Um. Wow. I go to bed, wake up, go to work, and this thread explodes in my absence. Yeah.
It seems like I've got some misconceptions to clear up and emphasis to put on things. This is gonna be a long post.
First off, her last name isn't Feather. I keep an online journal, and I've become accustomed to make up nicknames for people. Heather Feather just sounded interesting. Her real last name, well, I won't be telling anyone that anytime soon.
Second, I didn't mean that she herself is weird. I'm saying the situation is weird. I suppose I should have said, "So, I probably won't see her for another 12 months, but regardless, the situation with this chick is weird."
Dr. Smooth asks, "Have you ever had a girlfriend?"
That's a question I always hesitate to answer. My response is always, "How do you define girlfriend?"
I guess I should get into my history with women in the arena that eclipses friendships.
I had my first kiss at 16, my senior year of high school, with a girl I "dated" for exactly one month. I emphasize the air quotations because I don't really consider it a relationship in even one of the loosest senses. I don't know what I was thinking when I asked her out, I knew absolutely nothing about her, but two or three weeks into the "relationship" I realized that despite the fact we were around the same age, she was years more immature than I was. She was also very.....ditsy. Dull. Bland.
After I got out of that in October of 1998, I made a promise to myself never to get involved with someone I knew absolutely nothing about.
This worked out well enough until I got to Michigan Tech, in August of '99, as I managed to stay single until then. My first week there, the Orientation week, I met Angie. She was quite the looker, and I found myself at some retarded frat party on night, alternating between playing pool and chilling on the couch, slowly nursing a plastic cup full of the cheapest American Piss beer they could dredge up. She joined me on the couch at one point, and we spent the next 4 hours or so - The duration of the party, just chatting. Her roommate managed to get blitzed beyond belief, and was hanging off of two guys, who she fully intended to take back to her dormroom, so while we were attempting to walk the drunkards back, I invited her to spend the night in my dorm room since my roommate hadn't arrived yet.
We fooled around for the next two nights, nothing really serious, and it was a good time. The next day she told me I was the first guy she'd met who didn't try and take advantage of her on the first night, and she thanked me by showing me my first pair of boobies and allowing me to....ahem....be a cunning linguist for her. I didn't feel ready to recieve reciprocation though. We hung out alot for two more days, until she began to shy away. I never really understood what happened, but a week later, she was giving head to my BEST FRIEND, so I guess I'm sorta glad I didn't get further involved with that potential trainwreck.
I avoided the snow cows and the emotionally unstable women at Tech for another 4 months, until I went home for X-mas break. The day after Xmas, I was hanging out with my friends at my favorite 24-hour diner, the good 'ol National Coney Island, and one of their boyfriends brought his sister.
I wasn't interested at first. But she was smarter than a whip, and when the entire group proceeded to go to the video store to find a movie, I found out she was a Monty Python fan. When we got back to my house, she picked up my Dad's guitar and began to TUNE it. Turns out she plays bass. And loves Tool. And the Matrix. I was floored. Dream girl, much?
I fell pretty hard fast, and we spent the entire week together, along with plenty couch time. We took it quite slow though, and unfortunately, it was sort of cut short by me returning to Tech. What happened over the next 4 months is complicated and boring, but come April of 2000, I was ready to make a trip home. She was gonna cut classes, and we were gonna spend the day together. We cuddled and made out in the car for a good hour, before heading back to my place.
I won't go into details, I'll say we had fun for the next 5 hours. The same thing happened with her that happened with Angie, so I remained blissfully celibate with the satisfaction of having made someone else have a jolly good time.
I returned back to Tech, and we stopped seeing each other after that, even when I came home for good in a month. She moved on to someone else, who, as far as I know, she's currently engaged to. It irritated me to be told by someone that he's, "Almost just freaking like you, personality wise."
So yeah, April 15th, 2000, was a great day though. I didn't get involved with a single woman again until May of 2002.
We'll call her Vivi. I'd known her for almost a year and a half, but we'd only begun to really hang out with frequency in the previous two months. One fateful week in May, we spent almost every day together, and it dawned on my I was extremely attracted to her. Aside from being a complete and utter knockout, she loved art, loved literature, movies, guns, libertarian politics, non-theism, photography....again, someone that was nearly perfect for me.
One night, while she was exposing me to the awesomeness of "O Brother, Where Art Thou," we began cuddling, and she stayed the night. We slept in separate beds, because she'd had a bit too much to drink, and I didn't want to do anything she'd possibly regret. But come morning, she slithered her way into my bed, and it was a good morning. Our pants stayed on, but everything else was game. And the peasents rejoice.
The next 4 days were freaking incredible, once again, we hung out for every single one of them. And then, on the 5th day - "Let's be friends." I returned the video to the movie store, and realized this particular stint of intamacy lastest the exact same length AS A FREAKING MOVIE RENTAL.
At that point, I was done. I realized that, at this apex of my life, I am not in a place to deal with the confusing and frustrating nature of the joy of women. I've got too much bullsh!t on my plate to deal with trying to sift through candidates, interpret body language, and worry about all that crap. Maybe when I'm 25, out of debt, and working at my career, I'll have the time for it. But these days, I have time to hang out with my few true friends maybe once every 2 weeks or so, and trying to start a relationship would be inviting disaster I'm not in the mindset to cope with.
So I'm blissful in my lack of contact. Even though I can be a smooth talker when I'm being paid to sell crap to people, I don't feel the drive to be thus off the clock, and enjoy my solitude. I go to Coney, and sit for 3 hours drawing, sipping coffee, and drowning my lungs in delicious tobacco smoke. Or I sit on the computer and work on various graphics stuffs. Or I see movies alone. And occasionally, I hang out with my friends.
And I'm happy.
And I don't like surprises. This whole situation is one of them. Many of you have posted, "If she calls, go out with her, you have nothing to lose!" But, I do.
My simplicity. My contentedness. The stability of my current mundane existance.
I hold those things dear to me. And this whole situation, the fact that my emotions may be wrestling control from my logic centers, has the possibility to f*ck that all up.
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