• We’re currently investigating an issue related to the forum theme and styling that is impacting page layout and visual formatting. The problem has been identified, and we are actively working on a resolution. There is no impact to user data or functionality, this is strictly a front-end display issue. We’ll post an update once the fix has been deployed. Thanks for your patience while we get this sorted.

when you married your SO did you ask your wife's dad?

Page 4 - Seeking answers? Join the AnandTech community: where nearly half-a-million members share solutions and discuss the latest tech.
My first wife, yes; but they were against it. Married her anyway.

Second no, but we were 30-40 and he only spoke Japanese and was in Japan.

Probably not going to ask my fiancee's dad.
 
Nope. I didn't ask. He actually asked me if I would marry his daughter. So it was the other way around in my case.
 
Dirigible said:
Hell no. It is a stupid tradition and disrespectful of the potential wife.
Click to expand...

That is a big assumption on your part. Though she never said anything about it before I did it, my wife was very appreciative that I did it with her parents.

I know you guys are a bunch of macho men with super-independent wives, but, really, it is not a bad thing to show a little respect to your future in-laws.

And, as far as traditions go, this can really be a big win-win for everyone.

MotionMan
 
IronWing said:
That's the point. This tradition is not a sign of respect for your true love's father; it is a sign of disrespect toward your true love.
Click to expand...

I disagree, as does my true love.

If you were a gay man would you ask your future spouse's father for his son's hand in marriage? Would you expect your future spouse to ask your father?
Click to expand...

Yes. What's your point?

MotionMan
 
Yourself said:
I did not. I find it to be an empty gesture. The best way to show my father-in-law respect in regard to his daughter is to treat her with respect and be a decent husband/father.
Click to expand...

Being a respectful and decent son-in-law goes a long way as well.

MotionMan
 
CountZero said:
I didn't but then again we eloped without telling anyone so really if her dad viewed not asking as disrespectful then eloping would have killed him.

I think it is incredibly outdated idea that is fairly disrespectful of your future wife however if her dad is that kind of old fashioned person I doubt she would take offense.
Click to expand...

Why does everyone seem to assume that the future wife is not in favor of this tradition?

MotionMan
 
MotionMan said:
That is a big assumption on your part. Though she never said anything about it before I did it, my wife was very appreciative that I did it with her parents.

I know you guys are a bunch of macho men with super-independent wives, but, really, it is not a bad thing to show a little respect to your future in-laws.

And, as far as traditions go, this can really be a big win-win for everyone.

MotionMan
Click to expand...

There's a difference between respect for the in-laws and a meaningless gesture. Are you really going to skip out on asking your girlfriend if her father says no? Probably not. So it is, by definition, a meaningless gesture. And I contend that you can build a rapport with your future in-laws without pandering in the form of "seeking permission" to marry their daughter. I didn't ask my in-laws, but I'd gotten to know them well enough that they had pretty much already accepted me into the family. Why do I need verbal confirmation beyond that from people who aren't even involved in the union? Their opinion has no bearing on anything, even if they are in favor of it.

Granted, I'm a little weird... I got an angry phone call from my mother several days after the engagement asking why she had to learn about it from my fiancee's Facebook page, so clearly I'm not big on strange family traditions like "communicating."
 
Atomic Playboy said:
There's a difference between respect for the in-laws and a meaningless gesture. Are you really going to skip out on asking your girlfriend if her father says no? Probably not. So it is, by definition, a meaningless gesture. And I contend that you can build a rapport with your future in-laws without pandering in the form of "seeking permission" to marry their daughter. I didn't ask my in-laws, but I'd gotten to know them well enough that they had pretty much already accepted me into the family. Why do I need verbal confirmation beyond that from people who aren't even involved in the union? Their opinion has no bearing on anything, even if they are in favor of it.
Click to expand...

It is not meaningless if it is a sign of respect. Could I have skipped it? Sure. But I am not that kind of person. I had known my in-laws for 7 years and had lived with my now-wife for 2 years when I "asked". I knew they would say 'yes', but that was not the point of the act.

Did those of you who did not ask for permission, have their in-laws (or even, just father-in-law) walk their bride down the aisle? Give them away? Hmmmmm....

MotionMan
 
s0me0nesmind1 said:
I do have to admit, in that regard it is stupid.

I'm one of the one's that says out of respect it's nice to ask their dad....


But now that I think about it... if they said no..... Uhhh... I'm not going to stop 😀 lol

Or maybe I would say "Sorry hun, I have to move out, your dad said we could no longer be together." Then move out for a few weeks until her dad gives me a call back after getting kicked in the nuts 300 times by her daughter.
Click to expand...

The way I look at it, if he says no then he is the one being disrespectful and you're not bound to follow his wishes. It's like he's saying "I'm putting my wishes above my daughter's happiness, even though I know marrying you is what she wants". You're not really asking for permission so much as a blessing nowadays, even if the custom was originally about permission.
 
I didn't and to be honest I never realized you were expected to. He was fine with it, but I asked my wife not him. Ex-wife actually. 😛
 
zerocool84 said:
Exactly which is why it makes zero sense, if the father says no, they are still going to marry.
Click to expand...

This also depends on HOW you approach him. If you ask "May I have your daughter's hand in marriage?" then if he says no you're gonna look kinda foolish. But if you say "I plan to propose to your daughter and I would like to have your blessing" then you're not really asking for permission so much as you're forewarning him and telling him his blessing and opinion matters to you, although it won't stop you from asking if he says he won't give his blessing.
 
02ranger said:
This also depends on HOW you approach him. If you ask "May I have your daughter's hand in marriage?" then if he says no you're gonna look kinda foolish. But if you say "I plan to propose to your daughter and I would like to have your blessing" then you're not really asking for permission so much as you're forewarning him and telling him his blessing and opinion matters to you, although it won't stop you from asking if he says he won't give his blessing.
Click to expand...

But then if he doesn't give his blessing you're still going to marry his daughter, you're going to do whatever you want, so what is the point of asking?
 
I didn't ask, but I did inform her parents prior to asking her. Besides tradition and respect to her parents, it was also a way of seeing how the announcement would be reacted to.

I had a good relationship with her parents, and as I expected they were happy to be adding me to the family - but if they had brought up concerns I would have thought about them, no sense in wasting their advice based on years of experience.

Also the whole thing with bride (or groom) parents footing the bill is bullshite. I paid for our wedding, because it was our wedding, we wanted to get married so it's only reasonable for us to pay for it.

Might as well ask them to pay for condoms.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

TRENDING THREADS

Back
Top