YAGT: Did I ladder jump?

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TheVrolok

Lifer
Dec 11, 2000
24,254
4,092
136
I think all of this "if you didn't kiss the first date there's no shot" stuff is a bunch of non-sense. I purposefully never kiss on the first date for a number of reasons, and I've had numerous relationships that got very physical and/or serious when the first kiss didn't come on the first or second date. Generalizations are ridiculous, including this one.
 
J

jmdeathsquad

Senior member
Feb 23, 2006
643
0
0
Originally posted by: slsmnaz
3 pages and no demand for :camera:'s??? This place is slacking!
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Thank you!! finally someone with some sense in here... need pics to determine your current status
 
I

IceBergSLiM

Lifer
Jul 11, 2000
29,932
3
81
Originally posted by: Mears
Originally posted by: D22
How old are you and how old is the girl? Definitely a negative sign. Anytime I had to wait for the 3rd date or later the relationship never amounted to anything even if I kept pursuing...even if I did get the kiss later it was a TOTAL waste of time.
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We are both 24. She's on vacation for a week, so maybe I'll give it one more go when she gets back and then cut my ties if it doesn't work out.
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back off now, dont call or contact. let her come to you..... if she pursues you it could still be on.
 
C

CityShrimp

Member
Dec 14, 2006
177
0
0
Originally posted by: AStar617
Originally posted by: Mears
So last night I went on my third date with this girl. All I've gotten so far is hugs, so I set my mind to kissing her before I left. The date went pretty well and afterwards she invited me into her place. We talked for an hour or so and I could tell she was getting tired and I had to work in the morning. I told her as much and when she moved in to hug me goodbye I went in for a kiss. It all happened so fast, but it appeared to me like she turned her head and I got her on the cheek. Talk about an awkward moment... She acted like nothing happened.

So do you guys think I was already on her friends ladder? If so, am I currently flailing in the abyss?
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As a Ladder Theory Evangelist(TM), let me commend you on a well articulated question. However, jumping ladders only occurs from friends to real, not the other way around. You were always on the friends ladder.

With that said, you have no chance after that kick in the head into the Abyss. Next her and move on to greener pastures.
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So what happens when the relationship is over? Can't be friends ever again? :confused:
 
slightlyhuman

slightlyhuman

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
19,632
38
91
when i really like a girl, i have no problem waiting even 4 or 5 dates to kiss her. my gf was amazed i didn't move in on her the first night. i think it was the 5th or 6th time we hung out.

 
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yowolabi

Diamond Member
Jun 29, 2001
4,183
2
81
I'm the first to admit that if a girl won't even kiss you after a multiple dates that there's a problem. Either she's not attracted to you, or she's a cold fish that it will be hell working with.


However that's not necessarily the case here. Believe it or not, there are shy and inexperienced girls out there. If you just spring a kiss on one of these girls with no lead up and no time for them to prepare mentally, you may end up with the cheek through their suprise.

I suggest you ask her out again, and try to lead up to a kiss somwhere in the middle. You take her somewhere romantic and secluded, you stand really close to her with your hand somewhere on her back or arm, you make eye contact, and then you very slowly move in for a kiss, giving her time to process that it's coming.

If you get the cheek again, you ask her gently if something is wrong. Then, depending on what she says and how much you believe what she says, then you may get rid of her. But it's silly to assume anything from your one attempt and to never try again.
 
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IceBergSLiM

Lifer
Jul 11, 2000
29,932
3
81
Originally posted by: yowolabi
I'm the first to admit that if a girl won't even kiss you after a multiple dates that there's a problem. Either she's not attracted to you, or she's a cold fish that it will be hell working with.


However that's not necessarily the case here. Believe it or not, there are shy and inexperienced girls out there. If you just spring a kiss on one of these girls with no lead up and no time for them to prepare mentally, you may end up with the cheek through their suprise.

I suggest you ask her out again, and try to lead up to a kiss somwhere in the middle. You take her somewhere romantic and secluded, you stand really close to her with your hand somewhere on her back or arm, you make eye contact, and then you very slowly move in for a kiss, giving her time to process that it's coming.

If you get the cheek again, you ask her gently if something is wrong. Then, depending on what she says and how much you believe what she says, then you may get rid of her. But it's silly to assume anything from your one attempt and to never try again.
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why is it worth the effort? ANY long term relationship that i have been in there was incredible undeniable attraction and sexual tension immediately. Why chase something that isnt there and is going to be lousy even if it does eventually materialize. No thanks.
 
O

OneOfTheseDays

Diamond Member
Jan 15, 2000
7,052
0
0
As a general rule, you have 7-10 hours to make your move. Any longer than that and you are in serious danger of being LJBF'd.
 
A

AbsolutDealage

Platinum Member
Dec 20, 2002
2,675
0
0
OP, don't talk to her for a couple of days. If she calls you, let it go to voicemail. Stop caring what she thinks about you or the "relationship" you have with her.

When she finally gets a hold of you, tell her that you were prepared for a more physical relationship, and she obviously was not. If she says that she was prepared for that, (and you still want to be with her), then you better be all over her the next time you go out. If she doesn't say anything then move on. Plenty of fish.
 
Phokus

Phokus

Lifer
Nov 20, 1999
22,994
779
126
Originally posted by: TheGoodGuy
dude.. just force it on.. take a chance.. when she isnt looking dont look for the kiss when saying goodbye.. kiss her at some other moment..
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lol rape lol
 
S

spidey07

No Lifer
Aug 4, 2000
65,469
5
76
Originally posted by: Sudheer Anne
As a general rule, you have 7-10 hours to make your move. Any longer than that and you are in serious danger of being LJBF'd.
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Agreed.

There were no dates. No kissing means NOT A DATE!!!! I love the opening "went on third date". Nah, you never had a date with her otherwise you'd be kissing. Let this be a lesson so that it isn't repeated again.
 
zinfamous

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,889
31,410
146
Originally posted by: 3NF
Originally posted by: bignateyk

She invited you into her place after the date? You shouda made a move your move when you were there, not when you were leaving...
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Yup :)
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yup, yup. she said she was "tired." what she meant was: "why hasn't this douche tried to feel me up? we've been here, for like, an hour, duh?"
 
R

randomlinh

Lifer
Oct 9, 1999
20,846
2
0
linh.wordpress.com
Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
Originally posted by: yowolabi
I'm the first to admit that if a girl won't even kiss you after a multiple dates that there's a problem. Either she's not attracted to you, or she's a cold fish that it will be hell working with.


However that's not necessarily the case here. Believe it or not, there are shy and inexperienced girls out there. If you just spring a kiss on one of these girls with no lead up and no time for them to prepare mentally, you may end up with the cheek through their suprise.

I suggest you ask her out again, and try to lead up to a kiss somwhere in the middle. You take her somewhere romantic and secluded, you stand really close to her with your hand somewhere on her back or arm, you make eye contact, and then you very slowly move in for a kiss, giving her time to process that it's coming.

If you get the cheek again, you ask her gently if something is wrong. Then, depending on what she says and how much you believe what she says, then you may get rid of her. But it's silly to assume anything from your one attempt and to never try again.
Click to expand...

why is it worth the effort? ANY long term relationship that i have been in there was incredible undeniable attraction and sexual tension immediately. Why chase something that isnt there and is going to be lousy even if it does eventually materialize. No thanks.
Click to expand...

while I think the OP is doomed on this one, I don't think your experiences can be generalized like that. undeniable instant sexual tension is a pre-requisite for a long term relationship? It's good for a sexual relationship at least.
 
A

AStar617

Diamond Member
Sep 29, 2002
4,983
0
0
Originally posted by: CityShrimp
Originally posted by: AStar617
Originally posted by: Mears
So last night I went on my third date with this girl. All I've gotten so far is hugs, so I set my mind to kissing her before I left. The date went pretty well and afterwards she invited me into her place. We talked for an hour or so and I could tell she was getting tired and I had to work in the morning. I told her as much and when she moved in to hug me goodbye I went in for a kiss. It all happened so fast, but it appeared to me like she turned her head and I got her on the cheek. Talk about an awkward moment... She acted like nothing happened.

So do you guys think I was already on her friends ladder? If so, am I currently flailing in the abyss?
Click to expand...

As a Ladder Theory Evangelist(TM), let me commend you on a well articulated question. However, jumping ladders only occurs from friends to real, not the other way around. You were always on the friends ladder.

With that said, you have no chance after that kick in the head into the Abyss. Next her and move on to greener pastures.
Click to expand...

So what happens when the relationship is over? Can't be friends ever again? :confused:
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As excerpted from The Ladder Theory ("Yes Virginia, They All Want to Bang You"):

You'll note that a man has one ladder while a female has two. The man is lacking a "friends ladder." The man's ladder reflects the conventional wisdom that a man generally only wants one thing. That's because the conventional wisdom is correct. This leads us back to the conclusion that many women I have explained this to find so distasteful:

IF A MAN FINDS YOU ATTRACTIVE YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS

Many women want to argue this point and say things like " I have lots of guy friends." Maybe. There are exactly 3 cases Intellectual Whores has identified whereby a guy and a girl can be friends:

1. The guy is gay
2. The guy does not find you attractive.
3. The guy already has a woman much higher than you on the ladder

Even Nietzsche knew this. Most guys know this intuitively. Most girls doubt. I have a challenge for all of you girls who still doubt. Pick a guy who does not meet any of the criterion on the above list that you think is your friend. Then ask yourself this question: If you were both alone at his place one night, and you excused yourself to the bathroom and came out naked and asked him to have sex with you would he:

1. Tell you he doesn't want to risk the beautiful friendship you have created with messy physical entanglements.
2. Comply

Remember this only works if you are honest with yourself. Number one is of course something that guys hear all the time. Intellectual Whores refers to it as the Kiss of Death. It is more likely that he will jump you eagerly.
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