Cheating Friend - Thanks For The Advice

[jiggahertz]

Originally posted by: AMDZen

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: AMDZen
Wow. Geekbabe. Wow.

Which begs another question though. Was it just you two men in mexico, or could he have gone to the hotel afterward and had is newlywed wife? If he had been without her for a week and needed a bit, thats one thing - but if he got some and then went to the hotel and got in bed with his wife, that might be another.

Although, still - now that the details have come to light, I completely agree with everything Geekbabe said - I had to look about 3 times to make sure it was her saying it. Wow

The 1st yr of marriage can be very rough,the guy might have felt it his last chance to rebel,blow off steam,only time will tell if he's a jerk in other ways. There's no win in his friend being a snitch though,no win at all.

Once again, I completely agree. Women should all be so understanding. And frankly, if it were me (putting myself in the spot of the cheater) I'd admit it to my wife and tell her from the get go.

:Q In fact, your so understanding and familiar with the man code, maybe your not a women at all 😛 jk

While I agree that a one time thing in Mexico is much better than something that is ongoing, I think it's dangerous to forgive this kind of action. On one hand, I don't think it's worth ruining a marriage over but on the other you're almost giving your SO a license to carry out that kind of behavior in the future.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: jiggahertz

Originally posted by: AMDZen

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: AMDZen
Wow. Geekbabe. Wow.

Which begs another question though. Was it just you two men in mexico, or could he have gone to the hotel afterward and had is newlywed wife? If he had been without her for a week and needed a bit, thats one thing - but if he got some and then went to the hotel and got in bed with his wife, that might be another.

Although, still - now that the details have come to light, I completely agree with everything Geekbabe said - I had to look about 3 times to make sure it was her saying it. Wow

The 1st yr of marriage can be very rough,the guy might have felt it his last chance to rebel,blow off steam,only time will tell if he's a jerk in other ways. There's no win in his friend being a snitch though,no win at all.

Once again, I completely agree. Women should all be so understanding. And frankly, if it were me (putting myself in the spot of the cheater) I'd admit it to my wife and tell her from the get go.

:Q In fact, your so understanding and familiar with the man code, maybe your not a women at all 😛 jk

While I agree that a one time thing in Mexico is much better than something that is ongoing, I think it's dangerous to forgive this kind of action. On one hand, I don't think it's worth ruining a marriage over but on the other you're almost giving your SO a license to carry out that kind of behavior in the future.

The wife in question regularly complains about the guy's roving eyes... but married him anyway.

 

[AMDZen]

Originally posted by: KillyKillall

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Coming from a home where my father was invovled in an "occasional indiscreation that constitutes no threat to your home or family" - I'm going to have to completely disagree.

There are always consequences for items such as these, but they just might be further down the road. Things like this encourage future behavior that is worse.

funny,how the morals come out AFTER the strip club visit.

I grew up in Vegas... I have no problem with men or women going to strip clubs. Then again, this is the first one I've been to in over 8 years. I DO have a problem with f'king a hooker in mexico.

The only thing you can do is talk to him, perhaps she gave him a free pass but only for ONE TIME and under a set of conditions. You may think its weird, but I've known more then a couple guys that got just such a free pass (although it was B4 they actually tied the knot) like for the bachelor party in vegas. Maybe it was the same for him?

 

[gwrober]

After hearing more of the situation, I'm going to revise my previous posts -

Talk to the cheater about it, but understand the man rule, the situation stays in mexico. But make it clear that it's not "ok" to engage in extra-marital stuffs on a regular basis. Chalk it up to marriage fears, etc, or something.

 

[AMDZen]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: AMDZen

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: AMDZen
Wow. Geekbabe. Wow.

Which begs another question though. Was it just you two men in mexico, or could he have gone to the hotel afterward and had is newlywed wife? If he had been without her for a week and needed a bit, thats one thing - but if he got some and then went to the hotel and got in bed with his wife, that might be another.

Although, still - now that the details have come to light, I completely agree with everything Geekbabe said - I had to look about 3 times to make sure it was her saying it. Wow

The 1st yr of marriage can be very rough,the guy might have felt it his last chance to rebel,blow off steam,only time will tell if he's a jerk in other ways. There's no win in his friend being a snitch though,no win at all.

Once again, I completely agree. Women should all be so understanding. And frankly, if it were me (putting myself in the spot of the cheater) I'd admit it to my wife and tell her from the get go.

:Q In fact, your so understanding and familiar with the man code, maybe your not a women at all 😛 jk

Here's the hook... you didn't think you boys get off totally scott free did you?😛

if you engage the services of a pro, most wives dont want to know about...ever, if you have any guilty little feelings or feel the need to brag,you take it elsewhere.

There's a difference between allowing for human failabilty in order to keep an otherwise great marriage and in being a total fool,if you catch my drift.

Well I just keep trying to put myself in this guys position because I'm not married and I don't know that I ever will be (personal opinion on what marriage means in this day and age) but under the set of conditions where I did commit this indiscretion - its just too tough for me to view.

If I ever did do this, in Mexico, with another guy friend that could be a witness (remember I'm thinking it all out) I'd make sure it was with a guy I could TRUST. KillyKillall doesn't seem to be that guy. Granted you could believe its a mistake and all of that, but I would never tattle on a friend in this situation - although I would confront him about it if I thought it was wrong and all of that.

The only thing I can figure is that the guy trusted you Killy either that or he really did get a free pass. You can't betray his trust, you can however try to get him to fess up. Thats about it really.

 

[jjones]

If my best friend was the one being cheated on, or if he was doing the cheating, then I'd probably say something to him either way. Only best friend status will get me that involved in other people's lives. If both the husband and wife were best friends, then I'd probably have to stay out of it and let them sort it out themselves.

 

[KillyKillall]

Originally posted by: AMDZen

If I ever did do this, in Mexico, with another guy friend that could be a witness (remember I'm thinking it all out) I'd make sure it was with a guy I could TRUST. KillyKillall doesn't seem to be that guy. Granted you could believe its a mistake and all of that, but I would never tattle on a friend in this situation - although I would confront him about it if I thought it was wrong and all of that.

The only thing I can figure is that the guy trusted you Killy either that or he really did get a free pass. You can't betray his trust, you can however try to get him to fess up. Thats about it really.

This is where my thinking is kind of going. FYI - there were 4 other guys there but all of them were meeting this guy for the first time with the exception of 1 who was my dad.

I think I will talk to him and just let him know how I feel about it and let him know that I don't want to be around it or involved in it in anyway what so ever. In addition, I will let him know that I think it is best if he talk to his wife, although that is completely his decision.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: Astaroth33

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Astaroth33

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: KillyKillall

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: KillyKillall

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: KillyKillall

Originally posted by: Juddog
Adding up the story... I'm a bit confused. Are you basically saying he received a lap dance and had a happy ending? I don't know if that's even considered cheating.

Add in the fact that we were in Mexico and they blatently came up and said...XX dollars for BJ...XX dollars for sex. He negotiated the latter.

so he had sex with a mexican hooker or what? can you give us specifics here?

if he had a lapdance, then no, i don't see it as cheating. if he banged some mexican hookers, then yes, thats cheating.

Yes... I know for a fact that he banged a mexican stripper (hooker) for cash. I didn't know that I had to be so specific to define cheating to everyone....

and the man code says that you are to forget that it ever happened! It's not like he's carrying on an ongoing affair with a co-worker,a friend of the wife's or her sister.

So you're saying it would be ok for your husband to go to mexico and bang a hooker as long as one of his guy friends don't tell you?

What I'm saying is this, chances are good that even if you tell this guy's wife odds are she won't believe you,after all,you were doing what exactly when this happened,sitting in the corner of the club reading your bible?

Mind your business,it's just a bit of sex from someone he'll never see again

This is a really interesting point of view to hear from a woman who is married.

given the choice between a full blown affair and having the husband score a bit of strange from some tart in a strip club I think I'd go with the latter option as would most pragmatic married women.

But isn't that valuing the marriage itself over the reasons why you married the guy (hypothetically speaking, not meaning to actually apply this to RD) in the first place? Do you want to stay married to a guy who would do something like that? Yes, it's better than a full-blown affair, but isn't it still a dishonest betrayal of your love and trust?

On the other hand, if the two of you were to give each other license to do these things, then there's no betrayal, and it's all good provided you're safe and discreet about it.

All I know is this simple reality...getting all crazy because your partner desires somebody else physically and trying to contain/control their thoughts/actions isn't going to make them desire you more.

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: KLin

Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Also, they were just married 2 months ago.

WTF? Don't bother confronting the cheater, tell the cheatee.

i agree. i'd like to change my vote now, please

 

[fLum0x]

blackmail! if you aren't into that nor is your wife, tell the cheatee first.

 

[eits]

personally, i think you should let your friend know that you know and strongly disapprove and it makes you lose a lot of respect for him, but after that, mind your own business.

 

[AMDZen]

Originally posted by: KillyKillall

Originally posted by: AMDZen

If I ever did do this, in Mexico, with another guy friend that could be a witness (remember I'm thinking it all out) I'd make sure it was with a guy I could TRUST. KillyKillall doesn't seem to be that guy. Granted you could believe its a mistake and all of that, but I would never tattle on a friend in this situation - although I would confront him about it if I thought it was wrong and all of that.

The only thing I can figure is that the guy trusted you Killy either that or he really did get a free pass. You can't betray his trust, you can however try to get him to fess up. Thats about it really.

This is where my thinking is kind of going. FYI - there were 4 other guys there but all of them were meeting this guy for the first time with the exception of 1 who was my dad.

I think I will talk to him and just let him know how I feel about it and let him know that I don't want to be around it or involved in it in anyway what so ever. In addition, I will let him know that I think it is best if he talk to his wife, although that is completely his decision.

Wow, not really smart then because some strangers can be vindictive and black mail him with it or something. He might just have a lot of faith in the man code, or I really can't help but wonder if the wife really did give him that pass. He should of at least been discreet and not been boasting, otherwise he gives off the impression that he thinks its ok and thus, that the wife may as well. Kinda weird as all the facts role out

 

[AMDZen]

Originally posted by: zinfamous

Originally posted by: KLin

Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Also, they were just married 2 months ago.

WTF? Don't bother confronting the cheater, tell the cheatee.

i agree. i'd like to change my vote now, please

Wow, really? Even if this was a good friend of yours? I'm glad I don't have any friends like you guys.

 

[Scarpozzi]

Honestly though, as it was already said.... If this is a one time thing, it's better than him going behind her back on a weekly basis.

But that doesn't make it right. You should still report his ass to the boss. This is exactly why most marraiges don't last anymore. It will be easier for her to hear it now than later. If she finds out down the road, they might have kids, etc....save her the years.

 

[Vette73]

Originally posted by: KLin

Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Also, they were just married 2 months ago.

WTF? Don't bother confronting the cheater, tell the cheatee.

:thumbsup:

 

[AMDZen]

Originally posted by: fLum0x
blackmail! if you aren't into that nor is your wife, tell the cheatee first.

Wow. I'm really glad I don't even know any people like you. Hopefully your kidding about the blackmail first. What exactly do you want? Money or something

 

[KillyKillall]

Originally posted by: eits
personally, i think you should let your friend know that you know and strongly disapprove and it makes you lose a lot of respect for him, but after that, mind your own business.

That's the route I'm leaning towards after this conversation.

 

[Miramonti]

Depends on who my better friend is, the male or female. Imo you can't tell her if he is your better friend, but you can confront him about cheating on his wife after only being married 2 months, and how surprised you were.

 

[AMDZen]

Originally posted by: Scarpozzi
Honestly though, as it was already said.... If this is a one time thing, it's better than him going behind her back on a weekly basis.

But that doesn't make it right. You should still report his ass to the boss. This is exactly why most marraiges don't last anymore. It will be easier for her to hear it now than later. If she finds out down the road, they might have kids, etc....save her the years.

Although I do agree with that (assuming he didn't have a pass) its important for HIM to admit to it. For him to fess up to it. At the very VERY least, to give him the opportunity to do it and to give him an ultimatum. Although I would never do that personally. For you to go behind his back and tattle. Thats just not right, Sheesh.

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: KillyKillall

Originally posted by: eits
personally, i think you should let your friend know that you know and strongly disapprove and it makes you lose a lot of respect for him, but after that, mind your own business.

That's the route I'm leaning towards after this conversation.

I think really this is your best option,it allows you to be true toyour beliefs and hopefully
eliminates similar invitations to such places from him in the future.

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: pontifex

Originally posted by: KillyKillall

Originally posted by: Juddog
Adding up the story... I'm a bit confused. Are you basically saying he received a lap dance and had a happy ending? I don't know if that's even considered cheating.

Add in the fact that we were in Mexico and they blatently came up and said...XX dollars for BJ...XX dollars for sex. He negotiated the latter.

so he had sex with a mexican hooker or what? can you give us specifics here?

if he had a lapdance, then no, i don't see it as cheating. if he banged some mexican hookers, then yes, thats cheating.

he just said that the frined had sex with a mexican hooker. pretty specifically....(well, could have been some other type of hooker. but it was still sex with a hooker. In Mexico)

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Astaroth33

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: Astaroth33
This is a really interesting point of view to hear from a woman who is married.

given the choice between a full blown affair and having the husband score a bit of strange from some tart in a strip club I think I'd go with the latter option as would most pragmatic married women.

But isn't that valuing the marriage itself over the reasons why you married the guy (hypothetically speaking, not meaning to actually apply this to RD) in the first place? Do you want to stay married to a guy who would do something like that? Yes, it's better than a full-blown affair, but isn't it still a dishonest betrayal of your love and trust?

On the other hand, if the two of you were to give each other license to do these things, then there's no betrayal, and it's all good provided you're safe and discreet about it.

All I know is this simple reality...getting all crazy because your partner desires somebody else physically and trying to contain/control their thoughts/actions isn't going to make them desire you more.

Very good point. :thumbsup:

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: AMDZen
Wow. Geekbabe. Wow.

Which begs another question though. Was it just you two men in mexico, or could he have gone to the hotel afterward and had is newlywed wife? If he had been without her for a week and needed a bit, thats one thing - but if he got some and then went to the hotel and got in bed with his wife, that might be another.

Although, still - now that the details have come to light, I completely agree with everything Geekbabe said - I had to look about 3 times to make sure it was her saying it. Wow

The 1st yr of marriage can be very rough,the guy might have felt it his last chance to rebel,blow off steam,only time will tell if he's a jerk in other ways. There's no win in his friend being a snitch though,no win at all.

I'm with AMDzen here. I couldn't believe Geekbabe's initial comment, now her argument is making a lot of sense. But still, he was banging a filthy hooker. The wife has a right to know. If it's true, as Geekbabe says, that there is no reason to let a little rogering ****** up a marriage, then let them decide that. 2 months in....I can only imagine what this deuchebag was like at the bachelor party.

 

[zinfamous]

Originally posted by: AMDZen

Originally posted by: zinfamous

Originally posted by: KLin

Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Also, they were just married 2 months ago.

WTF? Don't bother confronting the cheater, tell the cheatee.

i agree. i'd like to change my vote now, please

Wow, really? Even if this was a good friend of yours? I'm glad I don't have any friends like you guys.

Well, I've read more of the thread since that comment. But it seems that KillyKall's real friend is the cheatee. So by telling her, he would actually be looking out for his friend. I get the impression that KillyKall thinks the cheater is a deuche. My opinion is revised a little bit, but there is no applicable man code when you have no respect for the other man in question, and the situation involves an actual friend of yours

 

[KillyKillall]

Originally posted by: zinfamous
Well, I've read more of the thread since that comment. But it seems that KillyKall's real friend is the cheatee. So by telling her, he would actually be looking out for his friend. I get the impression that KillyKall thinks the cheater is a deuche. My opinion is revised a little bit, but there is no applicable man code when you have no respect for the other man in question, and the situation involves an actual friend of yours

Actually, it's the cheater and I'm better friends with him than I am with his wife. However, his wife is very good friends with mine. In addition, I completely despise men that cheat because I had to watch members of my family deal with it.