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Freedomsbeat's wild world of dating thread

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UPDATE- 8-28-05
Wow, after a wonderful 1st date, date #2 was a total bust. We kissed a little bit, watch harold and kumar, and then she said things are feeling weird. I did what I shouldn't have, I said "what's odd?" Instead of high tailing out of there. Anyways, I'm still a little bummed, especially since I drove nearly 2 FVCKING HOURS to get rejected... But I left, cliched like, slamming into a tree in reverse because I was so upset and confused. I was very emotional but, oddly, the hyundai took the hit with only a scratch. I threw away my direction, blasted metal, and screamed along as I drove blindly home. I prefer to get it out that way instead of sulking, but my ears and throat really hurts.

I don't want to get melodramatic so I'm going to keep on pressing forward. I'm bummed because I'm back to square one again. I thought I made so much progress and now I'm back to .. well.. nowhere...

What I learned from this experience
-Don't drive 2 hours away to get rejected... Especially if toll is involved
-I think I scheduled 2nd dates too close togther. Saw her on Wednesday, accepted her sunday date.. Anyone know what a good thumb rule is/
-Seeing a movie sucks for me! I mean, I love movies, but we're so antisocial, staring at a screen. I totally scored with my last ex at the movies but that was after a few dates. And this wasn't in a dark movie theater, sitting on a couch watching tv is weird and make conversations much harder. SOME people could take advantage of that, I don't know how...
-Don't take the 2nd date for granted. This isn't the 2nd time i fvcked up on the 2nd date. I always relax at the 2nd date, like I make it this far so now I can "relax" and be myself. Oddly, when I go in without a gameplan I get nervous and close up. The first date is sometimes good based on that "getting to know you" energy, need to figure out how to keep it going.
-Don't drive angry/upset... It was worse than being drunk, but I was in the middle of nowhere and didn't know of another way out.. Oh well..
-Don't buy condoms assuming you're going to get some..that's depressing.. actually, never ASSUME that you're going to get some..

so I'm too bummed to write more, i'm going to go eat some grilled chicken and drink lots, and lots, of beer.
 
Too bad it didn't work out. My thoughts:

Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212

What I learned from this experience
-Don't drive 2 hours away to get rejected... Especially if toll is involved

agreed

-I think I scheduled 2nd dates too close togther. Saw her on Wednesday, accepted her sunday date.. Anyone know what a good thumb rule is/

you committed no foul here; if she asked, you did the right thing by accepting

-Seeing a movie sucks for me! I mean, I love movies, but we're so antisocial, staring at a screen. I totally scored with my last ex at the movies but that was after a few dates. And this wasn't in a dark movie theater, sitting on a couch watching tv is weird and make conversations much harder. SOME people could take advantage of that, I don't know how...

Actually I think the movie thing works great. Personally I would have preferred something other than a comedy. Ideally you'd already both have had a few drinks BEFORE the movie, but the movie offers a great venue for snuggling, then progressing around the bases.

-Don't take the 2nd date for granted. This isn't the 2nd time i fvcked up on the 2nd date. I always relax at the 2nd date, like I make it this far so now I can "relax" and be myself. Oddly, when I go in without a gameplan I get nervous and close up. The first date is sometimes good based on that "getting to know you" energy, need to figure out how to keep it going.

This is highly personality-specific. IMO it's good to relax a bit on the second date. You shouldn't really need a gameplan - you may be overthinking things. It sounds like the chemistry just didn't work out in this instance.

-Don't drive angry/upset... It was worse than being drunk, but I was in the middle of nowhere and didn't know of another way out.. Oh well..

True, but how else ya gonna get home? If anything, I think the lesson there is not to bring expectations into any date, and that way you can't really be disappointed. As I said above, I nearly always sleep with women on the first date, but I never expect to, if that makes any sense. Just enjoy yourself, or don't, but don't think of it as an investment that tanked.

-Don't buy condoms assuming you're going to get some..that's depressing.. actually, never ASSUME that you're going to get some..

Yes and no. Always HAVE the condoms just in case, but don't expect anything in advance (see above). You'll use them eventually . . . You don't really need to worry until they've reached their expiration date and you haven't used them.
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Keep up the good work and the updates man!
I am taking the pointers and trying to apply them to my dating life...well that is if I could find a single chick....
 
Originally posted by: SaigonK
Keep up the good work and the updates man!
I am taking the pointers and trying to apply them to my dating life...well that is if I could find a single chick....
Click to expand...

Yep, I'll continue to update - good news or bad. Tonight I'm hanging out with the girl I'm insanely attracted to yet who claims she's not in the mood to date anyone. I'm inviting a lot of people so it might be odd, but I think it's best to play it safe for a bit with her (I'm not going to make a move until later). A pal made a good point though "you can't wait and treat her like a friend and then move in, she'll just find some1 else by then!" which is TRUE, it's happened to me before. BUT this girl is really out of my league. I'd rather wait till she has a "vested interested" in my life for her to think twice about rejecting me.. Does that make sense? She's hanging out with me tonight and agreed to see a movie and come over to watch buffy dvds (don't ask) so I think I'll have plenty of time to make a move.. Right now, tonight, I'm just going to get drunk with her and my gay and lesbian friends (though how surreal would it be if she hooks up with one of my lesbian friends???)... Yes, I'm crafty - I have a lot of buff, attractive friends who are far hornier than I who WILL put the moves on her since she's a very pretty girl, so i didn't invite them.. insecure, I know.. but having my gay friends with me will make me seem cooler and more laid back in a weird way, i think.
 
just curious what other interests are you pursuing in your life besides dating?

I'll let you know where Im going with this.
 
Originally posted by: gigapet
just curious what other interests are you pursuing in your life besides dating?

I'll let you know where Im going with this.
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Let me know now please, as I see no relevance.

 
Originally posted by: gigapet
just curious what other interests are you pursuing in your life besides dating?

I'll let you know where Im going with this.
Click to expand...

Film making, writing (fiction and plays), and lots of other video production activities (editing, post production work, etc. etc.). DO you mean hobbies? I love music and go to shows as often as I can, love improv comedy shows too..
 
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
Originally posted by: gigapet
just curious what other interests are you pursuing in your life besides dating?

I'll let you know where Im going with this.
Click to expand...

Film making, writing (fiction and plays), and lots of other video production activities (editing, post production work, etc. etc.). DO you mean hobbies? I love music and go to shows as often as I can, love improv comedy shows too..
Click to expand...

ok thats good. The key is persuing your interests to the point that you become an interesting and valuable person to be around because of them. You like comedy? write a few routines and do an open mic night...You like music?? how about taking up an instrument and joining a band.....see what i mean? Being a spectator all the time isn't all that interesting, step outside your comfort zone and you can be surprised what hidden talents you may have.

women fall over themselves for a man that has direction, ambition, hidden talents, a fun and intersting lifestyle. INTRIGUE!

Oh and GIVE US AN UPDATE!




 
9/9/05

Sorry for the lack of updates. I was laid off from my job a little over a week ago and have been too bummed to really date. Not only do I feel like a loser but I'm pre-occupied with trying to find a new job. Things with the "girl with the nice eyes" went kinda weird. I hung out with her just as friends and did a bang up job (I think) but she goes home and posts a blog about her having a crush on my very gay roommate...There was another AWFUL date with a very pretty singer/songwriter at a museum. I don't do well at museums and I ended up being really late. I'm never late but I've been scatter brained lately. You know how they say you have to feel sexy to be sexy? Let's not use the adjective "sexy," but it's very hard being confident when I know I'm unemployed and on a limited budget for the time being.. It SUCKS.

One of the girls who I was interested in has turned out to be a very good friend, we hang out all the time and she took me out to the movies yesterday, which was rad. There's this other girl I'm kinda interested in but we're taking things VERY slowly. My new tactic is talking to her on the phone a lot, making myself a part of her life and then making a move... I'm not keeping this on a friend basis, just always seeming to busy to have a date yet chatting on the phone to keep her interest. it's an odd tactic but is saving me a lot of money 😉

Hmmm.. I'm not really in a dating mood right now but my buddy Brian gave me some advice for the unemployment thing - say that I'm a writer and stick to it. When asked "how do you make money?" just say "I manage but back ups are for the weak" or some crap like that.. kid around and don't mope, in other words. I tried it and it's working though I still feel like a loser...

Tonight I'm hanging out with Erin, a girl I hung out with for quite a while who's as cute as a button but not my type (she's too.. umm.. jersey?), anna, a girl with a bf, my buddy eric, and a few other people. I'm using them all as wingmen and hitting on local girls- at least I hope.. I always wimp out at bars but having some girls with me might help... OH, gay people are the best wingmen - FYI. Go make some gay friends, girls seem to flock to them! I'm scatter brained right now, sorry. I'll post a more meaningful update when something happens.
 
I'm not going to tell you why gay wingmen attract women but I think it would be valuable for you to really try and figure it out on your own. What about them do women like so much?

When you have the answer you hold a valuable tool in your dating toolbox.



good luck man don't get down on yourself. Remember coffee dates only cost $2.00
 
Great thread I can't belive i haven't seen it till today.
What do you do after you have gone a few dates with a girl and both always have a great time. We are casually dating but she's not looking for a bf. My friend said I should ignore her a little so she will go after me and not the other way around. Advice?
 
9/13/05 - Angela
So I've been having a lot of fun lately. Too much fun. I've been getting home everyday at 3 or 4 and just hanging out with a few friends. So, yes, my life moved on from being a serial dater and I noticed one thing. I have a group of 3 female friends I hang out with all the time now, when I hang out with them other girls in the bar take notice of me. It's fun and such but I haven't been able to take advantage of it yet because I'm really shy about just going up to a girl. I've been Erin's wingman twice so far, she owes me one! I'll try it soon enough, but it's fun either way.

Mixed up in this whole thing is this lovely German girl, let's call her Angela... She lives a block away from me and we've been hanging out non-stop since we met. But, get this, she has a bf who she hates but has not dumped. So, since I'm matured to not being "that guy," I'm just being friendly and fun around her and not making a move at all... Not because I owe this guy anything but becaue I really like this girl. I know they'll eventually break up, he's not returning calls and such.. BUT, here's another reason my life sucks - she's going to germany in 2 weeks (staying for a semester). Here's this very pretty girl who loves spending time with me (we spent more than 24 hours together just drinknig and watching movies since saturday) but I can't make a move with good concious because I DON'T want to just bang her and I don't want to walk into a long distance relationship with a girl I just really met. Sigh..

I had another date, a simple coffee date that ended up in a 3 hour discussion about physics, with this lovely girl who's not really my type but I'm willing to forgive that because she's very smart and very ambitious. I find that very attractive but she never has time (teaches full time and goes to school full time). We're having a real date on Friday so we'll see...

OK, as far as advice - I don't have much since I haven't scored lately and it's a little frustrating. Having female friends has given me some insight into the female mind, mostly that they're as superficial as we are!
 
9-19-05 Update: Anyone Speak German

I had a freakin' amazing weekend and it's all a blur. One girl who I had an amazing conversation about physics and who was really looking forward to a 2nd date, totally flaked out on a date on friday. I have a new one call policy - I call if I'm asked to call, only then with no follow ups. She asked me to call to make plans for Friday. I did, she said she was busy with homework and would call me back. She didn't. She emailed me on friday apologizing and said we should make plans with me on Saturday for sunday. I told her that I had plans - of course I lied...But I hate being desperate. I hate hate hate it.

So I made plans with my buddies on friday and ended up getting wasted at this great bar. Hung out with 3 of my female friends and one of them effortlessly hooked up with this cro-mag ape man. Which made me really upset because I felt like I nurtured her and took care of her for months and she rejected me, and this metallica listening bum-fvck just walked up to her and smiled and ended up with his tongue down her throat. But the night was otherwise fun. I acted as wingman for my friend erin, which was weird but actually helped me out in a weird way. Yes, I helped a girl pick up a guy but she'd do the same for me- and now she owes me!

Saturday I went to Coney Island with "Angela" - i'm really falling for her but she's going to germany and has a sticky situation with her boyfriend. they're not really going out but they're in that gray area where I would NOT make a move since I dont' want to be the rebound guy, especially since she's gone for a semester. She said it was one of the most fun days she's had in her recent life and wrote in a powerpuff girls sketchpad I won at the amusement park:
viele liebe grusse!!!
I had so much fun today, I'm gonna miss you!"

babblefish gives me a weird translation, anyone know german?

I'm falling for this girl hardcore but I'm not going to "Wait" for her, of course not.. I'm not that pathetic. but I'm joining a gym and trying to shed some weight ASAP. I Want to surprise her when she visits in November -she'll be through with the "Boyfriend" and i want to show her a good time, being a bit svelter won't hurt 😉
 
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
Originally posted by: RossMAN
You should seriously consider creating your own dating PodCast, I'd subscribe and listen.
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Ha, once I score I just might! NEVER take advice from the guy who never scores! 😉
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Ironically, the fact that you don't score is part of the charm of this thread tho'! Just don't drag this out til you're 40 though. 😉
 
Originally posted by: isasir
Originally posted by: freedomsbeat212
Originally posted by: RossMAN
You should seriously consider creating your own dating PodCast, I'd subscribe and listen.
Click to expand...

Ha, once I score I just might! NEVER take advice from the guy who never scores! 😉
Click to expand...

Ironically, the fact that you don't score is part of the charm of this thread tho'! Just don't drag this out til you're 40 though. 😉
Click to expand...

You say "charm" I say "mothingfvkckinasjkajrwlejqojrfe FRUSTRATION!" Actually, I still have my sense of humor about this, it's tough but I know I'll score eventually - hell, hitler did!
 
Keep up the trying.... my weekend went a little wierd like yours. Had been invited to this girls 21st bday. I know her, but not "that well" and mostly through mutal friends. Anyhow, she kinda cute and I asked her out before but got turned down so I'm not interested in her at all. But, I like parties, beer and opportunities. My buds who also got invited and work with her didn't get off until 10pm and had to drive home and get ready before I picked them up. So I was pretty much bored most of Saturday and read a book until around 7pm when I got hungry and couldn't take being cooped up. Went to my local Bennigans. Sat down at the bar, ordered some food and a beer of the day and scanned the crowd. As usual, mostly guys, a few couples, and lo and behold in the back corner and couple of cute chicks by themselves talking. I said a couple of cute chicks but let me clarify. One hot chick and one ... okay one. Their combined looks make them a couple of cute chicks tho 🙂 So I get a few more drinks in me and make up the courage to wander over and ask if they mind me taking a seat here. They were like, feel free so I took the opportunity to sit down.

They asked me who I was, blah blah blah, chit chat like what I did, do I come here often, what was I drinking. About 15 minutes later a guy shows up. I thought, damn, I waited too long and here comes the boyfriends. They look at him and said, let's get a booth. I get out of my chair and both girls turn and look at me and say, "You coming?" Score! I grab my beer and sit down. The guy was just a co-worker of the not so hot chick, and he sat next to her in the booth and I got the seat next to the really hot chick. She starts talking up a storm to me. No mention of boyfriend and only one mention of an "ex" who was a jacka$$ that she made during her entire conversation. We had a couple shots and I bought a round for everyone. Finally, 11pm rolls around and my friends call me asking to pick them up for the party. I said I had plans, and they said they had a party to go to as well earlier which seems they were something similair to me in killing time before a party and some pre-drinking. So I give the hot chick my business card (happened earlier when the guy was asking about my company I worked for) and wrote down my cell phone number on it and took off. Hopefully she calls me. I can't for the life of me remember her real name just the nick name she says her friends sometimes say to her which was , "Tifi."

So I head to the party. Not to bad. The girl invited a bunch of the people she works with, which is all CC people I know and used to work with. She also invited a bunch of her college buds and old high school buds. So it's like 3 seperate crowds. The CC crowd is mostly guys, with the college crowd being mostly girls and a few frat guys, and the high school crowd being girls and gay guys. Yah, gay guys. Anyhow, most of the college girls were HAWT! One in particular was wearing the blue shirt with her ample chest almost completely exposed to the world and it took everything I had to not continually stare at it.

Anyhow, after getting there, they were out of beer very shortly. I said I'd make a beer run and another bud of mine, Hector, wanted to join. We collected some extra money, all of it came from CC people and took off. We pick up a 2 cases of longnecks. Hector says to leave one in the car because the college kids have been mooching all night. I guess the party had started hours before I got there and this wasn't the first beer run. We show back up at the party, I have 1 case of beer in hand and the other left in my trunk, which it's still back there. I walk in and that really hawt chick with the big tits and blue shirt comes right up to me and says, "ohh beer, can I have one?" "I dunno can you?" Hector turns and says, "Did you chip in?" At this point she reaches out, grabs the back of my head and pushes my face in between the cleavage of her chest. She whispers to me, "who's your whore?" I muffle out, "You?" she reaches down, grabs a beer, pushes my head away and says, "thanks!" and walks back over to her boyfriend. I'd consider that a nice payment for a beer any day of the week!

After that, nothing really happened that night.

Sorry, for hijacking freedombeat, but I felt like telling a story too since I'm in your boat as well. Here's to luck for both of us.
 
Humble - talking about cars would be hijacking, you're just sharing another situation that many people can relate too - nothing wrong with that 😉

I've had night after night like that- fun mixed with a level of frustration due to coming sofa king close. BUt you had fun regardless, right? THat's my thing now - I make sure that I plan my nights around having fun, regardless of the female situation. It's been working but sometimes I have TOO much fun 😉 I'm pledging not to drink any alcohol for 2 weeks so that I can a) let my liver heal and b) so I can examine bar culture sober for a change. Though making out with drunk chicks is no fun. OK, it IS fun but on a purely viceral level. I made out with a drunk chick a few weeks ago and then hung out with her sober and we hated each other. Bars are weird places to meet people, unless you jusdt want to hook up. Oddly, I don't want to just hook up anymore. I was SO close to getting a hooker, that's my confession of the day, but realized that I hit an all time low and felt really depressed. Then I spent time with girls who ultimately reject me but helped me realize that I miss that intense, warm, fuzzy,and lovely feeling that you get with someone you care about - a feeling you can't replicate by just hooking up... Though, yeah, sorry for going off on a tangent, I just think bars are weird places to meet girls.. I wish there was a middle ground - lots of single people in an environment without alcohol and without really loud music that makes being witty so difficult..i'm just ranting now and being slightly dishonest. If I met angelina jolie at a bar and we were both really drunk i wouldn't give two sh1ts about the warm fuzzies if she asked me to go to a bathroom stall with her. but, yeah, most of the time it's not worth it to me.

YAY! Got a text message from "Angela" -she's hanging out with me tonight to go to burlesque. She'll finally meet my other friends and that's usually a good things, shows that I'm a well rounded and cool guy and that i don't *need* to be with her but want to. And Erin will be there and she owes me for being her wingman in the past -I'm calling her to tell her to say amazing things about me since I helped her hook up with that guy last friday 😉
 
9/19A - Update : Angela just called

God, I'm so in love with this girl I'm not going to make a move on! She just called and invited me over for breakfast (shh, don't tell her it's lunch time) on her roof. How amazingly sweet??? I'm going, of course, but I aint going to try anything.
 
Angela I met in my neighborhood, she lives a block away - some girls I meet on myspace, other's I meet through casual non-bar interactions. a few I met through mutual friends, though that's not the norm. It's REALLY hard to meet people but myspace helps! I'm off of myspace though and trying to meet girls in the real world, hence me going up to angela and saying "hi, i'm new to the neighborhood!"
 
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