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Freedomsbeat's wild world of dating thread
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slackerinabox
Lifer
Thanks, I appreciate that and all of your posts in this thread. You're right, I do have a lot of baggage and it's probably really obvious to girls. I think NYC girls are just a tad more superficial than the norm though, but still.. I gotta stop being a p*ssy... Though I really am over with the whole myspace dating thing. It's really expensive and frustrating, though I did find it fun for a while.
Dirty mind!
So you had a few bad run-ins. Doesn't mean you should go on a hiatus. There's plenty of fish in the sea, and remember one thing, "There's always someone out there in a worse situation than you." You're getting dates when most guys are too frightened to even approach a woman for her number. Keep trying and you'll find that one.
slackerinabox
Lifer
How do you do that without coming off as bitter and unattractive?
slackerinabox
Lifer
OK, this happens to me ALL the ****** time. I meet a girl, she's charmed by me... Even in a bar situation, this happened a week ago. Then she quickly says something that puts me in the "gay close friend" category, but I'm not gay! In other words, i'm confident in my ability to charm but they quickly say things to keep me at a physical arms length. talking about their ex is one way, checking out OTHER GUYS and asking me to wing for them is another fvcking obnoxious way. I'm probably not being clear, but here's one story - I was hanging out with my friend at a very hip but laid back bar, dressed pretty well for a change. My friend, who's british, says "I need a i love you! Anyone have a i love you!" really loud, of course he means cigarettes. This girl starts smiling as I explain to him why it's best not to use that word - I see her smiling and walk up to her and say something witty, something about him having a i love you addiction (i'm not being homophobic, my friend was actually gay anyways)... we talk, i'm warm and funny and she's all smiles.. then a guy walks by and she checks him out and says something to the effect of "woaw" to me... she keeps on talking but by then it's clear that she just enjoys chatting and that this issn't going anywhere. So I split prematurely, "to get a pack of fags"...
alkemyst
No Lifer
I have met decent chicks both while I was in shape and out of shape. While making money and while broke.
A couple things work better than others. Being a regular at a bar/club (like once a week regular, not daily 😉 ) and getting friendly with the bar is a big help...the staff hears who is looking for what.
Then I always get to a place a little early, a lot of times I can start a conversation up and then it progresses into when the club picks up, then you can dance, continue talking or go somewhere else.
The key things are you have to be approachable and as well take the initiative to chat when you can. Just saying Hi, how is it going in passing or as someone sits next to you can open up conversations.
BTW a one nite stand usually has nothing to do with looks, personality or the like...it's really availability and in knowing the person will not push you into dating them etc.
The problem I have had with these kinds of deals is mostly that. You have a decent night, go to leave the next morning and problems happen. This is easily taken care of if you are traveling, obviously if you are just passing through the most the can pin you down with is being an internet/phone buddy.
OK....I was looking for more of an example of dialog but I can work with this.
1) dont be afraid to touch them early and often in a conversation this communicates that you are comfortable touching women and have confidence to do so whenever you like.
2)Don't Eject yourself from a convo keep pushing and leading it,....if they are acting disinterested and boring ask yourself two things......Am I being boring or is she just being a bitch....if its the later say something liek wow do you have extreme social anxiety or something your not being very friendly = calling her on ****** not looking needy
3) if you abolutely fail use her as a pivot....aka use her as pawn and social proof to meet other girls her friends or others. Simple way to do that would be "hey....you are really nice/sweet but I think we should just be friends.... " = now you have the upperhand because you can use her to help you pick up other girls cuz you've already disarmed her by saying you want to be friends only and only a real biatch would reject this so next that hobag anyways. The next time you goto that venue your past crash&burns may be there and you can chat them up as friends and again use them as a pivot and social proof. They may even begin to like you once they see you are desirable in that you know all these people and are always chatting up women..
4) fielding the "i have a boyfriend" canned line is easy ....."thats cool ...you have someone to hang out when we're not out having fun" and then just move on with the convo. Also just ask "who are you here with?" if you want to find out if they are there with the bf....if not just push ahead anyways cuz in reality most of the time they are lying as a canned response to you or its not rally a BF but more of the guy she is banging every now and then.
alkemyst
No Lifer
this can backfire is done too soon with older chicks (26+ I'd say).
A lot of the rules change a lot between the teen/20-26/26-36/36+
I will say 26+ is the easiest to get a one night stand as in staying over and banging. Getting some car, late night beach/park action (usually not intercourse) is the 24ish and younger.
I have also found that date #2 or 3 is usually where you are either going to bed or not ever. Now, if you are going for a g/f all bets are off, as even the easiest will usually 'change their ways' if they like you too. This is where Joe Schmoe thinks his financee was probably only with a couple guys when he proposed, but later finds out she did quite a few guys and just wanted to set a good example because she liked him (and this should never be an issue, the chick was obviously embarrassed about her past a bit...and yes, don't ask the sex was good usually 😉)
In reality getting a chick is easy, but also in reality noone wants to make the first move to do so or when they do from insecurity go so far over the top that they either have the chick thinking they are a chick also or just a jerk. It's a Catch 22.
An easy way to conversation is check out the places like fark and the like for juicy topics everyone is listening too....use this to start up a conversation...most will want to talk/vent about hot topics. By the time she realizes you two are having a great conversation, she will be thinking of prolonging it.
You always want to be 'nice', but not compliant or pathetic. A nice guy can still give a good smack on the tail at the right time.
Also always be honest...I have found that is the best even if you are looking for just action. There are a lot of women in to that now that want to focus on their careers, education or marriages 😉.
slackerinabox
Lifer
10/30: Guess it's all about self respect
Something weird happened. Another female who I was into did something to me that kinda changed the way I approach people in general. I was driving her home after a party and, a girl who I was pretty sure knew I was into her, was on the phone trying to set up a bootie call.. What sucks more is that she asked me to drive her there! The old sam would have, but I snapped and angrilly resisted. I was fed up, asked her to take a cab and dropped her off. I didn't speak to her, I explained why and deleted her from my phonebook and IM. Again, I would have been the sap to APOLOGIZE even though i did nothing wrong, but I had self respect I guess... Well, she called me back a week later (yesterday) and I don't feel like I compromised myself, which I usually do..
That may not have seen very cataclysmic but it really changed my game. So much so that, a week later, I was responding to an invitation to come over but didn't play it cute/demure like i usually do. The moment I got there (late, without apology or me crawling on my knees) I knew what I had to do and did it. Was a very fun night and refreshed me. I feel oddly confident now and stopped being a pushover for the time being. In fact, and ex called and got into a stupid fight with me. Instead of wasting time I said "listen, I don't care. Calm down.. Or don't.." and I hung up.. Of course, she calmed down on her own and called me back... Another example of women thinking they can step on me and then being shocked but still coming back to me.
SO, the moral of the story? I gotta figure out how to be consistent with this not being a pushover thing. This girl i spent the night with commented that I confuse her, in a good way. I gotta keep that up somehow, this notion of mystery. She said I was passionate yet shy, ,darky yet warm, and that she never knew what was goign on in my head... So i somehow came off mysterious without really trying. .I think forgetting about this whole nice guy thing helped reveal other parts of my personality... Which is awesome...
Something weird happened. Another female who I was into did something to me that kinda changed the way I approach people in general. I was driving her home after a party and, a girl who I was pretty sure knew I was into her, was on the phone trying to set up a bootie call.. What sucks more is that she asked me to drive her there! The old sam would have, but I snapped and angrilly resisted. I was fed up, asked her to take a cab and dropped her off. I didn't speak to her, I explained why and deleted her from my phonebook and IM. Again, I would have been the sap to APOLOGIZE even though i did nothing wrong, but I had self respect I guess... Well, she called me back a week later (yesterday) and I don't feel like I compromised myself, which I usually do..
That may not have seen very cataclysmic but it really changed my game. So much so that, a week later, I was responding to an invitation to come over but didn't play it cute/demure like i usually do. The moment I got there (late, without apology or me crawling on my knees) I knew what I had to do and did it. Was a very fun night and refreshed me. I feel oddly confident now and stopped being a pushover for the time being. In fact, and ex called and got into a stupid fight with me. Instead of wasting time I said "listen, I don't care. Calm down.. Or don't.." and I hung up.. Of course, she calmed down on her own and called me back... Another example of women thinking they can step on me and then being shocked but still coming back to me.
SO, the moral of the story? I gotta figure out how to be consistent with this not being a pushover thing. This girl i spent the night with commented that I confuse her, in a good way. I gotta keep that up somehow, this notion of mystery. She said I was passionate yet shy, ,darky yet warm, and that she never knew what was goign on in my head... So i somehow came off mysterious without really trying. .I think forgetting about this whole nice guy thing helped reveal other parts of my personality... Which is awesome...
AgaBoogaBoo
Lifer
Not sure what to tell you but how do you feel about your indian heritage? It seems like you're almost anti-indian....
slackerinabox
Lifer
woaw, where did that come from? I'm clueless as to why you'd think that based on this thread.. Thought the only culture i'm proud of is my american culture, that's just how I am. Attractions? Well, i'm really attracted to brunettes with green or blue eyes.. it's not a race thing, i find the girl from the gilmore girls (she was in sin city as well) so very hot but she's mexican, does that mean i'm into mexican girls? no, i'm into hot girls 😉
OneOfTheseDays
Diamond Member
99% of Indian girls are butt ugly, not to mention high maintenance and stuck up. IMHO most of them aren't worth the time, there are exceptions of course.
slackerinabox
Lifer
Well, there are some indian girls that I find cute but my experience is that they tend to not get me, me being unpracticle with my life and career. but, again, I wouldn't rule out any race.
Thats awesome man! Good sh1t! Im glad to hear you made progress. YOU SCORED! Thats LEAPS AND BOUNDS better than most guys can even manage.
Think hard about everything that led to you hitting it off with that girl. You played your cards right! Find the pattern and carry it with you to the next. Finally you realize that male supplication to woman is not attractive and it doesnt make you feel good either!
Awesome man I dont really know what else to say thats just really good news!
slackerinabox
Lifer
Giga, you're a good guy and I appreciate your help throughout. Yes, i scored that night (a few times, actually 😉 ) but I seem myself falling back to my old ways. I gotta not let myself slip into old, bad habits. I also can't be a dick. Like I was hanging out with a girl tonight and, instead of being the old me that babies girls, I walked away while she was on the phone for like 20 minutes. I was like "screw her, I don't need to wait for her" so i walked away... I realize now that I was a bit rash, but it felt better than me sitting their twidlling my thumbs. so I gotta find the balance, I guess...
EvilYoda
Lifer
I know how you feel...I've had a decent history with women, but am, by nature, a "good guy"...but there's evil in every one of us and sometimes women like jerks. Sometimes I'm an ass just in retaliation for things that have happened to me in the past...it's an odd state. 🙂
Glad it worked for you...and good luck staying "mysterious" 🙂
Glad it worked for you...and good luck staying "mysterious" 🙂
Proletariat
Diamond Member
Are you Indian? Doesn't that make you ugly?
slackerinabox
Lifer
EXACTLY! I'm fed up with being trampled on so I end up being an a$$. I feel bad but then, you know, getting stepped on feels worse, right? I guess I should just be that jerk because of this realization:
1) Being nice to WOMEN that you're interested in gets you no where.. I'm a great guy to my male friends and my female friends. But girls I'm into. Being nice to them leads them to taking advantage of you. It's odd because i'm nice to EVERYONE and my buds have no problem being nice in return, but girls I'm into.. They just use you as much as they can and abandon you if you need support...
2) Since being nice gets you no where, just be a jerk. If you get no where it's because, well, you're a jerk... You had control in your situation instead of feeling helpless and used. But if you *DO* get somewhere, well, the girl oddly saw through your jerky ways... So.. Well.. Score!
3) Girls from 20-28 are flakey, superficial, have no idea what they want, and tend to be immature... They don't deserve to be put on a pedestal.. F*ck them, they're not worth selling out for...
that was really bitter, wasn't it? But, you know, I am bitter... I liked being a nice guy but view it as a flaw now, and that makes me sad and, yes, bitter.
slackerinabox
Lifer
I didn't say that but I'll chime in.. I think indian girls can be very beautiful, just like girls of any race. Indians are socialized a little differently though. Indian girls are often taught to be even more vain, superficial, and bratty than most other races... It's often about what you do, what you drive, where you live, and what CASTE you are. It's unspoken but a caste system still exists in the culture... Of course, this doesn't apply to everyone but is a big reason why I stay away from indian girls. Beside, I really like green or blue eyes...
slackerinabox
Lifer
You're right...
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