Beating your kids

[Triumph]

Actually, I think that the main problem many parents make is that they give in to their kids. They'll let them have what they want just so they'll shut up. A coworker of mine was telling me how he lets his daughter have almost anything she wants, because he sees how happy it makes her and he can't say no. I didn't want to sound too preachy so I dropped that conversation right then and there. I doubt he realizes that he's doing more harm than good.

Originally posted by: ergeorge

Originally posted by: datalink7
My parents never spanked me or my sisters, and we turned out fine (for the most part).

**shrug** And myself and my siblings and cousins got a swat on occasion when we screwed up bad enough. And we all turned out fine also. Mean nothing.

FWIW, the title of this thread is disturbing. There is a big difference between an occasional spanking and "beating" your kids

I just titled it that way to get everyone's attention

 

[LeeTJ]

Originally posted by: MistaTastyCakes
I'd take the kid to the doc and get him some ritalin or something.

I'm sorry all of you child abusers can't outsmart a kid

so you think DRUGGING your child makes you the smarter one??

children that grow up with discipline and boundaries end up healthier, smarter, more successful than children that are never given boundaries.

 

[classy]

I would have slapped the living s*** out of him. By the time I got through he would never have wanted to go shopping again.

 

[LeeTJ]

Originally posted by: classy
I would have slapped the living s*** out of him. By the time I got through he would never have wanted to go shopping again.

i'm gonna take the that you have there to mean that this is a joke, but I NEVER NEVER support BEATING a child. I do however believe that physical punishment does have it's place.

let me state for the record, in all the times i've punished my children there has never been a bruise or welt left on the skin of my children. i've never hit them so hard as to leave any kind of mark. for them it isn't how hard i hit them, they bump into me harder when we're just playing around then when i spank them, but it's about the idea of disapproval that they dislike.

 

[MistaTastyCakes]

Some say that Ritalin is a crutch for bad parents who can't control their kids.

I'm of the opinion that it is prescribed too often, but am well aware of children that truly need it.

Ya go do some chores for a bit and 80 people misinterpret a sentence.

My reference to ritalin was in jest. I am neither a doctor nor a child counselor, and I don't know what the kid needs. It simply boggles my mind how some people can bring themselves to hit someone, especially someone not half as bright (well, that could be debatable) and not half the size of them. Yeah, spanking or hitting a kid will shut them up. It works real well actually. I just don't believe it's a responsible idea.

Just cause "my dad beat the hell out of me and I'm fine" or whatever, doesn't make it right.

/shrug

Edit: As for spanking being different from beating.. how so? You're HITTING them. Closed or open fist, you're resorting to physical violence, which I feel is wrong.

 

[Ylen13]

Originally posted by: Triumph
http://filebox.vt.edu/users/jasnyde2/grocery_store_kid_no_candy.avi

Now I know that's supposed to be a funny commercial, but I think it's a poor reflection on our society. I mean, we've probably all seen kids like that in a store. If that were my kid, I would grab him, go directly home without buying what I needed, give him 2 or 3 snaps on the butt with the long edge of a plastic coat hanger, and keep him in his room the rest of the day.

Nobody I know that was spanked as a kid is horribly messed up now because of it. Most people look back on it and laugh. "Oh man, did my mother give it to me after that one!" No horrible emotional scaring. Of course by the time I have kids (I'm 24), spankings will probably be illegal, and I'll have to put up with a horrible brat that I can't reprimand because I'll get arrested.

*edit* auto parse, damnit!

Spanking (abusing) your child is assault and any person that due that should be arrested and prosecuted for that

 

[MistaTastyCakes]

children that grow up with discipline and boundaries end up healthier, smarter, more successful than children that are never given boundaries.

It is possible to give a child boundaries with something other than a hand or a fist or a belt.

 

[amnesiac]

Originally posted by: MistaTastyCakes

children that grow up with discipline and boundaries end up healthier, smarter, more successful than children that are never given boundaries.

It is possible to give a child boundaries with something other than a hand or a fist or a belt.

"Tommy, stop that."
"I mean it, Tommy."
"Okay, Tommy, don't make me tell you to stop again."
"That's it. Tommy, stop."

Yeah, big fat load of good that'll do ya.

I was spanked a couple times as a kid. It didn't give me emotional scarring or impede my psychological growth in any way.
Find me a study that links spanking to long term mental health and behavioral problems and I'll resign the argument.

 

[classy]

Originally posted by: LeeTJ

Originally posted by: classy
I would have slapped the living s*** out of him. By the time I got through he would never have wanted to go shopping again.

i'm gonna take the that you have there to mean that this is a joke, but I NEVER NEVER support BEATING a child. I do however believe that physical punishment does have it's place.

let me state for the record, in all the times i've punished my children there has never been a bruise or welt left on the skin of my children. i've never hit them so hard as to leave any kind of mark. for them it isn't how hard i hit them, they bump into me harder when we're just playing around then when i spank them, but it's about the idea of disapproval that they dislike.

Joke? Let me be clear. I have never had either one of my children even remotely embarrass me in public. You know why? Cause the a$$ whooping would be serious. I don't believe in beating them where they need medical attention, but I make sure it hurts with the threat it will hurt more next time. I have had to render only 4 whoopings so far. But I have the total respect of my 14 year old as well as my 3 year old. When I speak they listen. Look if they won't respect me they will probably not respect anyone else. They respect me or pay the consequences. I love them and treat them with respect, but I am the boss. Period, end of discussion. The problem today is with all this time out bs and weak punishments. Kids just laugh at that nonsense. Let me give you a lil story. I seen this girl in Walmart one day and her son was absolutley out of control. She's walking out talking about giving him some timeout when he got home. The lil boy was ranting and because he didn't respect his mother and wanted to do his thing he almost gets hit by a car. All because he didn't respect his mother. The bible says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all knowledge. That word fear means reverential respect. Well I am their Lord, , right now and if I don't get the respect, the pain will be dealt out. Believe me if that story was true and that was my child the first time she reached for the bag after I had put it back they would have gotten slapped. Hey it has served me well. Because I follow through with strong discipline my kids are good kids. Train your kids in the way they should go. And if they don't go willing down the path, kick them down the path . That was a lil joke there at the end.

 

[MistaTastyCakes]

"Tommy, stop that."
"I mean it, Tommy."
"Okay, Tommy, don't make me tell you to stop again."
"That's it. Tommy, stop."

Yeah, big fat load of good that'll do ya.

I was spanked a couple times as a kid. It didn't give me emotional scarring or impede my psychological growth in any way.
Find me a study that links spanking to long term mental health and behavioral problems and I'll resign the argument.

I'm not saying it'll scar you for life. I just don't morally agree with hitting a kid. I can't give you numerical stats on my morals, sorry.

Saying "Tommy, stop." over and over won't do a thing.

You can raise your voice, use a reward/deny system, or something like that. My parents did both and I turned out fine and well disciplined. In my early years, if I did A, I got to do what I wanted to do, but if I didn't do A, I couldn't. I soon learned that if I did what I was told, good things would happen. If I did bad things, I wouldn't get to do those good things.

I never obeyed out of fear in my entire life, which is the purpose of spanking.

I have never claimed spanking messes up a kid, and I have never claimed that my opinions are a fact, so no, I can't offer you any proof of what I believe, but you better be damn sure I will defend my belief.

These are simply the morals I was raised with and the morals I will take with me when raising my children. I base my decisions on something other than numerical facts.

 

[MistaTastyCakes]

Joke? Let me be clear. I have never had either one of my children even remotely embarrass me in public. You know why? Cause the a$$ whooping would be serious. I don't believe in beating them where they need medical attention, but I make sure it hurts with the threat it will hurt more next time. I have had to render only 4 whoopings so far. But I have the total respect of my 14 year old as well as my 3 year old. When I speak they listen. Look if they won't respect me they will probably not respect anyone else. They respect me or pay the consequences. I love them and treat them with respect, but I am the boss. Period, end of discussion. The problem today is with all this time out bs and weak punishments. Kids just laugh at that nonsense. Let me give you a lil story. I seen this girl in Walmart one day and her son was absolutley out of control. She's walking out talking about giving him some timeout when he got home. The lil boy was ranting and because he didn't respect his mother and wanted to do his thing he almost gets hit by a car. All because he didn't respect his mother. The bible says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all knowledge. That word fear means reverential respect. Well I am their Lord, , right now and if I don't get the respect, the pain will be dealt out. Believe me if that story was true and that was my child the first time she reached for the bag after I had put it back they would have gotten slapped. Hey it has served me well. Because I follow through with strong discipline my kids are good kids. Train your kids in the way they should go. And if they don't go willing down the path, kick them down the path . That was a lil joke there at the end.

They respect you cause they're afraid of you. How can you have pride in frightening a 3 year old and a young teen?

I agree with one point of this though.. timeout is BS.

 

[LeeTJ]

Originally posted by: MistaTastyCakes

"Tommy, stop that."
"I mean it, Tommy."
"Okay, Tommy, don't make me tell you to stop again."
"That's it. Tommy, stop."

Yeah, big fat load of good that'll do ya.

I was spanked a couple times as a kid. It didn't give me emotional scarring or impede my psychological growth in any way.
Find me a study that links spanking to long term mental health and behavioral problems and I'll resign the argument.

I'm not saying it'll scar you for life. I just don't morally agree with hitting a kid. I can't give you numerical stats on my morals, sorry.

Saying "Tommy, stop." over and over won't do a thing.

You can raise your voice, use a reward/deny system, or something like that. My parents did both and I turned out fine and well disciplined. In my early years, if I did A, I got to do what I wanted to do, but if I didn't do A, I couldn't. I soon learned that if I did what I was told, good things would happen. If I did bad things, I wouldn't get to do those good things.

I never obeyed out of fear in my entire life, which is the purpose of spanking.

I have never claimed spanking messes up a kid, and I have never claimed that my opinions are a fact, so no, I can't offer you any proof of what I believe, but you better be damn sure I will defend my belief.

These are simply the morals I was raised with and the morals I will take with me when raising my children.

do you have kids?? you talk as if you don't.

i have 3. everyone i know always comments on how well behaved my children are. i keep pretty tight reins on them. i go out of my way to be an active part of their lives.

but there have been times, NOT often mind you, when punishments were required.

btw, most of the "threats" you mentioned all lead to fear. deprivation of treats, sweets, play time, enjoyable activities all stem from fear of lose. you're decieving yourself if you believe differently.

the idea of bribing behavior has it's negatives.

those that ABSOLUTELY refuse to use spanking at all are the ones that are IMBALANCED, not the people that use them occasionally.

btw, my kids don't fear me, well they do somewhat, they fear disappointing me, oh wait that's fear too isn't it.

it's not nearly as simple and black and white as you suggest.

 

[Ylen13]

Originally posted by: classy

Originally posted by: LeeTJ

Originally posted by: classy
I would have slapped the living s*** out of him. By the time I got through he would never have wanted to go shopping again.

i'm gonna take the that you have there to mean that this is a joke, but I NEVER NEVER support BEATING a child. I do however believe that physical punishment does have it's place.

let me state for the record, in all the times i've punished my children there has never been a bruise or welt left on the skin of my children. i've never hit them so hard as to leave any kind of mark. for them it isn't how hard i hit them, they bump into me harder when we're just playing around then when i spank them, but it's about the idea of disapproval that they dislike.

Joke? Let me be clear. I have never had either one of my children even remotely embarrass me in public. You know why? Cause the a$$ whooping would be serious. I don't believe in beating them where they need medical attention, but I make sure it hurts with the threat it will hurt more next time. I have had to render only 4 whoopings so far. But I have the total respect of my 14 year old as well as my 3 year old. When I speak they listen. Look if they won't respect me they will probably not respect anyone else. They respect me or pay the consequences. I love them and treat them with respect, but I am the boss. Period, end of discussion. The problem today is with all this time out bs and weak punishments. Kids just laugh at that nonsense. Let me give you a lil story. I seen this girl in Walmart one day and her son was absolutley out of control. She's walking out talking about giving him some timeout when he got home. The lil boy was ranting and because he didn't respect his mother and wanted to do his thing he almost gets hit by a car. All because he didn't respect his mother. The bible says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of all knowledge. That word fear means reverential respect. Well I am their Lord, , right now and if I don't get the respect, the pain will be dealt out. Believe me if that story was true and that was my child the first time she reached for the bag after I had put it back they would have gotten slapped. Hey it has served me well. Because I follow through with strong discipline my kids are good kids. Train your kids in the way they should go. And if they don't go willing down the path, kick them down the path . That was a lil joke there at the end.

i guess your kids never picked up the phone and call 911 and then have the child service come over to your house

 

[Dragnov]

I'm sorry all of you child abusers can't outsmart a kid

Gotta agree with this here. Not that I find spanking really wrong, but it's sad that parents have to resort to it. It's really pathetic that you can't outsmart your kid, and be able to set boundaries through non-physical means.

 

[LeeTJ]

Originally posted by: Gr1mL0cK

I'm sorry all of you child abusers can't outsmart a kid

Gotta agree with this here. Not that I find spanking really wrong, but it's sad that parents have to resort to it. It's really pathetic that you can't outsmart your kid, and be able to set boundaries through non-physical means.

you left out the first part of this joke of his. he started with, he'd give his kid (which he doesn't have btw) ritalin.

ya, that's the answer, drugging kids is really outsmarting them.

you antispanking people talk as if we beat our kids every day.

i've spanked my kids mb 10 times, all three of them and the oldest is 6.

i don't do it often, but i'm not foolish enough to rule it out.

 

[DerwenArtos12]

i think it is a great comercial. and i don't believe in beating children but i have no problem with carying their crying a$$ out and locking them in the car with the window crcked open so they don't suffocate.

 

[MistaTastyCakes]

do you have kids?? you talk as if you don't.

i have 3. everyone i know always comments on how well behaved my children are. i keep pretty tight reins on them. i go out of my way to be an active part of their lives.

but there have been times, NOT often mind you, when punishments were required.

btw, most of the "threats" you mentioned all lead to fear. deprivation of treats, sweets, play time, enjoyable activities all stem from fear of lose. you're decieving yourself if you believe differently.

the idea of bribing behavior has it's negatives.

those that ABSOLUTELY refuse to use spanking at all are the ones that are IMBALANCED, not the people that use them occasionally.

btw, my kids don't fear me, well they do somewhat, they fear disappointing me, oh wait that's fear too isn't it.

it's not nearly as simple and black and white as you suggest.

The hard part is to find a good medium. No, I don't have kids. I don't know if that discredits all I have to say here and I should leave the thread or something, hehe, but I can definately go off of my personal experiences from growing up (hell, I still am), and from what I've seen from others around me.

You have a good point about the fear of loss. So, what do ya think is healthier though? Living and having to fear losing your toys, or living and having to fear pain? I spose both sides have their negatives, but just as some children can and have been brought up with excessive beating (disclaimer: NO I'M NOT ACCUSING ANYONE) I believe that children can and have been brought up with the opposite. I was, and I'm happy with how I turned out. I'm sure spanking and whatnot is easier than the other method, but that doesn't make it morally right.

I suppose I don't truly know how I'll discipline my kids until I have some of my own I guess. I'm just strongly opinionated in this subject.. maybe cuz I'm a wuss hehe

I'm off to dinner but I'll check back here again afterwards, so if I shut up for a while it's cause I'm eatin' pizza

 

[her209]

verbally abuse them

 

[MistaTastyCakes]

Before I go..

you left out the first part of this joke of his. he started with, he'd give his kid (which he doesn't have btw) ritalin.

ya, that's the answer, drugging kids is really outsmarting them

I already stated that I said the ritalin thing in jest and that I'm in no position to perscribe drugs to any kid. Read please

Just because I don't have something doesn't mean I can't have an opinion.

 

[Dragnov]

you left out the first part of this joke of his. he started with, he'd give his kid (which he doesn't have btw) ritalin.

ya, that's the answer, drugging kids is really outsmarting them.

you antispanking people talk as if we beat our kids every day.

i've spanked my kids mb 10 times, all three of them and the oldest is 6.

i don't do it often, but i'm not foolish enough to rule it out.

I left out that part naturally because I don't agree with that statement. I never commented on drugging kids or what not, but rather it's pretty damn easy to outsmart your child. So no, of course, druggin your kids is not outsmarting them. I'm not arguing anything about that.

Anti-spanking people? I said "Not that I find spanking really wrong." Furthermore, I just believe theres always an alternative to physical punishment without making a single concession. Spanking just seems to easy way out for a parent.

 

[RobCur]

spanking is good for the body & soul. Everyone need its to behave properly and to set them straight. I been beaten a lot when I was a child but when I see other kids get beaten so hard, so fast, LMAO!!!

 

[classy]

Originally posted by: MistaTastyCakes

They respect you cause they're afraid of you. How can you have pride in frightening a 3 year old and a young teen?

I agree with one point of this though.. timeout is BS.

See this is where many parents miss it. They are not afraid of me, but they are afraid of the consequences of what might happen if they get out of line. Its not out being outsmarted. Its not smarts. 20 years ago you raise a loud smart allec kid he might go out get in trouble. Today you raise one they go out and turn up dead. I instill in my kids that there are consequences to disobeying. And depending on the offense the penalty may call for a slapping. In 17 years of child rearing I have had light the buns up on each one twice. My 3 year old is close to being on the level of a kindegarten child. And my 14 year old gets honor roll marks and just last month was student of the month. They will both tell you that if daddy tells us not to do something its for good reason. And they will both tell you if they do wrong daddy will punish them. If they don't fear me, they won't fear the police, the teacher, etc. The will be unteachable cause they won't listen to anybody.

 

[Armitage]

As far as rewarding or withholding rewards ... I think bribing for behavior has its own set of problems.
Sometimes the answer is "because I said so" not "because I'll give you some candy". And besides all kids are different. Some respond to some methods, and others don't. My daughter would literally, at 2 years, sit in the corner all day rather then change her behavior. She'd throw a tantrum for literally, hours barely pausing to breath. Yelling at her did no good. And I wasn't going to enter a bribery cycle. Tried some other stuff as well. Some stern words and a spanking changed the behavior fairly quickly, and I think she was less traumitized by that then sitting in the corner, throwing an endless tantrum or being yelled at. Now, as I said before, my son his completely different. A cross look gets his attention, rare tantrums last just minutes. He's just a mellower, more relaxed kid. Been that way from literally, the first few minutes.

as far as being incapable of "outsmarting" kids

Your implying logic and intelligence. And that simply doesn't work. See my banana story. No amount of explaining that there was no banana helped, no amount of distraction helped (and several other parents & grandparents on the flight tried). If you have any "smart" ideas for that situation, I'd love to here em. Kids are kids ... and at that age you can't reason with them.

 

[classy]

Originally posted by: her209
verbally abuse them

Now thats dangerous. Verbal abuse can ruin a child's spirit. It can crush their lil souls. You don't want that. Verbal abuse can last a lifetime. See butt cheeks heal within hours, but words can open some wounds that only heal in death.

 

[NewForumMember]

you're beating my kids!?

wtf!