Update #3
After some more talks, I have convinced her that her behavior and decision were totally unacceptable. We have come to an agreement that she will never go "chill" with some dude unless I know the dude and approve of him.
I wholeheartly thank everyone here that gave me sound advices which brought this to a peaceful end. Thank you ATOT!
After some more talks, I have convinced her that her behavior and decision were totally unacceptable. We have come to an agreement that she will never go "chill" with some dude unless I know the dude and approve of him.
I wholeheartly thank everyone here that gave me sound advices which brought this to a peaceful end. Thank you ATOT!
What is wrong with you? Clearly this guy has problems with this guy, and he obviously feels that his relationship is in a place where exclusivity is key. This isn't about what his gf would like, but about what he likes (or rather, what he does not). Do you think your suggestion really makes sense in this situation?
It makes about as much sense as the idea he has a right to tell his girlfriend what she is not "allowed" to do. of course it is about what the gf would like. it's about what both of them would like. If they are wanting entirely different things, then are they really suited to each other? I wonder if the gf has stated that "exclusivity is the key" for her as well. maybe it isn't. Not everyone is suited to monogamy.
Oh my.. you are gullable as they come.. She talked to you and told you want you WANTED to hear.. She knows this, and you & her little agreement is just nothing more than a little bump in the road for her..
It still all boils down to the point that your "gf" wants to fvck other people..
(quote shortened for sanity)
I'll agree with you that some people just aren't ready for a steady, monogamous relationship when they're as old as the OP's gf. In fact, some people will never be ready - or might just disagree with the concept altogether. That is, of course, their perogative and I for one don't care what people do.
But I think we need to realize here that we aren't talking about "some people." We're talking about the OP and his particular state of affairs. I believe strongly that he *does* have the right to tell his girlfriend what she is "allowed" to do when it comes to the guidelines of his relationship. He is perfectly within reason to expect a monogamous comittment from his woman, and he should not be forced to to accept anything else. There is a difference between respecting your partner's feelings and passively letting yourself be hurt by a cheating gf.
If his girlfriend wants a threesome then that would almost certainly indicate that something is wrong from the OP's perspective, as his definition of a healhy and desirable relationship involves exclusivity. Clarifying this and reminding his gf that breaching his trust by stepping outside the bounds of the relationship she agreed to enter into with him will destroy it is perfectly fine.
Suggesting that the OP partake in a threesome with his gf's "new friend" is asinine. It defeats the entire purpose of this thread. He doesn't like the idea of his gf being with this guy, and he apparently doesn't trust or like this guy much either. Tell me, what were you hoping to accomplish with your remark, other than make yourself appear foolish?
It isn't clear that she wants to sleep with the new friend. The OP and you are assuming that is the case. The OP is essentially deciding who "his" girlfriend is and is not allowed to hang out with (not sleep with - but hang out with). Guys who think they have the right to dictate who their girlfriend gets to hang out with are Neanderthals, in my book.
The OP's purpose in posting this thread is to seek support for a Neanderthal behavior (telling his girlfriend that she isn't "allowed" to hang out with male friends). I'm not interested in supporting that agenda.
edit: as for what I was hoping to accomplish with my comment, not much, just to amuse myself I suppose.
DivideBYZero
Lifer
- May 18, 2001
- 24,117
- 2
- 0
Men cannot be friends with women without wanting to shag their asses off. Just because YOU won't do it, doesn't mean a straight man will not.
Call it neanderthal if you want, I call it 'Straight'.
you REALLY need to update your OP with the updates. No one knows that on page x that there is update 1 and then a few pages deep another...just hit the edit button and add em to the OP.
Thanks OP, your thread is much better.
I'm not sure about update 3. Although I feel one shouldn't have to legislate good-will, I applaud you for sticking up for what you believe in and how you emphatically convinced her of your point. I guess the ends justified the means, like they always do.
It is cool that you hashed it out with her. 
Yeah, guy-girl friendships can be very, very tricky. If any of my friends had boyfriends that I didn't know, and they felt uncomfortable about the situation, if I truly was a good friend, I would back off. No big deal.
Yeah, guy-girl friendships can be very, very tricky. If any of my friends had boyfriends that I didn't know, and they felt uncomfortable about the situation, if I truly was a good friend, I would back off. No big deal.
pontifex
Lifer
- Dec 5, 2000
- 43,804
- 46
- 91
i'm a bit torn on this.
on one hand, i wouldn't want my gf to be going out with guys by themselves, but on the other hand, who the hell am i to tell her who she can and can't be friends with?
now, i agree that this sounds like the guy was trying to get in her pants.
on one hand, i wouldn't want my gf to be going out with guys by themselves, but on the other hand, who the hell am i to tell her who she can and can't be friends with?
now, i agree that this sounds like the guy was trying to get in her pants.
Agreed, to some extent.
I wouldn't forbid my girlfriend to do anything. I don't have any right to make decisions for her, but definitely, I would voice my concerns about it and make her understand that what she was doing was inappropriate in a long term relationship.
Meh, there are some things you have to give up when you are in a relationship and some things that you have to give up when you aren't in one. But again, it is the individuals choice. And the more you hash things out, the easier it becomes to trust the individual enough that these things aren't issues anymore. (I am going to make sure my future girlfriend <if there is one> knows about my friendships with girls and that I would hope that she could be their friends, too, but I definitely would have to take a step back to let her decide for herself ) There definitely is a line you can not cross with guy-girl friendships though, without it being inappropriate in a friendship relationship.
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