• We’re currently investigating an issue related to the forum theme and styling that is impacting page layout and visual formatting. The problem has been identified, and we are actively working on a resolution. There is no impact to user data or functionality, this is strictly a front-end display issue. We’ll post an update once the fix has been deployed. Thanks for your patience while we get this sorted.

Deadbeat wifes son is moving out in Spring...actually forced out

Page 4 - Seeking answers? Join the AnandTech community: where nearly half-a-million members share solutions and discuss the latest tech.
Wow, that's really nice talking shit about your wife's son on the internet to complete strangers. How long do you think it going to take her to realize what a piece of shit you are? You'll be right behind him out the door.
 
Last edited:
joesmoke said:
a lot of help?!?! hes kicking him out! how about a bag of rice?! no other help needed. her son needs to realize that grown-ups have to support themselves. even if he can't currently do that, no one will be able to learn that for him. hard times are a reality that every responsible adult has to deal with. to let him continue living at home is doing him more harm than good.
Click to expand...

Amen....well put
 
mrrman said:
I bought a $1M house, they moved in with me
Click to expand...

You spent above your means if you need to resort to illegally renting out your basement.... If bragging about the purchase price was meant to imply that you're Mr. Ritz...Well.. Mr. Money Pants doesn't need to ever rent out his basement...

Hell, I'm middle class and money has been a wee bit tight, but my wife and I never considered renting out our basement.. I'm looking forward to finishing it, but for an man play room.. Pool table.. LCD projector.. Opium den! Just kidding on the last part, but.. Yeah..We gotta figure out our finances, but jeopardizing our home to make even $1,000 a month ILLEGALLY. Well, that's dumb..

"They" - you're referring to your wife as part of "they." Not only do you other your step son (who you refer to call your step son), you're othering your wife too.. What's wrong with you, dude?
 
Last edited:
freedomsbeat212 said:
You spent above your means if you need to resort to illegally renting out your basement.... If bragging about the purchase price was meant to imply that you're Mr. Ritz...Well.. Mr. Money Pants doesn't need to ever rent out his basement...

Hell, I'm middle class and money has been a wee bit tight, but my wife and I never considered renting out our basement.. I'm looking forward to finishing it, but for an man play room.. Pool table.. LCD projector.. Opium den! Just kidding on the last part, but.. Yeah..We gotta figure out our finances, but jeopardizing our home to make even $1,000 a month ILLEGALLY. Well, that's dumb..

"They" - you're referring to your wife as part of "they." Not only do you other your step son (who you refer to call your step son), you're othering your wife too.. What's wrong with you, dude?
Click to expand...

It is not ILLEGAL to rent out an illegal suite...that happens everywhere...The $$ is not an issue, its to get him out and get his own life started...plus the extra $12K per year is play $$ for us...my wife and I can do what we want with it and not regret it...I dont plan on working till 65....this $$ knocks that down by many years...Ive had all the toys and dont need to have them again...my house is 4000 sq ft so its pretty big.
If you have not been in this situation, its hard to you to pass fair judgement. My wife has agreed to all of this as she is sick of his lack of motivation to. As she puts it, its time for him to get out on his own.
 
I'm very surprised at the number of responses berating the OP. When you've tried to help someone who won't do his part, then you have to cut the cord. I am sure that the OP and his wife will be glad to help out down the road IF the guy is putting in effort and just needs a little assistance. I'd like to believe the OP would feel differently towards the stepson if the guy started to take some responsibility for his life and show some motivation.

There are kids who just want to play chicken with the parents, who won't do a thing unless they are forced to. They think the parents are too soft to take any action.

OP, I get the impression you are a self-made man and can't abide a shiftless bum. But please be open to improving your relationship with your stepson as time goes on. It will do a lot for family harmony. Don't measure him by income or level of success, but by effort. Sometimes all the effort in the world isn't enough because you need some luck as well.
 
kranky said:
I'm very surprised at the number of responses berating the OP. When you've tried to help someone who won't do his part, then you have to cut the cord. I am sure that the OP and his wife will be glad to help out down the road IF the guy is putting in effort and just needs a little assistance. I'd like to believe the OP would feel differently towards the stepson if the guy started to take some responsibility for his life and show some motivation.

There are kids who just want to play chicken with the parents, who won't do a thing unless they are forced to. They think the parents are too soft to take any action.

OP, I get the impression you are a self-made man and can't abide a shiftless bum. But please be open to improving your relationship with your stepson as time goes on. It will do a lot for family harmony. Don't measure him by income or level of success, but by effort. Sometimes all the effort in the world isn't enough because you need some luck as well.
Click to expand...

I suspect that if the son had cleaned up around the house beyond the confines of his room, done the dishes, participated in dinner preparations and other normal chores and was pleasant to hang with this thread would have never been posted. It's hard to kick somebody out in those circumstances.
It's time he learned that dishes don't do themselves, refrigerators are not self-stocking, and a warm dry place to lay down comes at a price.
 
I am going to side with mrrman on this one.
The kid is 24, not 14. He's got to get out on his own and take care of himself at some point.
 
BrownShoes said:
I am going to side with mrrman on this one.
The kid is 24, not 14. He's got to get out on his own and take care of himself at some point.
Click to expand...

No way man. It's okay to baby someone their whole life so they become a worthless dead weight to society. That's what everyone else's taxes, food stamps, and low income housing is for! (sarcasm)
 
Just to be on the safe side, you may wish to consider taking some precautions in case your step-son goes psycho when he gets kicked out. Deadbeats tend to have an entitlement mentality and I recall a couple stories in the past where the deadbeat murdered their parent or child because they got cut off.
 
leckley said:
You have a real issue then, there is no such thing as marrying the mother and forgoing the obligations of her son. If you truly that this was the case, you have to be blind.

As for him meaning nothing to you, again this is on you and not him. Whether you like him for who he is or not, it does not release you of the obligations as a step-father.
Click to expand...

The OP has no obligations here, the person on question isn't a dependent minor, he's a 24 yr old adult.
 
kranky said:
I'm very surprised at the number of responses berating the OP. When you've tried to help someone who won't do his part, then you have to cut the cord. I am sure that the OP and his wife will be glad to help out down the road IF the guy is putting in effort and just needs a little assistance. I'd like to believe the OP would feel differently towards the stepson if the guy started to take some responsibility for his life and show some motivation.

There are kids who just want to play chicken with the parents, who won't do a thing unless they are forced to. They think the parents are too soft to take any action.

OP, I get the impression you are a self-made man and can't abide a shiftless bum. But please be open to improving your relationship with your stepson as time goes on. It will do a lot for family harmony. Don't measure him by income or level of success, but by effort. Sometimes all the effort in the world isn't enough because you need some luck as well.
Click to expand...

I side with the OP to an extent on this. What gets me a bit angry is the fact that he refers to him as "my wife's son." I'm sure he has been calling him that since the beginning. Imagine how his wife must feel every time he refers to her son like that.


He obviously has some motivational issues and possibly some sort of depression. Did you try talking to him about why he is perfectly fine sitting there on WoW for hours on end? Maybe take him to a psychologist who can fully asses if he truly is just a lazy ass. If he does have some psychological issues...just shouting at him and expecting him to get a job in this state of mind will never work.

Get him a psychologist and stop distancing yourself by referring to him as "my wife's son." He probably isn't oblivious of your feelings towards him, so please try to show a bit more kindness and love.
 
He obviously has some motivational issues and possibly some sort of depression. Did you try talking to him about why he is perfectly fine sitting there on WoW for hours on end? Maybe take him to a psychologist who can fully asses if he truly is just a lazy ass. If he does have some psychological issues...just shouting at him and expecting him to get a job in this state of mind will never work.

Get him a psychologist and stop distancing yourself by referring to him as "my wife's son." He probably isn't oblivious of your feelings towards him, so please try to show a bit more kindness and love.[/QUOTE]


He has been this way since the age of 18 when he completed high school. I blame the parents for this as they never kicked his ass back then. His father was a bit of a scammer as I have uncovered trying to sort out asset issues. His son is falling in the same direction. I dont shout at him nor ever raise my voice towards him. His mother deals with him. I have told my wife I can end this WOW thing right away by disconnecting the net at night. She doesnt want to do this. I told my wife that he has an addiction problem and needs help.
He has applied for jobs because Ive mentioned this and it doesnt sit well with me that all he does is sleep, play that fuckin game and does nothing else. He will apply for a job to appease his mom but never follows up on it. He does this just to keep her quiet. He is not foolin me however.
I have no trust for him either as I always have someone watching my house when we go away. The reason being is that when I took my wife to Hawaii, we returned home and found a few things out of place. My deck chairs had cigarrette burns in then, my deck had holes burnt into it, my hot tub diverter valves were busted off, butts were floating in my hot tub and there was sand inside the hottub. After confronting him on this he said that he had 4 people over. I was pissed because this is not his house to have parties in.
Later that week the cops arrived and talked to me, the police told me that there were about 50 cars parked at my place and there was a massive party going on. Noise compliants were filed and the police officer handed my wife a fine that he had to pay. Since that day, I have no trust towards him.
He was simply showing off to his friends that he lived in such a nice house. What an idiot. He has nothing to his name. So to this day, whenever my wife and I go away, I have friends dropping by checking things out. This guy needs serious help.
 
He has been this way since the age of 18 when he completed high school. I blame the parents for this as they never kicked his ass back then. His father was a bit of a scammer as I have uncovered trying to sort out asset issues. His son is falling in the same direction. I dont shout at him nor ever raise my voice towards him. His mother deals with him. I have told my wife I can end this WOW thing right away by disconnecting the net at night. She doesnt want to do this. I told my wife that he has an addiction problem and needs help.
He has applied for jobs because Ive mentioned this and it doesnt sit well with me that all he does is sleep, play that fuckin game and does nothing else. He will apply for a job to appease his mom but never follows up on it. He does this just to keep her quiet. He is not foolin me however.
I have no trust for him either as I always have someone watching my house when we go away. The reason being is that when I took my wife to Hawaii, we returned home and found a few things out of place. My deck chairs had cigarrette burns in then, my deck had holes burnt into it, my hot tub diverter valves were busted off, butts were floating in my hot tub and there was sand inside the hottub. After confronting him on this he said that he had 4 people over. I was pissed because this is not his house to have parties in.
Later that week the cops arrived and talked to me, the police told me that there were about 50 cars parked at my place and there was a massive party going on. Noise compliants were filed and the police officer handed my wife a fine that he had to pay. Since that day, I have no trust towards him.
He was simply showing off to his friends that he lived in such a nice house. What an idiot. He has nothing to his name. So to this day, whenever my wife and I go away, I have friends dropping by checking things out. This guy needs serious help.
Click to expand...

He sounds like a normal 20-something. We're fuck ups. We're lazy.. We get into trouble and throw parties. We are literally as mature as 15 year olds from the previous generation. Why? We were babied. Your wife raised him that way. He is the end result of his upbringing. She babies him and, what, all of a sudden she's going to change? For you? Trust me, she loves her son more than she loves you.

Not that he's a lost cause, and not that pulling the rug out from under him will help.. A friend of a friend was cut off by her rich daddy and.. What did she do? Started boning a drug dealer to get her coke and lives with him now, I believe...

Try volunteer work.. Try helping him get some structure. TREAT HIM LIKE YOU WERE TREATED WHEN YOU WERE 15. I mean that.. Cutting the internet's a good idea. Give him measurable activities to do in order to get what he needs. And have that talk I had to have with myself after getting so drunk that I woke up in a skeezy hotel, covered in blood and vomit: "You're not doing anything to make sure that your life 10 years from now is any different than your life today."

By "YOU" I also mean your wife.

I'm saying all this not as a father -I'm 28! I say this as someone who related to your son, and who admits to spending 10 years of his life like a bum.
 
Last edited:
So you married a woman who babied her son his whole life? I'm sure you knew this before and still married into the family.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

TRENDING THREADS

Back
Top