Cremation incident in restaurant – Over Reacted?

[Nintendesert]

OP and his wife are both douchenozzles.

 

[PimpJuice]

I think the OP's wife is SlickSnake

 

[classy]

I don't know if I would have called the manager, but anyone with common sense knows bringing an urn with remains into a restaurant is wrong. If they need to show her the sights, let her ass look through the windows, then drop her off at her last resting stop.

 

[Pliablemoose]

One of my Uncle in Laws was spread over Harry Hines Blvd in Dallas per his request.

(It used to be the red light district in Dallas)

I kept my ex wife's first husband's cremains in the trunk of my car for 2 years, she didn't know what to do with them and didn't want them in the house...

It gave me great pleasure to return them to her when we divorced.

 

[Raizinman]

Interesting comments: Bringing cremated remains into an eating establishment is not right. No eating establishment would ever allow this, knowingly.

If someone is going to do this, how much further will they take it? When dealing with a lack of common decency, you don’t ever know how far a person will go. Were they going to scatter the ashes there? Were they going to feed food to the urn? Who knows what the last wish of the deceased person was, and how far these people would have taken it. Most people have this belief that if it is a last wish, they will just do it, being right or wrong.

In reading the OP message, you will notice it said, ‘We called the manager to enquire about it’. We did not ask Applebee’s to kick out these people. If the urn would have stayed though, we would have left. Applebee’s made the choice to ask these people to leave. I did not hear all the conversation between these patrons and the manager, but I’m sure an option included to take the urn back to their car.

Restaurants have lots of rules; no shirts, no shoes, no pets, no cigarettes, etc. All of these issues could easily be argued both ways. The issue of eating next to a cremated body disturbed us and we enquired with the manager. It’s not possible to include a complete list of rules on the door of any eating establishment, as some things are just common sense. The manager made a decision, and I believe it was the right one.

A customer is expected a certain level of care and thoughtfulness when in any restaurant. It was NOT my duty to eject these people. It disturbed my meal and it was my duty to ‘enquire’ with the manager or leave. Being in the middle of our meal, we did not want to leave. If we had to do it again, we would do nothing different. There is certainly not a clear consensus in replies.

 

[DCal430]

Interesting comments: Bringing cremated remains into an eating establishment is not right. No eating establishment would ever allow this, knowingly.

If someone is going to do this, how much further will they take it? When dealing with a lack of common decency, you don’t ever know how far a person will go. Were they going to scatter the ashes there? Were they going to feed food to the urn? Who knows what the last wish of the deceased person was, and how far these people would have taken it. Most people have this belief that if it is a last wish, they will just do it, being right or wrong.

In reading the OP message, you will notice it said, ‘We called the manager to enquire about it’. We did not ask Applebee’s to kick out these people. If the urn would have stayed though, we would have left. Applebee’s made the choice to ask these people to leave. I did not hear all the conversation between these patrons and the manager, but I’m sure an option included to take the urn back to their car.

Restaurants have lots of rules; no shirts, no shoes, no pets, no cigarettes, etc. All of these issues could easily be argued both ways. The issue of eating next to a cremated body disturbed us and we enquired with the manager. It’s not possible to include a complete list of rules on the door of any eating establishment, as some things are just common sense. The manager made a decision, and I believe it was the right one.

A customer is expected a certain level of care and thoughtfulness when in any restaurant. It was NOT my duty to eject these people. It disturbed my meal and it was my duty to ‘enquire’ with the manager or leave. Being in the middle of our meal, we did not want to leave. If we had to do it again, we would. There is certainly not a clear consensus in replies.

WRONG, many restaurants will hold funeral receptions, and at these receptions you will sometimes find urns with the cremated remains.

It is NOT a health code violation as you so claim.

 

[Sid59]

lol tons of fail. I keep family ashes near our dining area. No harm.

 

[CZroe]

One of my Uncle in Laws was spread over Harry Hines Blvd in Dallas per his request.

(It used to be the red light district in Dallas)

I kept my ex wife's first husband's cremains in the trunk of my car for 2 years, she didn't know what to do with them and didn't want them in the house...

It gave me great pleasure to return them to her when we divorced.

How did he died?

 

[Capt Caveman]

Interesting comments: Bringing cremated remains into an eating establishment is not right. No eating establishment would ever allow this, knowingly.

If someone is going to do this, how much further will they take it? When dealing with a lack of common decency, you don’t ever know how far a person will go. Were they going to scatter the ashes there? Were they going to feed food to the urn? Who knows what the last wish of the deceased person was, and how far these people would have taken it. Most people have this belief that if it is a last wish, they will just do it, being right or wrong.

In reading the OP message, you will notice it said, ‘We called the manager to enquire about it’. We did not ask Applebee’s to kick out these people. If the urn would have stayed though, we would have left. Applebee’s made the choice to ask these people to leave. I did not hear all the conversation between these patrons and the manager, but I’m sure an option included to take the urn back to their car.

Restaurants have lots of rules; no shirts, no shoes, no pets, no cigarettes, etc. All of these issues could easily be argued both ways. The issue of eating next to a cremated body disturbed us and we enquired with the manager. It’s not possible to include a complete list of rules on the door of any eating establishment, as some things are just common sense. The manager made a decision, and I believe it was the right one.

A customer is expected a certain level of care and thoughtfulness when in any restaurant. It was NOT my duty to eject these people. It disturbed my meal and it was my duty to ‘enquire’ with the manager or leave. Being in the middle of our meal, we did not want to leave. If we had to do it again, we would do nothing different. There is certainly not a clear consensus in replies.

Should have asked to be seated elsewhere if you were going to make your ignorance public. Stupid manager probably didn't realize you were ignorant and should have told you that they have the same rights as you and if you were so scared of ashes in an urn to ask if you wanted to sit elsewhere or you were welcome to leave.

Wouldn't have bothered me one bit that someone's ashes were in the booth next to me. I would be more worried if I was going to get food poisoning from the Applebee's crap I was going to consume.

 

[CZroe]

Interesting comments: Bringing cremated remains into an eating establishment is not right.

And this is true because you baselessly said so?

No eating establishment would ever allow this, knowingly.

Again, because you baselessly said so?

Why should it be perfectly OK for me to bring a dieing person in and not the cremated remains just because the person was dead and not cremated at some point in between? You are loco crazy stupid derpie dumb if you think they don't often serve food at funeral receptions with ACTUAL corpses in the room.

OK, so no dieing, dead, or cremated people "because you said so." Now, what about old people? They are a million times more disgusting and infectious than cremated remains. Actually, any live person is. Let's ban living things from restaraunts altogether because they could be biohazards.

Also, you say that you didn't ask the manager to make that call but he clearly made it because he believed that it was a health hazard just because you told him. Perhaps he thought that you would know better or decided to err on the side of caution in case you were right and tried to sue for his inaction. Either way, you went about it wrong and are now making excuses for your asshattery.

 

[GodlessAstronomer]

I think the OP's wife is SlickSnake

:hmm:

 

[Capt Caveman]

I forgot about reading about this, how appropriate:

Some local funeral directors want to serve food at wakes
A few funeral homes even envision after-service catering


SlickSnake and the OP better contact these folks to tell them since ashes are considered Biohazard and a Health Code Violation, that a dead body must be like the plague.

Interestingly, it talks about hard candy not even being allowed. When I go Chinese wakes and funerals, hard candy is actually passed out in wrapped paper. You need to dispose of the paper before leaving the room with the body.

BOSTON —

State Sen. Thomas Kennedy says a bill allowing food in funeral homes was written to offer some relief to mourners spending seven straight hours at a wake – not to invite full-scale catering operations.

But that’s exactly how some local funeral directors with bigger ideas have interpreted the legislation.

Their ideas include coffee, tea and muffin spreads to fully catered events at the funeral home after a burial service.

Kennedy’s legislation – a two-sentence bill in general language – would lift any restrictions on funeral homes from “providing, handling or serving any food or liquid refreshments in connection with any burial or funeral.”

In a phone interview Monday, Kennedy, D-Brockton, said the bill is being loosely interpreted.

His intention was to grant some relief to close family and friends who spend the greater part of a day at wakes, greeting people or showing support for immediate family.

Such leeway, he said would allow funeral directors “to guide these people into one of these out-of-the-way sitting rooms for some sandwiches, a cup of tea, to sit down for a minute and put some fuel into their body.

“The law today says there shall be no food or drink allowed in a facility that has a corpse. They can’t even give you a hard candy,” Kennedy said.

But some local funeral directors say if they are allowed to provide and serve food, they should make it part of their package options.

John Keohane, of Keohane Funeral & Cremation Services in Quincy, favors providing food, as long as it’s done tastefully.

“We could see it going from coffee all the way up to a full function after a service, instead of going to a restaurant or hall,” he said. “Tea service all the way up to a full meal.”

Keohane said to be done properly, the food be offered in a separate room, away from the casket and mourners.

“It depends how you feel the future of our services will be,” Keohane said. “I feel our future is in offering more.”

Daniel Biggins, vice president of the Magoun Biggins Funeral Home in Rockland, said he supports the bill because food can help some families celebrate the lives of loved ones.

He offered the example of a grandmother who may have been known for her chocolate chip cookies.

“That was a special memory of her and they’d be able to pass out her cookies at the funeral,” Biggins said.

He said it’s quite common for families to ask to bring in food and beverages or ask for them to be served.

Biggins said he envisions the proposed food allowance would most commonly be used to offer coffee, tea, bagels or doughnuts in a separate room. It could also be used for family gatherings back at the funeral home.

Kennedy, when asked his opinion about funeral homes offering larger spreads or post-burial gatherings, said, “That was not my vision, not at all.”

He plans to offer written testimony clarifying his position today when the bill is up for a public hearing with the Legislature’s joint committee on public health.

The bill is not new. Kennedy has filed it for six or eight years, he said, but it has gained support and attention as funeral directors learn about it.

The Massachusetts Funeral Directors Association, which is based in Weymouth, is not taking a position on the matter because the industry is so divided on the issue, spokesman David Wakinshaw said.

Some association board meetings can get “very heated,” he said.

“Some believe there isn’t a need for funeral directors to serve and provide food. Others think it takes away from the dignity of the services, let alone having to clean up,” Wakinshaw said. “Others say it’s time to change and to offer food and beverage as a convenience for the family.”

Funeral homes in other states, mostly in the South and Midwest, are allowed to provide or serve food, Wakinshaw said. He did not know how many states allow it.

 

[Pliablemoose]

How did he died?

Smoking a joint on the way home from work and hit the rear of a city bus, on the side, perfectly nailing the rear axles and wheels, steering wheel shredded his aorta, no airbags and no seat belt.

Poor bastard, the bus pulled out in front of him, failed to yield to his right of way, although he was speeding, smoking a joint, and not wearing a seatbelt.

Some of the guy's friends shot some of his ashes up in a model rocket too.

Airbags and seatbelts are your friends.

And back on topic, mom had my dad's ashes sprinkled out of an airplane.

You can get creative as hell with cremains

 

[Meghan54]

I'm still waiting to see links to the statues that state cremains are a health hazard and not allowed anywhere else other than your home, car, funeral home, church, etc.

All I've seen so far are a few screaming it must be so......and since they're yelling it so much, guess it must be true, even without definitive proof.

 

[SKORPI0]

You can get creative as hell with cremains

Correct..

1. Vinyl Records - http://www.andvinyly.com/

2. LifeGem Memorial Diamond - http://www.lifegem.com/

 

[BoomerD]

http://www.eternalreefs.com/

 

[PieIsAwesome]

Interesting comments: Bringing cremated remains into an eating establishment is not right. No eating establishment would ever allow this, knowingly.

If someone is going to do this, how much further will they take it? When dealing with a lack of common decency, you don’t ever know how far a person will go. Were they going to scatter the ashes there? Were they going to feed food to the urn? Who knows what the last wish of the deceased person was, and how far these people would have taken it. Most people have this belief that if it is a last wish, they will just do it, being right or wrong.

In reading the OP message, you will notice it said, ‘We called the manager to enquire about it’. We did not ask Applebee’s to kick out these people. If the urn would have stayed though, we would have left. Applebee’s made the choice to ask these people to leave. I did not hear all the conversation between these patrons and the manager, but I’m sure an option included to take the urn back to their car.

Restaurants have lots of rules; no shirts, no shoes, no pets, no cigarettes, etc. All of these issues could easily be argued both ways. The issue of eating next to a cremated body disturbed us and we enquired with the manager. It’s not possible to include a complete list of rules on the door of any eating establishment, as some things are just common sense. The manager made a decision, and I believe it was the right one.

A customer is expected a certain level of care and thoughtfulness when in any restaurant. It was NOT my duty to eject these people. It disturbed my meal and it was my duty to ‘enquire’ with the manager or leave. Being in the middle of our meal, we did not want to leave. If we had to do it again, we would do nothing different. There is certainly not a clear consensus in replies.

lol, we go from bringing a pot full of dirt into a restaurant to feeding it food?

The "ick" factor is all in your heard. Its a pot full of ashes. That is all.

 

[allisolm]

There is certainly not a clear consensus in replies.

LOL

More than 100 posters say you overreacted and 1or 2 say no and there's no clear concensus?

 

[SlickSnake]

WRONG, many restaurants will hold funeral receptions, and at these receptions you will sometimes find urns with the cremated remains.

People attending a wake or reception at a restaurant or funeral home and dining with cremated remains or a dead body are doing so because they CHOOSE to be there to do it, not because they are FORCED to eat with the dead against their will. It's then unreasonable to assume everyone will be just fine with this cremated urn, when obviously not everyone will be.

And if they didn't think about this before they brought it in, and ask the management first, they certainly should have. Just doing it anyway and then getting caught being stupid is not a good excuse for a socially unacceptable behavior at a restaurant where people are trying to enjoy a good meal and a drink or two. They could have also asked management to have a remembrance before the restaurant opened, or after it closed if it was so terribly important to them, too. And if they didn't think to ask, it wasn't that important in the first place.

And if a wake or a funeral reception with a dead body was ever done at a restaurant intentionally with a large group attending, they would certainly block off an entire section of the restaurant or close it down for an hour or two to do it, and would not allow it all at unless prior arrangements were made, obviously.

If I wanted to see dead remains in an urn on the table, and think about death while I eat, I can instead just go on the next call and see dead remains smeared all over the next highway accident scene and lose my appetite that way.

I also actually don't think most of the posters here claiming they would be fine with it would be in that situation. And they certainly would not be fine with it if their spouses or dates poked them in the ribs enough times to get the manager to talk to these inconsiderate people. What if your kids are there? Do you suddenly feel like explaining to them life and death and cremation over dinner at a restaurant? I didn't think so.

You don't go to a restaurant expecting a funeral reception with the dead and this is entirely inappropriate and unacceptable behavior, unless you know that's why you are going there in the first place, and then that's an entirely different situation.

 

[maziwanka]

That was a douche move on you and your wife's part, you just had to fuck things up for those folks.

If I were the manager I would've told you uptight assholes to leave.

im more on this side too.

 

[lupi]

i'd like to see the health code that actually specifies that.

 

[Capt Caveman]

blahblahblahblahblah

I'd rather have an urn of ashes in my lap eating off a casket than have to listen to some baby crying at the table next to me. The little germ factory is probably a health code violation.

 

[caddlad]

It disturbed my meal ....

You poor dear. They only lost their mother. How dare they disturb your fine Applebee's cuisine.

 

[HamburgerBoy]

SlickSnake, what is your line of work? You have already revealed to be very knowledgeable regarding the operation of restaurants and funeral homes. Mafia, perhaps? :hmm:

 

[Pliablemoose]

snip

People in the US are so flipping unrealistic about death, it's amazing.

We have made death an isolated experience, so we die in hospitals with strangers, we've lost something important in the process...

I actually feel sorry for SS and the OP and his wife, death is a part of life, and we're unwilling to even allow people to have some closure because it might inconvenience us or make us think icky thoughts.

We're all going to die folks, it's just a matter of timing.