Did your parents call you names and/or degrade you when you were a child?

[TecHNooB]

My parents do minor name calling in chinese. It's more funny than hurtful.

 

[sandorski]

Yes, heard that stuff as a child when my parents were angry. Will never have kids, but if I did I'd certainly try to avoid that.

 

[theknight571]

The worst I remember my parents calling me is "Bozo" lol.

I've used the same name on my son too.

My parents were not afraid to tell it like it is though, and I haven't been with my son either. If you're being lazy or doing something stupid, we're gonna let you know.

 

[Tiamat]

Whatever my parent's called me was the truth at that time. If I worked to change that, then they called me something different that was the truth. I would have never expected anything else but the truth from my parents, no bullsh1t - no sugar coating, but nothing obscenely inflamatory. If I needed to make improvements, they made sure I knew of it.

Someting I find lacking in the parenting "skills" of many other "parents".

My folks used terms like "You are being stupid..." or "You should think of others...". Similar meaning to the inflamatory phrases in the subject line, but much more effective in getting an improvement in the child.

 

[xSauronx]

Originally posted by: Turin39789
My dad always called me Alec Baldwin.

:laugh:

mine didnt call me names, i dont call my kids names

 

[ppdes]

"Not worth the food you eat." Although it was nice having an excuse to never eat with the family again after that.

 

[miniMUNCH]

My parents never called me names, never yelled at me... whenever I did something wrong they always keep their cool and told what I did and why they were upset about it, then they punished me for it (a spanking when I was little, grounding and/or additional chores after about the age of 6 or 7).

 

[Suspicious-Teach8788]

Originally posted by: uhohs
they still do. chinese parents ftw.
lol.

Really? They tell you crap like you wont be getting a good job, etc etc, but it's not really stuff like "You're a thoughtless pig" that's supposed to go straight to the heart. It's more like they're frustrated that they can't get you to see their perspective, not so much as they want to degrade you.

But that's just what I think. As an Asian I get a lot of pressure too from teh parents =/

 

[Steve]

Text

 

[SirStev0]

I can not believe that there are this many people who will not admit there parents have tempers. I know for a fact you had to have in the 20 or so years you lived with them don something on one of there bad days and really got them going. Calling your kid thoughtless or ungrateful is NOT going to traumatize them for life. I just can not believe your claims...

 

[GeekDrew]

Yes; I want to never have kids.

 

[Steve]

Originally posted by: GeekDrew
Yes; I want to never have kids.

You can't; you don't have a vagina.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: SirStev0
I can not believe that there are this many people who will not admit there parents have tempers. I know for a fact you had to have in the 20 or so years you lived with them don something on one of there bad days and really got them going. Calling your kid thoughtless or ungrateful is NOT going to traumatize them for life. I just can not believe your claims...

No one is saying their parents didn't yell at them or fly off the handle periodically. We are saying they didn't use the language Alec Baldwin did.

You didn't want to believe me, but now 111 people are saying the same thing as I.

 

[AreaCode707]

No, other than this.

I was homeschooled from sixth grade on and I could be a little brat when it came to doing my homework a lot of the time. Sometimes I would frustrate my mom so much that she'd start telling me, "If you don't do your work, you're going to work at McDonald's the rest of your life! Do you want to do that?"

That scared the living daylights out of me. I did my my homework though! It's the closest my parents ever came to disparaging me.

 

[HombrePequeno]

I can't recall my parents ever saying anything like Alec Baldwin did. That's not to say I didn't get spanked or grounded ever. They just weren't assholes.

 

[w3stfa11]

No and more importantly, I won't with my children.

 

[Garet Jax]

Originally posted by: MrsBugi
As per this thread.

No, but my dad was very critical. He made little comments constantly and always made me feel self conscious as a result.

I didn't realize it until early 20s when I started to see the flaws in my personality as a result of it. The biggest one is that I don't take criticism well - I get very defensive.

I now have two little girls (1 and 4) and it is a constant effort every day not to repeat what my dad did to me.

 

[thujone]

yelling at someone usually doesn't mean they listen to you any better.

 

[DainBramaged]

No, but I plan on doing it with my little sh!ts.

 

[DainBramaged]

Originally posted by: sm8000
Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamned, freeloading, son of a bitch, retarded, big mouth, know it all, asshole, jerk!



EDIT: forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful.

And that's just what I call you after sex...think about what your parents say! :Q

 

[puffff]

Originally posted by: MrsBugi

Originally posted by: uhohs
they still do. chinese parents ftw.
:disgust:

It's so sad how much of that is such a deeply ingrained cultural pattern. I've always found it mind-boggling that Asian parents tend to degrade their kids in an attempt to motivate them to do better. As if "YOU'RE SO STUPID YOU DIDN'T GET AN A INSTEAD OF AN A- ON THAT MATH TEST, YOU DUMMY IDIOT!" would motivate a child to think, "Wow, you're right! Thanks, Mom and Dad! I'm going work harder!" It really does have an impact on a child's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. It's unfortunate how many cases I see like this among my clients.

Constant degrading will probably hurt self esteem, but a harsh word won't hurt every once in a while, and depending on the individual, it can even help.

 

[fierydemise]

My dad did and I thank him for it, he would degrade me until I got something right (especially math) so to this day I can do math faster in my head then many can do it on a calculator. It also helped me get organized, he was very unorganized and he made sure I understood how important organization is and wow has that helped me. Does it work for everyone? No, but for me his degrading me was very beneficial.

EDIT: No I'm not Asian

 

[SZLiao214]

All the time which i didn't mind too much after a while. It was comparing me to other people that made me angry when i was young.

 

[s0ssos]

to all those people who think you should loving praise your kids all the time:
herehttp://nymag.com/news/features/27840/

 

[Ricemarine]

Originally posted by: puffff

Originally posted by: MrsBugi

Originally posted by: uhohs
they still do. chinese parents ftw.
:disgust:

It's so sad how much of that is such a deeply ingrained cultural pattern. I've always found it mind-boggling that Asian parents tend to degrade their kids in an attempt to motivate them to do better. As if "YOU'RE SO STUPID YOU DIDN'T GET AN A INSTEAD OF AN A- ON THAT MATH TEST, YOU DUMMY IDIOT!" would motivate a child to think, "Wow, you're right! Thanks, Mom and Dad! I'm going work harder!" It really does have an impact on a child's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. It's unfortunate how many cases I see like this among my clients.

Constant degrading will probably hurt self esteem, but a harsh word won't hurt every once in a while, and depending on the individual, it can even help.

I actually disagree with your second statement in bold. If a child has a very good memory, and the fact that bad memories stay longer in your head than good ones, it can cause negative effects overtime. Once in a while seems once too often, but scolding does work... in a negative/posiitve way. IMHO I would rather spank a child than give a harsh word/lecture.