Does anyone know how to forgive?

[Rakehellion]

Let's say you kill a guy with a hammer over a crack rock. But then years later you completely turn your life around, get a job, and become fully functional. Will you forever be judged for your mistake and be outcast from society? Even though that life is entirely in the past for you, I dont think you'd ever be able to tell anyone about it for fear of judgment.

 

[NetWareHead]

Assuming you were never caught, I'd keep my mouth shut for fear of prosecution rather than worrying about if anyone was going to forgive me.

 

[Newell Steamer]

You killed someone, over something - and, you did not pay for that crime.

Entirely turning your life around, sounds like getting away with murder,.. and not accepting what you did and receiving the appropriate punishment for it.

 

[Rakehellion]

Well, that's the assumption you made and others make. I never said what punishment they received. What if they did 8 years in prison? Not enough? What if it was 25 years? You'll say they should have died in there.

 

[Kyle]

I'd say yes cause killing someone w/ a hammer is not a simple "mistake" - it takes a certain type of person to be able to do that- and you should always be judged for it regardless of how long you rot in a prison cell or whatever other changes you've made with your life.

 

[Newell Steamer]

Since they did do time for what they did; then they are entitled to live a lawful and productive life.

They don't have to share what they did. But, yes, people will judge regardless of their time served.

And, it is not up to anyone to forgive, other than those involved in whatever crime committed.

 

[WilliamM2]

Was the victim another crack head? No harm then, he may have saved more lives than he took.

 

[amdhunter]

I think after 10 years you can't be charged anymore.

 

[Rakehellion]

I'd say yes cause killing someone w/ a hammer is not a simple "mistake"

Then what counts as a mistake? Robbing a liquor store? Cheating on your wife? Insulting someone over the internet? Those are all premeditated antisocial actions and it's hypocritical to judge someone for doing something you wouldn't do while still committing reprehensible behavior yourself.

 

[Rakehellion]

I think after 10 years you can't be charged anymore.

There's no statute of limitations for murder. And I'm strictly talking about social consequences, not legal.

 

[Scotteq]

Srs ansr: In case anyone actually wanted a sincere response: You won't be able to do anything about what others think about your actions. Nor can you do anything directly about whatever ill will they may continue to hold in their hearts. What you CAN do is learn to forgive yourself for your actions, forgive them for their ill will, and move on. You can't live your own life carrying around other people's baggage for them. So let it go.

Your Forgiveness is for YOU - it's how you can offload emotional baggage which does not serve you. Make an honest effort at reconciliation. If accepted, awesome. If not, then the refusal is on the other guy and you have no need to carry it further.


OTOH - If you're not sincere, and are only trying to feign reconciliation in order to get out of whatever trouble you may have... I hear giving Surprise Anal Sekks to a police officer is a sure way to resolve your troubles. The chances are he won't like that very much, though. So make sure you are armed at the time.

 

[justoh]

I think after 10 years you can't be charged anymore.

That's absurd. Like this thread

 

[Kyle]

Then what counts as a mistake? Robbing a liquor store? Cheating on your wife? Insulting someone over the internet? Those are all premeditated antisocial actions and it's hypocritical to judge someone for doing something you wouldn't do while still committing reprehensible behavior yourself.

Did you really just say if I insult someone on the internet I'd be a hypocrite to judge someone who murdered another person with a hammer? Wow..not even worth arguing w/you if that's how you view things.

 

[KeithP]

Well, that's the assumption you made and others make. I never said what punishment they received. What if they did 8 years in prison? Not enough? What if it was 25 years? You'll say they should have died in there.

What it you keep changing your original premise? What if you keep adding information to your hypothetical story after the fact rendering the responses pointless?

-KeithP

 

[Rakehellion]

What it you keep changing your original premise? What if you keep adding information to your hypothetical story after the fact rendering the responses pointless?

-KeithP

I didn't add any information, you filled in the blanks based on your preconceptions.

 

[smackababy]

I, for one, will never forgive the OP for thinking rare steaks are slimy. I just can't do! I do not have the capacity for such forgiveness in my heart.

 

[Rakehellion]

Did you really just say if I insult someone on the internet I'd be a hypocrite to judge someone who murdered another person with a hammer? Wow..not even worth arguing w/you if that's how you view things.

The actions themselves are arbitrary and irrelevant. The point is, you've done some bad in your life, so is it really appropriate to get on your high horse and judge everyone who's done something worse? There are people with cleaner slates than you who can do the same.

 

[Mixolydian]

I, for one, will never forgive the OP for thinking rare steaks are slimy. I just can't do! I do not have the capacity for such forgiveness in my heart.

:thumbsup:

 

[Imp]

Na, I draw my limit at being dirty and sloppy.

 

[SMOGZINN]

If I can't judge you for your actions, then what should I judge you for?

You are a continuation of the person that killed a man for a crack rock. You are still that person, only now it has been a while since you last killed a person for a crack rock.

 

[brandonb]

Let's say this person was a woman, one who was hot with big boobies, and all that jazz. And she wanted to date YOU.

Now, what would you think of her? Personally. I would not go within 10 feet of the broad. I don't care how much they changed their life.

 

[moonbogg]

I have first hand experience. Not killing anyone, but meeting others who have and they turned their life around. I almost feel shamed to admit it, but I feel that its not my fault that I still felt nervous and uncomfortable around them.

They managed to cross that line and I find that startling and unsettling.

 

[SlickSnake]

Let's say you kill a guy with a hammer over a crack rock. But then years later you completely turn your life around, get a job, and become fully functional. Will you forever be judged for your mistake and be outcast from society? Even though that life is entirely in the past for you, I dont think you'd ever be able to tell anyone about it for fear of judgment.

I am involved in a similar "forgiveness" sort of situation, but it involved an assault on my spouse while he was at work managing a department store. The assailant was shoplifting, and store security was called. While he was being detained, he slugged my spouse in the side of the head with his fist leaving a mark, and attempted to flee the scene. He was unsuccessful. So while his shoplifting charge would have gotten him out of jail in a heartbeat, his assault charge piled on top of it, made it felony assault, and he still sits in prison 11 years later. He did have a prior criminal record, btw.

The reason I brought this up is, we get constant updates about his parole status, and just received one in the mail today, in fact. While my spouse can show up at his parole hearings or write a letter saying how he should be kept locked up, we have never done that. But he could be released from prison, blame my spouse, and attempt to track him down and injure or kill us once he is released from prison. Should we forgive him and bury the hatchet, and ignore what he did (to himself, really), or bury the hatchet in his parole chances every time it comes up?

 

[monkeydelmagico]

Forgive a murder? What a dumb question. For lol's I would say the only forgiveness to be gained is for the murderer to kill oneself. In death they may be able to gain some measure of atonement.

 

[akahoovy]

Let's say you kill a guy with a hammer over a crack rock. But then years later you completely turn your life around, get a job, and become fully functional. Will you forever be judged for your mistake and be outcast from society? Even though that life is entirely in the past for you, I dont think you'd ever be able to tell anyone about it for fear of judgment.

You probably couldn't tell anyone about it. It's illegal here to kill a person. We also have unwritten social norms that we think others abide by, but everyone's is a little different. Those norms give people ideas of what makes them nervous and how they should judge others. That tidbit of information that you killed someone couldn't come up lightly and would probably be best for the person in question to mention it to as few people as possible.

So, going out and admitting this to society to atone for killing someone will end poorly. If the information comes out through second-hand information, it will be perceived worse than admitting it. All that said, killer or murderer is a label, just like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia-paranoia. Those labels don't go away. When you leave a mental health facility, your condition is never cured, it's stated as "in remission."

You might be forgiven, but you'll always have the label. Does that answer your question?