't pick up a hallmark scented candle, slap a bow on it and say have a happy life. Remember it is a new beginning for the couple.
Edit: Forgot to mention that when we made up out list to invite people we never once thought of what they would give us until we started to open the presents and envelopes. We invited people we wanted to share the day with since that was what it's all about.
$25 just might very well cover the costs of the meal (see the link I posted earlier re:the Marriott in Buffalo/Niagara).
And, even if it didn't, if the gift cost $25 but was of unique character or of enough meaning to the gift giver then wtf is the difference if it didn't 'cover the cost of the meal'? People in this thread keep harping on the cost of the meal as the minimum cost of a gift to give. I say it doesn't matter a flying fvck how much my gift cost. If I gave the groom a $1.58 PEZ dispenser but it was a character he enjoyed or found funny, then so be it! It's the thought/story behind the gift. Besides, I wouldn't give just a PEZ dispenser but for someone to so easily dismiss an inexpensive gift as being a cheap gift is materialistic at the best.
And, btw, it's COULD'VE, not COULD OF!! 'Could have taken the money' not 'Could of taken the money'.
you're right. it's all about the seating plan
on another note :music:, i'm amazed to see how such a topic as this has been so ongoing today...of all things. it's usually some b.s. flamesuit thread which is participated in, but it's a nice change to see some thread of actual substinance. wtg!
Surprised me, too!Originally posted by: caramel
you're right. it's all about the seating plan
on another note :music:, i'm amazed to see how such a topic as this has been so ongoing today...of all things. it's usually some b.s. flamesuit thread which is participated in, but it's a nice change to see some thread of actual substinance. wtg!
I am not going to stoop to your level of immaturity but I will answer your question anyway. I am 25 y/o, thank you very much.
I am sure there are a lot of planning going into a wedding, but that's NOT the issue here. I may have underminded the complexity in planning a wedding by saying that it's just another party. But that doesn't make it any less true. The point I was trying to make is expecting or requiring your guests to pay for your wedding is absurd. The only thing you should expect of the guests are them showing up and if they happen to bring you gifts and cash you should just accept them graciously. Do you open the gifts and check what they gave you and call them cheap bastards if you don't like what they gave you?
I give up. My grammer sucks, wasn't that great to begin with. I must be greedy because all I wanted at my wedding was the money and gifts.
Seriously, go and have fun. That was our #1 goal for our wedding and we accomplished that. If you knew me, then you would understand where I am coming from with the whole money thing. I am sick of people telling me that I am greedy. When was the last time you took two minutes out of your day to help someone at a food bank or done some community service? Most people don't and its a shame. If you can say yes you have then I apologize but everyone seems to have me pegged as a poor speller and a greedy bastard.
Seriously, go and have fun. That was our #1 goal for our wedding and we accomplished that. If you knew me, then you would understand where I am coming from with the whole money thing. I am sick of people telling me that I am greedy. When was the last time you took two minutes out of your day to help someone at a food bank or done some community service? Most people don't and its a shame. If you can say yes you have then I apologize but everyone seems to have me pegged as a poor speller and a greedy bastard.
I never expected my guests to pay for anything or required anything from them. I rented a shuttle for the out of town guests to make sure they didn't drink and drive that night. I should of charged them for that. Damn.
I guess my maturity sucks also, oh well. Anything else wrong with me. Humm, I guess we should of given all the money back too. We must of not deserved it. This also teaches me not to be so generous when I go to future weddings because everything should be free to me. You cheap asses make me sick.
I don't have much $$$ right now (living paycheck to paycheck). If it was the wedding of a good friend, I'd give $100. If only an acquaintance, $25.
Relax Optoman...by all means, keep your money and your gifts...and be thankful for them. No one is saying you don't deserve it and no one is advocating giving NOTHING at a wedding. A gift is from someone's heart...it's not something given out of feelings of obligation or political correctness. I give a gift at a wedding because it's what I WANT to give...not what I or anyone else thinks is "appropriate"...and I certainly don't determine my gift giving on the per head cost basis figures of the wedding. But that's just me. We just think differently.
Man... All you ppl who give more than $100 for a gift ..... wanna come to my wedding in a year??
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