i dont think anyone is saying that. if there was no pre-planned party, then there are no problems with her staying there.
i dont think anyone is saying that. if there was no pre-planned party, then there are no problems with her staying there.
Wow. All of you, aside from hypnotik, are certifiable assholes.
Have some respect for elders, especially your roomate's parents. The mother's financial situation should in no way be a factor for this decision.
- Feb 9, 2005
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i think its fine for her to stay in general, just it'd be nice to know before we have plans, i mean, we have someone commin in on friday to stay there, so she'd be in the liviing room with someone she didnt' know on top of it all, which is kinda funny in a way. but yeah, its not the issue of her staying, its the issue of we have plans, then told we can't do them cuz another roomate says so, no compramise offered when the mother staying is presented.
given things could of been presented on both sides in a more robust manner, but a little late for that now.
If it was your mom and she wanted to visit I tell her to stay at a hotel too. And if she can't afford a hotel I make your mom sleep on the streets.
misread on my part.
imo, as a parent, i wouldnt want to stay with my child and their roommates, so as not to impose, unless invited by the whole house. even then im not sure if i would or not. would depend on their roommates and my relationship, if any, with them.
- Feb 9, 2005
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your missing the point, its not about her staying. its about how the situation of her comming to stay came about. i dont care if she stays, but just as she deserves our repect, we intrun deserve the same. we should in no way have to cancel our plans just for her, just as she shoudln't have to cancel hers just for us. but apparently you believe otherwise? did you read the main post? you dont think its a little rude to just spring an event on someone who's been planning something for some time?
waggy
No Lifer
- Dec 14, 2000
- 68,143
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yeah its crap like this is why i got my own place. Had a roomate's mother always try to play mom with everyone. From telling us how to eat (wich is fine to a point) to dropping by and wanting to stay the weekend.
Final straw was telling me that i couldnt have my GF stay the night anymore. At the time iwas paying almost half of the rent (had the big room and my own bathroom!) We had roomate meetings where i told him that has to stop. when i didnt and the end of the lease was almost up i told him either he goes or i leave.
The only one i see lacking respect is the mother. She shouldnt expect all the renters to want a old lady in the living room while they are trying to have a good time. They shouldnt have ot put off there plans to satisfy her.
alkemyst
No Lifer
- Feb 13, 2001
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Hmm it doesn't matter WTF is paying if it's not the daughter's place.
Try having the mom take classes for the daughter if she is the one 'paying' for them.
I think the mom is a little wierd to want to stay in a situation with multiple roommates, not to mention the guy not seeing the g/f in a while is sure going to want to do somethings that first night...unless he is as clueless as the mother.
Regardless. If the guy knew there was a party planned that takes the priority. It's not like it's a private situation at this party, he is affecting many people that have no care on his personal / family life...not to mention the lack of attention to scheduling.
I for one have not had a roommate that was not my g/f/wife...I didn't have any parent's staying over even when they travelled to visit while I was in college. Can't say I was living the bookworm life though and perhaps that may have made it a non-issue...but at that point I'd probably love whatever company I could get.
I'm responding to the "if she can afford such and such" posts. I've already said my peace about your situation.
Lack of communication is bad, sure, and I agree it was bad timing. But I'd give my parents priority over any party any day. If we're talking a party with a lot of money invested, catering or something, then maybe I'd reconsider.
But from what I've read, it is just a stupid college party, and that can always be cancelled, a week before or an hour before.
Edit: And I'm also probably biased, as I go to school a while away from home as well, so if my parents came up it would be a big deal. Seeing how this girl needs to fly in, I imagine it is the same.
waggy
No Lifer
- Dec 14, 2000
- 68,143
- 10
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again respect goes both way's. The parent needs to respect the other people in the house. They should not have ot change plans just because she wants to stay the night. I don't care how much money she has or does not have. I would not change my plans but if she wants to stay over while a party is going on then thats fine with me.
anyway respect is earned and not given because of age.
Your room mate with the GF is a tard, and probably has no fvcking clue as to how to talk with someone about something like that.
Either that or his GFs mom is a total b1tch.
Either way, I don't think you did wrong. He's the lamearse for not having told you guys about the visit prior, he should have said "Osheet, whatabout the week after, my GF and her mom are planning on staying here" when the news was circulating over the weekend about the party.
Either that or his GFs mom is a total b1tch.
Either way, I don't think you did wrong. He's the lamearse for not having told you guys about the visit prior, he should have said "Osheet, whatabout the week after, my GF and her mom are planning on staying here" when the news was circulating over the weekend about the party.
My parents should never need to earn my roomates respect. It is because they are my parents, and because they are people I love, if my roomates had any respect for me, they would respect them.
You're telling me a stupid BYOB party has priority over a roomate's parents? Bullsh!t. Parties are a dime a dozen, but from what I can tell, the mother visiting is a rare occassion.
rh71
No Lifer
- Aug 28, 2001
- 52,844
- 1,049
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I'm starting to feel that the divide between respecting parents and the "respect goes both ways" is about upbringing. As a lot of you are aware, some cultures are taught differently and act differently. An asian mom is likely to expect to stay with their kids whereas another parent may automatically think it would be a burden. Some opinions here about parents show this quite clearly. I don't feel either are wrong... but I would absolutely respect someone's parents' requests so long as I don't have to bend over backwards. So again, in general, I don't see a problem with parents staying at my place.
Hehe. I know my grammar and spelling suck. Hug head in shame and crawl out of the thread and nef somewhere else.
- Feb 9, 2005
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MikeyIs4Dcats
Lifer
- Nov 5, 2001
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First I will say that Moms trump parties any and every time!
Now... asking her to stay in a hotel was the WRONG way to go about it. You should have either had the g/f tell her mom that there was a party going on and she booked a hotel room the mom with the g/f staying with mom for the weekend... or just tell the mom that there is a party going on that weekend and you are all excited about her meeting all the friends. Chances are that she is smart enough to know what the party entails and would elect to get a room for the weekend. In any case... it it up to the girlfriend to stay with the mom, no matter where that is...a hotel or in the apartment.
What ended up happening is that the mom is most likely feeling really disrespected and that is not a good thing to do to a mom, especially if she is paying rent.
Seems that the mom had the plan in place with a hotel room and concert tickets and ... out or respect that should supercede a party. Out of respect, if nothing else. I mean, bummer the party would have to be put off for a weekend at worst. As a mom of a college daughter, I cannot imagine being treated like that. But I would not be happy with my daughter or her boyfriend.
Now... asking her to stay in a hotel was the WRONG way to go about it. You should have either had the g/f tell her mom that there was a party going on and she booked a hotel room the mom with the g/f staying with mom for the weekend... or just tell the mom that there is a party going on that weekend and you are all excited about her meeting all the friends. Chances are that she is smart enough to know what the party entails and would elect to get a room for the weekend. In any case... it it up to the girlfriend to stay with the mom, no matter where that is...a hotel or in the apartment.
What ended up happening is that the mom is most likely feeling really disrespected and that is not a good thing to do to a mom, especially if she is paying rent.
Seems that the mom had the plan in place with a hotel room and concert tickets and ... out or respect that should supercede a party. Out of respect, if nothing else. I mean, bummer the party would have to be put off for a weekend at worst. As a mom of a college daughter, I cannot imagine being treated like that. But I would not be happy with my daughter or her boyfriend.
I was going to say that, and it is definitely true.
I am not, however, asian by any means. I was raised to have respect for my parents, though. Apparently a lot of ATOT either had a poor upbringing or are still young and immature.
- Feb 9, 2005
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i grew up in a family that said no one has priority over another. so i just run with that.
and again, to all the ppl focusing on teh whole BYOB party things, thats not the main issue at hand, canceling a college party is not a big deal, its the situation and what it represents that is the issue, please take note of that in your posts.
i have respect for my parents. the difference is my parents, out of respect for me and my roommates, wouldnt have imposed themselves, or acted like a child and cancelled all plans once they heard the situation.
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