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YAGT: It's over. Done. Fiancee = Ex-fiancee. *RESOLVED*

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Thanks jumpr. 🙂 I'm sure I made it sound more dramatic in my original post, especially since it was very late and I just left her house after the argument. She was upset because I didn't share her positivity/enthusiasm and I was pissed because it seemed like she was getting upset over nothing. The bridge has been crossed, it wasn't a major event, and we're back to our happy selves. (is selves a word?)
 
I hope things work out for you guys, but it's simply human nature to want to mend things after an ordeal like this. You really need to be sure that it's the right thing. Generally when people break up it was for a good reason. All too often they continue to go out and break up over and over again and it's just a bad rut they can't get out of. You said She will never change, I know that for a fact. You know you're not changing, and she's not changing, so what exactly has changed right now except that you're both being nice to each other? My guess is that she would rather have you than nobody right now, but once you get comfortable with things again I'd be surprised if she isn't back to her old dreamy self waiting for prince charming to come along and ravage her night after night on a bed of roses.

I'd be looking for some real genuine effort on her part to mend her ways.

On the plus side it was a short breakup. It's possible that she was just trying to shock you into something, as she claims, and then when it didn't work or she'd already done it she crawled back to you, having never actually intended to break up with you in the first place. If that's the case you may still have a good future together, and she won't repeat that game. The true caution comes when a couple breaks up and then ignores each other for a while and then they're bored/lonely so they get back together, fall into their old habits, then break up again, screw other people, get bored of the lack of consistency, repeat.
 
Originally posted by: Skoorb
I hope things work out for you guys, but it's simply human nature to want to mend things after an ordeal like this. You really need to be sure that it's the right thing. Generally when people break up it was for a good reason. All too often they continue to go out and break up over and over again and it's just a bad rut they can't get out of. You said She will never change, I know that for a fact. You know you're not changing, and she's not changing, so what exactly has changed right now except that you're both being nice to each other? My guess is that she would rather have you than nobody right now, but once you get comfortable with things again I'd be surprised if she isn't back to her old dreamy self waiting for prince charming to come along and ravage her night after night on a bed of roses.

I'd be looking for some real genuine effort on her part to mend her ways.

On the plus side it was a short breakup. It's possible that she was just trying to shock you into something, as she claims, and then when it didn't work or she'd already done it she crawled back to you, having never actually intended to break up with you in the first place. If that's the case you may still have a good future together, and she won't repeat that game. The true caution comes when a couple breaks up and then ignores each other for a while and then they're bored/lonely so they get back together, fall into their old habits, then break up again, screw other people, get bored of the lack of consistency, repeat.
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Well, this was basically shock treatment on her part, and I really took it seriously because I was so pissed at her for giving me the ring back and telling me to get out of her house, so I was being dramatic about a lot of the things I said (about how bad she sounds and how she will NEVER change, etc...strong words). She was shocked as hell the next day when I told her we WERE done when she came over. She explained why she acted, and apologized for choosing that method, and I also added that if she doesn't straighten up and talk things out like an adult, then we've got serious problems. We addressed the problems and solved them, I'm pretty damn sure she knows I'm not going to be her french fighter pilot all the time, only when I feel like it =)
 
Originally posted by: Red
We're both 21. We've been together since we were 18. We do have a lot of sex. Gets a little repetitive at times, but fun nonetheless.

But yeah, I'm just looking at like I'm just not what she is looking for. I take care of her... we go out, I buy her little suprise gifts, write her poems, I've drawn her a nice picture, etc. Not all the time, but I do those things. Yet she says none of that has to do with romantic, and since I have to ask her what romantic means, that is how she knows she doesn't want to be with me.
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Well, looks like you could find a better girl. But I would say she'd be pressed to find someone better than you...
Here's to you :beer:
Calin
 
Originally posted by: Red
Well, this was basically shock treatment on her part, and I really took it seriously because I was so pissed at her for giving me the ring back and telling me to get out of her house, so I was being dramatic about a lot of the things I said (about how bad she sounds and how she will NEVER change, etc...strong words).
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So you are both drama queens? Oh man....
 
Originally posted by: Sust
No marriage

I remember someone posting this site and getting a great laugh at work(his book is a riot too).
It will help to laugh 🙂
Although there is actually much truth to the website and all the advice posted.

This may sound easy for people to say but you really shouldnt be too distraught about all of it.
If you really loved her and felt it was worth one more stab then all you can do is try your best to persuade her otherwise.
If she still says no then you just gotta move on and do your own thing.
Tons and tons of women out there and theres no reason to get hung up over just one for the rest of your life.

Oh, and one more thing: If she really loved you, then she would've loved you just the way you are.
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that site is hilarious 😀

My wife reached a point where she only uses sex to get something, and she doesn't happen to want anything at the moment.
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Originally posted by: ohtwell
Originally posted by: HotChic
Originally posted by: Red
***1st UPDATE*** 11:06am -- She just called me for the first time after the fight and acted like nothing happened. Asked me when I woke up, how I slept, etc. I didn't have the heart/gall to say anything to her then because she was getting ready for work. I told her to go get breakfast and get ready for work. Then she calls back 4 minutes later and is like "What are you doing?" I told her I'm playing on the computer, why? "That's all I need to know, thanks." ... What the hell was that?
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That was, "is he moping and crying over me because I broke up with him?" Expect a confrontation along the lines of "you never really cared for me!" because you weren't obviously heartbroken with grief over the broken engagement.
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Agreed!

She just asked that to see if you were all heart broken and lost because she broke up with you. If you didn't sound the way she wanted you to, then she'll probably think that you don't care about the fact that she broke up with you, which means that you never really cared about her. It's just a mindgame.


: ) Amanda
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I love it when girls give insight to this! Thanks...I shall counter all attempts from my g/f, just to frustrate her. 🙂
 
Hey OP,

Did you really say that stuff to her about only getting one chance with you?
And if so, does it trouble you at all that things have turned out the way they have despite your remarks?
It would be interesting to see if she remembers this episode and tries to push you around more in the future.
 
I really recommend some couple counseling and she should have some individual counseling. She's just having a bit of remorse but I bet she falls back to those unreasonable expectations before long.

But...I'm rather cynical. 😉
 
I don't know man...the very fact that she had it in her to pseudo dump you in order to 'punish' you, and then assumed you would come crawling back speaks volumes about her character and level of respect for you. If I were you, I'd be wary of her...in fact, I probably wouldn't have taken her back.

But you have a 3 year history together, its hard to throw that away on a whim. One thing is for sure though, her little plan blew right up in her face big time since SHE'S in the doghouse now, not you.
 
So she wanted to take a shower with you and you played ping pong instead. Don't you know, after you get married the sex is off? 🙁

KK
 
I've been in the same situation as you at nearly the same age.

You're a comfort zone for her while she looks for someone better. She'll likely leave you when she thinks she's found a better dude. Watch for it - don't ignore more warning signs.

She sounds very immature and attention whore-ish.
 
Originally posted by: MikeyIs4Dcats
P U S S Y W H I P P E D.

Shoulda dumped her....I went through a similar thing and regretted ever listening after the first break.
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Agreed. Second chances are only rarely appropriate.
 
Originally posted by: Mwilding
I think Skoorb hit the nail on the head.

What has changed since last week? NOTHING...
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Things like this take time. Neither may be willing to change right away (thus admitting fault), but over time (once this comes up enough) it will happen if they know what's good for them. It's a crapshoot... can't say it won't ever happen.
 
Originally posted by: DougK62
I've been in the same situation as you at nearly the same age.

You're a comfort zone for her while she looks for someone better. She'll likely leave you when she thinks she's found a better dude. Watch for it - don't ignore more warning signs.

She sounds very immature and attention whore-ish.
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^

She is "settling" on you for now. You called her bluff. (she didnt want to give up the ring because she was just punishing you, and expected that you guys would hook back up). Right now she knows that you aren't going to be what she wants you to be. She realizes this, because you told her this, and she is dealing with that fact. By dealing with that fact, I mean she is going to start looking around for the guy you can not be. The whatever-nationality fighter pilot, or whatever. When she finds him, or someone who resembles him, or someone she can push around until he is him, she will dump you.

Am I being cynical? No, I am being straightforward and honest. I wish you the best of luck, because I think you are going to need it.
 
I don't think it's reasonable for her to constantly expect to be "swept off of her feet," but it does sound like you hurt her feelings when you barely reacted after not seeing her for a few days. Sure it was only two days, but it may have been a big deal to her.
 
Oh man...if you're back together at least break off the engagement and hold on to the ring...she sounds completely irresponsible and you're likely to be divorced a couple of years from now if you keep going the way things are now. I don't know how old she is (early 20's?) but she is not likely to change anything for you. She needs a few more YEARS of maturity if she is pulling this stuff on you...and you're getting ready to marry her. I'm sorry but someone needs to smack you upside the head and say what the hell are you thinking? I wish someone had done the same for me and my friend (with his now ex-wife) wishes I had told him the same thing too. Three years is nothing...wait until it's six years and she leaves you or you find out she has been cheating on you the last year of your marriage.

Damn...there should be a law that doesn't allow marriage until 25.
 
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