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zinfamous

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,856
31,346
146
MrScott81 said:
Background: Last week we had some really high winds that caused our gazebo to tip over which bent 2 of the legs and ripped a hole in the top. We decided since it was so old to just throw it away instead of replacing the costly top and fixing the legs.

Today I started taking out the nuts and bolts to disassemble it. Then I realized that this was going to take quite a while. So instead of messing around with it, I just beat the ever living shit out of it (partly with a sledgehammer, and partly with a regular hammer). It was awesome. And it only took about 20 minutes.
Click to expand...

real men back up their pickup truck, wrap a chain around the gazebo, latch to the truck, and yank that sucker apart. Should only take 2 minutes!

:colbert:
 
JEDIYoda

JEDIYoda

Lifer
Jul 13, 2005
33,986
3,321
126
edited for accuracy --
I got a call from President Obama asking me to talk with Putin.
I immediately called Putin on his private cell ##. Putin assured me that he was not going to do anything further and that all he was really doing was trying to piss off Obama.
Then Putin asked me if I could ship him a case of Fruity Pebbles. I said ok, of course. Then he went on to explain that Obama had stopped sending the Fruity Pebbles and that was why he invaded portions of the Ukraine.
Then I went and lifted weights to 10:00 am.
Then I was called by the local bomb squad to come and defuse several bombs that were scattered about the local museum.
The I went and had Sushi for lunch!
About the time my lunch was over I looked out the window and I saw flames coming out of the 50th story of an apartment building. So I rushed over and bounded up all 50 flights of stairs to rescue a 400 lb invalid lady from fire. The elevators were not working to I tossed her over my shoulder and proceeded to carry her down all 50 flights of stairs.
I forgot to mention that I had to go back down a flight of stairs when I noticed this beautiful blonde calling my name dressed in only her panties trying to escape the building....after a few intense moments together, she gave me her sisters address and told me to come over this evening and we will finish what was just started.......she told me to be careful carrying my manhood around!!
I went back to the Restaurant to pay my bill and a kind person had already paid my bill for me.
Then I was driving back to my office and I saw the car in front of me burst into flames. So I stopped and went to the aid of this 85 year old woman who was stuck in her seatbelt. I grabbed my 12 inch hunting knife and cut the seat belt and dragged her out of the car, just as the gas tank exploded.
Then I helped the firemen by directing traffic for them until the fire was out.
Then I arrived back at the office and there was a phone message from President Obama scolding me for promising to send Putin the Fruity Pebbles. Obama said that was the only leverage he had to get Putin to cooperate.
I asked myself how did Obama know what was said??
So I did a sweep of my office for listening devices and I found one hidden in the Terminator figurine that I recently purchased...NSA.....
Then I went out to eat dinner and had a 32 ounce boneless Rib Eye with Baked potato.
Then I went home and crashed after taking my man card and putting in a safe place!!
All in a days work...being a man!!
Well then comes servicing the women -- remember the blonde....off to see her....
 
Last edited:
z1ggy

z1ggy

Lifer
May 17, 2008
10,010
66
91
JEDIYoda said:
I got a call from President Obama asking me to talk with Putin.
I immediately called Putin on his private cell ##. Putin assured me that he was not going to do anything further and that all he was really doing was trying to piss off Obama.
Then Putin asked me if I could ship him a case of Fruity Pebbles. I said ok, of course. Then he went on to explain that Obama had stopped sending the Fruity Pebbles and that was why he invaded portions of the Ukraine.
Then I went and lifted weights to 10:00 am.
Then I was called by the local bomb squad to come and defuse several bombs that were scattered about the local museum.
The I went and had Sushi for lunch!
About the time my lunch was over I looked out the window and I saw flames coming out of the 50th story of an apartment building. So I rushed over and bounded up all 50 flights of stairs to rescue a 400 lb invalid lady from fire. The elevators were not working to I tossed her over my shoulder and proceeded to carry her down all 50 flights of stairs.
I went back to the Restaurant to pay my bill and a kind person had already paid my bill for me.
Then I was driving back to my office and I saw the car in front of me burst into flames. So I stopped and went to the aid of this 85 year old woman who was stuck in her seatbelt. I grabbed my 12 inch hunting knife and cut the seat belt and dragged her out of the car, just as the gas tank exploded.
Then I helped the firemen by directing traffic for them until the fire was out.
Then I arrived back at the office and there was a phone message from President Obama scolding me for promising to send Putin the Fruity Pebbles. Obama said that was the only leverage he had to get Putin to cooperate.
I asked myself how did Obama know what was said??
So I did a sweep of my office for listening devices and I found one hidden in the Terminator figurine that I recently purchased...NSA.....
Then I went out to eat dinner and had a 32 ounce boneless Rib Eye with Baked potato.
Then I went home and crashed after taking my man card and putting in a safe place!!
All in a days work...being a man!!
Click to expand...

Wait.. wheres the objectification of women??? Man-card REVOKEDDDDDDDDDDD
 
IronWing

IronWing

No Lifer
Jul 20, 2001
72,834
33,877
136
JEDIYoda said:
I got a call from President Obama asking me to talk with Putin.
I immediately called Putin on his private cell ##. Putin assured me that he was not going to do anything further and that all he was really doing was trying to piss off Obama.
Then Putin asked me if I could ship him a case of Fruity Pebbles. I said ok, of course. Then he went on to explain that Obama had stopped sending the Fruity Pebbles and that was why he invaded portions of the Ukraine.
Then I went and lifted weights to 10:00 am.
Then I was called by the local bomb squad to come and defuse several bombs that were scattered about the local museum.
The I went and had Sushi for lunch!
About the time my lunch was over I looked out the window and I saw flames coming out of the 50th story of an apartment building. So I rushed over and bounded up all 50 flights of stairs to rescue a 400 lb invalid lady from fire. The elevators were not working to I tossed her over my shoulder and proceeded to carry her down all 50 flights of stairs.
I went back to the Restaurant to pay my bill and a kind person had already paid my bill for me.
Then I was driving back to my office and I saw the car in front of me burst into flames. So I stopped and went to the aid of this 85 year old woman who was stuck in her seatbelt. I grabbed my 12 inch hunting knife and cut the seat belt and dragged her out of the car, just as the gas tank exploded.
Then I helped the firemen by directing traffic for them until the fire was out.
Then I arrived back at the office and there was a phone message from President Obama scolding me for promising to send Putin the Fruity Pebbles. Obama said that was the only leverage he had to get Putin to cooperate.
I asked myself how did Obama know what was said??
So I did a sweep of my office for listening devices and I found one hidden in the Terminator figurine that I recently purchased...NSA.....
Then I went out to eat dinner and had a 32 ounce boneless Rib Eye with Baked potato.
Then I went home and crashed after taking my man card and putting in a safe place!!
All in a days work...being a man!!
Click to expand...
This blatant exaggeration is not helpful to the thread. A fifty story building only has forty nine flights of stairs. :colbert:
 
rh71

rh71

No Lifer
Aug 28, 2001
52,844
1,049
126
arguing on the internet is not as self-rewarding as it once was
 
Rumpltzer

Rumpltzer

Diamond Member
Jun 7, 2003
4,815
33
91
Told a coworker that she only makes 77% of what a man makes because she only does 70% of the work that a man can do... suggested that she be grateful for the additional 7% salary.
 
Newell Steamer

Newell Steamer

Diamond Member
Jan 27, 2014
6,894
8
0
Today I fantasized about all the ass I would kick if the following happened:
- a drunk black person knocking on my door, asking for help, after causing a car accident
- a group of black teens playing loud music
- a group of black teens throwing eggs at my car
- a doctor coming at me with a vaccination needle
- a gang of homosexual* trying to ruin my marriage
- a woman raping me, getting pregnant, going to jail, being awarded custody of the child and then the courts holding accountable for child support
- a cop(s)/SWAT coming at me in my home. I would "take care of them" and then win the court case, since I am also a kick ass lawyer
- some whore liberal trying to make me rape her
- some government peon taking my guns
- Ukraine Communist Ninja Assassins being sent my Barak HUSSEIN Obama's buddy Putin, to kill me and take my white virgin daughter

So, while I fantasized of all these happening to me, and fantasizing about kicking ass when they happened (again, in my fantasies) - I am a man.



* Lesbians are OK though
 
Paladin3

Paladin3

Diamond Member
Mar 5, 2004
4,933
878
126
JEDIYoda said:
I got a call from President Obama asking me to talk with Putin.
I immediately called Putin on his private cell ##. Putin assured me that he was not going to do anything further and that all he was really doing was trying to piss off Obama.
Then Putin asked me if I could ship him a case of Fruity Pebbles. I said ok, of course. Then he went on to explain that Obama had stopped sending the Fruity Pebbles and that was why he invaded portions of the Ukraine.
Then I went and lifted weights to 10:00 am.
Then I was called by the local bomb squad to come and defuse several bombs that were scattered about the local museum.
The I went and had Sushi for lunch!
About the time my lunch was over I looked out the window and I saw flames coming out of the 50th story of an apartment building. So I rushed over and bounded up all 50 flights of stairs to rescue a 400 lb invalid lady from fire. The elevators were not working to I tossed her over my shoulder and proceeded to carry her down all 50 flights of stairs.
I went back to the Restaurant to pay my bill and a kind person had already paid my bill for me.
Then I was driving back to my office and I saw the car in front of me burst into flames. So I stopped and went to the aid of this 85 year old woman who was stuck in her seatbelt. I grabbed my 12 inch hunting knife and cut the seat belt and dragged her out of the car, just as the gas tank exploded.
Then I helped the firemen by directing traffic for them until the fire was out.
Then I arrived back at the office and there was a phone message from President Obama scolding me for promising to send Putin the Fruity Pebbles. Obama said that was the only leverage he had to get Putin to cooperate.
I asked myself how did Obama know what was said??
So I did a sweep of my office for listening devices and I found one hidden in the Terminator figurine that I recently purchased...NSA.....
Then I went out to eat dinner and had a 32 ounce boneless Rib Eye with Baked potato.
Then I went home and crashed after taking my man card and putting in a safe place!!
All in a days work...being a man!!
Click to expand...

Hmmmm...sounds like you have a thing for Obama and Putin, Fruity Pebbles, flaming firefighters, 400lb women, rushing and bounding, sushi, hunting knives, not paying the check, 85 year old women, being scolded by US presidents, playing with dolls (sorry, "figurines"), overeating and sleeping alone.

You rightfully fear loosing your man card, hiding it away rather than proudly displaying it pinned directly to your harry chest like a real man. You specifically referred to your meat as "boneless", which indicates a whole slew of self/man-esteem issues. And I'd bet you three whores with Dolly Parton sized tits to a dollar that your "hunting knife" isn't really 12 inches. Not unless you are holding the ruler between your butt cheeks and measuring crack, taint and all. Notice I didn't include balls in what you are measuring, as I'm not sure you actually have a pair.

Sorry, M-M-M-M-M-M-M-MMMAN FAIL!

(EDIT: just messing with you, son. The only manly thing I did today was make a jedi cry.)
 
Paladin3

Paladin3

Diamond Member
Mar 5, 2004
4,933
878
126
Paladin3 said:
Hmmmm...sounds like you have a thing for Obama and Putin, Fruity Pebbles, flaming firefighters, 400lb women, rushing and bounding, sushi, hunting knives, not paying the check, 85 year old women, being scolded by US presidents, playing with dolls (sorry, "figurines"), overeating and sleeping alone.

You rightfully fear loosing your man card, hiding it away rather than proudly displaying it pinned directly to your harry chest like a real man. You specifically referred to your meat as "boneless", which indicates a whole slew of self/man-esteem issues. And I'd bet you three whores with Dolly Parton sized tits to a dollar that your "hunting knife" isn't really 12 inches. Not unless you are holding the ruler between your butt cheeks and measuring crack, taint and all. Notice I didn't include balls in what you are measuring, as I'm not sure you actually have a pair.

Sorry, M-M-M-M-M-M-M-MMMAN FAIL!

(EDIT: just messing with you, son. The only manly thing I did today was make a jedi cry.)
Click to expand...

Now, does this post FINALLY earn me my official Jr. Keyboard Warrior badge???
 
B

BikeJunkie

Golden Member
Oct 21, 2013
1,390
0
0
Alkemyst I think you forgot to respond to one of the posts.

* watches the terrier chase its tail *
 
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