YAGT! Drinking and cheating....UPDATE! Just got a letter from her...UPDATED AGAIN!!! ANOTHER UPDATE X4!NOW WITH POLL!!

[silverpig]

Okay, so it's over... but you can have some fun with it.

1. Act like it's over. Start seeing and doing other women.
2. Tell her that it makes you hot to know she's messing around with other guys. Get her going right into it. Get her to take pictures, or do a video and send it to you. "Accidentally" forward the emailed pictures to her parents...

 

[NakaNaka]

I'm sorry man but I don't see how you can stay with her. She says she would cheat on you: a fiance should never ever be close to that. You think you are gonna spend the rest of your life with this woman, you guys aren't even married and she's close to cheating. You need to have a serious conversation with her and then have a serious thinking session with yourself. But unfortunatly, I don't see how this can end well.

 

[jjones]

Originally posted by: Tomato
Not necessarily. Yeah, it was pretty sh!tty of her to say she'd cheat on him, but maybe she was angry or whatever at the time. Not all situations/girls are the same.

I've dated a LOT and I've known all kinds of women and this kind is a particular type. I've had friends of mine who I've warned about in exactly this situation. I've fscked the girls of other guys who were exactly like this. They don't know what they want. They want to settle down but when they get into a situation where it's out of the ordinary circumstances, or a few drinks with the coworkers, whatever, all some smooth talking guy has to do is lube her up a little. Oh, she'll be sorry about it and probably feel the need to confess but, unfortunately, the guy she's attached to is always on the losing end. I've seen it happen enough and never saw it play out with a happy ending.

 

[lokiju]

Originally posted by: NakaNaka
I'm sorry man but I don't see how you can stay with her. She says she would cheat on you: a fiance should never ever be close to that. You think you are gonna spend the rest of your life with this woman, you guys aren't even married and she's close to cheating. You need to have a serious conversation with her and then have a serious thinking session with yourself. But unfortunatly, I don't see how this can end well.

Very good advice IMO, and for what was said about talking to her via e-mail....


I don't know if this is the best choice since it is really hard to convey emotion through this method.

Try and find a time that works for both of you so you two can speak on the phone and work things through either way.

 

[txxxx]

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy
So my fiancee is going to cambridge for 2 months as part of a summer program. I got a call from her on the fourth talking about doing something with some dude. She was really trashed and i couldn't understand her. So she call me again on sunday, the fifth, and explains that she was so drunk that its possible she would have done something but didn't. She then went on to say that if she got that drunk again that she was most likely to go do something with the first person who hit on her. My response was don't drink like that again, she said that wasn't an option. But not to worry because she didn't have the budget to drink like that again. So her reason for not cheating on me is money? WTF.

Cliff notes: Fiancee in UK gets really drunk doesn't cheat but says next time she most likely will. But not to worry because drinks are too expensive to drink like that again.

I was planning on going to visit her at the beginning of september for like 2 weeks, but now i am not sure. I don't want to buy a plane ticket and take time off from work and get there and find out she got really drunk again.

What would you do? How would you feel? Any advice?

She's your fiance, so you obviously love her.

If she had said, "My mistake, I shouldn't have had that much to drink, I won't ever drink that much again and I'm sorry for what happened", it would be forgivable.

Maybe that was what she meant, and that she joked about not having enough $$$ to drink like that again? Could it have been a misunderstanding?

She:

a) says she won't drink that much again
b) says if she were to, she'd probably cheat on you
c) fact remains she ISN'T going to drink that much again

therefore

d) she isn't going to cheat on you again.

I dunno the history of the relationship though, but if you're engaged to this woman I'd imagine you'd try hard to make it work.

The only problem is her saying she won't drink that much again was only supported by budgetary constraints. So if she had money or someone giving her drinks then she would drink.

If you truly love her, then apparently she has a problem (alcoholic, anyone?). The fact she couldn't control her drinking despite her being engaged to you is a serious issue. I suppose you could go the easy route and dump her, but if she's your fiancee, that carries a little more weight than just being another girl you're fvcking. There's obviously a problem in the relationship, and if you two really love each other you'd have a serious talk (does she know how much this bothers you? how's the communication) and try to work things out.

If I were you, I wouldn't base such a serious, life-changing decision on the hasty comments of Internet folk. This is an issue for you two to work through, hopefully it works out for the best. People make mistakes, but it's whether or not they learn from them that matteres.

Good luck.

I was thinking the same - but on the other hand, she still sounds like a easy whore. I'd discuss it with her, and maybe have a friend or 2 keep an eye on her for the next couple of months before making a rushed decision.

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy
We were friends for many, many years before we got serious and i know she was never like this before. But a friend of mine said that it sounded like she is planning to hook with a guy and is just warning for the inevitable.

Then there are other factors involved. If you believe your friend more than your fiancee right now, then make the decision you have to. What do you think spurred the change, since you say she was never like this before? Newfound freedom/independence?

Seems communication is really bad if your friend is saying things like that, and she hasn't fessed up to any of it... I would be honest with her, confront her with the info if necessary, examine your situation and decide if this is where you want to be.

You two obviously loved each other enough to get engaged, surely you can have a serious adult conversation about all the issues going on.

Out of curiosity, how old are the two of you?

When in our first year or so of being together she went to Japan for 4 months and we did well for a long distance relationship. I know she and i are young to be so serious and many people have tried to convince me that it was a mistake, but it has been totally awesome until 4 days ago. I have no idea what caused this change in her. I really doubt my one night of drinking is enough. I know that when we have a serious conversation i will feel better, only problem is that will probably have to wait until this weekend, except she has a 3-day weekend and might go travelling. So i don't really know when we can talk.

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: txxxx

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy
So my fiancee is going to cambridge for 2 months as part of a summer program. I got a call from her on the fourth talking about doing something with some dude. She was really trashed and i couldn't understand her. So she call me again on sunday, the fifth, and explains that she was so drunk that its possible she would have done something but didn't. She then went on to say that if she got that drunk again that she was most likely to go do something with the first person who hit on her. My response was don't drink like that again, she said that wasn't an option. But not to worry because she didn't have the budget to drink like that again. So her reason for not cheating on me is money? WTF.

Cliff notes: Fiancee in UK gets really drunk doesn't cheat but says next time she most likely will. But not to worry because drinks are too expensive to drink like that again.

I was planning on going to visit her at the beginning of september for like 2 weeks, but now i am not sure. I don't want to buy a plane ticket and take time off from work and get there and find out she got really drunk again.

What would you do? How would you feel? Any advice?

She's your fiance, so you obviously love her.

If she had said, "My mistake, I shouldn't have had that much to drink, I won't ever drink that much again and I'm sorry for what happened", it would be forgivable.

Maybe that was what she meant, and that she joked about not having enough $$$ to drink like that again? Could it have been a misunderstanding?

She:

a) says she won't drink that much again
b) says if she were to, she'd probably cheat on you
c) fact remains she ISN'T going to drink that much again

therefore

d) she isn't going to cheat on you again.

I dunno the history of the relationship though, but if you're engaged to this woman I'd imagine you'd try hard to make it work.

The only problem is her saying she won't drink that much again was only supported by budgetary constraints. So if she had money or someone giving her drinks then she would drink.

If you truly love her, then apparently she has a problem (alcoholic, anyone?). The fact she couldn't control her drinking despite her being engaged to you is a serious issue. I suppose you could go the easy route and dump her, but if she's your fiancee, that carries a little more weight than just being another girl you're fvcking. There's obviously a problem in the relationship, and if you two really love each other you'd have a serious talk (does she know how much this bothers you? how's the communication) and try to work things out.

If I were you, I wouldn't base such a serious, life-changing decision on the hasty comments of Internet folk. This is an issue for you two to work through, hopefully it works out for the best. People make mistakes, but it's whether or not they learn from them that matteres.

Good luck.

I was thinking the same - but on the other hand, she still sounds like a easy whore. I'd discuss it with her, and maybe have a friend or 2 keep an eye on her for the next couple of months before making a rushed decision.

She's in England, how am i supposed to have anyone keep an eye on her?

 

[bigredguy]

Judging by the responses here i am guessing everyone is also recommending not making plans to go see her in 2 months when she is done with school.

 

[Dacalo]

Distance can test the most profound relationships.

Don't trigger yet, wait until she makes the first move.

 

[isekii]

oh yea.

Pics or Ban.

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: Dacalo
Distance can test the most profound relationships.

Don't trigger yet, wait until she makes the first move.

I know, i thought us making it through her being in Japan for 4 months was a good enough test, but i am very doubtful now.

 

[txxxx]

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: txxxx

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy
So my fiancee is going to cambridge for 2 months as part of a summer program. I got a call from her on the fourth talking about doing something with some dude. She was really trashed and i couldn't understand her. So she call me again on sunday, the fifth, and explains that she was so drunk that its possible she would have done something but didn't. She then went on to say that if she got that drunk again that she was most likely to go do something with the first person who hit on her. My response was don't drink like that again, she said that wasn't an option. But not to worry because she didn't have the budget to drink like that again. So her reason for not cheating on me is money? WTF.

Cliff notes: Fiancee in UK gets really drunk doesn't cheat but says next time she most likely will. But not to worry because drinks are too expensive to drink like that again.

I was planning on going to visit her at the beginning of september for like 2 weeks, but now i am not sure. I don't want to buy a plane ticket and take time off from work and get there and find out she got really drunk again.

What would you do? How would you feel? Any advice?

She's your fiance, so you obviously love her.

If she had said, "My mistake, I shouldn't have had that much to drink, I won't ever drink that much again and I'm sorry for what happened", it would be forgivable.

Maybe that was what she meant, and that she joked about not having enough $$$ to drink like that again? Could it have been a misunderstanding?

She:

a) says she won't drink that much again
b) says if she were to, she'd probably cheat on you
c) fact remains she ISN'T going to drink that much again

therefore

d) she isn't going to cheat on you again.

I dunno the history of the relationship though, but if you're engaged to this woman I'd imagine you'd try hard to make it work.

The only problem is her saying she won't drink that much again was only supported by budgetary constraints. So if she had money or someone giving her drinks then she would drink.

If you truly love her, then apparently she has a problem (alcoholic, anyone?). The fact she couldn't control her drinking despite her being engaged to you is a serious issue. I suppose you could go the easy route and dump her, but if she's your fiancee, that carries a little more weight than just being another girl you're fvcking. There's obviously a problem in the relationship, and if you two really love each other you'd have a serious talk (does she know how much this bothers you? how's the communication) and try to work things out.

If I were you, I wouldn't base such a serious, life-changing decision on the hasty comments of Internet folk. This is an issue for you two to work through, hopefully it works out for the best. People make mistakes, but it's whether or not they learn from them that matteres.

Good luck.

I was thinking the same - but on the other hand, she still sounds like a easy whore. I'd discuss it with her, and maybe have a friend or 2 keep an eye on her for the next couple of months before making a rushed decision.

She's in England, how am i supposed to have anyone keep an eye on her?

Sorry my bad, I meant when she's back. I've only been in 1 long term relationship, my current one of 1yr and 1 month. But if there's something i've learned, I have come to realise that TRUST is so crucial.
Think you could both repair the damage done?

 

[imported_Tomato]

So how old are the two of you?

 

[pkananen]

my fiancee went away for 2 months last summer - halfway through she says "well, I went on a camping trip with a guy that likes me, but don't worry, I don't like him. we slept in the same tent, but we didn't do anything" i come to visit her....and she breaks the engagement

nuff said

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: bigredguy
Judging by the responses here i am guessing everyone is also recommending not making plans to go see her in 2 months when she is done with school.

Everyone might recommend, but the final decision is up to you. Heck, even if things don't work out, it might help to finalize things by seeing each other face-to-face. Two months is still a very long time.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

Originally posted by: isekii
oh yea.

Pics or Ban.

:beer:

- M4H

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: Tomato
So how old are the two of you?

me 21 her 20

 

[lokiju]

Originally posted by: pkananen
my fiancee went away for 2 months last summer - halfway through she says "well, I went on a camping trip with a guy that likes me, but don't worry, I don't like him. we slept in the same tent, but we didn't do anything" i come to visit her....and she breaks the engagement

nuff said

Damn that sucks. I'm sorry to hear that. :brokenheart:

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: pkananen
my fiancee went away for 2 months last summer - halfway through she says "well, I went on a camping trip with a guy that likes me, but don't worry, I don't like him. we slept in the same tent, but we didn't do anything" i come to visit her....and she breaks the engagement

nuff said

For the other guy?

That sucks, sorry to hear pkananen.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato
So how old are the two of you?

me 21 her 20

Damn. You two are really young. When did you get engaged?

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato
So how old are the two of you?

me 21 her 20

Damn. You two are really young. When did you get engaged?

back in october so like 8-9 months ago

 

[bigredguy]

Originally posted by: pkananen
my fiancee went away for 2 months last summer - halfway through she says "well, I went on a camping trip with a guy that likes me, but don't worry, I don't like him. we slept in the same tent, but we didn't do anything" i come to visit her....and she breaks the engagement

nuff said

That really sucks, i am sorry dude.

 

[imported_Tomato]

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: bigredguy

Originally posted by: Tomato
So how old are the two of you?

me 21 her 20

Damn. You two are really young. When did you get engaged?

back in october so like 8-9 months ago

Another nosy question: Have you two had much experience with other people before getting engaged?

 

[txxxx]

Originally posted by: pkananen
my fiancee went away for 2 months last summer - halfway through she says "well, I went on a camping trip with a guy that likes me, but don't worry, I don't like him. we slept in the same tent, but we didn't do anything" i come to visit her....and she breaks the engagement

nuff said

Sorry to hear - at least it ended before you tied the knot in marriage.

 

[nietsni3]

maybe she (of the OP) was trying to make him come visit her.