rh71
No Lifer
- Aug 28, 2001
- 52,844
- 1,049
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they probably feel tricked but I'm sure they will turn around and realize it doesn't really affect them. It didn't affect me when one of my roommates who I knew for 2 years came out. I felt indifferent actually. As for the homophobes, you can't please everyone and if you push the issue, you're just going to "scare" them more. Let them come around... I'm sure they'll see everyone else accepting you. Give everyone some time and don't be moping around because of it. What you did is for the better.
JulesMaximus
No Lifer
- Jul 3, 2003
- 74,584
- 985
- 126
You may lose some of the friends you thought were close to you over this and it will probably hurt for a while before things get better. You will find new friends with similar interests though. At least you are being honest with yourself now.
Obviously, you were in a state of turmoil prior to your announcement, it just seems like you had unrealistic expectations of how people would react to it. Give it time. Some people will accept you and others likely will not.
Good luck!
Obviously, you were in a state of turmoil prior to your announcement, it just seems like you had unrealistic expectations of how people would react to it. Give it time. Some people will accept you and others likely will not.
Good luck!
funboy6942
Lifer
- Nov 13, 2001
- 15,368
- 418
- 126
Well your friends are freaking out because the guy they have known for all these years has been lying to them all along. They will think back at all the times they may have undressed in front of you or said something to you or maybe you had looked at them in a way that now they have runing in their heads "was that look I thought was a sexual look over a true look over?". Not only will you have to go through changes but now so will they. I would of hit them with the news and slowly changeg letting them slowly take it all in and not jump right into it. I would be freaked out and your girl friends as well because they may not feel right because the guy they knew and loved is talking about girl stuff and frankly they never saw you in that light. Cant force them to accept you now since being lied to. As much as you may feel your are the same guy you are not to them anymore.
It is going to take time for your friends to adjust to your now new life style. Just because you came out doesnt mean they are going to take to you talking about guys now in a different light. Remember there are people that have heard you talking about how you like to bang that girl and youd do this to that and now your expecting them to accept Id do thay guy and stuff. You will loose some friends that are not going to take light to being lied to and will not acept your new way of life. I know I would be pissed because I would expect any friend of mine to be truthful to me no matter what. If he come out after several years of knowing him I would have a hard time NOT because he is gay but because of the lie and the fact I used to do stuff with someone I thought was straight. I have gay friends and I act and talk about different things with them. Now I have to go from a straight friend to a gay friend and I said stuff that may have insulted him. I may have said something that would of pissed him off if I had known you were gay, that now, I am uneasy looking back now knowing you were gay. See how that may effect your friends??? Its going to be a huge change for you and your friends. Your going to loose some of them and you will have to make due with the choices that will now follow.
It is going to take time for your friends to adjust to your now new life style. Just because you came out doesnt mean they are going to take to you talking about guys now in a different light. Remember there are people that have heard you talking about how you like to bang that girl and youd do this to that and now your expecting them to accept Id do thay guy and stuff. You will loose some friends that are not going to take light to being lied to and will not acept your new way of life. I know I would be pissed because I would expect any friend of mine to be truthful to me no matter what. If he come out after several years of knowing him I would have a hard time NOT because he is gay but because of the lie and the fact I used to do stuff with someone I thought was straight. I have gay friends and I act and talk about different things with them. Now I have to go from a straight friend to a gay friend and I said stuff that may have insulted him. I may have said something that would of pissed him off if I had known you were gay, that now, I am uneasy looking back now knowing you were gay. See how that may effect your friends??? Its going to be a huge change for you and your friends. Your going to loose some of them and you will have to make due with the choices that will now follow.
Do you have to pretend you are straight to come "out of the closet"?
I've always been gay, never pretended I wasn't. I don't really tell anyone, people just seem to know. It's understood, but really not spoken of.
Congrats on accepting yourself, and beware of drama.
I've always been gay, never pretended I wasn't. I don't really tell anyone, people just seem to know. It's understood, but really not spoken of.
Congrats on accepting yourself, and beware of drama.
This post clearly has a different tone than the others...
I only have just the one guy friend. The rest are all women.
Now, he is a homophobe and indeed he may have a similar reaction to the one you had.
I'm not sure that I would call what I've been doing 'lying.'
It's a very complicated thing. But you know, before coming out (and with this guy that's still now I guess) I would never let him change or anything like that in front of me.
I can't personally imagine being angry with someone about that. Honestly, it's a LOT harder day to day for the person in the closet than those being deceived. It's more like lying to yourself than others. I would hope that he would understand this rather than seeing it your way.
Time will tell.
NuclearNed
Raconteur
- May 18, 2001
- 7,882
- 380
- 126
No offense, but if you are basing your life decisions on "Will and Grace", then I think it is time to reevaluate lots of things. Seriously - maybe you need to talk to a counselor or someone who can give you good advice.
Getting advice on something this important from a message board is going to lead you nowhere good.
Getting advice on something this important from a message board is going to lead you nowhere good.
I 'll jus say this, and this you prob won;t even read cuz its soo far back, but you said your best firend was a homophobe, well if he hates just cuz u are gay now then i don't know if he really is your best friend. Also you were a ceratian "way" meaning the way people saw you, for 24 years, and you just go around and change suddenly, u have to give people time to change also. I have nothing against gays, or anybody, I am straght myself. But you have to give people time, and i think coming out at a Party is not wha you really wanted to do. You prob wanted to tell all those people, but you should do it one on one, cuz coming is not something that one should take lightly. Plus i would have told your best friend in private, would make him feel special but also being your best friend he would want to know first and since u said he is a homophobe then he needs even more time to adjust. But hopefully everything works out for ya. it wil get better, time wil tell.
Dogg
Dogg
Ha ha. I'm not. That was an attempt at a little humour. It was also my way of saying that the commonly portrayed image of men coming out to people who are accepting is a little off... What a releif. I thought I had to start liking Cher!
Actually, it's been extremely productive. There are very helpful posts but most importantly PMs.
Haven't told him yet.
Yeah, that's definitely the cliche attitude on that topic. However, this is someone that's been there for that last 24 years all the time. It's someone that I still rely on day to day and someone that I'm definitely closest to.
It's easy to say what you've said but telling some liberal arts majors is one thing. Telling your best friend who is likely to reject you/end the friendship forever is an ENTIRELY different ball of wax. Believe me.
Also, re: telling people at the party. This is actually not something that I had planned to do. I had gotten quite...erm...uninhibited and just kind of danced from one person to the next and said something like "Guess what?..."
Not the ideal way to do it, I admit. But I don't have the courage to do some personal sit down thing.
One of my best friends is gay (came out last January, 20 years old) and another is bisexual (came out last Wednesday, 22 years old). To be honest, it hasn't changed my opinion of them in the slightest. It was actually almost amusing this last week because my friend (who came out) was slightly worried that I'd be freaked or offended or worried that he would come on to me. The most important thing to me in my relationships is that my friends are happy, and that they are true to themselves. Everything else is secondary, and judgement is certainly the least on that list.
And that's a good way to think about it. But alot of people don't think that way. It's uncomfortable to some guys. It takes some getting used to.
I've had an experience with a gay friend from H.S. He kept hitting on me after he told me, which is the reason why I stopped talking to him. My advice is don't talk about your b/fs/gay stuff right away, ease into it.
SagaLore
Elite Member
- Dec 18, 2001
- 24,036
- 21
- 81
What you see on TV is make believe.
Now that you're openly admitting your atrraction to men, please don't go the route of so many gay people that suddenly change their style of clothes and the way they talk. You're eventually going to be part of a group of people that will try and change who you are to fit into their crowd - just remember to be yourself, don't fall into peer pressure on either side.
You know I've gotten a lot of advice.
What happened last night hurt like hell.
I think it was necessary though. I've been dying to be myself for 24 years. Now that I'm out I won't wait one more day.
That's who I am and that's the way that I act. If they can't deal with it and expect me to act differently around them, I simply won't be around them. Of course, I understand it will take them time, which I will give...but if they can't deal with the outted me, I can't be with them.
I won't act the way they want me to for one more day.
What happened last night hurt like hell.
I think it was necessary though. I've been dying to be myself for 24 years. Now that I'm out I won't wait one more day.
That's who I am and that's the way that I act. If they can't deal with it and expect me to act differently around them, I simply won't be around them. Of course, I understand it will take them time, which I will give...but if they can't deal with the outted me, I can't be with them.
I won't act the way they want me to for one more day.
I've added some pics...even some to entertain the straight crowd since they've been so good to me in this thread. Take a look:
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a08.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a07.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a06.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a05.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a04.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a03.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a02.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a01.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a08.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a07.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a06.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a05.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a04.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a03.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a02.jpg
http://server5.uploadit.org/files/Audiophile-a01.jpg
JulesMaximus
No Lifer
- Jul 3, 2003
- 74,584
- 985
- 126
JulesMaximus
No Lifer
- Jul 3, 2003
- 74,584
- 985
- 126
I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that he's the skinny dude with the glasses (and red eyes) since he's in most of the pics that weren't 'for the straight crowd.'
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