Cheating Friend - Thanks For The Advice

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purepolly

Senior member
Sep 27, 2002
630
0
0
Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Well, I've read more of the thread since that comment. But it seems that KillyKall's real friend is the cheatee. So by telling her, he would actually be looking out for his friend. I get the impression that KillyKall thinks the cheater is a deuche. My opinion is revised a little bit, but there is no applicable man code when you have no respect for the other man in question, and the situation involves an actual friend of yours

Actually, it's the cheater and I'm better friends with him than I am with his wife. However, his wife is very good friends with mine. In addition, I completely despise men that cheat because I had to watch members of my family deal with it.


Then stick with your morals and tell the wife. For health reasons alone it is the right thing to do.

If your friend is willing to screw his wife over, he'd do it you too.
 

PKPunk

Senior member
Feb 26, 2001
384
0
0
WOW, Morals aside this cheater took a big risk by doing it with a hooker because he's taking a higher than normal risk of getting a STD. I would be more concerned with that fact that he is putting his wife in danger if he caught something. I hope for both their sakes he didn't catch anything.

Cheater + Hooker = STD
Cheater + Hooker = STD
Cheater + Hooker = STD
Cheater + Hooker = STD
Cheater + Hooker = STD
 

MrDudeMan

Lifer
Jan 15, 2001
15,069
94
91
Originally posted by: purepolly
Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Well, I've read more of the thread since that comment. But it seems that KillyKall's real friend is the cheatee. So by telling her, he would actually be looking out for his friend. I get the impression that KillyKall thinks the cheater is a deuche. My opinion is revised a little bit, but there is no applicable man code when you have no respect for the other man in question, and the situation involves an actual friend of yours

Actually, it's the cheater and I'm better friends with him than I am with his wife. However, his wife is very good friends with mine. In addition, I completely despise men that cheat because I had to watch members of my family deal with it.


Then stick with your morals and tell the wife. For health reasons alone it is the right thing to do.

If your friend is willing to screw his wife over, he'd do it you too.

:thumbsup:

i cant believe geekbabes POV. how retarded :roll:

think about what you are in the middle of. he already told you he did it, so you are involved whether you like it or not. you could just walk away now, but as you said, your wife is friends with his, and you owe it to her to let her know what he did. that is serisouly fvcked up to cheat on your wife at any point in time, but especially bad in the first 2 months. i am shocked at some of the people in this thread and their complete lack of morals. if you cant keep your dick in your pants then you shouldnt be married.
 

TheNinja

Lifer
Jan 22, 2003
12,207
1
0
Do NOT talk to the cheatee first. If you feel you must do something about it, talk to the cheater first and ask him/her what is going on. Tell that person that if they don't cut that out that you'll be force to either not be friends and/or tell the cheatee.
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
32,199
2,452
126
www.theshoppinqueen.com
Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
Originally posted by: purepolly
Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Well, I've read more of the thread since that comment. But it seems that KillyKall's real friend is the cheatee. So by telling her, he would actually be looking out for his friend. I get the impression that KillyKall thinks the cheater is a deuche. My opinion is revised a little bit, but there is no applicable man code when you have no respect for the other man in question, and the situation involves an actual friend of yours

Actually, it's the cheater and I'm better friends with him than I am with his wife. However, his wife is very good friends with mine. In addition, I completely despise men that cheat because I had to watch members of my family deal with it.


Then stick with your morals and tell the wife. For health reasons alone it is the right thing to do.

If your friend is willing to screw his wife over, he'd do it you too.

:thumbsup:

i cant believe geekbabes POV. how retarded :roll:

think about what you are in the middle of. he already told you he did it, so you are involved whether you like it or not. you could just walk away now, but as you said, your wife is friends with his, and you owe it to her to let her know what he did. that is serisouly fvcked up to cheat on your wife at any point in time, but especially bad in the first 2 months. i am shocked at some of the people in this thread and their complete lack of morals. if you cant keep your dick in your pants then you shouldnt be married.

Are you married ? if you are,for how long ? how old are you and the wife?

If you read the thread carefully you'll see that the wife of the cheater has complained forever about the cheater's roving eye..yet she married him anyway.

Looks like she got exactly what she bargained for, doesn't it?
 

eits

Lifer
Jun 4, 2005
25,015
3
81
www.integratedssr.com
Originally posted by: Geekbabe
Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Originally posted by: eits
personally, i think you should let your friend know that you know and strongly disapprove and it makes you lose a lot of respect for him, but after that, mind your own business.

That's the route I'm leaning towards after this conversation.

I think really this is your best option,it allows you to be true toyour beliefs and hopefully
eliminates similar invitations to such places from him in the future.

yeah
 

ghostman

Golden Member
Jul 12, 2000
1,819
1
76
Holy crap. This thread evolved quite a bit since I last read it. I can't believe what I'm hearing from so many of you.

So many of you are putting yourself in the guy's shoes. Try putting yourself in the girl's shoes. If your wife/gf went on a trip and fvcked some random guy at a bar, would you like to know? Would you be ok with it for the sake of the 2-month marriage? I'd kick her to the curb without a second thought. It's not like there's kids in the picture yet. And a roving eye is VERY different than fvcking a prostitute. Would she marry him if she knew he would continue to have sex with other women? Sure, maybe she should have noticed the signs, but one doesn't imply the other.

I'm also surprised at how everyone is saying "at least it was just a one-time thing". WTF?! How is a prostitute any better than a persistent affair? He was just letting off some steam, but he still loves his wife? I doubt it. He knows it would devastate his wife, but he did it anyway. And I wouldn't put it past him to cheat on his wife again. The other comment about "you can't betray his trust" is just laughable. You owe him nothing. He's the idiot for not being discreet about it. You can do whatever you feel comfortable with.

I know someone who went to another country and hired a prostitute. I believe he came back with clamydia, which is how his wife (and the rest of us, except his kids) found out. I had respect for him before, but I can't even look him in the eyes anymore. Maybe it's a cultural difference and I'm an "ultra conservative" (though I'm not religious and have never considered myself to be much of a conservative), but I find it morally repulsive to cheat on your SO and continue pretending nothing happened.
 

KK

Lifer
Jan 2, 2001
15,903
4
81
Tell your wife, that sh1t'll spread like wildfire, and you won't be directly involved.
 

montanafan

Diamond Member
Nov 7, 1999
3,551
2
71
If the guy is doing this sort of thing so casually with plenty of witnesses around (including someone who is friends with his wife as well) and just two months into his marriage then it's probably not the first time and definitely not the last. Since he's that sort of guy, I can see Geekbabe's point about the wife probably already knowing that she can't count on him to be faithful, but I don't understand her POV about it being okay in a marriage. When did the parts about forsaking all others, respect, honor, faithfulness, etc. become something you say with a wink? After all, even if you're not married, how many of you would say that you have a strong and healthy relationship if your SO was banging anyone they felt like whenever they got the urge? But that's another topic, back to the OP.

I think I would be even more angry with the "friend" for putting you in the middle like this. Unless he's a complete sociopath, he has to know that you're going to tell your wife, her friend, about it and that it will make the two of you very uncomfortable being around them as a couple. If he really is your friend, he has to know that you have differing morals and views of marriage, and his doing this in front of you was just a big "screw you" to that. I'd tell him that I didn't appreciate it and that I didn't want to be a part of it. As for his wife, I wouldn't tell her because she's got to already know what he's like and either she doesn't want to hear it and have to face up to it, or she thinks he'll eventually change and hearing about it won't change that for her. I would quit spending time with them as a couple though because it would just be uncomfortable to know that there's a secret you're all keeping from her whenever you're together.
 

Geekbabe

Moderator Emeritus<br>Elite Member
Oct 16, 1999
32,199
2,452
126
www.theshoppinqueen.com
Originally posted by: montanafan
If the guy is doing this sort of thing so casually with plenty of witnesses around (including someone who is friends with his wife as well) and just two months into his marriage then it's probably not the first time and definitely not the last. Since he's that sort of guy, I can see Geekbabe's point about the wife probably already knowing that she can't count on him to be faithful, but I don't understand her POV about it being okay in a marriage. When did the parts about forsaking all others, respect, honor, faithfulness, etc. become something you say with a wink? After all, even if you're not married, how many of you would say that you have a strong and healthy relationship if your SO was banging anyone they felt like whenever they got the urge? But that's another topic, back to the OP.

we were married by a JP-nothing in the vows about forsaking others, we just had to promise to follow the tax laws of the Commonwealth:D

Seriously,marriage is primarily a structure that units fiscal/social interests with the hope of improving the prospects of the couple and any children they might have.I think MSN recently conducted a poll that showed that most people would be far,far more likely to end a marriage over fiscal infidelity than they would sexual indiscretions.

Credit card debt puts more marriages at risk than a man acting naturally and banging a bit of strange occasionally. They worded the question pretty clearly if my memory serves me right.People were far more likely to divorce a spouse for lies over money and/or for doing fiscal activities that put their spouse at risk.


 

Juddog

Diamond Member
Dec 11, 2006
7,851
6
81
Well - you're going to end up most likely losing both friends on this either way you look at it, so why not profit?

friend cheats
blackmail
...
profit.
 

Roguestar

Diamond Member
Aug 29, 2006
6,045
0
0
Originally posted by: eits
personally, i think you should let your friend know that you know and strongly disapprove and it makes you lose a lot of respect for him, but after that, mind your own business.

Signed.
 

MrDudeMan

Lifer
Jan 15, 2001
15,069
94
91
Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Are you married ? if you are,for how long ? how old are you and the wife?

If you read the thread carefully you'll see that the wife of the cheater has complained forever about the cheater's roving eye..yet she married him anyway.

Looks like she got exactly what she bargained for, doesn't it?

i have been in the relationship for almost 6 years and we will be married in less than 2 months. sexual infidelity is the biggest no-no on my list and im sure it is the same for her. im actually shocked that people get married and feel the way you do about sex because it defeats the whole purpose of it. why would you get married at all? this is exactly the reason there should be unions and marriages because yours is clearly not a marriage, but a union basically for tax reasons.
 

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,769
19
81
Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Are you married ? if you are,for how long ? how old are you and the wife?

If you read the thread carefully you'll see that the wife of the cheater has complained forever about the cheater's roving eye..yet she married him anyway.

Looks like she got exactly what she bargained for, doesn't it?

i have been in the relationship for almost 6 years and we will be married in less than 2 months. sexual infidelity is the biggest no-no on my list and im sure it is the same for her. im actually shocked that people get married and feel the way you do about sex because it defeats the whole purpose of it. why would you get married at all? this is exactly the reason there should be unions and marriages because yours is clearly not a marriage, but a union basically for tax reasons.

You are really talking about things you have no understanding of. It's akin to someone saying you merely got married for fear of being alone/not being able to find anyone else.

Some of the views and opinions below are not my own, yet they exist.

Sex and love have nothing to do with each other. Love and marriage have nothing to do with each other. However, people believe in fairy tales so they see what they want. If you go back to the history of marriage and why it came to be you will see it was not based anything on love...

You can also love someone and not need to be married. There really is not a lot of upside to marriage, but a ton of downside. For one you usually pay more in taxes, you are disqualified from certain income level based items because now you are considered to have two incomes (however; this can help if you come from a 1 income household), etc.

A marriage is harder to get than a divorce and once you divorce your spouse can now lay claim to your assets. No one ever thinks their relationships will end.

For the most part IMHO marriage is more an emotional and financial partnership. One can find sex anywhere...however, most don't have the personality to get out and try so they merely go from one relationship they fell into to another...pouring all their belief into that this basic stranger will be their one and only love forever.

Infidelity is one thing, but there are many that have agreements to open-relationships. There is a lot of upside to that too, but it takes someone confident in themselves to handle. We all have different sexual appetites and it's not fair to force one into it, so what do you do when your husband/wife decides once every 2-3 months is ok with them and you want more like every 2-3 days or more/less.

To me a marriage should have a strong basis on two people really wanting to be together. That want should be common to the two, but it doesn't have to be. One may like the other for the security, the other for the companionship. Marriage is also forced on some to keep a loved one in the country...I may not have married my wife if her visa would have allowed her to continue staying here continuously rather than flying out of the country for 6 months then returning for 3 years at a stretch.

A popular celebrity Gene Simmons is very anti-marriage and has a lot of writing on that.
 

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,125
30,076
146
Originally posted by: purepolly
Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Originally posted by: zinfamous
Well, I've read more of the thread since that comment. But it seems that KillyKall's real friend is the cheatee. So by telling her, he would actually be looking out for his friend. I get the impression that KillyKall thinks the cheater is a deuche. My opinion is revised a little bit, but there is no applicable man code when you have no respect for the other man in question, and the situation involves an actual friend of yours

Actually, it's the cheater and I'm better friends with him than I am with his wife. However, his wife is very good friends with mine. In addition, I completely despise men that cheat because I had to watch members of my family deal with it.


Then stick with your morals and tell the wife. For health reasons alone it is the right thing to do.

If your friend is willing to screw his wife over, he'd do it you too.


:thumbsup: I think KillyKall's apprent decision is the way to go as well. For some reason, The "stay out of it option" isn't the way to go in this situation.
 

deerslayer

Lifer
Jan 15, 2001
10,153
0
76
If it were me, I would talk to the cheater and tell them they could tell their spouse, or I'll tell them myself. Cheaters piss me off.

In respect to the friendship: do you really want to be friends with someone like that?
 

Kelemvor

Lifer
May 23, 2002
16,928
8
81
Talk top the one doing the cheating first. If he/she says to MYOB and continues to do it, then I'd talk to the one being cheated on.
 

MrDudeMan

Lifer
Jan 15, 2001
15,069
94
91
Originally posted by: deerslayer
If it were me, I would talk to the cheater and tell them they could tell their spouse, or I'll tell them myself. Cheaters piss me off.

In respect to the friendship: do you really want to be friends with someone like that?

:thumbsup:
 

KillyKillall

Diamond Member
Jul 1, 2004
4,415
0
0
I talked earlier today to the "cheater." He told me that he completely loves his wife and would never do anything to jeopardize their marriage. He also informed me that while he was giving the impression to everyone that he had sex with the stripper, he really only got lapdances. Not too smart to give the impression me thinks.

I'm not sure if I believe him, but I guess as the old saying goes, "Time Reveals All."

Anyway, I wanted to thank everyone for your advice and thoughts during this thread. I have learned much about different points of view on marriage, relationships, and friendship. While I might not agree with you (i.e. GeekBabe), I do respect your thoughts, experiences and opinions. You have taught me that I should also consider that not everyone views the moralities around marriage the same way I do.

And for the record...The going rates in Puerto Penasco are $50 for HJ's, $110 for BJ's, and $180 for sex.
 

moshquerade

No Lifer
Nov 1, 2001
61,504
12
56
Originally posted by: KillyKillall
Let's say you and your wife are friends with another couple. Then lets say that we find out that one of the people from the other couple has cheated on their spouse. Do you tell the other spouse since they are your friend? Do you just talk to the one that cheated and say WTF?

I predict many MYOB responses and I'm trying to, however...the cheater is doing this right in front of me.

How do you know for sure?

Let's just say that we were at an establishment drinking beers and he went off with someone in the back. Then came back and needed to borrow money...then he was bragging.

Additional Details

Additional details:

-We are close enough friends that we spend evenings with them 1-2 times per week

-The cheatee has expressed to me multiple times how upset they get when their spouse is checking out people and flirting

Update: 3/28/07
I talked earlier today to the "cheater." He told me that he completely loves his wife and would never do anything to jeopardize their marriage. He also informed me that while he was giving the impression to everyone that he had sex with the stripper, he really only got lapdances. Not too smart to give the impression me thinks.

I'm not sure if I believe him, but I guess as the old saying goes, "Time Reveals All."

Anyway, I wanted to thank everyone for your advice and thoughts during this thread. I have learned much about different points of view on marriage, relationships, and friendship. While I might not agree with you (i.e. GeekBabe), I do respect your thoughts, experiences and opinions. You have taught me that I should also consider that not everyone views the moralities around marriage the same way I do.

And for the record...The going rates in Puerto Penasco are $50 for HJ's, $110 for BJ's, and $180 for sex.

i wonder if he would mind if his wife got "lap dances" from a male stripper. . .
 

sixone

Lifer
May 3, 2004
25,030
4
61
Well, he may or may not be a cheater. But he clearly IS a liar. Keep that thought firmly in mind when you interact with him in the future.
 

Kniteman77

Platinum Member
Mar 15, 2004
2,917
0
76
Looking at this after reading the OP and merely browsing the discussion. . . .my two cents. I'll keep this as short as possible.

If there is one thing I aspire to in this life, I'd say it's Truth. I'm not talking about right or wrong here, I'm talking about the unbiased free flow of information and knowledge. Withholding of information denies people in any situation to make a choice for themselves and instead presumes a choice for them.

That being said it's not your choice to make, it's his. All you can do is talk with him about it, if you wish to give your opinion.