When I saw this at WaPo:
McConnell was in touch with Sens. John Cornyn (R-Tex.) and Rob Portman (R-Ohio) on Sunday “to express his deepest sympathies for the people of El Paso and Dayton and discuss the senseless tragedies of this weekend,” the statement said.
I thought of this conference call:
McConnell: "Can you hear me? Hello?"
Cornyn: "Barely, let me turn up my hearing aids."
McConnell: "What? Hold on a minute while I figure out how to turn up my hearing aids."
Portman (yelling): "HOWS THIS? CAN YOU HEAR ME BETTER?"
McConnell: "Yeah, but I can't figure out how to turn these things up so keep doing that."
Cornyn (yelling): "HOLD ON, I'LL TURN MY HEARING AIDS DOWN THEN... OK, I'M READY."
McConnell: "I fell down, hurt my shoulder and had to go to the hospital."
Portman (yelling): "I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT, MITCH. ARE YOU OK?"
Cornyn (yelling): "OUCH! HOW BAD IS IT?"
McConnell: "I'm OK and I've been released and am back at home. I'm pretty sore but at least I survived the fall."
Portman (yelling): "THAT'S GOOD TO HEAR!"
Cornyn (yelling): "GREAT, MITCH! ABOUT THIS CALL, THERE'S BEEN SHOOTINGS IN EL PASO AND IN DAYTON, OHIO."
Portman (yelling): "WE NEED TO SAY SOMETHING BETTER THAN THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS AS DEMOCRATS ARE MAKING A JOKE OF US SAYING IT AFTER EVERY INCIDENT."
McConnell : "I agree, how about we come up with something different that conveys the same kind of message. I was thinking deepest sympathies might be an effective substitute or even supplemental to thoughts and prayers."
Cornyn (yellling): "THAT'S A HUMDINGER OF A LINE, MITCH. IT OUGHT TO GET THE JOB DONE."
Portman (yelling): "I AGREE, LET RUN WITH THAT!"
McConnell: "Good, now that we've got that out of the way I'm going back to my vacation. (hangs up)
Portman (yelling as #MoscowMitch hangs up): "THE DEMOCRATS ARE CALLING FOR YOU TO END THE AUGUST RECESS TO VOTE ON GUN CONTROL MEASURES!"
Cornyn (yelling): "I THINK HE HUNG UP, ROB."
Portman (yelling): "IF HE DID THEN YOU DON'T NEED TO YELL ANY MORE, JOHN."
Cornyn: "Oh, thanks. Well, good luck with getting through this there at home, Rob. Bye."
Portman: (hangs up)
Best wishes, deepest sympathies, and thoughts and prayers; the air guitars of help.