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Freedomsbeat's wild world of dating thread
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slackerinabox
Lifer
She's changing, we're going out to get some drinks with friends.. I gave her a foot massage earlier and I'm sure as fvck going to do smoething by friday. her bf situation is as such "I know he's not my bf anymore but he's on my mind so it's hard opening up to a new person, a person I think would be amazing to open up to..." her words... i hope that person is me.. i swear, it would make me so goddamn happy.
OneOfTheseDays
Diamond Member
love can really suck sometimes.
slackerinabox
Lifer
You've got that right... nothing new to report really.
slackerinabox
Lifer
9/20 - UPDATE: NEED ADVICE ASAP!
Oh my, I invited angela out again to play bingo at a local pub. Was a lot of fun and she asked me if I wanted to go to boston on Saturday. I said that I was busy (I was) but said something she found so appealing - call out sick tomorrow and we'll go in a few hours - we'll get there at 8 am and have a fun day and drive back after rush hour. She found the idea so spontaneous that she hugged me! I'm excited and want to make that "move" during the little trip - how how how? Is it a bad time? Here are the complications as to why I haven't made a move on this lovely girl who I really like yet:
-She just disconnected with her bf. they didn't even break up officially. She said "so, what are we?" he replied - "we're dating but we're not in a relationship" which was not the answer she wanted and she's very hurt and hsa been seeing me everyday, but she has NOT officially dumped him or vice versa
-she's returning to germany to study for a semester. I don't want a long distance relationship that starts 6 days before she leaves but I would like her to look me up when she comes back... i think she'll do that as is, she obviously thinks I rock but should i just let my charm hold me over or make a move? would that hurt things?
-i have two option - a) make a move right now... or b) say, before she leaves, "when you come back i want to take you out on a date. when you're settled and after I spend 3 months at the gym!" ok, the last part is going to be implied since she knows I joined a gym and all that jazz.
SOOOO, help me out guys. Help me out!
Oh my, I invited angela out again to play bingo at a local pub. Was a lot of fun and she asked me if I wanted to go to boston on Saturday. I said that I was busy (I was) but said something she found so appealing - call out sick tomorrow and we'll go in a few hours - we'll get there at 8 am and have a fun day and drive back after rush hour. She found the idea so spontaneous that she hugged me! I'm excited and want to make that "move" during the little trip - how how how? Is it a bad time? Here are the complications as to why I haven't made a move on this lovely girl who I really like yet:
-She just disconnected with her bf. they didn't even break up officially. She said "so, what are we?" he replied - "we're dating but we're not in a relationship" which was not the answer she wanted and she's very hurt and hsa been seeing me everyday, but she has NOT officially dumped him or vice versa
-she's returning to germany to study for a semester. I don't want a long distance relationship that starts 6 days before she leaves but I would like her to look me up when she comes back... i think she'll do that as is, she obviously thinks I rock but should i just let my charm hold me over or make a move? would that hurt things?
-i have two option - a) make a move right now... or b) say, before she leaves, "when you come back i want to take you out on a date. when you're settled and after I spend 3 months at the gym!" ok, the last part is going to be implied since she knows I joined a gym and all that jazz.
SOOOO, help me out guys. Help me out!
slackerinabox
Lifer
Bumpity!
slackerinabox
Lifer
BUMP
IAteYourMother
Lifer
holy crap
slackerinabox
Lifer
Ack! Holy crap indeed! Need advice! I can't think straight!
You overanalyze this crap WAAAAAY too much. I know it's hard but you have to not think about it so much. Nothing will happen if you don't try and if you do try something and it doesn't work it doesn't matter how long you wait. It wasn't going to happen anyways. Good luck with the German girl. If you don't want to make a physical move you definately need to tell her how you feel before she leaves.
Wonderful Pork
Golden Member
well, here is a bit of my humble advice. If I read your post properly, you plan on driving up to Boston (leaving at like 4am to get here by 8am) spending the day in Beantown, then heading back during rush hour. I would NOT make 'the move' during the trip unless you get every signal that there is. Why? Ever been stuck 4 hours from home in the most awkward situation ever? Don't forget the car ride back too!
I'm not naysaying. I wish you the best of luck, however if it were me, then I would wait until I was dropping her off (or vice versa) and THEN make the move after safely at home rather than face several hours of potential painful silence. Unless, as I mentioned, there is the perfect moment to do it, or she makes the first move. 😉
And I agree, you overanalyze. Relationships are not a science, rather an art. There is no equation you can solve, so just go with the flow. And go to Sonsie on Boylston Street, it's pretty cool. And Tealuxe, also on Boylston.
I'm not naysaying. I wish you the best of luck, however if it were me, then I would wait until I was dropping her off (or vice versa) and THEN make the move after safely at home rather than face several hours of potential painful silence. Unless, as I mentioned, there is the perfect moment to do it, or she makes the first move. 😉
And I agree, you overanalyze. Relationships are not a science, rather an art. There is no equation you can solve, so just go with the flow. And go to Sonsie on Boylston Street, it's pretty cool. And Tealuxe, also on Boylston.
slackerinabox
Lifer
9/23 Update - She said yes!
So angela and I had an awesome time in Boston but the thought of me making a move and her rejecting me before a 4 hour car ride would kinda suck. So I played it safe in an odd way. I emailed her saying that I'm having so much fun hanging out with her that I'd like to see if there's something else there. I said I wouldn't want to ask her out now because she's still getting over her ex and that I wouldn't want to be that guy. I then asked if I could take her out on a DATE when she comes back from Germany. Her reply was that she would have said no if I asked her out now but that she'd love to when she gets back. She said she's not sure if she's attracted to me but that now's not a good time based on her past relationship. She said that she looks forward to seeing how we do on a date because she loves spending time with me so much.
so my game plan? talk to her on skype while she's gone and try my best to find a girl in the mean time - I can't put trust in a promise when she's 5 months away. I'm gong to work my ass off at the gym and look totally different when/if I pick her up from the airport. Gives me a nice goal to work with as I really do have strong feelings for this lovely german girl.
So angela and I had an awesome time in Boston but the thought of me making a move and her rejecting me before a 4 hour car ride would kinda suck. So I played it safe in an odd way. I emailed her saying that I'm having so much fun hanging out with her that I'd like to see if there's something else there. I said I wouldn't want to ask her out now because she's still getting over her ex and that I wouldn't want to be that guy. I then asked if I could take her out on a DATE when she comes back from Germany. Her reply was that she would have said no if I asked her out now but that she'd love to when she gets back. She said she's not sure if she's attracted to me but that now's not a good time based on her past relationship. She said that she looks forward to seeing how we do on a date because she loves spending time with me so much.
so my game plan? talk to her on skype while she's gone and try my best to find a girl in the mean time - I can't put trust in a promise when she's 5 months away. I'm gong to work my ass off at the gym and look totally different when/if I pick her up from the airport. Gives me a nice goal to work with as I really do have strong feelings for this lovely german girl.
slackerinabox
Lifer
Update: 10/19
After my last update a few things happened that put me in this strange and depressing place. Read above - I was excited about this girl accepting my offer when she comes back, rigth? After that post me and her "friends" were supposed to take her out to a going away brunch. Who is the only person to show up? Her ex... They end up making out in front of me and I just lose it. Not there, of course. I was mature, hugged her goodbye and went home. But that image was so crushing that I've felt like sh1t ever since...
I've basically given up dating. I've focused on my career and things are going very well there.. But, dating? I went on date after date and rarely connected. My roommate, he's gay so he must be wise right, that I have a personality that girls my age don't understand -that i'm too mature and ambitious and that they just want a fun time. He's kinda right, I'm fun loving but also have a serious side that seems to be hurting me in the dating world. I thought girls like ambition and security but girls my age seem to be different, they want a fun night (fill in the salacious details if you'd like) and I'm obviously not the guy for that. Older girls - i tried that but this one woman kept on saying "oh, I feel so 25 right now!' when I took her to my favorite bar. We're work out partners now but that didn't work out the way i wanted it to. I'm bummed, stopped going on dates, and just kinda work non-stop lately.
I'm sorry this thread took a depressing turn. Please don't lose hope because of me, I'm a weird fellow who falls for the wrong girls over and over again. My sh1tty luck is not reflective of yours 😉 I didn't post this to whine, I was quite for a month because i didn't want to bring anyone down. I'm just doing this at gigapet's request. Good luck on your quest, mine is on hold for a little while 😉
After my last update a few things happened that put me in this strange and depressing place. Read above - I was excited about this girl accepting my offer when she comes back, rigth? After that post me and her "friends" were supposed to take her out to a going away brunch. Who is the only person to show up? Her ex... They end up making out in front of me and I just lose it. Not there, of course. I was mature, hugged her goodbye and went home. But that image was so crushing that I've felt like sh1t ever since...
I've basically given up dating. I've focused on my career and things are going very well there.. But, dating? I went on date after date and rarely connected. My roommate, he's gay so he must be wise right, that I have a personality that girls my age don't understand -that i'm too mature and ambitious and that they just want a fun time. He's kinda right, I'm fun loving but also have a serious side that seems to be hurting me in the dating world. I thought girls like ambition and security but girls my age seem to be different, they want a fun night (fill in the salacious details if you'd like) and I'm obviously not the guy for that. Older girls - i tried that but this one woman kept on saying "oh, I feel so 25 right now!' when I took her to my favorite bar. We're work out partners now but that didn't work out the way i wanted it to. I'm bummed, stopped going on dates, and just kinda work non-stop lately.
I'm sorry this thread took a depressing turn. Please don't lose hope because of me, I'm a weird fellow who falls for the wrong girls over and over again. My sh1tty luck is not reflective of yours 😉 I didn't post this to whine, I was quite for a month because i didn't want to bring anyone down. I'm just doing this at gigapet's request. Good luck on your quest, mine is on hold for a little while 😉
alkemyst
No Lifer
just get out and really meat a chick. Stop directing your next movie.
dating is simple, if you can talk to a woman...not want to marry her...not think that she is this little frail princess you must save.
buy her a drink/light her up, then chat her up....do a little dance, give her a firm smack on the rear when it's available...look curious.
profit!
make sure you know an exit plan for the next morning if she pulls out the 'couple' card if that is not what you are looking for.
slackerinabox
Lifer
Thanks, I appreciate your words. I'm going to resist being a whiney bastard here but i will just say that i've tried the bar thing. Doesn't work for me. Doesn't mean i won't try it the next time I get wasted - I should have never discovered the bar with $3 mixed drinks 😉
slackerinabox
Lifer
Then we'll continue to agree 😉 Here's my thing. I understand the one night thing. I'm not moralistic - I just understand that one night things require certain obvious aesthetics since judgement is made on a totally cursory level. You're looked at and issued a ticket for one night, and one night only. I'm not saying this to be emo, but I lack those aesthetic traits. I compensate in the personality/intelligence/wit area in my opinion, but you can't wear your wit on your shirt... I mean, you can. I have a groovy "Jesus Shaves" t-shirt.. My point is.. How does a guy who looks like me (not deformed just tubby and indian) get a ticket for one meaningless night of fun?
whoa man.....whoaaaa stop the f-ing bus right now. Throw all you "think" you know about girls and what they want out the window. I know some seriously ugly and fat dudes laying the hottest babes around....so I know for a FACT women are far less concerned than men when it comes to appearance. Appearance is a second tier factor that influences a womans attraction and often times it is not a factor at all.
Here are the top reasons why you are not having any luck with women:
1) you are EXTREMELY dependant on the outcome of each interaction you have with a woman....This comes thru clearly in your little synopsis of each girl. I guarantee the girl gets this vibe from you and gets turned off nearly immediately as it is just a needy vibe!!!Get this through your thick skull or you will never be sucessfull. IT IS ALL JUST A GAME!!!! SHE IS NOT SPECIAL!!! IF YOU FVCK UP, LAUGH IT OFF AND GO CHAT UP 10 more aand keep in mind what you did the last time that went wrong and dont do it again. IF YOU WERE PLAYING STREET FIGHTER WITH YOUR FRIEND AND LOST WOULD YOU SIT AND POUT OVER IT?? WOULD YOU THROW YOUR HANDS UP AND GIVE UP??? WOULD YOU BURY YOURSELF IN YOUR WORK SO YOU DIDNT HAVE TO PLAY AGAINST YOUR BUDDY AGAIN AND FACE LOSING? OF COURSE YOU WOULDNT BECAUSE ITS JUST A GAME AND LOSING IS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL! Even if you lose a match in street fighter you may learn a new move for the next round right? Same with gaming girls its just fun, don't care so much if they like you. Besides if you get rejected they are not really rejecting YOU! The don't even know you yet! They are rejecting something you did which you can always change going forward. You wont improve by quitting, YOU KNOW THIS!
2) You need to 1 by 1 remove all the bullsh1t in your head. Again, Each one of your posts clearly show how delusional you are. They are filled with self-limiting beliefs and bullsh1t rationalizations for WHY YOU ARE NOT SUCCESSFUL!!! Get rid of that BS, ITS TOTALLY NEGATIVE AND UNPRODUCTIVE! If you don't stop this practice you will not have success it as these negative thoughts are a self-fulfilling prophecy.
3) If girls are not responding to you the way you want them to (sexually of course) then it is because you are coming across as asexual or someone they wouldn't consider for sex. Maybe you are Entertaining to much and attracting too little!!!
4) Bars and clubs are not your scene? I think thats a terrible rationalization you have made for why you are not successful, the truth is your skills are what is lacking. However why LIMIT yourself to just bars? You can meet far more women in one afternoon at the mall than you can out. Do yourself a favor and start chatting up and #closing woman everywhere you go. You live in NYC there are more opportunities for s3x in that city than you could ever dream of. You need to seriously chat up girls everywhere!! remember this is a GAME, nothing more. You see when you are geting 3-4 numbers a day which is very easy to do you have 10+ girls on the line at all times so you stop CARING so much about a particular girl. Don't be afraid to approach on the bus/street/subway/store/restaurant anywhere you see a babe you want to talk to don't think about it just go and do it....crash and burn miserably so at least you can say you tried and then laugh about it cuz its just a game!!! You dont live in a small town so you dont have to worry about people making fun of you and earning a bad rep. Just do it!
5) Seriously make a list for yourself of what characteristics you want in a woman for a long term relationship. LIST EVERYTHING! Don't be general be PICKY and SPECIFIC! You can never expect to find it if you dont know what it is you are looking for....and you know what DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS!!! You have way too much to offer to allow yourself ot settle for less than your ideal. If that means you are dating for the next 5 years so be it! But just think if you are meeting woman everywhere you go you will be screening 30 chicks a week minimum. This will also allow you to start qualifying girls in an interaction which will create attraction. You need to stop coming from a desperate/need I'll take the next cute chick that will give me the time of day attitude. Its creepy and unhealthy.... and girls get that vibe. YOU ARE fun to be around and have tons going for you so why should you settle for anything bu tthe best!
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