How long do you think children should expect parents to support them?

[TridenT]

Originally posted by: Lothar

Originally posted by: AreaCode707

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: AreaCode707


If you're living at home, paying rent, that means that you CAN self-sufficiently meet your basic needs, you're just choosing to do so while living with your parents. My sister is a personality that could do this, for instance. She and my parents just enjoy each others' company that much. She's not doing this, but if she were then it would be the same as if she were providing for herself while living with roommates.

No. Not the same. Not anywhere near the same. While the 20+ something child lives at home it thinks itself an adult, but is still a child. It is defendant on the nest to provide it's basic needs - food, shelter, comfort. Even if it thinks it is contributing it is still a child and a child mentality. Until the child can learn to provide for itself it is still a child no matter what age.

Eh, I will respectfully disagree. I was out of the house at 18, so I'm not arguing in self-defense, but I do know people that are both self-sufficient ($70k+ a year, good social lives) and live at home.

Anyway, my question really pertained more to the kids that expect tuition, rent, car, gas, and spending money and, to end our difference of opinion, let's say live outside of the home.

Those are the responsibility of the parents.
It is the child's responsibility to bring the good grades home.

As long as my children keep a 3.3 GPA and don't pick stupid majors like psychology, liberal arts, social science, medieval history, or any other equivalent stupid degree they can expect their undergrad tuition to be fully covered(after scholarships are accounted for).
In fact, if they decide that they want to also get a Masters/PhD, I will gladly give them an "interest free" loan for it.

I would prefer my child to bring an "A" on his/her report card than to bring a "C" due to him/her working a stupid $8-10/hr job at CVS or some other stupid job on campus.
If "work" is the issue preventing one from bringing me an "A" on their report card, then they need to quit it.

Your ideas only apply to parents who can afford those luxuries. I could get a 4.0GPA and my parents would say, "too bad, no tuition payment from us. We can't afford Harvard or even a public university. That 4.0GPA can get you scholarships, work it."

My parents live on a fixed income(not a large one), so they could not afford it.

 

[imported_Lothar]

Originally posted by: mugs

Originally posted by: Lothar

I make well above 6 figures and can buy my own house anytime I feel like it. :roll:

I don't see any incentive to do so since I'm single and don't have a family.
Only a complete idiot would choose to rent an apartment when they can stay home for free.

Dude, at least pay your parents some rent. :Q

My mom has never asked me for rent. I've never offered to do so either.

The only thing I do is pay the cell phone bill, car insurance and buying groceries when needed. We both share family plan minutes on Verizon. By me having my name on the bill, we get a 20% discount from my employer. We get TONS of discounts with GEICO by having my name on the bill since I'm a member 6 organizations on their website. Besides that, no other money flows out of my pocket. Of course I also contribute by mowing the lawn, doing house work, laundry, ironing her clothes that she'll wear to work for the week, and cooking when needed.

Anything my mom wants, she gets.
I gave her $8k when she asked for it last year with no strings attached and I will do it again if she asks for it.
No questions asked.

 

[TridenT]

Originally posted by: Lothar

Originally posted by: mugs

Originally posted by: Lothar

I make well above 6 figures and can buy my own house anytime I feel like it. :roll:

I don't see any incentive to do so since I'm single and don't have a family.
Only a complete idiot would choose to rent an apartment when they can stay home for free.

Dude, at least pay your parents some rent. :Q

My mom has never asked me for rent. I've never offered to do so either.

The only thing I do is pay the cell phone bill, car insurance and buying groceries when needed. We both share family plan minutes on Verizon. By me having my name on the bill, we get a 20% discount from my employer. We get TONS of discounts with GEICO by having my name on the bill since I'm a member 6 organizations on their website. Besides that, no other money flows out of my pocket. Of course I also contribute by mowing the lawn, doing house work, laundry, ironing her clothes that she'll wear to work for the week, and cooking when needed.

Anything my mom wants, she gets.
I gave her $8k when she asked for it last year with no strings attached and I will do it again if she asks for it.
No questions asked.

You're very weird to me... What do you do? How old are you? Making over 100k is pretty impressive.

 

[rh71]

Till after college - I think they should still support them while in college because they need to be concentrating on grades rather than working enough to pay for college. They should still work for responsibility's sake, but money is not the point. After they get a real job then it's time to make them pay for their own sh!t, but of course they can still stay at home so they save for their own place the right way. Parenting & support is extremely important... don't throw your kids out at 18 just because you can. They should do the same for your future grandkids - my parents did it for me, I will do it for my kids.

 

[Lonyo]

Originally posted by: MrChad

Originally posted by: TridentTBoy3555
So what about married couples? They are apparently children, but married, fucking away, having children, and soon going to be on social security. Yep.. Total children, because they rely on each other.

Oh and same for anyone who is disabled and cannot work even if they wanted to... Children.

Originally posted by: zerocool84
Have you ever taken out a loan or used a credit card???

Originally posted by: theblackbox
so you catch all your own food, built your own house (with your hands), and make your own clothes.

i hate to tell you that everyday you depend on others for support the basic necessities.

Are you all seriously so obtuse that you can't understand the difference between a child's dependency on his/her parents and other dependencies in a normal adult life? Obviously no one in modern society is truly independent, but adults are responsible for providing themselves clothing, food and shelter, whereas a child is not. Whether that responsibility is fulfilled via a business transaction (such as a credit card or loan), personal relationship or simply getting a job, earning money and paying for goods and services, it is still very clearly an adult responsibility.

Are people in the army children? They get meals, shelter, clothing etc from their employer.

 

[imported_Lothar]

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

Originally posted by: Lothar

Originally posted by: AreaCode707

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: AreaCode707


If you're living at home, paying rent, that means that you CAN self-sufficiently meet your basic needs, you're just choosing to do so while living with your parents. My sister is a personality that could do this, for instance. She and my parents just enjoy each others' company that much. She's not doing this, but if she were then it would be the same as if she were providing for herself while living with roommates.

No. Not the same. Not anywhere near the same. While the 20+ something child lives at home it thinks itself an adult, but is still a child. It is defendant on the nest to provide it's basic needs - food, shelter, comfort. Even if it thinks it is contributing it is still a child and a child mentality. Until the child can learn to provide for itself it is still a child no matter what age.

Eh, I will respectfully disagree. I was out of the house at 18, so I'm not arguing in self-defense, but I do know people that are both self-sufficient ($70k+ a year, good social lives) and live at home.

Anyway, my question really pertained more to the kids that expect tuition, rent, car, gas, and spending money and, to end our difference of opinion, let's say live outside of the home.

Those are the responsibility of the parents.
It is the child's responsibility to bring the good grades home.

As long as my children keep a 3.3 GPA and don't pick stupid majors like psychology, liberal arts, social science, medieval history, or any other equivalent stupid degree they can expect their undergrad tuition to be fully covered(after scholarships are accounted for).
In fact, if they decide that they want to also get a Masters/PhD, I will gladly give them an "interest free" loan for it.

I would prefer my child to bring an "A" on his/her report card than to bring a "C" due to him/her working a stupid $8-10/hr job at CVS or some other stupid job on campus.
If "work" is the issue preventing one from bringing me an "A" on their report card, then they need to quit it.

Your ideas only apply to parents who can afford those luxuries. I could get a 4.0GPA and my parents would say, "too bad, no tuition payment from us. We can't afford Harvard or even a public university. That 4.0GPA can get you scholarships, work it."

My parents live on a fixed income(not a large one), so they could not afford it.

My mom has been a widow for 11 years (well before any of us entered college).
She makes only $65k per year as a nurse and is already to put about her 4th and final child to college.
$65k single is equivalent to $33k each.
I find it hard to believe that both your parents don't earn more than $33k each. :Q
Were your parents on welfare? Did they give birth to you in their late 40's and retire before you got to college?

A parent doesn't need to be earning $100K+ to help pay for their child's tuition.
I don't consider paying for tuition and rent to be luxuries. They are a requirement.

Trust me, my mother was the definition of poor. She came to this country by herself 16 years ago(in 1993) with only $14 in her pocket.
And yet we've all survived and made it.

 

[imported_Lothar]

Originally posted by: rh71
Till after college - I think they should still support them while in college because they need to be concentrating on grades rather than working enough to pay for college. They should still work for responsibility's sake, but money is not the point. After they get a real job then it's time to make them pay for their own sh!t, but of course they can still stay at home so they save for their own place the right way. Parenting & support is extremely important... don't throw your kids out at 18 just because you can. They should do the same for your future grandkids - my parents did it for me, I will do it for my kids.

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

 

[clamum]

Originally posted by: zerocool84
I live at home and am 24 and have more than enough money to live on my own. I just choose not to. Doesn't bother me and I could care less what anybody else thinks. I'm saving up for a house. I'm not someone who's ganna waste money on rent when I can live at home and save up. I still paying bills and rent and filling up the fridge but saving a lot of money that is going towards my house. I'm not someone that wants to pay rent for the rest of their life. I know I'm not someone that's going to be making 100k a year but I love my job and I'm comfortable in it.

I lived at home (minus the few years at college) until I was 24 for what sounds about the same reasons as you. I still make the same amount of money I did when I lived home but I have an apartment now. I dunno, just no real need to move out. I didn't really mind living at home but was wanting my own place and my buddy was back in town and looking for one as well. My parents didn't mind having me and vice-versa... sounds like some people here had a shitty childhood or something.

 

[FelixDeCat]

Originally posted by: Lothar
My mom has been a widow for 11 years (well before any of us entered college).
She makes only $65k per year as a nurse and is already to put about her 4th and final child to college.
$65k single is equivalent to $33k each.
I find it hard to believe that both your parents don't earn more than $33k each. :Q
Were your parents on welfare? Did they give birth to you in their late 40's and retire before you got to college?

A parent doesn't need to be earning $100K+ to help pay for their child's tuition.
I don't consider paying for tuition and rent to be luxuries. They are a requirement.

Trust me, my mother was the definition of poor. She came to this country by herself 16 years ago(in 1993) with only $14 in her pocket.
And yet we've all survived and made it.

Sounds like you have a pretty good mom. Give her a good hug on Mothers Day.

 

[zinfamous]

look at the Italians. Those men-children live with their mommies until they're 35-40. It's ridiculous.

 

[TridenT]

Originally posted by: Lothar

Originally posted by: TridenTBoy3555

Originally posted by: Lothar

Originally posted by: AreaCode707

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: AreaCode707


If you're living at home, paying rent, that means that you CAN self-sufficiently meet your basic needs, you're just choosing to do so while living with your parents. My sister is a personality that could do this, for instance. She and my parents just enjoy each others' company that much. She's not doing this, but if she were then it would be the same as if she were providing for herself while living with roommates.

No. Not the same. Not anywhere near the same. While the 20+ something child lives at home it thinks itself an adult, but is still a child. It is defendant on the nest to provide it's basic needs - food, shelter, comfort. Even if it thinks it is contributing it is still a child and a child mentality. Until the child can learn to provide for itself it is still a child no matter what age.

Eh, I will respectfully disagree. I was out of the house at 18, so I'm not arguing in self-defense, but I do know people that are both self-sufficient ($70k+ a year, good social lives) and live at home.

Anyway, my question really pertained more to the kids that expect tuition, rent, car, gas, and spending money and, to end our difference of opinion, let's say live outside of the home.

Those are the responsibility of the parents.
It is the child's responsibility to bring the good grades home.

As long as my children keep a 3.3 GPA and don't pick stupid majors like psychology, liberal arts, social science, medieval history, or any other equivalent stupid degree they can expect their undergrad tuition to be fully covered(after scholarships are accounted for).
In fact, if they decide that they want to also get a Masters/PhD, I will gladly give them an "interest free" loan for it.

I would prefer my child to bring an "A" on his/her report card than to bring a "C" due to him/her working a stupid $8-10/hr job at CVS or some other stupid job on campus.
If "work" is the issue preventing one from bringing me an "A" on their report card, then they need to quit it.

Your ideas only apply to parents who can afford those luxuries. I could get a 4.0GPA and my parents would say, "too bad, no tuition payment from us. We can't afford Harvard or even a public university. That 4.0GPA can get you scholarships, work it."

My parents live on a fixed income(not a large one), so they could not afford it.

My mom has been a widow for 11 years (well before any of us entered college).
She makes only $65k per year as a nurse and is already to put about her 4th and final child to college.
$65k single is equivalent to $33k each.
I find it hard to believe that both your parents don't earn more than $33k each. :Q
Were your parents on welfare? Did they give birth to you in their late 40's and retire before you got to college?

A parent doesn't need to be earning $100K+ to help pay for their child's tuition.
I don't consider paying for tuition and rent to be luxuries. They are a requirement.

Trust me, my mother was the definition of poor. She came to this country by herself 16 years ago(in 1993) with only $14 in her pocket.
And yet we've all survived and made it.

Heh.. My parents don't make much money, really... My father was a police officer and my mom was a dental assistant. Neither pays high. I don't honestly know where all the money goes my parents spend. Maybe medical bills or something?

But really, my parents had no money for a university. They both stopped working.(In August/September of 2008) My father is permanently done working because of back and knee problems. My mom just decided to stop because he did.

Your mom is far different from my parents. My parents do not have high paying jobs, at all.

Cost of living is different between your mom and my parents too...

 

[OverVolt]

If spidey were in my shoes he would probably off himself.

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: AreaCode707

Originally posted by: zanejohnson
i started working at 16, bought my first car when i was 16, got a better job at 17 or so, and thus bought a better car (a 91 Eagle Talon TSI awd)... right out of high school my parents went through a nasty divorce and my dad moved far away, and my mom got the house, which she sold to me and my now wife... i had just started my business at this time, and was making ALOT of money off of my other "business"

the "other business" eventually caught up with me and i spent some time in jail, it was the worst mistake of my life... nowdays i just run my legit computer business, i have one employee, and my wife handles my books.... its up and down, some weeks i'll bank, and some weeks we have to scrape to get by...but our kids are ALWAYS well taken care of, they come first no matter what...luckily this week i had a good week, profited around a grand

last year on my tax return i claimed $46,000 net income... so we're not doing great, but we're not living in poverty at least

So how long do you expect to support your kids? Since you're apparently the first parent in here... Do you anticipate providing a car/rent/food til they're 18 or longer?

*pssst...hey, AreaCode...that's zanejohnson.

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: joshsquall

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: joshsquall


What? You're batshit crazy.

I'm batshit crazy for asking that you have a stake in your decisions with no safety net? Welcome to adulthood.

No, you're batshit crazy for thinking everyone who doesn't do exactly what you did is wrong, lazy, and a perpetual child. Staying at home to save money for a house instead of wasting it on rent isn't a bad thing.

You're completely talking out of your ass. What are you, 21?

Spidey is an old man with tunnel vision. most have realized this by now. Once the rest of you guys do, your time at ATOT will become less cumbersome.

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: shadow9d9


It is much more worthwhile for a child to sit in front of a forum all day trying to bash people to feel better about themselves.

Funny, I don't feel better about myself from this shit. It's an attempt to help others become an adult.

Funny, you're definition of adult is not the world-wide definition of an adult.

We've conversed about this, Spidey. Your situation is unique, despite what you want to believe about it and then impose upon everyone else.

The sooner you realize the truth in that, the sooner you'll stop deluding yourself about "how little" you care about what others post in here.

 

[StinkyPinky]

You know, I love my parents and they treated me well in my childhood. But they are the type of old fashioned white family that thinks you're an adult at 18 and expect you to pay your way from that day forward. Apparently it's all about "building character". It's not a good attitude in my opinion, and now having a Chinese wife and a son, and seeing how her family all stick together....well, theres is a better way. Throwing someone out at 18 and expecting them to get an education and pay for it...it's harmful, not character building.

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42

Originally posted by: Reckoner

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: shadow9d9


It is much more worthwhile for a child to sit in front of a forum all day trying to bash people to feel better about themselves.

Funny, I don't feel better about myself from this shit. It's an attempt to help others become an adult.

Calling people failures at life isn't much help.

It may light a fire under their butts though. I don't know, my dad moved out of our apartment when I was 18 and I had to pay for everything. I ended up moving in with my uncle (I paid rent) while I went to school full time and worked full time. I was completely embarassed by having to live with family. I think it pushed me harder.

To me, there's nothing wrong with living with your parents if you're working towards some goal. Living there because it's easy is wrong.

This.

You learned the proper lesson.

Spidey learned the wrong lesson.

/hate

 

[TruePaige]

Originally posted by: zinfamous

Originally posted by: Chaotic42

Originally posted by: Reckoner

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: shadow9d9


It is much more worthwhile for a child to sit in front of a forum all day trying to bash people to feel better about themselves.

Funny, I don't feel better about myself from this shit. It's an attempt to help others become an adult.

Calling people failures at life isn't much help.

It may light a fire under their butts though. I don't know, my dad moved out of our apartment when I was 18 and I had to pay for everything. I ended up moving in with my uncle (I paid rent) while I went to school full time and worked full time. I was completely embarassed by having to live with family. I think it pushed me harder.

To me, there's nothing wrong with living with your parents if you're working towards some goal. Living there because it's easy is wrong.

This.

You learned the proper lesson.

Spidey learned the wrong lesson.

/hate

Exactly.

If your parents are trying to help you don't take advantage, but accept it in furthering your own goals.

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: Lothar

Originally posted by: spidey07
If you still living at home at age 24 you are a complete failure at life honestly. If you can't put a roof over your head and provide for your life and self, well that's failure at life.

Area707 - by providing a roof over the head still classifies as failure of the child. The now mid 20s child can't even meet it's basic needs without assistance. The child is a failure at life and the parents are enabling this failure.

18 is the bar. Above and beyond that will only lead to the child's failure in life.

I make well above 6 figures and can buy my own house anytime I feel like it. :roll:

I don't see any incentive to do so since I'm single and don't have a family.
Only a complete idiot would choose to rent an apartment when they can stay home for free.

OK...


so the financials, in your argument, in no way contradict Spidey's argument.

Perhaps you CAN take care of yourself...listen to this part "If you want to."


....what the fuck does that mean? if you can move out, you have way more money than 60% of ave. American income, then why the fuck not? Life /= finances.

If you think your income defines success, then you are a waste of life.


As I've bolded, that is the perfect reason to move out of home, especially since you can fucking LIVE and support yourself extremely comfortably. Doesn't matter where you live. hell, I'm living in Bay Area making a mere fraction of what you claim to make and supporting myself + girlfriend (jobs do not exist out here). Unless your parents are ailing, I don't see any reason beyond social anxiety to justify building solid credit and owning.

Seriously, I wouldn't think twice about dropping cash on property right now. You will never see a better opportunity to set yourself up in your lifetime than in the next year.

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: mugs

Originally posted by: Lothar

I make well above 6 figures and can buy my own house anytime I feel like it. :roll:

I don't see any incentive to do so since I'm single and don't have a family.
Only a complete idiot would choose to rent an apartment when they can stay home for free.

Dude, at least pay your parents some rent. :Q

yeah, NO FUCKING SHIT.

I think Spidey believes this is 100% of the people that live at home at that age. Lothar is an outlier, that must represent the seed of Spidey's hatred towards the live-at-home mentality.

I understand that small bit, but applying that veil to the rest of the crowd is Spidey's error.

 

[coreyb]

I think if you're over 20 you should be paying rent at the very least to your parents. But if you can afford that, then why not get together with some friends and get your own place. God knows my kids wont be living with me after 18-20.

 

[TruePaige]

Originally posted by: coreyb
I think if you're over 20 you should be paying rent at the very least to your parents. But if you can afford that, then why not get together with some friends and get your own place. God knows my kids wont be living with me after 18-20.

Well it all depends, school can be expensive, life can have rough points. Too many variables to make a hard and fast rule.

 

[mchammer187]

Originally posted by: spidey07

Originally posted by: AreaCode707


If you're living at home, paying rent, that means that you CAN self-sufficiently meet your basic needs, you're just choosing to do so while living with your parents. My sister is a personality that could do this, for instance. She and my parents just enjoy each others' company that much. She's not doing this, but if she were then it would be the same as if she were providing for herself while living with roommates.

No. Not the same. Not anywhere near the same. While the 20+ something child lives at home it thinks itself an adult, but is still a child. It is defendant on the nest to provide it's basic needs - food, shelter, comfort. Even if it thinks it is contributing it is still a child and a child mentality. Until the child can learn to provide for itself it is still a child no matter what age.

Person A

27 year old in 20K in CC debt and 100K in student loans and can barely afford to pay for the shithole they live in because they had to "prove" they were an adult

Person B

27 year old with 80K to put down on a house and a nice retirement nest egg after living with their parents and saving everything they can

If Person B is the child in this situation I'll pick to be that child anyday

 

[preciousstone]

i think each family has its owe different situation. but i am on my own..

 

[TruePaige]

Originally posted by: preciousstone
i think each family has its owe different situation. but i am on my own..

Heavy thread for a first post.