What is she doing ? I really need to hear your views

[Mloot]

Just because you always have to initiate the conversation is not always a bad sign (although it usually is). While in the service, I met a girl that I later found out was my buddy's (we were in the same unit) big sister. She didn't show any real interest and she lived 4 hours away, but I nevertheless called her often (I don't think she ever called me, now that I think about it). My persistence paid off when she agreed to go out with me 4 months later, and my natural charm won her over.

That was 9 years ago. She says to this day that I pestered her so much that she HAD to marry me.

 

[littlegohan]

Originally posted by: Mloot
Just because you always have to initiate the conversation is not always a bad sign (although it usually is). While in the service, I met a girl that I later found out was my buddy's (we were in the same unit) big sister. She didn't show any real interest and she lived 4 hours away, but I nevertheless called her often (I don't think she ever called me, now that I think about it). My persistence paid off when she agreed to go out with me 4 months later, and my natural charm won her over.

That was 9 years ago. She says to this day that I pestered her so much that she HAD to marry me.

 

[GiLtY]

If she was honest and humble like you said, she would've at least offered to pay you back (even if she knew you wouldn't accept it).

But what I said is not completely sadistic, because maybe she is so comfortable around you (like you said) that she didn't feel it's necessary to do it....

At at rate, go for it! You don't want to spend the next couple of years regretting what you should've done

 

[gwlam12]

i did that 3 days ago, except didnt go through as much work as you did. but yea, didnt offer to pay me back. even threw away what she didnt finish. she probably just didnt think of it, took it as a gift. so no biggy, i would say.

 

[littlegohan]

Originally posted by: gwlam12
i did that 3 days ago, except didnt go through as much work as you did. but yea, didnt offer to pay me back. even threw away what she didnt finish. she probably just didnt think of it, took it as a gift. so no biggy, i would say.

are you close friend with that girl? or are you just normal friends?

 

[jjones]

Originally posted by: scoobytreats
Well, since I'm a chick, I'll help ya out a bit.

We usually aren't thinking when we're sick.

Okay, I'll buy that but what explains the lack of thinking the rest of the time?

 

[bootymac]

Any updates on the situation?

 

[DanTMWTMP]

well, ur a really nice dude to do that...

i remember i went out of my way to help girls.....i really didn't mind helping really..people already knew me as a nice person and stuff...but from the experience, i never really got a girl from nice acts...only from being a bit crazy and fun i suppose landed me a gf.....but that's besides the point..there's lotsa different girls out there who will appreciate ur kindness...well, don't make this into another one of those crazy YAGT hehehe

good luck dude! just be urself and don't think much of it...i was taken advantage quite a bit, but i was pretty humble about it...made most people feel a bit bad for what they did eventually...


(can't believe no one said this yet..but.....

pics..?

)

 

[SagaLore]

Sounds to me that she didn't want the food, and was just being polite by letting you insist. Then, you stayed and ate with her, and she didn't seem very thankful so it sounds like she didn't really want you there (I didn't hear you say anything about an invitation).

She doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't like you, but, the fact she was sick probably made her uncomfortable to her to have you see her that way. My guess is that she nows thinks you are pushy and was too passive to convince you your hospitality was not wanted.

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: littlegohan
Well is like I genuinely care about her. I met her a month ago in the dorm's cafe when she was sitting by herself. So I just chatted with her...

I have phoned her two or 3 times, just chatting and we also talk on msn
but get this, it is I WHO ALWAYS intiates any conversation, so I am the one who would always phone her or msn her or whatever.

I did buy her dinner because I wanted her to feel better, I am not just trying to win her over by being her "knight in shinning armor". Yet, I think I will be really hurt that if I find out she indeed was just using me

That says it right there.

 

[Krassus]

You're overthinking it man

 

[3L33T32003]

3L33T32003: I could tell she was sick

Her eyes were all red, and constantly sniffing. By the way, she told me she was sick in the morning, when I asked how was her day on SMS .......

anf fvk I have game you know, I would never fvking show up with flowers are all that cliche bs for dating
fvk I know the line between compassion and being desperate, so you dont have to woeey about me. And I would never fvking post a broken heart thread cus I have learned to let go from my previous relationships

Getting pretty defensive, aren't we?

 

[Jhill]

Call her back and chat. I bet she offers to pay you back. She is probably just a little shy.

 

[gwlam12]

Originally posted by: littlegohan

Originally posted by: gwlam12
i did that 3 days ago, except didnt go through as much work as you did. but yea, didnt offer to pay me back. even threw away what she didnt finish. she probably just didnt think of it, took it as a gift. so no biggy, i would say.

are you close friend with that girl? or are you just normal friends?

i think we're pretty close friends. i've known her for like...2 months. but we talk a lot. she was working on a paper and didnt have time to eat so i told her i'd pick something up for her,. she said no. i did it anyway. she called me a dork. ate the food. and that's it.

 

[littlegohan]

SagaLore, what were you trying to say in the second post when you quoted me? Would you please explain


Well if she really thought that my act of kindness, something that came out of my heart and not with a purpose (to impress her with how "nice" I am), is pushy, then lol
I really dont konw how to handle people
probably need to rethink how I should treat others from now on


an update on the situation?
well i sms her today, ask how she was doing , no reply. saw her online on msn, but she didnt say hi or anything.

so i guess thats it
is over.

 

[FuzzyBee]

she probably just wants to use you. a lot of people (men and women alike) are like that. i have finally started to learn that if you are overly nice to women, they'll take your friendship for granted. it's the "nice guy" syndrome - "you're a nice guy, but..."

feel lucky that you got off easy.

 

[FuzzyBee]

Originally posted by: littlegohan
SagaLore, what were you trying to say in the second post when you quoted me? Would you please explain

i think SagaLore is saying that if you are the one that always has to initiate the conversation, she isn't interested. by now, if you've talked enough, she should be comfotable enough to start talking to you first.

"it's a big enough umbrella, but it's always me that ends up getting wet."

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: littlegohan
SagaLore, what were you trying to say in the second post when you quoted me? Would you please explain


Well if she really thought that my act of kindness, something that came out of my heart and not with a purpose (to impress her with how "nice" I am), is pushy, then lol
I really dont konw how to handle people
probably need to rethink how I should treat others from now on


an update on the situation?
well i sms her today, ask how she was doing , no reply. saw her online on msn, but she didnt say hi or anything.

so i guess thats it
is over.

Nobody is disputing how nice you are, but the point is you're treading on her space, she obviously hasn't initiated any interest in you, don't you see you're an obsessive stalker???

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

My 2 cents for what its worth:

1) She isn't interested in dating you

2) She thinks you are interested in dating her

3) She doesn't know how to tell you that she isn't into you like you are into her because for her to bring it up would be too presumptious of her since you have never actually told her that you want to have a relationship with her.

 

[littlegohan]

oh my
the nice guy syndrome
it hunts me again

thing is I wasnt trying to "be" nice
is just that I want to alleivate the pain she is suffering

sigh
nice guy finishes last
i should have learnt that lesson a learn ago

the mistake is that i didnt realize my benevolent act became a "nice guy" move on her

like i am totally aware that being a nice guy wont get girls
but i really didnt think that was being "nice"

sigh oh i was wrong

...................

however i would say that i disagree on my part of being the "obsessive stalker"
i dont even contact/see her everyday, how does that make me a stalker?

i now really have the urge to get plastic surgery..

 

[SagaLore]

Originally posted by: littlegohan
oh my
the nice guy syndrome
it hunts me again

thing is I wasnt trying to "be" nice
is just that I want to alleivate the pain she is suffering

sigh
nice guy finishes last
i should have learnt that lesson a learn ago

the mistake is that i didnt realize my benevolent act became a "nice guy" move on her

like i am totally aware that being a nice guy wont get girls
but i really didnt think that was being "nice"

sigh oh i was wrong

...................

however i would say that i disagree on my part of being the "obsessive stalker"
i dont even contact/see her everyday, how does that make me a stalker?

i now really have the urge to get plastic surgery..

Obsession and stalking aren'te always a kinetic action. You did spend all day thinking about this, and posting about it, did you not?

 

[littlegohan]

actually i saw here today
i find that i no longer have that feeling for her
yeah
so i would be one obssesive guy who forgets her easily
lol

but anyways
I think I will hook up with a girl in my calc class as well as a girl I met in the gym

*hysterical laughter*

lol is easy to tell if you like someone
if you like her, you will find her more attactive then she really is
lol

 

[heartsurgeon]

she's f@rking sick, and didn't want any food, and you got it for her anyway...

what is the big deal.

she will probably do you a favor sometime in the future just for being thoughtful

besides - you expect a woman to pay for a meal...get real buddy, it ain't gonna happen.

 

[littlegohan]

Originally posted by: heartsurgeon
she's f@rking sick, and didn't want any food, and you got it for her anyway...

what is the big deal.

she will probably do you a favor sometime in the future just for being thoughtful

besides - you expect a woman to pay for a meal...get real buddy, it ain't gonna happen.

dude
actually
if you read my intial post
i will never take her money if she offers it

oh yeah and i think (note: i am not trying to rationalize) that she did want the dinner bcus she fnished 90% of what i brought her

 

[Yo Ma Ma]

Sounds like she just likes/liked being taken care of..

As for being a nice guy, you just have to be a little more careful. Going way out of your way for someone who would really appreciate it is being a nice guy, but for someone you don't know and ended up not appreciating it, it puts you more over into 'chump' territory. So be reasonably nice when it's convenient, open a door for them, tell them what they missed in lecture, but don't do the above and beyond until you actually know the person well, hth.