YAGT! Drinking and cheating....UPDATE! Just got a letter from her...UPDATED AGAIN!!! ANOTHER UPDATE X4!NOW WITH POLL!!

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy
So my fiancee is going to cambridge for 2 months as part of a summer program. I got a call from her on the fourth talking about doing something with some dude. She was really trashed and i couldn't understand her. So she call me again on sunday, the fifth, and explains that she was so drunk that its possible she would have done something but didn't. She then went on to say that if she got that drunk again that she was most likely to go do something with the first person who hit on her. My response was don't drink like that again, she said that wasn't an option. But not to worry because she didn't have the budget to drink like that again. So her reason for not cheating on me is money? WTF.

Cliff notes: Fiancee in UK gets really drunk doesn't cheat but says next time she most likely will. But not to worry because drinks are too expensive to drink like that again.

I was planning on going to visit her at the beginning of september for like 2 weeks, but now i am not sure. I don't want to buy a plane ticket and take time off from work and get there and find out she got really drunk again.

What would you do? How would you feel? Any advice?

She's your fiance, so you obviously love her.

If she had said, "My mistake, I shouldn't have had that much to drink, I won't ever drink that much again and I'm sorry for what happened", it would be forgivable.

Maybe that was what she meant, and that she joked about not having enough $$$ to drink like that again? Could it have been a misunderstanding?

She:

a) says she won't drink that much again
b) says if she were to, she'd probably cheat on you
c) fact remains she ISN'T going to drink that much again

therefore

d) she isn't going to cheat on you again.

I dunno the history of the relationship though, but if you're engaged to this woman I'd imagine you'd try hard to make it work.

The only problem is her saying she won't drink that much again was only supported by budgetary constraints. So if she had money or someone giving her drinks then she would drink.

You mean like a horny guy who knows he'll get some if he gets her drunk enough? Yeah.

- M4H

 

[PatboyX]

thats pretty common when people are abroad. i certainly f-ed up while f-ed up (but so did the girl i was dating who was back in the states)
coincidentally, im going through the same situation again, this time in reverse.
but im in a much better relationship.
ANYWAY
my advice:
dont be with someone who is basically telling you they are going to cheat on you.
in my experience, things just get worse from that point on.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy
So my fiancee is going to cambridge for 2 months as part of a summer program. I got a call from her on the fourth talking about doing something with some dude. She was really trashed and i couldn't understand her. So she call me again on sunday, the fifth, and explains that she was so drunk that its possible she would have done something but didn't. She then went on to say that if she got that drunk again that she was most likely to go do something with the first person who hit on her. My response was don't drink like that again, she said that wasn't an option. But not to worry because she didn't have the budget to drink like that again. So her reason for not cheating on me is money? WTF.

Cliff notes: Fiancee in UK gets really drunk doesn't cheat but says next time she most likely will. But not to worry because drinks are too expensive to drink like that again.

I was planning on going to visit her at the beginning of september for like 2 weeks, but now i am not sure. I don't want to buy a plane ticket and take time off from work and get there and find out she got really drunk again.

What would you do? How would you feel? Any advice?

She's your fiance, so you obviously love her.

If she had said, "My mistake, I shouldn't have had that much to drink, I won't ever drink that much again and I'm sorry for what happened", it would be forgivable.

Maybe that was what she meant, and that she joked about not having enough $$$ to drink like that again? Could it have been a misunderstanding?

She:

a) says she won't drink that much again
b) says if she were to, she'd probably cheat on you
c) fact remains she ISN'T going to drink that much again

therefore

d) she isn't going to cheat on you again.

I dunno the history of the relationship though, but if you're engaged to this woman I'd imagine you'd try hard to make it work.

The only problem is her saying she won't drink that much again was only supported by budgetary constraints. So if she had money or someone giving her drinks then she would drink.

If you truly love her, then apparently she has a problem (alcoholic, anyone?). The fact she couldn't control her drinking despite her being engaged to you is a serious issue. I suppose you could go the easy route and dump her, but if she's your fiancee, that carries a little more weight than just being another girl you're fvcking. There's obviously a problem in the relationship, and if you two really love each other you'd have a serious talk (does she know how much this bothers you? how's the communication) and try to work things out.

If I were you, I wouldn't base such a serious, life-changing decision on the hasty comments of Internet folk. This is an issue for you two to work through, hopefully it works out for the best. People make mistakes, but it's whether or not they learn from them that matteres.

Good luck.

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: mrCide
wow, how can you even CONSIDER staying with her? i usually dont respond to yagt's but dude, dump her, christ. dont be a loser.

well she hasn't done anything wrong yet and i think she may have been trying to get me to consent not to drink if she doesn't. This does come shortly after THIS NIGHT which i think severely pissed her off.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: mrCide
wow, how can you even CONSIDER staying with her? i usually dont respond to yagt's but dude, dump her, christ. dont be a loser.

well she hasn't done anything wrong yet and i think she may have been trying to get me to consent not to drink if she doesn't. This does come shortly after THIS NIGHT which i think severely pissed her off.

So there are issues on both sides.

You two need to have a serious talk to see where each of you are in life, what you want out of the relationship, and whether or not you're ready for such a commitment.

Once again, good luck.

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy
So my fiancee is going to cambridge for 2 months as part of a summer program. I got a call from her on the fourth talking about doing something with some dude. She was really trashed and i couldn't understand her. So she call me again on sunday, the fifth, and explains that she was so drunk that its possible she would have done something but didn't. She then went on to say that if she got that drunk again that she was most likely to go do something with the first person who hit on her. My response was don't drink like that again, she said that wasn't an option. But not to worry because she didn't have the budget to drink like that again. So her reason for not cheating on me is money? WTF.

Cliff notes: Fiancee in UK gets really drunk doesn't cheat but says next time she most likely will. But not to worry because drinks are too expensive to drink like that again.

I was planning on going to visit her at the beginning of september for like 2 weeks, but now i am not sure. I don't want to buy a plane ticket and take time off from work and get there and find out she got really drunk again.

What would you do? How would you feel? Any advice?

She's your fiance, so you obviously love her.

If she had said, "My mistake, I shouldn't have had that much to drink, I won't ever drink that much again and I'm sorry for what happened", it would be forgivable.

Maybe that was what she meant, and that she joked about not having enough $$$ to drink like that again? Could it have been a misunderstanding?

She:

a) says she won't drink that much again
b) says if she were to, she'd probably cheat on you
c) fact remains she ISN'T going to drink that much again

therefore

d) she isn't going to cheat on you again.

I dunno the history of the relationship though, but if you're engaged to this woman I'd imagine you'd try hard to make it work.

The only problem is her saying she won't drink that much again was only supported by budgetary constraints. So if she had money or someone giving her drinks then she would drink.

If you truly love her, then apparently she has a problem (alcoholic, anyone?). The fact she couldn't control her drinking despite her being engaged to you is a serious issue. I suppose you could go the easy route and dump her, but if she's your fiancee, that carries a little more weight than just being another girl you're fvcking. There's obviously a problem in the relationship, and if you two really love each other you'd have a serious talk (does she know how much this bothers you? how's the communication) and try to work things out.

If I were you, I wouldn't base such a serious, life-changing decision on the hasty comments of Internet folk. This is an issue for you two to work through, hopefully it works out for the best. People make mistakes, but it's whether or not they learn from them that matteres.

Good luck.

She doesn't drink much, so not an alcoholic. The communication sucks though, she goes to bed when i get off work, i go to bed when she wakes up, i go to work as she get done with school. We never really have a chance to talk on the phone and i am not going to try and discuss this through e-mail.

 

[vi edit]

I think the real victims in your relationship are your LIVERS!

 

[MrDudeMan]

wow

tell us some more of what you are thinking. you have expressed your concern and asked for advice, but how do you personally feel about this?

 

[remagavon]

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: mrCide
wow, how can you even CONSIDER staying with her? i usually dont respond to yagt's but dude, dump her, christ. dont be a loser.

well she hasn't done anything wrong yet and i think she may have been trying to get me to consent not to drink if she doesn't. This does come shortly after THIS NIGHT which i think severely pissed her off.

Whatever. If I did something (relative to who's looking at it) stupid, but totally harmless like you and my gf did what you're saying she did then I'd still drop her like a bad habbit. Which it sounds like she is. Alcohol & Girls don't mix, unless you're the one getting the action. Especially bad if you're in a relationship. GL man.

 

[TheNinja]

Originally posted by: Tomato

If you truly love her, then apparently she has a problem (alcoholic, anyone?). The fact she couldn't control her drinking despite her being engaged to you is a serious issue. I suppose you could go the easy route and dump her, but if she's your fiancee, that carries a little more weight than just being another girl you're fvcking. There's obviously a problem in the relationship, and if you two really love each other you'd have a serious talk (does she know how much this bothers you? how's the communication) and try to work things out.

If I were you, I wouldn't base such a serious, life-changing decision on the hasty comments of Internet folk. This is an issue for you two to work through, hopefully it works out for the best. People make mistakes, but it's whether or not they learn from them that matteres.

Good luck.

Thank you Ann Landers

 

[ohtwell]

I'd probably break up with someone like that. How could it not be an option to not drink like that? Obviously she cares more about alcohol than she does about your relationship. It's sad. Plus, she's probably already cheated on you, using being drunk as an excuse, and she'll continue to do the same thing because she doesn't really se a problem with it. Leave her and get somebody better.


: ) Amanda

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy
So my fiancee is going to cambridge for 2 months as part of a summer program. I got a call from her on the fourth talking about doing something with some dude. She was really trashed and i couldn't understand her. So she call me again on sunday, the fifth, and explains that she was so drunk that its possible she would have done something but didn't. She then went on to say that if she got that drunk again that she was most likely to go do something with the first person who hit on her. My response was don't drink like that again, she said that wasn't an option. But not to worry because she didn't have the budget to drink like that again. So her reason for not cheating on me is money? WTF.

Cliff notes: Fiancee in UK gets really drunk doesn't cheat but says next time she most likely will. But not to worry because drinks are too expensive to drink like that again.

I was planning on going to visit her at the beginning of september for like 2 weeks, but now i am not sure. I don't want to buy a plane ticket and take time off from work and get there and find out she got really drunk again.

What would you do? How would you feel? Any advice?

She's your fiance, so you obviously love her.

If she had said, "My mistake, I shouldn't have had that much to drink, I won't ever drink that much again and I'm sorry for what happened", it would be forgivable.

Maybe that was what she meant, and that she joked about not having enough $$$ to drink like that again? Could it have been a misunderstanding?

She:

a) says she won't drink that much again
b) says if she were to, she'd probably cheat on you
c) fact remains she ISN'T going to drink that much again

therefore

d) she isn't going to cheat on you again.

I dunno the history of the relationship though, but if you're engaged to this woman I'd imagine you'd try hard to make it work.

The only problem is her saying she won't drink that much again was only supported by budgetary constraints. So if she had money or someone giving her drinks then she would drink.

If you truly love her, then apparently she has a problem (alcoholic, anyone?). The fact she couldn't control her drinking despite her being engaged to you is a serious issue. I suppose you could go the easy route and dump her, but if she's your fiancee, that carries a little more weight than just being another girl you're fvcking. There's obviously a problem in the relationship, and if you two really love each other you'd have a serious talk (does she know how much this bothers you? how's the communication) and try to work things out.

If I were you, I wouldn't base such a serious, life-changing decision on the hasty comments of Internet folk. This is an issue for you two to work through, hopefully it works out for the best. People make mistakes, but it's whether or not they learn from them that matteres.

Good luck.

She doesn't drink much, so not an alcoholic. The communication sucks though, she goes to bed when i get off work, i go to bed when she wakes up, i go to work as she get done with school. We never really have a chance to talk on the phone and i am not going to try and discuss this through e-mail.

Can you afford to fly out for a week or so to see her? It's a tough schedule, but if you two are engaged, you should make an effort. Maybe you can call her right before she goes to bed (after you get off work), or she can call you when she wakes up. If she's going out at night, then she can certainly stay up to talk to her fiancee.

Communication can be tough, especially long distance, but if you truly love each other you should be able to find a way to work things out. Maybe her commenting about getting drunk again and maybe messing up on you is a thinly veiled attempt to increase your responsiveness, show her you do love her/you do care/you don't want her doing that, etc.

It sounds like there are some maturity issues too, which aren't necessarily debilitating if recognized and discussed.

Much comes down to communication, I think that'd be a good first step to try.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: Staley8

Originally posted by: Tomato

If you truly love her, then apparently she has a problem (alcoholic, anyone?). The fact she couldn't control her drinking despite her being engaged to you is a serious issue. I suppose you could go the easy route and dump her, but if she's your fiancee, that carries a little more weight than just being another girl you're fvcking. There's obviously a problem in the relationship, and if you two really love each other you'd have a serious talk (does she know how much this bothers you? how's the communication) and try to work things out.

If I were you, I wouldn't base such a serious, life-changing decision on the hasty comments of Internet folk. This is an issue for you two to work through, hopefully it works out for the best. People make mistakes, but it's whether or not they learn from them that matteres.

Good luck.

Thank you Ann Landers

Anytime.

 

[jjones]

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy
So my fiancee is going to cambridge for 2 months as part of a summer program. I got a call from her on the fourth talking about doing something with some dude. She was really trashed and i couldn't understand her. So she call me again on sunday, the fifth, and explains that she was so drunk that its possible she would have done something but didn't. She then went on to say that if she got that drunk again that she was most likely to go do something with the first person who hit on her. My response was don't drink like that again, she said that wasn't an option. But not to worry because she didn't have the budget to drink like that again. So her reason for not cheating on me is money? WTF.

Cliff notes: Fiancee in UK gets really drunk doesn't cheat but says next time she most likely will. But not to worry because drinks are too expensive to drink like that again.

I was planning on going to visit her at the beginning of september for like 2 weeks, but now i am not sure. I don't want to buy a plane ticket and take time off from work and get there and find out she got really drunk again.

What would you do? How would you feel? Any advice?

She's your fiance, so you obviously love her.

If she had said, "My mistake, I shouldn't have had that much to drink, I won't ever drink that much again and I'm sorry for what happened", it would be forgivable.

Maybe that was what she meant, and that she joked about not having enough $$$ to drink like that again? Could it have been a misunderstanding?

She:

a) says she won't drink that much again
b) says if she were to, she'd probably cheat on you
c) fact remains she ISN'T going to drink that much again

therefore

d) she isn't going to cheat on you again.

I dunno the history of the relationship though, but if you're engaged to this woman I'd imagine you'd try hard to make it work.

The only problem is her saying she won't drink that much again was only supported by budgetary constraints. So if she had money or someone giving her drinks then she would drink.

If you truly love her, then apparently she has a problem (alcoholic, anyone?). The fact she couldn't control her drinking despite her being engaged to you is a serious issue. I suppose you could go the easy route and dump her, but if she's your fiancee, that carries a little more weight than just being another girl you're fvcking. There's obviously a problem in the relationship, and if you two really love each other you'd have a serious talk (does she know how much this bothers you? how's the communication) and try to work things out.

If I were you, I wouldn't base such a serious, life-changing decision on the hasty comments of Internet folk. This is an issue for you two to work through, hopefully it works out for the best. People make mistakes, but it's whether or not they learn from them that matteres.

Good luck.

BS and lots of it. Any girl that says she might cheat on you, will cheat on you given less than half the chance. All some guy has to do is get her drunk and she'll fsck him. I've known girls exactly like this and they are fscked up in the head. The rule of thumb with these girls are they are okay to party with but don't even think about being serious, no matter how much they pretend. She might finally straighten out and unfsck herself in about 10 years, but until then, forget it.

 

[Shockwave]

As we'd say on Sounddomain.
DHITB then dump her right after.
Course, its said with a bit mroe vulgarity there but.... You get the idea

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: MrDudeMan
wow

tell us some more of what you are thinking. you have expressed your concern and asked for advice, but how do you personally feel about this?

Well i think you are being sarcastic but if not

What i think is that its is totally fvcked up that the only thing keeping this b!tch from cheating on me is that U.S. dollar is tanking? So the economy picks up and were through. I mean honestly WHAT THE FVCK is that sh!t ?!?!?!?

 

[iotone]

hmmm... someone openly admitting that there's a possibility of cheating??

i wouldn't do it.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: jjones

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy
So my fiancee is going to cambridge for 2 months as part of a summer program. I got a call from her on the fourth talking about doing something with some dude. She was really trashed and i couldn't understand her. So she call me again on sunday, the fifth, and explains that she was so drunk that its possible she would have done something but didn't. She then went on to say that if she got that drunk again that she was most likely to go do something with the first person who hit on her. My response was don't drink like that again, she said that wasn't an option. But not to worry because she didn't have the budget to drink like that again. So her reason for not cheating on me is money? WTF.

Cliff notes: Fiancee in UK gets really drunk doesn't cheat but says next time she most likely will. But not to worry because drinks are too expensive to drink like that again.

I was planning on going to visit her at the beginning of september for like 2 weeks, but now i am not sure. I don't want to buy a plane ticket and take time off from work and get there and find out she got really drunk again.

What would you do? How would you feel? Any advice?

She's your fiance, so you obviously love her.

If she had said, "My mistake, I shouldn't have had that much to drink, I won't ever drink that much again and I'm sorry for what happened", it would be forgivable.

Maybe that was what she meant, and that she joked about not having enough $$$ to drink like that again? Could it have been a misunderstanding?

She:

a) says she won't drink that much again
b) says if she were to, she'd probably cheat on you
c) fact remains she ISN'T going to drink that much again

therefore

d) she isn't going to cheat on you again.

I dunno the history of the relationship though, but if you're engaged to this woman I'd imagine you'd try hard to make it work.

The only problem is her saying she won't drink that much again was only supported by budgetary constraints. So if she had money or someone giving her drinks then she would drink.

If you truly love her, then apparently she has a problem (alcoholic, anyone?). The fact she couldn't control her drinking despite her being engaged to you is a serious issue. I suppose you could go the easy route and dump her, but if she's your fiancee, that carries a little more weight than just being another girl you're fvcking. There's obviously a problem in the relationship, and if you two really love each other you'd have a serious talk (does she know how much this bothers you? how's the communication) and try to work things out.

If I were you, I wouldn't base such a serious, life-changing decision on the hasty comments of Internet folk. This is an issue for you two to work through, hopefully it works out for the best. People make mistakes, but it's whether or not they learn from them that matteres.

Good luck.

BS and lots of it. Any girl that says she might cheat on you, will cheat on you given less than half the chance. All some guy has to do is get her drunk and she'll fsck him. I've known girls exactly like this and they are fscked up in the head. The rule of thumb with these girls are they are okay to party with but don't even think about being serious, no matter how much they pretend. She might finally straighten out and unfsck herself in about 10 years, but until then, forget it.

Not necessarily. Yeah, it was pretty sh!tty of her to say she'd cheat on him, but maybe she was angry or whatever at the time. Not all situations/girls are the same.

 

[sygyzy]

Get out man. That's the only solution.

 

[lokiju]

Dude, not my place but......


She already cheated IMO, that drunken call was her trying to tell you likely.

Now that she wasn't drunk the next time you spoke with her she's not going to come clean but is kind of telling you indirectly.

Either decide if you can live with her "hooking up" with men when she is drunk and forgive her or prepare yourself for heart break.


But then again, I could be wrong.

Edit: I reread and realized you're talking about your fiancée not just a gf, this is more of a touchy area, I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss her seeing that you feel strongly enough about her to marry her.

You know her better than any of us could ever so that being said, use your best judgment and do what you think is right.

 

[cronos]

alcohol is evil.
some people just can't handle it.

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: jjones

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy
So my fiancee is going to cambridge for 2 months as part of a summer program. I got a call from her on the fourth talking about doing something with some dude. She was really trashed and i couldn't understand her. So she call me again on sunday, the fifth, and explains that she was so drunk that its possible she would have done something but didn't. She then went on to say that if she got that drunk again that she was most likely to go do something with the first person who hit on her. My response was don't drink like that again, she said that wasn't an option. But not to worry because she didn't have the budget to drink like that again. So her reason for not cheating on me is money? WTF.

Cliff notes: Fiancee in UK gets really drunk doesn't cheat but says next time she most likely will. But not to worry because drinks are too expensive to drink like that again.

I was planning on going to visit her at the beginning of september for like 2 weeks, but now i am not sure. I don't want to buy a plane ticket and take time off from work and get there and find out she got really drunk again.

What would you do? How would you feel? Any advice?

She's your fiance, so you obviously love her.

If she had said, "My mistake, I shouldn't have had that much to drink, I won't ever drink that much again and I'm sorry for what happened", it would be forgivable.

Maybe that was what she meant, and that she joked about not having enough $$$ to drink like that again? Could it have been a misunderstanding?

She:

a) says she won't drink that much again
b) says if she were to, she'd probably cheat on you
c) fact remains she ISN'T going to drink that much again

therefore

d) she isn't going to cheat on you again.

I dunno the history of the relationship though, but if you're engaged to this woman I'd imagine you'd try hard to make it work.

The only problem is her saying she won't drink that much again was only supported by budgetary constraints. So if she had money or someone giving her drinks then she would drink.

If you truly love her, then apparently she has a problem (alcoholic, anyone?). The fact she couldn't control her drinking despite her being engaged to you is a serious issue. I suppose you could go the easy route and dump her, but if she's your fiancee, that carries a little more weight than just being another girl you're fvcking. There's obviously a problem in the relationship, and if you two really love each other you'd have a serious talk (does she know how much this bothers you? how's the communication) and try to work things out.

If I were you, I wouldn't base such a serious, life-changing decision on the hasty comments of Internet folk. This is an issue for you two to work through, hopefully it works out for the best. People make mistakes, but it's whether or not they learn from them that matteres.

Good luck.

BS and lots of it. Any girl that says she might cheat on you, will cheat on you given less than half the chance. All some guy has to do is get her drunk and she'll fsck him. I've known girls exactly like this and they are fscked up in the head. The rule of thumb with these girls are they are okay to party with but don't even think about being serious, no matter how much they pretend. She might finally straighten out and unfsck herself in about 10 years, but until then, forget it.

Not necessarily. Yeah, it was pretty sh!tty of her to say she'd cheat on him, but maybe she was angry or whatever at the time. Not all situations/girls are the same.

We were friends for many, many years before we got serious and i know she was never like this before. But a friend of mine said that it sounded like she is planning to hook with a guy and is just warning for the inevitable.

 

[Shockwave]

Originally posted by: blazert40
Dude, not my place but......


She already cheated IMO, that drunken call was her trying to tell you likely.

Now that she wasn't drunk the next time you spoke with her she's not going to come clean but is kind of telling you indirectly.

Either decide if you can live with her "hooking up" with men when she is drunk and forgive her or prepare yourself for heart break.


But then again, I could be wrong.

This man is teh wise

 

[imported_vr6]

Agree, she is a time bomb waiting to blow, literally. Shes just waiting for the opportunity. I say don't break up, but be ready for that phone call. In the mean time make yourself available to other females.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: bigredguy
We were friends for many, many years before we got serious and i know she was never like this before. But a friend of mine said that it sounded like she is planning to hook with a guy and is just warning for the inevitable.

Then there are other factors involved. If you believe your friend more than your fiancee right now, then make the decision you have to. What do you think spurred the change, since you say she was never like this before? Newfound freedom/independence?

Seems communication is really bad if your friend is saying things like that, and she hasn't fessed up to any of it... I would be honest with her, confront her with the info if necessary, examine your situation and decide if this is where you want to be.

You two obviously loved each other enough to get engaged, surely you can have a serious adult conversation about all the issues going on.

Out of curiosity, how old are the two of you?