when you married your SO did you ask your wife's dad?

[s0me0nesmind1]

Absolutely stupid to ask after the deed is done.

I thought about doing it before proposing to my wife. However.... her dad happened to be the runt of the litter and abandoned their family (divorced by simply leaving and did some kind of illegal under the table divorce somehow). That was at an earlier age in life though when my wife was still in school.

Needless to say, she does not have a good relationship with her father. We even had to pay his fucking plane ticket to fly his ass out to be at the wedding. Ridiculous to say the least. I didn't find it necessary to try and contact him to ask HIS permission to marry his daughter. I laughed at the thought after thinking about it enough. If anything I should have asked her mother or older brother(s).

 

[slightlyhuman]

I did last weekend. It's the respectful thing to do.

 

[nageov3t]

I did last weekend. It's the respectful thing to do.

what would you have done if he said no?

 

[momeNt]

This made sense back in the days of women marrying while they were virgins, or at the very least under a strong presumption of being virgins. The father was asked because the daughter's virginity was HIS to give and mattered a lot.

None of that matters anymore, women lose their value by the time they are 13-17 and father's don't pay dowries, and nobody confirms virginity before marriage.

 

[s0me0nesmind1]

what would you have done if he said no?

I do have to admit, in that regard it is stupid.

I'm one of the one's that says out of respect it's nice to ask their dad....


But now that I think about it... if they said no..... Uhhh... I'm not going to stop lol

Or maybe I would say "Sorry hun, I have to move out, your dad said we could no longer be together." Then move out for a few weeks until her dad gives me a call back after getting kicked in the nuts 300 times by her daughter.

 

[BoomerD]

I asked. Now wife and I were already living together. Figured it was the chivalrous thing to do and I knew her father would appreciate it (and say yes I can marry her).

pretty much this. We had been living together for several months...but I still told him that I wanted to marry his daughter, and asked for his blessing. He poured us both a tumbler full of Black Velvet...and welcomed me to the family.

Her mom on the other hand...wasn't exactly thrilled with the news. :whiste:

 

[Jaskalas]

This originates from a misogynistic ownership of daughters. That, as family property, they are to be sold to you. The independence of Women has sunk that ship, and it no longer makes ANY sense.

 

[Sixguns]

I asked her stepdad, real father passed away before we got together. I asked him over and showed him the ring. He got teary eyed and said of course. I didnt get around to asking her for another 2 months and now been married 6 years.

 

[Atomic Playboy]

This originates from a misogynistic ownership of daughters. That, as family property, they are to be sold to you. The independence of Women has sunk that ship, and it no longer makes ANY sense.

Yup. It's a tradition, sure... but it's a stupid tradition. If your only justification for doing something is "it's tradition," maybe you should reconsider whether it's worth doing. What the fuck does it matter what the father thinks? He doesn't own his daughter, he doesn't make her decisions for her, and if he does, she probably isn't worth marrying. Stop this stupid shit.

 

[Mixolydian]

Yup. It's a tradition, sure... but it's a stupid tradition.

The one tradition I still believe in is that the bride's family pays for the wedding.

 

[child of wonder]

My wife and I already had 1 child with a 2nd on the way when I proposed. My father in law was also dying of cancer at the time. I spoke to him about marrying his daughter and he was happy to give me his blessing.

Funny, he was up and walking around when we married and it was like once his youngest daughter was married off it was like he felt he could let go. 3 months after our wedding he was gone.

 

[JulesMaximus]

Nope.

My wife and I lived together before marriage too.

<--Sinner

 

[sourceninja]

Well if it's done out of tradition, shouldn't the father also offer a decent dowry? I'm thinking at least 20-30K, or a decent plot of land...

Exactly, when I married my wife I gave her mother 2 goats. She in turn built us a small hut to live in.

 

[Harrod]

I drove out to their house on a day that I knew her dad would be there alone and asked. His response was, "Are you sure? My daughter is alot of work", and then said, "Well, I like you, and you seem like you don't like to spend alot of money", and that was it.

We ended up paying for the wedding also, I really didn't see a need to depend on the in-laws for that expense, and we were both have pretty decent jobs.

 

[piasabird]

I did go out to eat with her parents. I don't know if I actually received permission. It is hard when they all spoke a different language. Korean culture can be a little complicated. It is partly stuck in the past and conflicting with the modern world.

Sometimes I think that it is harder for the west to understand the Eastern cultures. It took my American family a long time to accept my Korean wife. Having children helped things.

 

[Imp]

what would you have done if he said no?

According to the movies, he would have spent the entire movie winning the dad over by doing things that the father approves of... Showing him what a real man you are.

Not married, but if I do, zero plans to even consider the spouse's parents because I expect a divorce and will sign a prenup. Oh, and the type I go for usually come from dysfunctional families like mine.

 

[purbeast0]

nope. ive never met my wifes dad and he lives over in nicaragua and is a piece of shit. my wife ignores his calls pretty much every time he calls her because all he does is call her and end up asking her for money.

 

[GrantMeThePower]

Yes. But while "ask permission" is technically true, it's really just a formality. If he would have said "no" i would have told him to go fuck himself. Its more of a tradition than anything else.

 

[e-ricesucks]

not married.
12 more posts for pm

 

[Insomniator]

I was going to, but a while ago he literally said 'she is yours to take care of I am done' and they continuously ask us when its happening so I don't think I need to ask anymore.

 

[z1ggy]

It's a dumb tradition. If you ask and he says no and you've been dating for many years, are you going to dump her simply because her dad doesn't approve? That would be nonsensical. The gesture is hollow and probably only made sense in a different era.

 

[CountZero]

I didn't but then again we eloped without telling anyone so really if her dad viewed not asking as disrespectful then eloping would have killed him.

I think it is incredibly outdated idea that is fairly disrespectful of your future wife however if her dad is that kind of old fashioned person I doubt she would take offense.

 

[KeithP]

Kinda like asking for a cookie after you've licked it. What if he doesn't give his permission now?

I would ask in exactly that way..."Sir, may I have permission to lick your daughter's cookie?"

Seriously, if you know your SO well enough to ask her to marry you then you should know her family well enough to know if it is important to ask her father first.

-KeithP

 

[IAteYourMother]

It makes sense to me, you're marrying his daughter, but he is also becoming a part of your family as well. Asking him for permission per se is somewhat antiquated, but you could at least give him a heads up and let him know that you'd like to propose to his daughter or something like that.

 

[MotionMan]

To answer the question in your Title: Yes, I asked my father-in-law and his wife and separately asked my mother-in-law, all in person. It was a forgone conclusion that we were gong to marry, but I still did it before I actually proposed anyway.

To answer your entirely different question in your OP: It's too late now. Do not raise it again and move on.

MotionMan