Am i an a$$ roomate

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: DaShen
It is a party. Get over it. It is better to not piss off your roommates. A party can be postponed, this guy is living with his roommate for at least a lease session. Both are in the wrong, one for not saying sooner, the other for throwwing a fit about not having a party (oh boo hoo), but he should have been the bigger man about it. Ending a party isn't the end of the world, but having a disgruntled roommate can be such a freaking pain.

IMO they are all immature -- even the mother, if she is going to throw a fit about it and cancel all her plans because she didn't get her way. But now, this situation is blown out of proportions, there is really nothing he can do, but try to patch it up with his roommate.

It's also the whole freaking use of his apartment without 'parents' around. Most of the people I knew with their own places in college were happy to get the fvck out of that situation.

If the mom is paying for it as well, she is doing a self-service sticking her kid in a 4 roomie place.

2 are bad enough.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: ducci

Wow. All of you, aside from hypnotik, are certifiable assholes.

Have some respect for elders, especially your roomate's parents. The mother's financial situation should in no way be a factor for this decision.

respect of elders died out when you see them telling their kids not to listen to anyone because 'they are better than that'.

You respect those deserving of respect today.

I am not saying pushing some lady in a walker over is ok....but if some 40 year old woman is making demands irrationally, she can bounce.

 

[BigJ]

Originally posted by: DaShen

Originally posted by: mchammer187

i dont think it is the fact that she was not welcome but the fact that the roomate expected everyone to drop all their plan's when the whole thing could have been easily avoided if they knew these things ahead of time

the roomate should have brought it up that the GF's mother was coming and asked for some sort of compromise rather than expecting something to be dropped on a whim

what if the OP had friends from out of town visiting for just that weekend and was throwing a party for them

should they be forced to cancel all their plans because someone's mother decides to visit at the last minute (it may or may not have been planned ahead of time but he fact that they were made of at the last minute makes it a last minute visit)

i don't think the hotel idea was a great one but it was not in response to the mother coming it was in response to being expected to cancel the party at the drop of a dime to accomodate the GF's parents

It is a party. Get over it. It is better to not piss off your roommates. A party can be postponed, this guy is living with his roommate for at least a lease session. Both are in the wrong, one for not saying sooner, the other for throwwing a fit about not having a party (oh boo hoo), but he should have been the bigger man about it. Ending a party isn't the end of the world, but having a disgruntled roommate can be such a freaking pain.

IMO they are all immature -- even the mother, if she is going to throw a fit about it and cancel all her plans because she didn't get her way. But now, this situation is blown out of proportions, there is really nothing he can do, but try to patch it up with his roommate.

What about his roommate pissing off them (GhettoPeanut and BroeBo), and showing a lack of respect for them?

I don't see what the big deal would've been if she (the mother) spent a single night in a hotel.

 

[sygyzy]

First, I don't see how you come into play. Isn't this between your roommate throwing the party and the couple? I don't see any relevance of whether the mom pays the rent or not. It just means the girl is not mature or responsible enough to pay for herself. Why should extend special favors because her mom pays the rent? I think the boyfriend is an idiot because he must have said something to make the mom cancel all those tickets. Or the mom must be very sensitive. I think when my kids go to college, I'll pay their rent so I can have a place to stay when I am in town. I'll barge in like I own the place.

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: ducci
My parents should never need to earn my roomates respect. It is because they are my parents, and because they are people I love, if my roomates had any respect for me, they would respect them.

You're telling me a stupid BYOB party has priority over a roomate's parents? Bullsh!t. Parties are a dime a dozen, but from what I can tell, the mother visiting is a rare occassion.

I hope you are playing devil's advocate here ...you'd have to be the least likely to have fun in the college.

I don't really know WTF your are, but I am in my mid-30's now. A lot of college parties were hardly easily cancelled, some exceeded downtown events I have been too.

Quite a few 'event coordinators' got their starts doing college parties.

So either:

you don't like parties + college....which is cool. Some are dedicated to that in life.

you haven't experienced college yet, and are merely speculating.....hoping it's not fun/great/beyond a lot of things.

you are going to CC/JC...oh well, 13th grade ain't so bad (I spent 3 years at a CC so I understand that).

you are in college at a non-modern/popular/coed school.

you are in college at a top 10 school and just don't make the social cut and are now p!ssed.

I really don't think you understand what a roomie is. He/She ain't your family...it's actually a 'you help me to live' role 9 times out of 10. I have known a lot of roommates that aren't even friends.

Å

 

[alkemyst]

Originally posted by: KarenMarie

Originally posted by: GhettoPeanut

mom didn't have a hotel, and we didnt tell her she should stay in a hotel, we asked why she couldnt for one of the nights, well, i asked the BF that, and he relayed, apparently wrongly, the question. and yes, mom's trump parties, but thats not the issue, the issue is repect and communication which there was a filure of. and just cuz the mom pays the GF's rent doesn't give her some super access to our apt, its mine to

I see your point. Mom paying the bills should not give her super access to YOUR place, but it should give her extra consideration in her daughter's place. Tough situation! Which is why I ensured that I paid for VeggieFrog to have her own dorm for the first year she was at college. Never had to deal with any of this.

I don't believe that anyone acted out of malious here. But, a few things from my opinion. And these are just my opinions... as a mother of a 21yr old and a daughter of an older parent. Totally biased, I know.

The girlfriend should be ashamed of herself. She needed to tell EVERYone that her mom was coming immediately! And if she told the b/f and he did not relay, then shame on him.

It is really rough for parents and kids to make the transformation from teenage to adulthood. While kids your age are enjoying ....FINALLY... being grown up and independant, it is tough for all involved. I know for me... it took a long time (and I am still adjusting) to VeggieFrog being the head of her own household and an independant woman in her own right.

As the daughter of an aging parent... hmmm... I cannot tell you how I wish I could turn back the hands of time to when I was just starting out and have my mom be more of a part of it. I did the whole "it's my place and I am the boss" thing and looking back.... she ... well, she is my mom. She always was and always will be my mom and I now see that it must have been harder for her to go thru with me what I am feeling with VeggieFrog, mostly cause VeggieFrog is a much better, much more respectful child than I ever was. (less guilt for her, huh? )

Bottom line... if it were me in that situation... not yours, but the other ppl's in the house....

If I were the daughter, I would have shown my mom the respect she deserves and let everyone know of her upcoming visit. If the party could not have been rescheduled, I would have gotten a hotel room for my mom and me. I would never, ever allow a b/f husband or whomever ... go to my mom and suggest a hotel because of a party.

And if I were the party thrower... I would hope to treat the girls mom the same way I would hope that my mom would be treated.

Throughout this thread, I have seen so many conflicting ideas, thoughts and opinions. Most of them are valid. Some are downright rude and disresectful. I believe that ALL children need to grow up and spread their wings, and all parents should come to terms with it. No one can be 'the child' forever. Hellfire, I am 42yrs old and have been on my own since 17yrs old, paying my own way thru everything. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have to go back to being 'the kid' again.

However... being 42yrs old and seeing my mom and dad getting older and realizing that ... well, they have been here longer than they are gonna be here.... there is not a party on the planet's history that would be worth making my mom feel the way this gir's mom probably feels right not. And it is not her fault, I am sure. I doubt she felt she was being a burden.

This was a tough situation that was not handled in the best possible way.

Long post, I know. ... sorry.

cliffnotes: there is head in Veggiefrog's house :thumbsup::Q:beer::

 

[dclapps]

Originally posted by: alkemyst

Originally posted by: ducci

Wow. All of you, aside from hypnotik, are certifiable assholes.

Have some respect for elders, especially your roomate's parents. The mother's financial situation should in no way be a factor for this decision.

respect of elders died out when you see them telling their kids not to listen to anyone because 'they are better than that'.

You respect those deserving of respect today.

I am not saying pushing some lady in a walker over is ok....but if some 40 year old woman is making demands irrationally, she can bounce.

alkemyst wins.

Situation A: Mother assumed her presence would be praised, it was not. She guessed wrong, her fault. Roommates one and two shouldn't have to change their plans as they acted within common sense (planning a party in advance in their house as well as notifying the house in advance). Roommates three and four are caught in the middle and do nothing. Their fault for not facilitating communication to ease the problem.

Situation B: The mother was lied to (either by the girlfriend or the boyfriend or both) and was told it would be perfectly okay to stay in the house. Both the girlfriend and boyfriend are at fault for making a house decision with half the house. If it was the girlfriend who told the mom it was okay, the boyfriend should have shown respect for his other roommates and have immediatly asked them. Vice versa if it was the boyfriend who notified the mother. Roommates one and two are again not at fault, as the communicating forces between the mother's situation and their situation lacked respect and maturity. Mother overreacts because roommates three and four again suck at life by likely blaming the problem on roommates one and two.


Also, roommates one and two: you have an obligation now to make the party kick ass. Get laid on said couch and prove your point beyond measure.

 

[DigitalX]

The parents of my college roommate usually stay in hotel, even if the house is empty.

Let the mom come... the party goes on... I dont think the girl woud want her mom there after a while...

 

[xTYBALTx]

This exact same situation came up when I was in college. One person was having his parents stay at our house, but we wanted to have a party. Our solution? Just have the party and act like everything is normal. After all, it is normal. That's what college students do - have parties. It worked out fine in the end - I think his parent stayed at the party for a while, then went to a hotel when it became obvious that this was an all-night affair.

 

[klah]

I find it very odd that the mother would want to stay there in the first place.

 

[Xyclone]

Originally posted by: Fingolfin269
I would have moved the party somewhere else.

:thumbsup:

 

[KK]

We dunno what the bf said to the mother, so one of two thing is true. Either the BF is an idiot, or the mother is an idiot.

 

[carloboy]

Your not at ass, its just plain awkward to have a parent in a room full of kids.
Even if she pays her rent, shes paying for the daughter not herself. Plus the obvious fact that shes not the only one paying the bills. Its a party with hot girls, sex and beer and in the end your teh cool party host, party > visiting parents. Thats a fact of college life, im sure most of the older folks here would disagree, but thats how it is.

Unless of course the mom was in her late 30's and MILF, but thats very rare.

 

[alkemyst]

I will give her what she *really* wants.

Take her to a hotel room.

profit!

 

[Rookie]

Extreme... that's too childish...

in other news, have fun at the party :thumbsup:

 

[stan394]

I only read thru like 20 posts. so what's ATOT's take on this? 50-50? OP's a dick? mom overreacted? b/f's a dick? i need a summary of this thread

<-- lazy

 

[mdchesne]

it could of depended on how they "suggested" to the mom to stay at a motel. If you guys are all legal-aged for drinking, telling the mom the truth about having a party planned for a week+ would show the mom that she WOULD be intrusive. If not of age, say their's no couch (or w/e is in your living room area) because they got burnt while you were smoking pot. lol

 

[cressida]

roomates are usually a pain in the ass.

 

[Deeko]

I have a solution. LET the mom stop paying rent. I'm sure her name is on the lease. Now...when the rent doesn't get paid, where are the collection agencies gonna look first? The poor college kids that have proof that they've been paying their share, or the self-sufficient mom(read: MORE MONEY) who is also the one refusing to pay?

 

[effee]

you pay the rent too.

i dont think finding 2 new housemates will be too hard;but i'd try to compromise the situation

 

[angryswede]

my parents pay my rent, but that doesnt mean they come up here whenever, they pay my rent to i can study during the week and party during the weekend. that being said people who have plans and live with others need to make them known, otherwise they arent plans at all.

 

[Chaotic42]

No, you didn't do anything wrong.

Everyone should have been informed of the mother's arrival as soon as it was known when she would be there. You don't just bring someone over for a few days without letting everyone know.

That said, I wouldn't live with a couple. Bad news.

 

[l Xes l]

i'd **** the girl.. and the mom if i have energy left..

 

[cavemanmoron]

Originally posted by: Mickey Eye
Reading just the cliffs you sound like a d1ck. You should probably add that Room mate A had already organised a party.

 

[DaiShan]

You both have an obligation to let your roomate(s) know when you plan on having people over (in the common areas) Your room mate told you guys about the party so he upheld his end, the GF needs to tell you guys in advance that her mom is going to come stay with them.