YAGT: So my girlfriend wants to make "new" friends...

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IceBergSLiM

Lifer
Jul 11, 2000
29,932
3
81
I for one am glad that your girlfriend understood how it was wrong to date other people while in an exclusive relationship.
 
N

NeoV

Diamond Member
Apr 18, 2000
9,504
2
81
hmm..

on one hand you should be thankful that she had the decency to tell you her plans...

but I have a sense that she simply won't tell you in the future, since she didn't feel she should have just said no in the first place
 
F

Fraggable

Platinum Member
Jul 20, 2005
2,799
0
0
This is something I think should be worked out long before it becomes reality - it should be discussed who and under what conditions a partner goes out with someone of the opposite sex. Personally I think it's insane to expect your b/f - g/f to be ok with you going out with somone they don't know.
 
G

Goosemaster

Lifer
Apr 10, 2001
48,775
3
81
Originally posted by: yowolabi
The OP handled this all wrong from the start. You never forbid your girl to go somewhere, it lowers you in her eyes and it doesn't resolve anything. She wasn't involved in the decision, so nothing's changed in her mind about her willingness to do it next time. Now you still have to worry about her doing it behind your back and making you out to be a bad guy in this situation.

What the OP should have done is said in a calm voice; "It really bothers me that a guy you just met asks you out on a date and your first instinct is to say yes. I would like to invite a new girl on a date just to show you how it feels, but I have too much respect for you and our relationship to consider something like that. I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you just weren't thinking, and that now that i've brought it up you'll reconsider."

And then you should have refused to argue the issue. If she tried to claim this is innocent, you should have only one reply. "I understand you think differently, but nothing you say is going to make me think that you going out on a date is okay. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but you should know my feelings aren't ever going to change about this being acceptable relationship behavior."

If the OP handled it in this manner one of 3 things would have happened.

1. She would have agreed to his viewpoint voluntarily, admitted she was wrong, not went on this date and known to not even consider saying "yes" the next time a guy asked. Edit: She either agrees she's wrong or simply acknowledges that since it bothers the OP, it's more important to her that the OP is happy than that she meets some random guy. Either way, she's the one that makes the decison that going is wrong.

2. She would have went anyway, but felt horrible the whole time thinking about the OP being at home and mad/sad. The date would be a horrible experience and she'd cut it as short as possible and run home to the OP apologizing and promising never to do it again. The two of them actually grow closer through the experience, as the thought of losing him makes her realize how much she cares.

3. She went on the date, and told him it's his problem if he doesn't like it. The OP would know for sure that the relationship is past the point of no return and be able to end it without any regrets, because she was already gone anyway.
Click to expand...

Spoken like a true professional.
 
UDT89

UDT89

Diamond Member
Jul 31, 2001
4,529
0
76
wow. after reading this thread, sorta made me feel better for ending things with my ex a few months back.

 
N

NuAlphaMan

Senior member
Aug 30, 2006
616
0
0
Incredible. Call it young love, call it naive. For the most part, you have been given some very good advice. It may not have come in the nicest form, but it was valid advice none the less.

OP, you need to be careful. You have gone out of your way to defend her as being naive. That's all well and good, but at 21, she should have an understanding that when you are in a committed relationship, you don't go out and acquire new "male friendships".

As several posters have stated, no woman is going to argue over something that doesn't matter to them. Why she was fighting over the fact that you didn't approve of your woman going out with another guy, tells me that there is a little more to this story that we are not getting. I truly hope she hasn't done something behind your back.

At this point, you should be reevaluating your situation. You guys have been together 3 yrs, something is going on with your relationship that she feels this ok. This should be a good wake up call for you. This is a great opportunity for you guys to have a good discussion about your relationship. It definitely sounds like you two need to check and see if you guys are still on the same page.

Lack of common sense or naivety does not equal stupidity. Stop letting her treat you as if you are stupid.
 
K

krunchykrome

Lifer
Dec 28, 2003
13,413
1
0
Originally posted by: Iron Addict
Couple months back, my girlfriend of 3 years, met a guy through one of her guy friends... Since then, they talked here and there at her work and found that they have another mutual friend... Now last week, he asked her to chill with him "1 on 1" and go out to dinner.. and she already said "yes"... Yesterday, she mentions that she's going out with this dude on Wednesday and i said no. Now she's all pissed and bitching about it... It's not like i dont let her hang out with guy friends, but this "new" guy just dont seem right logically... I already said i dont want her to go see him.. if she stills goes out with him ima break this long relationship off... what are ur thoughts..

UPDATE #1
I man'ned up and pour out my heart to bitch the fvck out of her after 2-3hrs of her nagging. She got more mad later but eventually got scared to see how pissed I was. Now, she's trying to say things in "nice" way... Btw, she says she's not gonna go see the dude anymore..

UPDATE #2
I took yowolabi's advice and tried to come out very calm and try to express how i feel. I told her that i felt it was very disrespectful for her to make a plan with a guy that i dont even know or she barely knows. I said it was one's responsibility to have a ground of mutual respect when it comes to matters like this and she should have known better. I told her it would've been okay if i knew the guy and gave her a "green" light first then made plans with him. She agreed and apologized. Yet, im only 75% sure this won't happen again seeing how she lacks common sense and easily swayed by others. Nonetheless, she is still mad about fact that i was too aggressive and mean yesterday and called her current male friends not her "true" friends.

UPDATE #3
After some more talks, I have convinced her that her behavior and decision were totally unacceptable. We have come to an agreement that she will never go "chill" with some dude unless I know the dude and approve of him.
I wholeheartly thank everyone here that gave me sound advices which brought this to a peaceful end. Thank you ATOT!
Click to expand...

She is still emotionally swayed from you whether you prevent her from doing this in the future or not.
 
M

mattjbak

Senior member
Jun 3, 2005
909
0
0
Originally posted by: Sqube
You need to break up with her anyway.

In my incredibly cynical and completely baseless opinion, this just means that the next time she goes out with a guy 1 on 1 she isn't going to tell you about it.
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This guy is incredibly right. It happens SO often. Even my current girlfriend does it in small things. If I ask her not to do something that makes me feel uncomfortable (nothing big to this point) She'll usually just continue doing it, and just never bring it up. Chicks can be brutal, I'd be preparing yourself for the end.
 
Z

Zap Brannigan

Golden Member
Oct 14, 2004
1,887
0
0
Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
I for one am glad that your girlfriend understood how it was wrong to date other people while in an exclusive relationship.
Click to expand...

LMAO!!!!!! Is that what she said to him? She sounds very trustworthy.........LMAO!!!!!!!
 
M

mattjbak

Senior member
Jun 3, 2005
909
0
0

Originally posted by: yowolabi
The OP handled this all wrong from the start. You never forbid your girl to go somewhere, it lowers you in her eyes and it doesn't resolve anything. She wasn't involved in the decision, so nothing's changed in her mind about her willingness to do it next time. Now you still have to worry about her doing it behind your back and making you out to be a bad guy in this situation.

What the OP should have done is said in a calm voice; "It really bothers me that a guy you just met asks you out on a date and your first instinct is to say yes. I would like to invite a new girl on a date just to show you how it feels, but I have too much respect for you and our relationship to consider something like that. I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you just weren't thinking, and that now that i've brought it up you'll reconsider."

And then you should have refused to argue the issue. If she tried to claim this is innocent, you should have only one reply. "I understand you think differently, but nothing you say is going to make me think that you going out on a date is okay. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but you should know my feelings aren't ever going to change about this being acceptable relationship behavior."

If the OP handled it in this manner one of 3 things would have happened.

1. She would have agreed to his viewpoint voluntarily, admitted she was wrong, not went on this date and known to not even consider saying "yes" the next time a guy asked. Edit: She either agrees she's wrong or simply acknowledges that since it bothers the OP, it's more important to her that the OP is happy than that she meets some random guy. Either way, she's the one that makes the decison that going is wrong.

2. She would have went anyway, but felt horrible the whole time thinking about the OP being at home and mad/sad. The date would be a horrible experience and she'd cut it as short as possible and run home to the OP apologizing and promising never to do it again. The two of them actually grow closer through the experience, as the thought of losing him makes her realize how much she cares.

3. She went on the date, and told him it's his problem if he doesn't like it. The OP would know for sure that the relationship is past the point of no return and be able to end it without any regrets, because she was already gone anyway.
Click to expand...


This guy is SO correct, it's just such hard advice to follow when your temper/emotions are heated.
 
A

Accipiter22

Banned
Feb 11, 2005
7,942
2
0
Originally posted by: mattjbak

Originally posted by: yowolabi
The OP handled this all wrong from the start. You never forbid your girl to go somewhere, it lowers you in her eyes and it doesn't resolve anything. She wasn't involved in the decision, so nothing's changed in her mind about her willingness to do it next time. Now you still have to worry about her doing it behind your back and making you out to be a bad guy in this situation.

What the OP should have done is said in a calm voice; "It really bothers me that a guy you just met asks you out on a date and your first instinct is to say yes. I would like to invite a new girl on a date just to show you how it feels, but I have too much respect for you and our relationship to consider something like that. I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you just weren't thinking, and that now that i've brought it up you'll reconsider."

And then you should have refused to argue the issue. If she tried to claim this is innocent, you should have only one reply. "I understand you think differently, but nothing you say is going to make me think that you going out on a date is okay. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but you should know my feelings aren't ever going to change about this being acceptable relationship behavior."

If the OP handled it in this manner one of 3 things would have happened.

1. She would have agreed to his viewpoint voluntarily, admitted she was wrong, not went on this date and known to not even consider saying "yes" the next time a guy asked. Edit: She either agrees she's wrong or simply acknowledges that since it bothers the OP, it's more important to her that the OP is happy than that she meets some random guy. Either way, she's the one that makes the decison that going is wrong.

2. She would have went anyway, but felt horrible the whole time thinking about the OP being at home and mad/sad. The date would be a horrible experience and she'd cut it as short as possible and run home to the OP apologizing and promising never to do it again. The two of them actually grow closer through the experience, as the thought of losing him makes her realize how much she cares.

3. She went on the date, and told him it's his problem if he doesn't like it. The OP would know for sure that the relationship is past the point of no return and be able to end it without any regrets, because she was already gone anyway.
Click to expand...


This guy is SO correct, it's just such hard advice to follow when your temper/emotions are heated.
Click to expand...


QFT....after reading the 3 updates...I dunno dude, if it's still a topic now after 3 updates I can gaurantee it'll come up again
 
J

Jaylllo

Senior member
Aug 13, 2002
457
0
0
Long Threads FTL (For the lose/loss).

What you need is a fembot.

Better yet, make tons of money and have sleazy women chase after you.
(DO THIS FTW (for the win))

That wil teach her.
 
T

The Mailman

Senior member
Aug 11, 2006
453
0
0
your gf is obviously cheating on you or intending to cheat on you, or at the best case scenerio wanted to be in a situation where they could "accidentally" cheat on you

sluts
 
G

g0dMAn

Lifer
Nov 10, 2005
12,562
9
81
Originally posted by: The Mailman
your gf is obviously cheating on you or intending to cheat on you, or at the best case scenerio wanted to be in a situation where they could "accidentally" cheat on you

sluts
Click to expand...

owch.

i've been having a rough time with my gf of 2+ years, but she would NEVER EVER EVER go out with some dude 1-on-1 to dinner if I don't know him.

That's REALLY fishy. I bet $1000 your girlfriend doesn't even have bad intentions. But I would bet $5000 the guy has bad intentions.

This guy's bad news... what guy asks a chick out to dinner, knowing he has a boyfriend that he doesn't know?

Hanging out at a party is different... going bowling with a bunch of other people is different... but why does he have to take your girlfriend to DINNER one on one? That's weird as heck to me... my gf would NEVER do that, and I'd never do that to her without her acceptance.

It's common sense, and mutual respect to have the approval of your girlfriend/boyfriend.
 
I

Iron Addict

Senior member
Jul 5, 2006
340
0
0
Originally posted by: g0dMAn
Originally posted by: The Mailman
your gf is obviously cheating on you or intending to cheat on you, or at the best case scenerio wanted to be in a situation where they could "accidentally" cheat on you

sluts
Click to expand...

owch.

i've been having a rough time with my gf of 2+ years, but she would NEVER EVER EVER go out with some dude 1-on-1 to dinner if I don't know him.

That's REALLY fishy. I bet $1000 your girlfriend doesn't even have bad intentions. But I would bet $5000 the guy has bad intentions.

This guy's bad news... what guy asks a chick out to dinner, knowing he has a boyfriend that he doesn't know?

Hanging out at a party is different... going bowling with a bunch of other people is different... but why does he have to take your girlfriend to DINNER one on one? That's weird as heck to me... my gf would NEVER do that, and I'd never do that to her without her acceptance.

It's common sense, and mutual respect to have the approval of your girlfriend/boyfriend.
Click to expand...

couldnt agree more..
 
P

Paddington

Senior member
Jun 26, 2006
538
0
0
Jesus H. Christ, so many god damn pussies on this thread.

"Gee, I don't know if I have a right to tell my girlfriend whether or not she can go on one-on-one not-a-date dates with other guys. I'm too much of a progressive, modern man for that sort of thing."

Even if you are the world's biggest wiener, you still have a right to live your life the way you want. You don't need to tell the bitch off, just say, "If you do this, this is over."

Or hell, just say "This is over." Any relationship that comes to one person wanting to go on test drives with other people one-on-one is doomed.
 
J

JonTheBaller

Golden Member
Dec 2, 2002
1,916
0
0
Originally posted by: reverend boltron
Originally posted by: JonTheBaller
Any updates?
Click to expand...

You're mean.
Click to expand...
Huh? It sounds like things are finally back to normal for the op's relationship after a small hiccup. Now I'm looking forward to hearing about more positivity from this relationship. :)
 
BoberFett

BoberFett

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
37,562
9
81
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