Am i an a$$ roomate

[CRXican]

Originally posted by: hypn0tik

Originally posted by: GhettoPeanut

Originally posted by: hypn0tik
You're an ass. You give more importance to some bullsh|t party over a visit from a roommate's parents?

The parent did the right thing IMO.

That's just disgraceful, asking a friend's parents to stay at a hotel.

Edit: Grammar

why can't the parent do what most parents do? stay in a hotel?

Why should she? She's paying her daughter's rent so she should be able to stay there if she wants to. If the daughter was paying her own rent then it would be a different story.

Regardless, I'm surprised at the lack of respect for a friend's parent.

Screw that, the other roomates pay for their space and don't have to let someones mom stay in that space. If the girl had to have her mom there the mom should have taken her room and the daughter could do whatever in the living room.

OP, don't feel bad.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: ducci

Originally posted by: rh71
I'm starting to feel that the divide between respecting parents and the "respect goes both ways" is about upbringing. As a lot of you are aware, some cultures are taught differently and act differently. An asian mom is likely to expect to stay with their kids whereas another may automatically think it would be a burden.

I was going to say that, and it is definitely true.

I am not, however, asian by any means. I was raised to have respect for my parents, though. Apparently a lot of ATOT either had a poor upbringing or are still young and immature.

and some poeple just do not understand that respect flows both ways. While away at college my parents never thought of staying with me (until igot my own place). They understood there was 3-4 other poeple in the apartment. So they could not impose there will on them.

IF one of my roomates had plans for a party (was not much into parting myself) i knew it was time to stay at my GF's apartment or i had to deal with it.

I respect my parentsand my friends parents. But i also expect them to respect me. IF i have plans then they should expect me to cancel them because they want me to. Even if htey are paying for 1/4th of the rent. If they want the abliity to tell me to cancel my plans they need to be paying my rent for me.

 

[KarenMarie]

Originally posted by: shimsham

i have respect for my parents. the difference is my parents, out of respect for me and my roommates, wouldnt have imposed themselves, or acted like a child and cancelled all plans once they heard the situation.

the mom probably did not feel like she was imposing or she would not have booked the trip for that weekend in the first place. I do not think this is the fault of the OP... but of the daughter who did not tell anyone that he mom was coming as soon as the plans were made and for the person who would not put the party off for a week.

Don't know these ppl, but I cannot see the mom booking a plane fare and concert tickets knowing that there was a party and just expecting it to be canceled.

My guess is that she booked all of this and was ready to go, and then finds out that she is not welcome cause of a BYOB party. That's gotta sting.

 

[hypn0tik]

Originally posted by: ducci

Originally posted by: rh71
I'm starting to feel that the divide between respecting parents and the "respect goes both ways" is about upbringing. As a lot of you are aware, some cultures are taught differently and act differently. An asian mom is likely to expect to stay with their kids whereas another may automatically think it would be a burden.

I was going to say that, and it is definitely true.

I am not, however, asian by any means. I was raised to have respect for my parents, though. Apparently a lot of ATOT either had a poor upbringing or are still young and immature.

I sort of mentioned this before, but I agree as well. I am appalled at some of the opinions stated here.

 

[KEV1N]

Don't forget who's bankrolling the venue.

 

[oznerol]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie

Originally posted by: shimsham

i have respect for my parents. the difference is my parents, out of respect for me and my roommates, wouldnt have imposed themselves, or acted like a child and cancelled all plans once they heard the situation.

the mom probably did not feel like she was imposing or she would not have booked the trip for that weekend in the first place. I do not think this is the fault of the OP... but of the daughter who did not tell anyone that he mom was coming as soon as the plans were made and for the person who would not put the party off for a week.

Don't know these ppl, but I cannot see the mom booking a plane fare and concert tickets knowing that there was a party and just expecting it to be canceled.

My guess is that she booked all of this and was ready to go, and then finds out that she is not welcome cause of a BYOB party. That's gotta sting.

Best post in this thread.

 

[BigJ]

Originally posted by: ducci

Originally posted by: waggy
again respect goes both way's. The parent needs to respect the other people in the house. They should not have ot change plans just because she wants to stay the night. I don't care how much money she has or does not have. I would not change my plans but if she wants to stay over while a party is going on then thats fine with me.

anyway respect is earned and not given because of age.

My parents should never need to earn my roomates respect. It is because they are my parents, and because they are people I love, if my roomates had any respect for me, they would respect them.

You're telling me a stupid BYOB party has priority over a roomate's parents? Bullsh!t. Parties are a dime a dozen, but from what I can tell, the mother visiting is a rare occassion.

And if you were my roommate, you should have some respect for me and give me more than 24 hours notice when I've been planning a party for the last week and a half.

EDIT: And I'm not placing the blame on the mother. I'm placing the blame on the GF and the BF in this situation. But the mother should use some common sense and realize she is going to be intruding on 3 other peoples living space, and should probably have gotten a room somewhere else. That's what my mom/dad would've done.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: hypn0tik

Originally posted by: ducci

Originally posted by: rh71
I'm starting to feel that the divide between respecting parents and the "respect goes both ways" is about upbringing. As a lot of you are aware, some cultures are taught differently and act differently. An asian mom is likely to expect to stay with their kids whereas another may automatically think it would be a burden.

I was going to say that, and it is definitely true.

I am not, however, asian by any means. I was raised to have respect for my parents, though. Apparently a lot of ATOT either had a poor upbringing or are still young and immature.

I sort of mentioned this before, but I agree as well. I am appalled at some of the opinions stated here.

oh yes. we are such animals! just because we wouldnt cancel plans we had in ADVANCE! ohh how horrible! If the GF's mother gets upset because of that why should he respect her? she ovisoly has no respect for him.

but i agree that i doubt the mother has the full story. the GF and BF are to blame and need ot grow up. the OP did nothing wrong.

 

[shimsham]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie

Originally posted by: shimsham

i have respect for my parents. the difference is my parents, out of respect for me and my roommates, wouldnt have imposed themselves, or acted like a child and cancelled all plans once they heard the situation.

the mom probably did not feel like she was imposing or she would not have booked the trip for that weekend in the first place. I do not think this is the fault of the OP... but of the daughter who did not tell anyone that he mom was coming as soon as the plans were made and for the person who would not put the party off for a week.

Don't know these ppl, but I cannot see the mom booking a plane fare and concert tickets knowing that there was a party and just expecting it to be canceled.

My guess is that she booked all of this and was ready to go, and then finds out that she is not welcome cause of a BYOB party. That's gotta sting.

i agree. the bf/gf are to blame for not including their roommates in the plan.

my point was my mother wouldnt even stay because with other people in the house, she wouldnt want to impose herself by making them feel uncomfortable; ie: cant walk around in your underwear, fart while watching tv, that type of stuff.

even in this situation, i dont see how the mother could be so upset that she cancels everything. the fact that she did implies that when the bf called, he made her feel unwelcome by overblowing and dramatizing the whole situation.

my mom would say no problem and understand that there are more people in the house with plans and lives and that shat happens and plans may have to change. actually, shes done that before when things didnt go as planned.

 

[waggy]

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: KarenMarie

Originally posted by: shimsham

i have respect for my parents. the difference is my parents, out of respect for me and my roommates, wouldnt have imposed themselves, or acted like a child and cancelled all plans once they heard the situation.

the mom probably did not feel like she was imposing or she would not have booked the trip for that weekend in the first place. I do not think this is the fault of the OP... but of the daughter who did not tell anyone that he mom was coming as soon as the plans were made and for the person who would not put the party off for a week.

Don't know these ppl, but I cannot see the mom booking a plane fare and concert tickets knowing that there was a party and just expecting it to be canceled.

My guess is that she booked all of this and was ready to go, and then finds out that she is not welcome cause of a BYOB party. That's gotta sting.

i agree. the bf/gf are to blame for not including their roommates in the plan.

my point was my mother wouldnt even stay because with other people in the house, she wouldnt want to impose herself by making them feel uncomfortable; ie: cant walk around in your underwear, fart while watching tv, that type of stuff.

even in this situation, i dont see how the mother could be so upset that she cancels everything. the fact that she did implies that when the bf called, he made her feel unwelcome by overblowing and dramatizing the whole situation.

my mom would say no problem and understand that there are more people in the house with plans and lives and that shat happens and plans may have to change. actually, shes done that before when things didnt go as planned.

I think this is what most poeple would do. Understand that there are other people living in the house.

But communcation is the key. luckely the poeople i roomed with were all nerds and understood that you need to let poeple know what is going on.

 

[BigJ]

Originally posted by: waggy

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: KarenMarie

Originally posted by: shimsham

i have respect for my parents. the difference is my parents, out of respect for me and my roommates, wouldnt have imposed themselves, or acted like a child and cancelled all plans once they heard the situation.

the mom probably did not feel like she was imposing or she would not have booked the trip for that weekend in the first place. I do not think this is the fault of the OP... but of the daughter who did not tell anyone that he mom was coming as soon as the plans were made and for the person who would not put the party off for a week.

Don't know these ppl, but I cannot see the mom booking a plane fare and concert tickets knowing that there was a party and just expecting it to be canceled.

My guess is that she booked all of this and was ready to go, and then finds out that she is not welcome cause of a BYOB party. That's gotta sting.

i agree. the bf/gf are to blame for not including their roommates in the plan.

my point was my mother wouldnt even stay because with other people in the house, she wouldnt want to impose herself by making them feel uncomfortable; ie: cant walk around in your underwear, fart while watching tv, that type of stuff.

even in this situation, i dont see how the mother could be so upset that she cancels everything. the fact that she did implies that when the bf called, he made her feel unwelcome by overblowing and dramatizing the whole situation.

my mom would say no problem and understand that there are more people in the house with plans and lives and that shat happens and plans may have to change. actually, shes done that before when things didnt go as planned.

I think this is what most poeple would do. Understand that there are other people living in the house.

But communcation is the key. luckely the poeople i roomed with were all nerds and understood that you need to let poeple know what is going on.

These nerds knew who to communicate with other people !?!??! :shocked:

Just kidding!

 

[jjones]

So what was the problem about inviting the mom to the party? She can get drunk and then crash on the couch, or she might even get some young stud to take her home, thus avoiding the whole "Where to stay the night?" problem.

 

[GhettoPeanut]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie
First I will say that Moms trump parties any and every time!

Now... asking her to stay in a hotel was the WRONG way to go about it. You should have either had the g/f tell her mom that there was a party going on and she booked a hotel room the mom with the g/f staying with mom for the weekend... or just tell the mom that there is a party going on that weekend and you are all excited about her meeting all the friends. Chances are that she is smart enough to know what the party entails and would elect to get a room for the weekend. In any case... it it up to the girlfriend to stay with the mom, no matter where that is...a hotel or in the apartment.

What ended up happening is that the mom is most likely feeling really disrespected and that is not a good thing to do to a mom, especially if she is paying rent.

Seems that the mom had the plan in place with a hotel room and concert tickets and ... out or respect that should supercede a party. Out of respect, if nothing else. I mean, bummer the party would have to be put off for a weekend at worst. As a mom of a college daughter, I cannot imagine being treated like that. But I would not be happy with my daughter or her boyfriend.

mom didn't have a hotel, and we didnt tell her she should stay in a hotel, we asked why she couldnt for one of the nights, well, i asked the BF that, and he relayed, apparently wrongly, the question. and yes, mom's trump parties, but thats not the issue, the issue is repect and communication which there was a filure of. and just cuz the mom pays the GF's rent doesn't give her some super access to our apt, its mine to

 

[GhettoPeanut]

thanks everyone for all your opinions, broebo and myself are prolly gonna have a really fun sit down talk with our roomates about this, i'll be sure to let you know how that goes. hopfully well, possibly not, who knows.

 

[spidey07]

All of this lies on the psycho dramaqueen, childish mom (and probably dauthter as well for not mentioning it)

No other blame.

There is no decent parent out there who would want to sleep in the living room with other roomates around. She's an adult and should act like one.

 

[newParadigm]

Thats very assuming, and retarded.

 

[bleeb]

WHy didn't you guys just pwn the money for her to stay at a cheap motel.. problem solved and everyone is HAPPY DOODLY.

 

[NuroMancer]

Originally posted by: shimsham

Originally posted by: ducci

Originally posted by: rh71
I'm starting to feel that the divide between respecting parents and the "respect goes both ways" is about upbringing. As a lot of you are aware, some cultures are taught differently and act differently. An asian mom is likely to expect to stay with their kids whereas another may automatically think it would be a burden.

I was going to say that, and it is definitely true.

I am not, however, asian by any means. I was raised to have respect for my parents, though. Apparently a lot of ATOT either had a poor upbringing or are still young and immature.

i have respect for my parents. the difference is my parents, out of respect for me and my roommates, wouldnt have imposed themselves, or acted like a child and cancelled all plans once they heard the situation.

I TOTALLY agree unless the BF blew it out of perportion to the mom...

Whether you are 1/4 or 1/2 of the rent of an apartment, you still have to respect the other tennants, and respect isn't 24 hours notice when you've had weeks of for-knowledge....

 

[toekramp]

where do you go to school

 

[KarenMarie]

Originally posted by: GhettoPeanut

mom didn't have a hotel, and we didnt tell her she should stay in a hotel, we asked why she couldnt for one of the nights, well, i asked the BF that, and he relayed, apparently wrongly, the question. and yes, mom's trump parties, but thats not the issue, the issue is repect and communication which there was a filure of. and just cuz the mom pays the GF's rent doesn't give her some super access to our apt, its mine to

I see your point. Mom paying the bills should not give her super access to YOUR place, but it should give her extra consideration in her daughter's place. Tough situation! Which is why I ensured that I paid for VeggieFrog to have her own dorm for the first year she was at college. Never had to deal with any of this.

I don't believe that anyone acted out of malious here. But, a few things from my opinion. And these are just my opinions... as a mother of a 21yr old and a daughter of an older parent. Totally biased, I know.

The girlfriend should be ashamed of herself. She needed to tell EVERYone that her mom was coming immediately! And if she told the b/f and he did not relay, then shame on him.

It is really rough for parents and kids to make the transformation from teenage to adulthood. While kids your age are enjoying ....FINALLY... being grown up and independant, it is tough for all involved. I know for me... it took a long time (and I am still adjusting) to VeggieFrog being the head of her own household and an independant woman in her own right.

As the daughter of an aging parent... hmmm... I cannot tell you how I wish I could turn back the hands of time to when I was just starting out and have my mom be more of a part of it. I did the whole "it's my place and I am the boss" thing and looking back.... she ... well, she is my mom. She always was and always will be my mom and I now see that it must have been harder for her to go thru with me what I am feeling with VeggieFrog, mostly cause VeggieFrog is a much better, much more respectful child than I ever was. (less guilt for her, huh? )

Bottom line... if it were me in that situation... not yours, but the other ppl's in the house....

If I were the daughter, I would have shown my mom the respect she deserves and let everyone know of her upcoming visit. If the party could not have been rescheduled, I would have gotten a hotel room for my mom and me. I would never, ever allow a b/f husband or whomever ... go to my mom and suggest a hotel because of a party.

And if I were the party thrower... I would hope to treat the girls mom the same way I would hope that my mom would be treated.

Throughout this thread, I have seen so many conflicting ideas, thoughts and opinions. Most of them are valid. Some are downright rude and disresectful. I believe that ALL children need to grow up and spread their wings, and all parents should come to terms with it. No one can be 'the child' forever. Hellfire, I am 42yrs old and have been on my own since 17yrs old, paying my own way thru everything. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have to go back to being 'the kid' again.

However... being 42yrs old and seeing my mom and dad getting older and realizing that ... well, they have been here longer than they are gonna be here.... there is not a party on the planet's history that would be worth making my mom feel the way this gir's mom probably feels right not. And it is not her fault, I am sure. I doubt she felt she was being a burden.

This was a tough situation that was not handled in the best possible way.

Long post, I know. ... sorry.

 

[jdub1107]

Since 4 pple live together, shouldn't the couple have informed you guys that someone was going to be crashing at your place?? Yeah, the GF's mom pays the rent....BUT FOR THE GF ONLY! That doesn't entitle her to come and go as she pleases.
Your roommates (the couple) are idiots and need to learn how to plan things in advance and take into account that they aren't the only ones living there.

 

[GhettoPeanut]

Originally posted by: toekramp
where do you go to school

did go to Champlian in burlinton VT. i've graduated, but we still have the college parties...

 

[Fingolfin269]

My roomies and I must have been different than most of you. We partied like crazy but when we found out someone's parents were coming over we made sure the house was spotless and were overly respectful. It wasn't always at the most opportune time for all of us that one of our parents would decide to come into town but we had no problem with it.

As I said before, I would have simply moved the party to another location. It isn't hard at all to find someone willing to be your proxy party location. Unless all you do is play WoW and your idea of a party is 5 or 6 people including roomie's

 

[mchammer187]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie

Originally posted by: shimsham

i have respect for my parents. the difference is my parents, out of respect for me and my roommates, wouldnt have imposed themselves, or acted like a child and cancelled all plans once they heard the situation.

the mom probably did not feel like she was imposing or she would not have booked the trip for that weekend in the first place. I do not think this is the fault of the OP... but of the daughter who did not tell anyone that he mom was coming as soon as the plans were made and for the person who would not put the party off for a week.

Don't know these ppl, but I cannot see the mom booking a plane fare and concert tickets knowing that there was a party and just expecting it to be canceled.

My guess is that she booked all of this and was ready to go, and then finds out that she is not welcome cause of a BYOB party. That's gotta sting.

i dont think it is the fact that she was not welcome but the fact that the roomate expected everyone to drop all their plan's when the whole thing could have been easily avoided if they knew these things ahead of time

the roomate should have brought it up that the GF's mother was coming and asked for some sort of compromise rather than expecting something to be dropped on a whim

what if the OP had friends from out of town visiting for just that weekend and was throwing a party for them

should they be forced to cancel all their plans because someone's mother decides to visit at the last minute (it may or may not have been planned ahead of time but he fact that they were made of at the last minute makes it a last minute visit)

i don't think the hotel idea was a great one but it was not in response to the mother coming it was in response to being expected to cancel the party at the drop of a dime to accomodate the GF's parents

 

[DaShen]

Originally posted by: mchammer187

Originally posted by: KarenMarie

Originally posted by: shimsham

i have respect for my parents. the difference is my parents, out of respect for me and my roommates, wouldnt have imposed themselves, or acted like a child and cancelled all plans once they heard the situation.

the mom probably did not feel like she was imposing or she would not have booked the trip for that weekend in the first place. I do not think this is the fault of the OP... but of the daughter who did not tell anyone that he mom was coming as soon as the plans were made and for the person who would not put the party off for a week.

Don't know these ppl, but I cannot see the mom booking a plane fare and concert tickets knowing that there was a party and just expecting it to be canceled.

My guess is that she booked all of this and was ready to go, and then finds out that she is not welcome cause of a BYOB party. That's gotta sting.

i dont think it is the fact that she was not welcome but the fact that the roomate expected everyone to drop all their plan's when the whole thing could have been easily avoided if they knew these things ahead of time

the roomate should have brought it up that the GF's mother was coming and asked for some sort of compromise rather than expecting something to be dropped on a whim

what if the OP had friends from out of town visiting for just that weekend and was throwing a party for them

should they be forced to cancel all their plans because someone's mother decides to visit at the last minute (it may or may not have been planned ahead of time but he fact that they were made of at the last minute makes it a last minute visit)

i don't think the hotel idea was a great one but it was not in response to the mother coming it was in response to being expected to cancel the party at the drop of a dime to accomodate the GF's parents

It is a party. Get over it. It is better to not piss off your roommates. A party can be postponed, this guy is living with his roommate for at least a lease session. Both are in the wrong, one for not saying sooner, the other for throwwing a fit about not having a party (oh boo hoo), but he should have been the bigger man about it. Ending a party isn't the end of the world, but having a disgruntled roommate can be such a freaking pain.

IMO they are all immature -- even the mother, if she is going to throw a fit about it and cancel all her plans because she didn't get her way. But now, this situation is blown out of proportions, there is really nothing he can do, but try to patch it up with his roommate.