Funniest Chat Quotes

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RadiclDreamer

RadiclDreamer

Diamond Member
Aug 8, 2004
8,622
40
91
I frequently read bash.org and chuckle quite a bit at some of the quotes. Post your favs, from bash or from your personal stash.

<ed> I get a tad weirded out when he prays on his prayer rag in the cubicle
<ed> He says he's facing Mecca. My GPS says he's facing Detroit.
 
RadiclDreamer

RadiclDreamer

Diamond Member
Aug 8, 2004
8,622
40
91
<JohnDough> man being an athiest is so awesome, as long as you don't tell anybody
<JohnDough> i testified against my stepmom (whom i hate) in a trial today
<Forlorn> what did she do?
<JohnDough> nothing
<JohnDough> but the jury sure as hell thinks she did
 
A

apac

Diamond Member
Apr 12, 2003
6,212
0
71
Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we here sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing...


<MooseOnDaLoose> Hey Mike
<goatboy> what?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> er?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> and?
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> ...
<MooseOnDaLoose> Pussy.
<goatboy> i dont get it
<MooseOnDaLoose> AND YOU NEVER WILL.
<goatboy> bastard
 
RadiclDreamer

RadiclDreamer

Diamond Member
Aug 8, 2004
8,622
40
91
<Belial`> you still cant say anything with certainty though
<Belial`> since the bible has like, a fucking black hole between jesus being a kid and his preaching days
<Catoptromancy> Phase 1, birth
<Catoptromancy> Phase 2, ???
<Catoptromancy> Phase 3, Prophet
 
RadiclDreamer

RadiclDreamer

Diamond Member
Aug 8, 2004
8,622
40
91
<My`Albanian`Ass> dude, a fat chick from mcdonals brought me my food and she said 'sorry for the wait' and i said 'don't worry you'll lose it' and she gave me a smirk :/
 
A

apac

Diamond Member
Apr 12, 2003
6,212
0
71
Primus521: hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
Primus521: im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
Primus521: so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
Primus521: the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
Primus521: lol
Primus521: turns out he misheard him
Primus521: he thought he said thumbtacs
Primus521: you should have seen the look on the chicks face
Primus521: omfg
Primus521: til the day i die
Primus521: i will never forget it
 
I

imported_LoKe

Lifer
Jun 4, 2005
19,723
1
0
Originally posted by: RadiclDreamer
<Belial`> you still cant say anything with certainty though
<Belial`> since the bible has like, a fucking black hole between jesus being a kid and his preaching days
<Catoptromancy> Phase 1, birth
<Catoptromancy> Phase 2, ???
<Catoptromancy> Phase 3, Prophet
Click to expand...

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:v
 
iRONic

iRONic

Diamond Member
Jan 28, 2006
8,381
3,685
136
#10372 +(3455)- [X]

<Charlesowns> Man i was surfin porn and like "normal" surfin at the same time, so my mom comes in and i quick as hell tab down the porn. So now im looking at a SWAT vest and an Mp5 submachinegun trying to hide the giant penis in my pants. Then all of a sudden this realy gay male voice speaks out realy loud goin "i want to suck your big dick ans swallow your hot sperm" then like 100 popups open up all consisting of hardcore fetish gayporn.
<Charlesowns> man my mom started crying and now she thinks im gay... it owns
 
iRONic

iRONic

Diamond Member
Jan 28, 2006
8,381
3,685
136
*** Now talking in #12-15yrz
<Salamander> Hi all!!
<Petri> Hi a/s/l?
<Salamander> 53/m/CA
<Petri> I think ur in the rong place
<Salamander> Oh no, I dont think I am...
 
clamum

clamum

Lifer
Feb 13, 2003
26,256
406
126
BobbyC> I mean, I wouldn't be attracted to them if they weren't my friends moms.
BobbyC> But there's something about, "Here kids, have a snack..." you know?
BobbyC> Is ANYONE with me on this?

------------------------

Always funny:
<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK D1CK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.
 
I

imported_LoKe

Lifer
Jun 4, 2005
19,723
1
0
#9501 +(9855)- [X]

<AgentSmith> It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest...
<AgentSmith> One of these...has a future.
<Randerson> LMAO OMFG where's the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
<AgentSmith> How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m
Click to expand...
 
iRONic

iRONic

Diamond Member
Jan 28, 2006
8,381
3,685
136
#454512 +(950)- [X]

<@Matt> 10 things men know about women.....
<@Matt> 1.
<@Matt> 2.
<@Matt> 3.
<@Matt> 4.
<@Matt> 5.
<@Matt> 6.
<@Matt> 7.
<@Matt> 8.
<@Matt> 9.
<@Matt> 10. Women have tits
 
Cerpin Taxt

Cerpin Taxt

Lifer
Feb 23, 2005
11,940
542
126
For some reason this struck me as particularly funny:

--------------------------
Slimtoad20: US Airways flight 404 is flying through the Bermuda Triangle today.
Slimtoad20: Yeah, that one doesn't stand a chance.
 
M

Mr Pickles

Diamond Member
Feb 24, 2006
4,103
1
0
Session Start (hiimdannylee:CSD924): Tue Aug 07 00:05:44 2007
[00:05] CSD924: codfish, let me know
[00:05] *** Auto-response sent to CSD924: I am currently away from the computer.
[00:09] *** "CSD924" signed off at Tue Aug 07 00:09:24 2007.
[00:52] *** "CSD924" signed on at Tue Aug 07 00:52:39 2007.
[00:54] *** "CSD924" signed off at Tue Aug 07 00:54:54 2007.
[10:23] *** "CSD924" signed on at Tue Aug 07 10:23:16 2007.
[10:23] CSD924: wake up, codfish
[10:51] *** "CSD924" signed off at Tue Aug 07 10:51:34 2007.
[11:44] *** "CSD924" signed on at Tue Aug 07 11:44:33 2007.
[11:45] *** "CSD924" signed off at Tue Aug 07 11:45:27 2007.
[12:28] *** "CSD924" signed on at Tue Aug 07 12:28:50 2007.
[12:28] *** "CSD924" signed off at Tue Aug 07 12:28:54 2007.
[19:19] *** "CSD924" signed on at Tue Aug 07 19:19:23 2007.
[19:22] *** "CSD924" signed off at Tue Aug 07 19:22:32 2007.
[20:10] *** "CSD924" signed on at Tue Aug 07 20:10:04 2007.
[20:19] CSD924: codfish
[20:36] *** "CSD924" signed off at Tue Aug 07 20:36:22 2007.
[22:50] *** "CSD924" signed on at Tue Aug 07 22:50:44 2007.
[03:27] *** You have been disconnected. Wed Aug 08 03:27:57 2007.
[03:29] *** "CSD924" signed on at Wed Aug 08 03:29:41 2007.
Session Close (CSD924): Wed Aug 08 08:18:00 2007
 
Unheard

Unheard

Diamond Member
Jan 5, 2003
3,774
9
81
<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<
 
waggy

waggy

No Lifer
Dec 14, 2000
68,143
10
81
hahahha yeah damn i miss IRC. I used to hang out on a few channels all the time years ago. sad part is i got nostalgic and decided to log on not to long ago. The same people talking about the same shit after 10 years. heh
 
K

kthroyer

Member
Jan 9, 2004
159
0
0
Maybe I'm the most immature 35yr old out there, but this one had me cracking up at work:

#796356 +(2948)- [X]

<MftS> Who the f*** is the one naming hurricanes?
<MftS> They somehow manage to give them the least threatening names ever.
<MftS> If I turned on the news and heard that Hurricane Erin was coming I'd think to myself, "Erin? I could take that slut."
<MftS> If I turned on the news and heard that Hurricane Dicksmasher was approaching, I'd grab all the money in the house, shove it in my pockets, and get the f*** out of there.

#796206 +(404)- [X]
 
slightlyhuman

slightlyhuman

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
19,632
38
91
Originally posted by: kthroyer
Maybe I'm the most immature 35yr old out there, but this one had me cracking up at work:

#796356 +(2948)- [X]

<MftS> Who the f*** is the one naming hurricanes?
<MftS> They somehow manage to give them the least threatening names ever.
<MftS> If I turned on the news and heard that Hurricane Erin was coming I'd think to myself, "Erin? I could take that slut."
<MftS> If I turned on the news and heard that Hurricane Dicksmasher was approaching, I'd grab all the money in the house, shove it in my pockets, and get the f*** out of there.

#796206 +(404)- [X]
Click to expand...

funneh
 
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