Pointing out that he has a history of control issues and insecurity isn't helpful? Ok, I'll stop then.
IronWing
No Lifer
- Jul 20, 2001
- 73,153
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Again, he only gets to control himself, not her. If he doesn't like her going to dinner with old flames he can dump her or learn to live with it. Where do guys get it in their heads that they can dictate what their girlfriends/wives may or may not do?
Cdubneeddeal
Diamond Member
- Oct 22, 2003
- 7,473
- 3
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Makes no difference. Is he is looking for a mate, so what? She isn't, well we would all like to think. Once again it comes down to trust. Is she coming home every night to the OP? Does she show affection for him? Does she tell him that she loves him and shows it? He's insecure and needs, honestly, to see someone regarding it. Insecurity and jealousy are a sure sign of depression. Don't ignore it.
A little too idealistic methinks.
Being in a serious relationship in and of itself dictates what you can and cannot do. You cannot cheat, you cannot lie, you cannot do anything to break your S/O's trust.
You can't help human nature.
Cdubneeddeal
Diamond Member
- Oct 22, 2003
- 7,473
- 3
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Well, with that one guy who was mentally disturbed that went out and shot that dad and his daughter..has really got me thinking about how people are treated in person or online. A thread like this can have ill effects on the OP. Especially since the vast majority of us are somewhat flaming him for his insecurity.
I think feeling a little insecure is only natural when one's girlfriend is going out with some other guy, probably an ex-boyfriend. Your partner in a relationship shouldn't give you cause to feel insecure. This is cause.
Cdubneeddeal
Diamond Member
- Oct 22, 2003
- 7,473
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Understood. But this is not cause in my opinion. She was straight up front about who she was going out with and most likely where. If she wanted to cheat, she would have hid who she's going out with and most likely lied and said she's going out with her girlfriends.
Funny how sparks can sometimes fly when you're with an ex...mistakes happen, whether intentional or otherwise.
redgtxdi
Diamond Member
- Jun 23, 2004
- 5,464
- 8
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I think that's very well put. Kinda' down the middle, if not a little to his favor.
Ideally, it's not *he's wrong* or *she's wrong*, it's about mutual respect. He and she should probably have a talk about it.
I did this once to my current wife shortly after a breakup w/a girlfriend. After my current wife and I were seeing eachother for a couple months, I had a previous date planned with an ex and we followed thru with it. In hindsight, it was not the right thing for me to do. I should have stood by my *current* lady.
Thus, my opinion is that she shouldn't be doing dinner with this guy *knowing* that it's gonna bug the current beau!!
How well does he know this guy? For all we know, he could be a creep that has every intention to date-rape her, beat her up, or worse... if anything bad happens he's going to feel pretty ****** that he let her go alone.
On top of that, it's a respect thing. She should've asked him to come along. My g/f has done this on several occasions, and each time I've appreciated it very much. One of the reasons she's such a great girlfriend to me.
..and again, ask yourself why you would go specifically to the workplace to ask a girl out who you knew had a boyfriend. The guy has guts and a plan.
SoulAssassin
Diamond Member
- Feb 1, 2001
- 6,135
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Ask yourself what she would do if you wanted to take some girl you went to college with out to dinner and you have your answer.
Also, lunch is innocent...coffee is innocent...dinner means something.
Also, lunch is innocent...coffee is innocent...dinner means something.
Cdubneeddeal
Diamond Member
- Oct 22, 2003
- 7,473
- 3
- 81
And I say it again - So what if he has intentions instead of just friends? If she truly loves the OP she'll deny his advances.
I geuss that's where you and I differ. I would rather not put or let my g/f put herself in that sort of a situation.
The OP is just a troll who likes to get everyone frothing at the mouth for his own amusement. Surely he's not stupid enough to believe that he has any right to place a "curfew" on anyone but his underaged children.
Possessive, is the word you're looking for. They both want to bang each other, btw. Perhaps more so for the guy who sought her out, but she does too.
Cdubneeddeal
Diamond Member
- Oct 22, 2003
- 7,473
- 3
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That made me laugh..so here's a
Just realized as well..since this is OT, my post count is my birthday year, 1976..pretty cool..won't last long
I think I'm in a similar situation. My gf met this guy at a party during the summer before we started dating. He's been keeping in contact with her thru AIM/phone ever since. He likes her and has been trying to convince her to go to lunch/dinner with him, even going thru their mutual friends to encourage her. He didn't know she already had a bf, so I couldn't really blame him. She agrees to lunch one day. She tells me all this and I'm disturbed by him. But I figure I should trust her and it's really not my place to tell her otherwise. So the day approaches and she mentions her "lunch date... oops, i mean day... lol" with him. I'm irked and tell her that I know it's not my place, but it still bothers me. She agrees to slip in "my boyfriend" in their conversation. Well, long story short, he continued asking to meet up with her after she says it.
I realize I'm clearly not as secure about my relationship as I thought. He, having mutual friends with her, is at an advantage and I fear he might say all the right things. I talk to her about it. In the end though, I realize I'm overreacting. She didn't have to tell me this and by putting any pressure on asking her not to see him would only work against me. If she sees him again, sure I'd be upset again. But I have to eventually learn to trust her completely.
In short, you overstep your boundaries. Apologize, tell her you were upset about it, but you'll try to deal with it. It's perfectly normal to feel jealous. But if you show her you trust her, she'll love you more for it.
I realize I'm clearly not as secure about my relationship as I thought. He, having mutual friends with her, is at an advantage and I fear he might say all the right things. I talk to her about it. In the end though, I realize I'm overreacting. She didn't have to tell me this and by putting any pressure on asking her not to see him would only work against me. If she sees him again, sure I'd be upset again. But I have to eventually learn to trust her completely.
In short, you overstep your boundaries. Apologize, tell her you were upset about it, but you'll try to deal with it. It's perfectly normal to feel jealous. But if you show her you trust her, she'll love you more for it.
Sounds like u have trust issues, just make sure she knows u lover her and stop worrying. If she does love u there will be no problem. If she does not love u you are not gonna be together long anyways.
Thats probably one of the most retarded things I have ever heard. Asian women go out with white men because they want to be with white men... just like how asian males want to be with white females... but the latter case usually doesnt work well since majority of white females dont have an attraction to asian men.
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