Do you believe its OK to spank your kids??

[HomeBrewerDude]

Spanking is probably a last option IMO, but can be effective if used correctly.

Most behavior can be managed without spanking. Redirection for toddlers is much more effective at teaching appropriate behavior and discouraging bad behavior. Positive reinforcement is good for all ages and can help reduce the need for punishment. Parents also need to realize that they have to structure the environment for their children. For example, you don't leave a box of crayons in reach of your three year old with out leaving them something to draw on. You don't take your young children to the store at 9 pm because you know that they will be tired and cranky. Using punishment to discourage behaviors that are in effect the result of poor parenting should be avoided regardless of whether the punishment is verbal or physical.

The one positive aspect of spanking is that the punishment is short and direct. There might be times when this is desirable over a drawn out punishment (like a grounding). However, I would never expect that spankings would be frequent or delivered without a clear discussion about what the parents' expectations are.

FYI, I've got 3 kids (5,2,and an infant). I've yet to feel like a spanking is appropriate and my wife and I take care with setting up realistic and attainable expectations (no hitting, no lying, no destruction of property, no crying to get something, etc...)

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: FireChicken
Can we raise our children with love and respect and have them listen to us with out having to spank them and have them fear us hurting them?

i have 3 beautiful kids. ive spanked them all, as well as talked to them about consequences for their actions. spanking is a dire punishment to them, and one they avoid as much as possible. they are not afraid of me, they will tell me the truth (most of the time) and face the punishment. it is very possible to balance the two and still raise great kids.

 

[ShadowOfMyself]

Originally posted by: soydios
Spanking should only be used in very bad situations.

Over-used punishment does not make the punished stop the behavior, it makes them avoid the punisher.

QFT

And by teaching them you can control people by fear, they will do the same to others...

I only agree if they are still unable to understand arguments AND it can only be done OCCASIONALLY... spanking your kid all the time only makes him hate you, and then that hate carries on to everyone else, and thus is born a thug/terrorist, etc... Im also surprised people on this forum are so prone to spanking.. spanking for me just made me sad at my parents.. I always cried not because of pain, but because I was disappointed with them not understanding me.. eventually they realized it and started talking instead, wise choice.. remember "violence only leads to more violence"

 

[slurmsmackenzie]

Originally posted by: FreshPrince
yes

spank on the butt.... of course.
slap in the face..... never.

 

[hanoverphist]

Originally posted by: djheater
That being said 'disciplining' children under three is pretty pointless. They're little neanderthals, and all your complicated rules are pretty meaningless... Supervise, and distract, much healthier than screaming and beating for toddlers.

totally agree. redirection works wonders, and when they are older they get more impact from the discipline.

 

[pnad]

I have used physical discipline a few times with my 6yo son. I don't use it like a sentence for a crime though, like "You talked back to the teacher? Come here and get your beating..." It was more like a snap reaction. He mouthed off and I smacked him kind of thing. Pretty rare as he is a great kid. I usually just give him the 'look'. For those crime&punishment type offenses he gets privileges taken away like no xbox for a week. Is there some fear there? I'm sure, but there is also a lot of respect and love.

My wife on the other hand is a yeller. My son does not listen and just calls her mean. I would rather be feared and loved than disliked and disrespected.

This mouthing off to Mom thing is pretty recent and we are working on it. She needs to stop arguing with a six year old and just enforce the rules. I am also teaching him to respect his mother. Just the other day I told him his #1 goal was to keep mom and dad happy because we supply the goods. If we are pissed, he doesn't get the things he wants like blockbuster and Chuck E Cheese. That seems to have sunk in

 

[OutHouse]

how about this.

I dont spank my kids unless they do something really bad. Like last summer i was constantly barking at my 7 year old son to stop throwing rocks. well one fine sat morning i was in the back yard doing something and all of a sudden i heard glass breaking. so i go to the front of the house and i see my son standing there and the back glass of the minivan was in a zillion pieces on the driveway. did he get spanked yes he did, has he trown a rock since no. sometimes with kids, a swat on the but jars something loose to where they listen.

a few hours later after i calmed down i went to his room and talked to him. I told him that because he did not listen to me he got spanked and the money i now have to spend to replace that back window will prevent him from going to 6 flags the following weekend.

so yes i do swat a but when its required.

 

[funboy6942]

I do not believe in spanking a child out of anger towards that child, but if the child has done something bad then yes, a spanking on the butt is in order NO where else. And not with a wooden spoon or a belt as my parents did to me, an open hand smack on the bottom.

My children get spanked, not so my youngest but by oldest has gotten a few. Not for school grades, or acting out as children will do but for talking back to his mother or I in a mean, inappropriate, hurtful way way there is a spanking and a grounding usually follows. Or if he decides it is ok to whale on his younger brother who cannot defend himself against a 9 year age difference, I do step in and dish out a few ass slaps to let him know how it feels.

Do my kids fear me? No. Do I dish out random beatings when they are being loud? No. I talk to them like a human being, and I have probably the most well behave children around. They break other persons property, I take them to that persons home to work it off and say they are sorry for what they have done. I explain to them in a calm manner, that if someone were to treat them, or do what they are doing to us, their brother, or anyone else, would they like that done to them, and would much rather show them by examples or groundings before resorting to a smack on the butt. That is the absolute last resort and only used in extreme cases which is far and few between with my boys. Before it ever gets there its usually time outs, or word sentences to be written. But even still that is far and few between.

They maybe at most, my oldest gets grounded 2-3 times a year, my youngest gets 5 minute time outs once month if that, they are great children and nothing that my parents wished upon me as I was growing up. You know the old "I hope to hell when you have kids they are exactly like you so you can see what hell you put me through, now clean your god damn room before I get the wooden spoon again, or tell your father how you been and you get the belt when he gets home!"

How people can have no control over their children is beyond me.

 

[randomint]

Originally posted by: Citrix
how about this.

I dont spank my kids unless they do something really bad. Like last summer i was constantly barking at my 7 year old son to stop throwing rocks. well one fine sat morning i was in the back yard doing something and all of a sudden i heard glass breaking. so i go to the front of the house and i see my son standing there and the back glass of the minivan was in a zillion pieces on the driveway. did he get spanked yes he did, has he trown a rock since no. sometimes with kids, a swat on the but jars something loose to where they listen.

a few hours later after i calmed down i went to his room and talked to him. I told him that because he did not listen to me he got spanked and the money i now have to spend to replace that back window will prevent him from going to 6 flags the following weekend.

so yes i do swat a but when its required.

*wipes tears*

you deserve an award :gift::camera:

 

[yuppiejr]

Originally posted by: FireChicken

Originally posted by: krunchykrome
No, I don't think it is ok.

Me neither...I am actually really supprised that so many people spank thier kids.

I was spanked as a kid and worse. I have a discinct memory of getting spanked when I turned off the TV with too much force. This taught me that my dad valued our TV more than he valued me. When I got away from my parents in college I went totally wild and ended up getting addicted to many drugs. Luckly I over came that. But I do not want to risk me kid ever having to go through that. Spanking did nothing for me. More love and understanding would have been better for me.

Maybe the spanking was meant to teach you to to respect other people's property and had nothing to do with how your dad valued you vs. the TV. To many victims running around these days... if it wasn't someone's parents it was their race, economic or sexual orientation or Global Warming that caused them to fail at life...

I think spanking is fine as long as it's not done out of anger and your child knows it's "on the list" if they cross certain lines. Parents just need to lay the ground rules with their children early and often so they know what to expect for punishment if they step out of line, then stick to their own rules. Rewards and punishments need to fit the child so even if a parent believes in spanking it may not be the right choice for some children.

 

[PricklyPete]

Yes. It worked for me when I was a kid. This PC/only encourage crap spreading these days is ruining our youth.

 

[Pacemaker]

I think the problem is that many of the people who spank do it without talking to the child. I remember thinking during "the talks" I had as a kid that I wished they would just spank me and get it over with.

The other problem is parents who will NEVER spank their kids even as a last result. I call this the "Billy destroys everything and just won't listen" problem. Ask them if they tried spanking the child and 9 times out of 10 they say no.

The combination of those two things is the reason that many young people are spoiled. I saw it all the time in college. People who thought that they shouldn't have to do this or they were too good for that were everywhere. Sometimes I wonder how these people make it in the real world.

 

[tfcmasta97]

yes it is ok, but I would only do it if they do somethin really bad.

Discipline =/= abuse

 

[Ruptga]

Originally posted by: FireChicken
When I heard this, it broke my heart. I have a daughter that is almost 15 months old and to think of her being afraid of me makes me want to cry.

Is this OK to have our children be alittle afraid of us?

Can we raise our children with love and respect and have them listen to us with out having to spank them and have them fear us hurting them?

1. yeah that's utterly ridiculous
2. a little afraid, yes; respect is a more accurate word, but afraid can work too
3. I remember being spanked a couple times back in the day, like when I was six or so (really don't remember exactly, give or take a couple years) but those were rare occasions and the last time I got "the shoe" was when I was six or so. Kids need to know you're in control, and sometimes force is required. The key is sometimes; my dad was (and still is) a bit of a hothead and I learned real respect for my mom a good five years before I did for my dad, though I acted up less often around him. It's also important to note that Mom was usually the one that gave me the shoe, the difference is that Dad was a spaz and Mom was.. well, parent-y.

Cliffs: it's all about the implementation, how you deal out the spankings.

edited for grammar

 

[TBone48]

I've got 2 kids (12 & 7) and my wife and I did use corporal punishment on them when they did something REALLY dangerous, like trying to pull away and run towards the street, or reach for a cooking pot on the stove. We didn't use it as a punishment per se, more as a reinforcement of safety rules. So we only used it sparingly, and then only until we thought they were able to understand why we were telling them not to do something. So after age 4 or 5 we didn't use it anymore. I have to say they're both great kids who don't really give us a hard time about things.

 

[IEC]

While I believe positive reinforcement to be much better than negative reinforcement such as spanking, there are some cases where I've seen limited use of spankings have a drastic effect in curbing bad behavior. That said, making children live in constant fear is a terrible thing to do.

Edit: I voted yes, but with conditions. e.g. don't slap in the face, don't spank out of anger, don't do it randomly, etc.

Edit2: Citrix's and funboy42's examples are what I consider to be "appropriate" spanking.

 

[her209]

Originally posted by: Spartan Niner
That said, making children live in constant fear is a terrible thing to do.

Do you fear God?

 

[IEC]

Originally posted by: her209

Originally posted by: Spartan Niner
That said, making children live in constant fear is a terrible thing to do.

Do you fear God?

Sometimes

 

[Aquila76]

Originally posted by: manowar821
A little lesson. It's not the kids that are becoming pussies, it's the parents. They can't control their kids so they resort to fear.

Fear does not equal respect. You don't want them to fear you, you want them to respect you, and to understand why your rules are in place. If your kid only behaves when YOU'RE around that means you're doing something wrong, and that he's going to be a little ****** once you leave the house, or when he's out without you.

That being said, a spanking is perfectly acceptable if he/she does something very bad. Otherwise, just sit them down and talk it out. The talk should come whether or not you had to spank them, too...

QFT. This also gives them the values and discipline needed to protect them all the time, not just when Mommy and Daddy have them by the hand.

 

[newmachineoverlord]

RTFM
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/quer...6566944&query_hl=1&itool=pubmed_docsum

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/quer...5121948&query_hl=1&itool=pubmed_docsum

"spanking frequency before age 2 is significantly and positively associated with child behavior problems at school age. These findings are consistent with those reported in studies of children older than 2 years but extend these findings to children who are spanked beginning at a relatively early age."

PMID: 15121948 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]"


http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/quer...e&dopt=abstractplus&list_uids=11414399
"Level of parenting stress was positively associated with physical child abuse potential among parents who reported high levels of belief in the value of corporal punishment."

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/quer...ve&dopt=abstractplus&list_uids=6686472

 

[iskim86]

my parents beat me

my mom used to pull on my hair and push me away with her feet and ******

and verbally abused me

i'm gonna do the same for my kids.

and when my mom tells me to quit treating my kids that way, I'm gonna make her realize i'm just continuing the tradition

 

[tealk]

http://thatvideosite.com/video/3776


I agree with this video.......the lack of this is why so many kids have ADD. IMO.

Plus the video is hilarious.....

 

[Beev]

My dad used to whip out the brass knucks' and punch me in the face.

 

[SirChadwick]

I use to hate it when my Dad said... ok, now I hope you realize this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you. Then he'd pull out his 2 by 4. Umm ok Dad WTF ever, get it over with.

I have more respect for him now b/c he made me realize the difference between right/wrong. It hurt like hell back then... never really made me afraid of him, just made me afraid of my own actions - I think I turned out pretty well.. and will definately be spanking my kids, no question.

 

[ForumMaster]

respect should be based on, well, respect not by fear.