YAGT: what would you do? (warning, -EXTREMELY- long. possible cliff-notes)

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: chin311
yeah, but it sounds like you dont want her to be 'just a friend'

hah .. nope I don't.

 

[bunker]

First off, the whole background info was entirely unneccessary. You could've started with...

"So now, if you're still reading"...and we would of gotten the point.

There really is nothing you can do. She has to move out and leave the family behind.

 

[zCypher]

Originally posted by: Deslocke
I doubt I'll be much help but I'll ramble on anyway. I haven't been to sleep yet it sounds like you really love this girl. I know what it feels like to care about someone so much that you would do almost anything for them. I drove 1500 miles to see a friend's ballet recital last month (yes, just a friend). I could only see her for a couple hours because of her parents so I went back to the hotel shortly after the recital and went home the next morning. I don't regret it at all though (aside from the $220 speeding ticket ). it was worth it just to be there for her. anyway .. there is a reason for me to be telling you about this. she's in a similar situation with her family. they are very protective and sometimes they just get her down. I don't think they are physically abusive (they sure as hell better not be) but they are really hard on her sometimes .. getting angry at her for no reason, calling her worthless when she makes one little mistake after doing chores for them all day, etc. and unfortunately she doesn't have very healthy ways of dealing with it. ehh. there are other problems but I guess we don't really need to get into them right now. fortunately, I think she will be moving out when she starts college next year and hopefully I will be a bit closer. anyway, I know this is a slightly different situation--I'm only 17 and I did meet her online, which is usually frowned upon--but I don't really know what to do either. ah crap. sorry, I'll start my own thread next time . good luck though. perhaps I'll give you a better reply when I can think clearly.

No problem Deslocke, and I much appreciate the input. It's the same kind of thing with this girl. She basically is your average parent's DREAM CHILD. She studies her ass off, she is polite and respectful and thinks of others and listens to her parents, does everything like a good little angel of a kid should do. Until she met me, or until she fell in love with me, I guess. But still. .. she's an AMAZING person, and her parents don't even see that or give her the LEAST bit credit for what she does. She's put up with SO much bullshiz and she still somehow copes and lives with them, i don't know how.

gigapet - they aren't beign dicks for any particular reason they have always been like this, and I met her when she was 17! Her bro is almost 30 years old right now and still lives with her and her parents. wtf?! :| :| :| her mom WANTS her to stay. she (gf) wants to get out! its a freaking insane chaotic hellhole in there.. i can't wait till she gets out. oh well, i'm pushign for it now, so hopefully something will happen.

 

[chin311]

Originally posted by: Deslocke

Originally posted by: chin311
yeah, but it sounds like you dont want her to be 'just a friend'

hah .. nope I don't.

aww man...well then you are one really nice guy...or something is up

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: zCypher

Originally posted by: Deslocke
I doubt I'll be much help but I'll ramble on anyway. I haven't been to sleep yet it sounds like you really love this girl. I know what it feels like to care about someone so much that you would do almost anything for them. I drove 1500 miles to see a friend's ballet recital last month (yes, just a friend). I could only see her for a couple hours because of her parents so I went back to the hotel shortly after the recital and went home the next morning. I don't regret it at all though (aside from the $220 speeding ticket ). it was worth it just to be there for her. anyway .. there is a reason for me to be telling you about this. she's in a similar situation with her family. they are very protective and sometimes they just get her down. I don't think they are physically abusive (they sure as hell better not be) but they are really hard on her sometimes .. getting angry at her for no reason, calling her worthless when she makes one little mistake after doing chores for them all day, etc. and unfortunately she doesn't have very healthy ways of dealing with it. ehh. there are other problems but I guess we don't really need to get into them right now. fortunately, I think she will be moving out when she starts college next year and hopefully I will be a bit closer. anyway, I know this is a slightly different situation--I'm only 17 and I did meet her online, which is usually frowned upon--but I don't really know what to do either. ah crap. sorry, I'll start my own thread next time . good luck though. perhaps I'll give you a better reply when I can think clearly.

No problem Deslocke, and I much appreciate the input. It's the same kind of thing with this girl. She basically is your average parent's DREAM CHILD. She studies her ass off, she is polite and respectful and thinks of others and listens to her parents, does everything like a good little angel of a kid should do. Until she met me, or until she fell in love with me, I guess. But still. .. she's an AMAZING person, and her parents don't even see that or give her the LEAST bit credit for what she does. She's put up with SO much bullshiz and she still somehow copes and lives with them, i don't know how.

gigapet - they aren't beign dicks for any particular reason they have always been like this, and I met her when she was 17! Her bro is almost 30 years old right now and still lives with her and her parents. wtf?! :| :| :| her mom WANTS her to stay. she (gf) wants to get out! its a freaking insane chaotic hellhole in there.. i can't wait till she gets out. oh well, i'm pushign for it now, so hopefully something will happen.

she is a good argument for tough parenting. Just look at the results like you said she is a dream child.

 

[zCypher]

Originally posted by: gigapet

Originally posted by: zCypher

Originally posted by: Deslocke
I doubt I'll be much help but I'll ramble on anyway. I haven't been to sleep yet it sounds like you really love this girl. I know what it feels like to care about someone so much that you would do almost anything for them. I drove 1500 miles to see a friend's ballet recital last month (yes, just a friend). I could only see her for a couple hours because of her parents so I went back to the hotel shortly after the recital and went home the next morning. I don't regret it at all though (aside from the $220 speeding ticket ). it was worth it just to be there for her. anyway .. there is a reason for me to be telling you about this. she's in a similar situation with her family. they are very protective and sometimes they just get her down. I don't think they are physically abusive (they sure as hell better not be) but they are really hard on her sometimes .. getting angry at her for no reason, calling her worthless when she makes one little mistake after doing chores for them all day, etc. and unfortunately she doesn't have very healthy ways of dealing with it. ehh. there are other problems but I guess we don't really need to get into them right now. fortunately, I think she will be moving out when she starts college next year and hopefully I will be a bit closer. anyway, I know this is a slightly different situation--I'm only 17 and I did meet her online, which is usually frowned upon--but I don't really know what to do either. ah crap. sorry, I'll start my own thread next time . good luck though. perhaps I'll give you a better reply when I can think clearly.

No problem Deslocke, and I much appreciate the input. It's the same kind of thing with this girl. She basically is your average parent's DREAM CHILD. She studies her ass off, she is polite and respectful and thinks of others and listens to her parents, does everything like a good little angel of a kid should do. Until she met me, or until she fell in love with me, I guess. But still. .. she's an AMAZING person, and her parents don't even see that or give her the LEAST bit credit for what she does. She's put up with SO much bullshiz and she still somehow copes and lives with them, i don't know how.

gigapet - they aren't beign dicks for any particular reason they have always been like this, and I met her when she was 17! Her bro is almost 30 years old right now and still lives with her and her parents. wtf?! :| :| :| her mom WANTS her to stay. she (gf) wants to get out! its a freaking insane chaotic hellhole in there.. i can't wait till she gets out. oh well, i'm pushign for it now, so hopefully something will happen.

she is a good argument for tough parenting. Just look at the results like you said she is a dream child.

Maybe, because my parents were very slack, and all three of us kids turned out accordingly.. my sister stopped going to HS, my bro dropped out of college and works minimum wage, I'm out of college now... don't feel motivated, etc - but Im' working on that.

Still I'd rather have to work on being motivated then work on fixing years of childhood trauma. Nobody should have to grow up with some of the stuff she grew up with. It's not tough parenting, they were neglectful.

 

[Zombie]

Get a farkin life.

She lives with her parents therefore its their way or highway.

 

[chin311]

Originally posted by: Zombie
Get a farkin life.

She lives with her parents therefore its their way or highway.

oh noes!!1 here comes the typical ATOT household response

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: zCypher
No problem Deslocke, and I much appreciate the input. It's the same kind of thing with this girl. She basically is your average parent's DREAM CHILD. She studies her ass off, she is polite and respectful and thinks of others and listens to her parents, does everything like a good little angel of a kid should do. Until she met me, or until she fell in love with me, I guess. But still. .. she's an AMAZING person, and her parents don't even see that or give her the LEAST bit credit for what she does. She's put up with SO much bullshiz and she still somehow copes and lives with them, i don't know how.

yep, that's exactly how it is. she is amazing but her parents (and perhaps others) almost have her convinced that she isn't a good person at all. I guess all I can do is encourage her and be here for her and tell her that things'll get better. and I really hope they do. she really likes the lyrics to life by our lady peace. "oh, life is waiting for you. it's all messed up but we're alive. oh, life is waiting for you. it's all messed up but we'll survive." not that you really needed to know that but just an interesting tidbit for you...

haha. I think I should go to bed. nah, this is more fun.

 

[guyver01]

Originally posted by: iloveme2
argh.... it's... just...too....long....sorry. lol, really though I have the attention span of a 2 year old....

yeah.. ditto that.



i dare someone to reply by quoting the whole initial post first

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: Deslocke

Originally posted by: chin311
yeah, but it sounds like you dont want her to be 'just a friend'

hah .. nope I don't.

aww man...well then you are one really nice guy...or something is up

huh? "nope I don't" as in nope I don't want her to be just a friend.

 

[chin311]

Originally posted by: Deslocke

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: Deslocke

Originally posted by: chin311
yeah, but it sounds like you dont want her to be 'just a friend'

hah .. nope I don't.

aww man...well then you are one really nice guy...or something is up

huh? "nope I don't" as in nope I don't want her to be just a friend.

oh doh!!1 my mistake...hmm hmm, i feel another YAGT on its way... /taps F5 repeatingly waiting

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: gigapet
she is a good argument for tough parenting. Just look at the results like you said she is a dream child.

I don't think calling your child worthless helps anyone. my parents aren't all that bad and I like to think that I turned out pretty well. hmm.

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: Deslocke

Originally posted by: chin311

Originally posted by: Deslocke

Originally posted by: chin311
yeah, but it sounds like you dont want her to be 'just a friend'

hah .. nope I don't.

aww man...well then you are one really nice guy...or something is up

huh? "nope I don't" as in nope I don't want her to be just a friend.

oh doh!!1 my mistake...hmm hmm, i feel another YAGT on its way... /taps F5 repeatingly waiting

not right now

 

[chin311]

oh ok, ill be on teh l00kout

 

[TwinkleToes77]

Originally posted by: SandLizard
1- i believe you should help her through her problems with her family if you care for her as much as you seem to.
2- social services or the like probably can't do a thing without physical abuse
3- if she's 19, her parents cannot be 'forced' to pay for school, so if she pisses them off and moves/gets kicked out of the house, she's probably SOL. (19's legal age out of guardianship in my state)

and honestly, this shouldn't be a question for you. IF you love her, you'll help her through ANYTHING, no matter how painful, time consuming, boring, repetitive, etc. IF you love her, as you say you do. She obviously has more family problems than you, so maybe your family can help (if they like her)....I know my family would help me out in any way they could, but we have a pretty good one.

you have to stick it out in my opinion. if she wants to finish college with monetary help from the parents, there is only so much they'll stand before they cut off the cash flow. sure, they lay down some hard-ass rules, but again, if you love her, then perhaps you think of the future where they could possibly be YOUR parents also. I would NOT piss them off, no matter how much like SOBs they can seem at the time. Besides, sooner or later, she WILL have to get out on her own.

eh, hope this helped, but i'm not sure if i'm good at this type of thing.

I think that pretty much summed up what I was going to reply to. I sort of had the same problem but only with my dad a few years back. It was his way or the fist way. I finally had enough and packed my bags withdrew from univ and moved in with my bf(now husband). He helped me through a lot of hardships. But if university is a MUST and she wants her parents to continue to pay for it then she/you cant piss them off or they will more than likely leave her high and dry.

Just be there for her for whatever she needs.

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: chin311
oh ok, ill be on teh l00kout

haha. sheesh, you're supposed to quote our whole conversation. oh well. I guess we'll quit taking up all the space in this thread.

 

[Red Dawn]

Originally posted by: zCypher

Originally posted by: Red Dawn
Thanks for the warning

Thanks. heh. I know you think I'm just another one of "them".. but hey then again I don't really care what you think.

.

Obviously you cared enough to warn us that it would be a long and uninteresting post!
I thought that was very considerate of you.

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: Red Dawn

Originally posted by: zCypher

Originally posted by: Red Dawn
Thanks for the warning

Thanks. heh. I know you think I'm just another one of "them".. but hey then again I don't really care what you think.

.

Obviously you cared enough to warn us that it would be a long and uninteresting post!
I thought that was very considerate of you.

he didn't say uninteresting.

 

[Ronstang]

Just remember the simple truth about women/relationships......if you have to FIX her you are fixing her for someone else.

 

[Red Dawn]

Originally posted by: Deslocke

Originally posted by: Red Dawn

Originally posted by: zCypher

Originally posted by: Red Dawn
Thanks for the warning

Thanks. heh. I know you think I'm just another one of "them".. but hey then again I don't really care what you think.

.

Obviously you cared enough to warn us that it would be a long and uninteresting post!
I thought that was very considerate of you.

he didn't say uninteresting.

Wel he did say it was a YAGT which is the same thing.

 

[zCypher]

Originally posted by: Red Dawn

Originally posted by: Deslocke

Originally posted by: Red Dawn

Originally posted by: zCypher

Originally posted by: Red Dawn
Thanks for the warning

Thanks. heh. I know you think I'm just another one of "them".. but hey then again I don't really care what you think.

.

Obviously you cared enough to warn us that it would be a long and uninteresting post!
I thought that was very considerate of you.

he didn't say uninteresting.

Wel he did say it was a YAGT which is the same thing.

If it's that uninteresting you really must have nothing better to do considering you're still in here. What's your problem? Leave me and those who are participating in my discussion alone, if you don't mind. Unless of course you actually have something to say, but of course you don't, because after all this is just another YAGT post by a dickless pencil-necked AT geek, to you, right? Right.

 

[Red Dawn]

Originally posted by: zCypher

Originally posted by: Red Dawn

Originally posted by: Deslocke

Originally posted by: Red Dawn

Originally posted by: zCypher

Originally posted by: Red Dawn
Thanks for the warning

Thanks. heh. I know you think I'm just another one of "them".. but hey then again I don't really care what you think.

.

Obviously you cared enough to warn us that it would be a long and uninteresting post!
I thought that was very considerate of you.

he didn't say uninteresting.

Wel he did say it was a YAGT which is the same thing.

If it's that uninteresting you really must have nothing better to do considering you're still in here. What's your problem? Leave me and those who are participating in my discussion alone, if you don't mind. Unless of course you actually have something to say, but of course you don't, because after all this is just another YAGT post by a dickless pencil-necked AT geek, to you, right? Right.

Woah such anger. OK here's my take on your situation. Lifes to short for this BS you are going through. Dump the chick or be prepared for years of misery. It's as simple as that Bubba!

 

[zCypher]

Seems there are quite a few bitter folks here. Things are improving and just are getting better, so why would I need to prepare for years of misery? When the family's out of the way, we very much enjoy our time together. I see no reason why I would be miserable when she moves out. Nor her.

 

[gigapet]

Originally posted by: zCypher
Seems there are quite a few bitter folks here.

yup welcome to ATOT