What is she doing ? I really need to hear your views

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: littlegohan

Originally posted by: heartsurgeon
she's f@rking sick, and didn't want any food, and you got it for her anyway...

what is the big deal.

she will probably do you a favor sometime in the future just for being thoughtful

besides - you expect a woman to pay for a meal...get real buddy, it ain't gonna happen.

dude
actually
if you read my intial post
i will never take her money if she offers it

oh yeah and i think (note: i am not trying to rationalize) that she did want the dinner bcus she fnished 90% of what i brought her

Heart Suregeon's poiint is that you initiated all of this,this girl didn't call you up and bat her eyelashes to get you to bring her anything,you took it upon yourself.

 

[littlegohan]

Originally posted by: Yo_Ma-Ma
Sounds like she just likes/liked being taken care of..

As for being a nice guy, you just have to be a little more careful. Going way out of your way for someone who would really appreciate it is being a nice guy, but for someone you don't know and ended up not appreciating it, it puts you more over into 'chump' territory. So be reasonably nice when it's convenient, open a door for them, tell them what they missed in lecture, but don't do the above and beyond until you actually know the person well, hth.

thanks

advice taken

 

[Krugger]

if a girl is sick, and you go get her food and try to be nice, and she doesn't throw praise and thanks on you, maybe its b/c 1) she's sick and 2) you offered, no insisted, and she took it as a nice gesture, i wouldn't expect her to try to pay you for it, but i hope she thanked you the next day or when she felt better. Regardless you did a nice deed, cool, she didn't take advantage of you.
Also, what yamahaXS said.
and nice guys do get the girl. you just have to have more than just bein a nice guy going for you. that's a cop out and i hear it here all the time. nice guys do not always finish last.

 

[littlegohan]

An update to this situation

anywyas i went out with er on friday for dinner

the conversation was pretty smooth
She mentioned about inviting me along to camping when exams are over

so I am getting mixed signals from her..

oh as usual, she doesnt intiate any conversation!

 

[SuepaFly]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe

Originally posted by: littlegohan

Originally posted by: heartsurgeon
she's f@rking sick, and didn't want any food, and you got it for her anyway...

what is the big deal.

she will probably do you a favor sometime in the future just for being thoughtful

besides - you expect a woman to pay for a meal...get real buddy, it ain't gonna happen.

dude
actually
if you read my intial post
i will never take her money if she offers it

oh yeah and i think (note: i am not trying to rationalize) that she did want the dinner bcus she fnished 90% of what i brought her

Heart Suregeon's poiint is that you initiated all of this,this girl didn't call you up and bat her eyelashes to get you to bring her anything,you took it upon yourself.

Definitely in agreement with heartsurgeon and geekbabe here. An act of kindness is just that, don't expect anything back. She turned down your request for food initially, and you never really stated that she agreed the second time. Its not as if she asked you to whip out a pen and paper and made you take down some elaborate order for her meal.

Maybe its mixed signals because you're expecting specific reactions to your actions. Its a nice thing you were trying to do, but it sounds like she's a passive person that hasn't yet warmed up to you. You can't force someone to become more comfortable around you.

 

[slycat]

here my advise...
stay away from her for a bit...
casual friendliness and courtesy but nothing more.

she should be her sane self already and she should know how u treated her and
was nice to her. if she is still totally nonchalant and howdy-who...then dude, ur barking
up the wrong tree and she doesn't give a crap about u. and so u shouldn't either.

however, if she then initiates something, then maybe this 'thing' is salvageable...
and she ain't such a moron afterall.

 

[littlegohan]

I agree completely
stay away as well as not contacting her

i dont want to appear as needy
but i am not rationalizing
I do think that she is getting more comfortable around me

 

[warmonger]

Maybe some people are simply socially inept?

I'd probably act exactly how she did (ignoring gender issues, of course), i.e. not initiating conversation, lack of common courtesy, etc.

 

[amnesiac]

Originally posted by: littlegohan
I agree completely
stay away as well as not contacting her

i dont want to appear as needy
but i am not rationalizing
I do think that she is getting more comfortable around me

Criminy dude you've been analyzing the situation for two weeks. Either ask her out for real instead of acting like a stalker or just accept the fact that you'll be her "friend". In the meantime just be your normal self. if your "normal" scares her off, you'll figure out why sometime down the road. When you meet the one you're supposed to be with, you'll know and she'll know. Chalk this up as a learning experience.

What you may consider to be actions of a "nice guy" may be going too far. There's a big fat line between being nice and being a sucker. The trick is to differentiate the two.

You also appear to be overthinking everything. The more you try to figure out what she's thinking the more you'll end up ruining whatever chances you may have left. Like I said, play things by ear and see what develops.

 

[weezergirl]

Originally posted by: Yo_Ma-Ma
As for being a nice guy, you just have to be a little more careful. Going way out of your way for someone who would really appreciate it is being a nice guy, but for someone you don't know and ended up not appreciating it, it puts you more over into 'chump' territory. So be reasonably nice when it's convenient, open a door for them, tell them what they missed in lecture, but don't do the above and beyond until you actually know the person well, hth.

this is wonderful advice. it's so freaky when a guy who barely knows you goes out of his way to do stuff for you. this automatically sets up our radar for guys who are desperate.

also, doesn't it bother you that you always have to initiate the conversation? this is another signal that you appear desperate. if u have imed her or whatever 5 times in a row and she never imed you first back then give it a rest. if she wants to talk to you or if you are that wonderful of a person to talk to she will im you too right?

 

[littlegohan]

Originally posted by: warmonger
Maybe some people are simply socially inept?

I'd probably act exactly how she did (ignoring gender issues, of course), i.e. not initiating conversation, lack of common courtesy, etc.

she the exact opposite of a soically inept

she has quite a few close friends (though I think they are all girls)

 

[littlegohan]

Originally posted by: amnesiac 2.0

Originally posted by: littlegohan
I agree completely
stay away as well as not contacting her

i dont want to appear as needy
but i am not rationalizing
I do think that she is getting more comfortable around me

Criminy dude you've been analyzing the situation for two weeks. Either ask her out for real instead of acting like a stalker or just accept the fact that you'll be her "friend". In the meantime just be your normal self. if your "normal" scares her off, you'll figure out why sometime down the road. When you meet the one you're supposed to be with, you'll know and she'll know. Chalk this up as a learning experience.

What you may consider to be actions of a "nice guy" may be going too far. There's a big fat line between being nice and being a sucker. The trick is to differentiate the two.

You also appear to be overthinking everything. The more you try to figure out what she's thinking the more you'll end up ruining whatever chances you may have left. Like I said, play things by ear and see what develops.

what do you mean ask her for real? Well last friday i phoned her ask her to go for dinner, would that be considred as for real? or do you have to goto like a movie_dinner thing to make it formal..
please explain

 

[GiLtY]

Originally posted by: littlegohan

Originally posted by: amnesiac 2.0

Originally posted by: littlegohan I agree completely stay away as well as not contacting her i dont want to appear as needy but i am not rationalizing I do think that she is getting more comfortable around me

Criminy dude you've been analyzing the situation for two weeks. Either ask her out for real instead of acting like a stalker or just accept the fact that you'll be her "friend". In the meantime just be your normal self. if your "normal" scares her off, you'll figure out why sometime down the road. When you meet the one you're supposed to be with, you'll know and she'll know. Chalk this up as a learning experience. What you may consider to be actions of a "nice guy" may be going too far. There's a big fat line between being nice and being a sucker. The trick is to differentiate the two. You also appear to be overthinking everything. The more you try to figure out what she's thinking the more you'll end up ruining whatever chances you may have left. Like I said, play things by ear and see what develops.

what do you mean ask her for real? Well last friday i phoned her ask her to go for dinner, would that be considred as for real? or do you have to goto like a movie_dinner thing to make it formal.. please explain

Well, did the dinner happen? If it did kudos to you... if not I think it's time to reassess the whole situation.

 

[littlegohan]

WEll it did

I phoned her that moring asking her want to have dinner tonight (last friday)
she was likeok sure

then i thought hey she has the mcat on saturday
so i imed her, hey why dont we not goto dinner, cus u need time to study
and she was like not thats fine see you at 6