i (and my GF) wanna have 1 child. we feel that any more than 1 is unfair to everyon (the kids as well as us) because it divides attention amongst the children and unfairly promotes competition for attention...which is the sole reason children grow up to hate their parents/rebel against them.
How do you explain rebellious only children then?? Overbearing parents can be as bad as the opposite.
spoiled from being the center of attention?
ive never noticed my children fighting for attention with each other. of course, we treat them both the same.
I waited until I was 30 to have one. I still didn't think I could afford it, but I was better prepared in every other way (done sowing my oats, owned a home, cars paid off, good job, etc.).
You'll NEVER reach the point where you feel you can afford it, especially if you read the stats on average cost of raising a kid and such. But once it happens, you handle it and it turns out to not be so bad.
true. we worried about finances, but weve done fine. bought a home, paid off 2 cars (second one last friday. woohoo!). and thats with me taking a 40% pay cut for the past year.
the kids had to learn the meaning of no and finances, but they dont seem to mind and are just as happy as if we were rich (i assume anyway. they dont complain). we just never bought them crap they dont need, and reward them for the good things they do like grades, making the right choices, etc.
i guess it's an ideological difference. i personally don't believe that it's ever possible to treat two or more children the same. as far as rebellious only children, i feel that it's the irrational behavoir of the child. not how much you care for them or show them attention. this also applies to all children everywhere.
Wife and I have one, our little girl. (Just turned 1 a couple months ago.)
Incredible experience. I could never say that I wouldn't do it all over again. Though I can't say I want any more. She's a handfull as it is, I can't imagine even having two kids. But then again, a couple of years ago I couldn't have imagined being a father at all. She is the brightest point of my life.
Incredible experience. I could never say that I wouldn't do it all over again. Though I can't say I want any more. She's a handfull as it is, I can't imagine even having two kids. But then again, a couple of years ago I couldn't have imagined being a father at all. She is the brightest point of my life.
I'm not trying to discourage you from only having one child, just hoping you realize that you aren't going to magically have a well-behaved and well-adjusted child just because you only had one child.
HeroOfPellinor
Lifer
- Dec 27, 2001
- 11,272
- 1
- 0
Having kids was always something I heavily looked forward to. I think it's because I've always been a cynic. I always saw such futility in "seeing the world" and "climbing the corporate ladder". All I can say is that having children to love and to see being happy is the furthest thing from futility.
Walking through the mall all decorated at Christmas time holding hands with your kids. Seeing their beaming smiles right before they blow out their birthday candles. Chasing each other through a park. These kinds of experiences are more valueable to me than getting to relax or getting enough sleep or going out at night whenever I please.
Walking through the mall all decorated at Christmas time holding hands with your kids. Seeing their beaming smiles right before they blow out their birthday candles. Chasing each other through a park. These kinds of experiences are more valueable to me than getting to relax or getting enough sleep or going out at night whenever I please.
i see what youre saying. of course you treat them differently on the level that they are individuals with different personalities. i meant as in giving attention, discipline, praise, rewards, consequences, etc.
in general, the old saying "you get out what you put in" is spot on. some kids are just going to be bad, or well behaved, no matter what the parent does. but 99% of the time its all in how you raise them.
Originally posted by: xSauronx
it will
i have 2, im only 22, and wouldnt reccomend it so young though
but, they rock. theyre fun, but require alot of responsibility. are you a NEVER wants kids guy, or just not right now? and how old are you?
I'm 26 and my fiancee is 30.
I guess I can't say that I'll never want them but I don't like the idea right now (or anytime soon). We barely get by financially and I feel like we wouldn't be able to support a child if we had one. I also am selfish and have way too much that *I* want to do first.
I guess if we did have one then it would just be *one*. Also, as sad as this is, I worry about if I have a special needs child (it can happen to anyone). I honestly don't think I have what it takes to handle that.
wow, that's a cute kid.
the one kid is so that instead of dividing my attention amongst my litter, it's more feasible to focus on the one and help them with their life so that they grow up to be a productive and respected individual.
I'm 21 and would like to have 3 kids or so, preferably all before I turn 30. I feel I won't be ready for kids though until I'm about 24.
SpunkyJones
Diamond Member
- Apr 1, 2004
- 5,090
- 1
- 81
I have a two year old daughter, and another in the oven!
I wouldn't trade being a daddy for anything.
I wouldn't trade being a daddy for anything.
Reading this thread, i got to thinking... I feel bad because i feel i am still too selfish to have children.
Those that have kids, did that feeling stop as soon as you found your wife was pregnant? when the baby was delivered? or did it ever go away?
Those that have kids, did that feeling stop as soon as you found your wife was pregnant? when the baby was delivered? or did it ever go away?
I think it's far more respectable to be able to admit that you are too selfish to have children, than to have them and resent them (or worse - neglect them).
My wife and I have cooked up a list of "Things we just have to do before we have children" and are working towards completing those things.
nakedfrog
No Lifer
- Apr 3, 2001
- 62,760
- 18,944
- 136
Originally posted by: LolaWiz
Reading this thread, i got to thinking... I feel bad because i feel i am still too selfish to have children.
Those that have kids, did that feeling stop as soon as you found your wife was pregnant? when the baby was delivered? or did it ever go away?
Never really had the feeling to begin with... you've already decided to share your life with one person, when you have kids that's that many more people to share your life with.
Lumathix
Golden Member
- Mar 16, 2004
- 1,686
- 0
- 46
I love playing with kids. I guess it's because I'm a kid at heart, and will always be one. But, I do not want any of my own. The thought scares the crap out of me. I don't think I'm daddy material I would be a wreck, like 24/7. Damn, even talking about it here will give me nightmares.
I would be a wreck, like 24/7. Damn, even talking about it here will give me nightmares.
KoolAidKid
Golden Member
- Apr 29, 2002
- 1,932
- 0
- 76
I'm 31, the wife's 30. We've been together for 8 years. Throughout that time kids have always been something that are about 4-5 years away. I think I would enjoy the experience, although I do not have strong feelings about it. The wife oscillates between a strong desire for kids and strong desire to run the hell away from them. The problem is that it feels like neither of us can really properly take care of ourselves, let alone someone else.
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