What does a parent "owe" their child?

[JMapleton]

In my read many posts on these forums I've noticed there is sort of a "your parents don't owe you anything" and a "move out on your 18th birthday" attitude.

The question has come to mind to me, what things to do you think besides emotional needs like love and understanding, do parents have an obligation to give to their children?

While kids are not born with a right to designer clothes or the latest video game system, I do the think parents owe kids the following:

-Their own bedroom (with exceptions unless you live in an extremely expensive city).
-A reliable car at age 16 (assuming the child can be trusted with it)
-A state college education
-In this modern age I think every kid deserves a computer, not for gaming but just enough to do homework.

All of these things I think can be taken away if the child misbehaves or is a troublemaker of some sort.

I think there are many parents out there who act like they can bring kids into this world and then they feel they have no obligation to them except to feed them spam every night and give them used clothing. While I do respect parents who work hard to provide for their kids and are still not able to provide all of the things mentioned, so I try to assess each person based on effort.

What do you think each parent "owes" their kid?

 

[her209]

Food, clothing, and shelter until 18 years old. That's it.

 

[Howard]

Originally posted by: her209
Food, clothing, shelter and life training until 18 years old. That's it.

fixed

 

[datalink7]

Maybe I have a different perspective, because I only got one of those things (computer, and I helped pay for it though they did pay the majority). I never had my own bedroom (shared with my sister untill I moved out). My first car I got when I was 23 and just graduating college (they did teach me how to drive though). I payed for my own education (mostly through loans).

I never felt like my parents owed me any of those things.

Here is what I think, with having only put 5 minutes of thought into it.

-Education though high school (as in, make you go), with necessary supplies (pencils and all that)
-Food
-Clothing
-Roof over your head
-Spend time instilling good moral values so you can intereact with society
-Caring environment (this can be tough love though as well)

In terms of "things", your parents don't owe you any big budget items IMO. You can earn them for yourself.

 

[Tiamat]

Food, clothing, shelter, nurturing, education until 18 years old.

No obligation for providing a car, separate bed room, computer, tuition for college, etc.

 

[Kirby]

Originally posted by: Howard

Originally posted by: her209
Food, clothing, shelter and life training until 18 years old. That's it.

fixed

This. Everything else is given by the grace of their goodwill.

 

[TallBill]

It's not worth discussing this with you OP, you are an idiot.

 

[Kirby]

And WTF does the OP have against Spam?!! :|

 

[JMapleton]

Originally posted by: TallBill
It's not worth discussing this with you OP, you are an idiot.

Thank you for your input, it has been noted.

 

[Kirby]

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: TallBill
It's not worth discussing this with you OP, you are an idiot.

Thank you for your input, it has been noted.

Just curious, why do you think anyone is entitled to a car, computer, or college education?

 

[JMapleton]

Originally posted by: her209
Food, clothing, and shelter until 18 years old. That's it.

You see I disagree, I think if a child shows potential to become a productive member of society, that child deserves from their parents help to get them to succeed.

There many people out there who did not grow up with the things I mentioned and thus they feel their kids don't deserve anymore than what they had.

It is that bitterness is what causes kids to later resent their parents.

 

[Dumac]

Originally posted by: datalink7
Maybe I have a different perspective, because I only got one of those things (computer, and I helped pay for it though they did pay the majority). I never had my own bedroom (shared with my sister untill I moved out). My first car I got when I was 23 and just graduating college (they did teach me how to drive though). I payed for my own education (mostly through loans).

I never felt like my parents owed me any of those things.

Here is what I think, with having only put 5 minutes of thought into it.

-Education though high school (as in, make you go), with necessary supplies (pencils and all that)
-Food
-Clothing
-Roof over your head
-Spend time instilling good moral values so you can intereact with society
-Caring environment (this can be tough love though as well)

In terms of "things", your parents don't owe you any big budget items IMO. You can earn them for yourself.

Pretty much this. A lot of parents give more, but I don't think it is rightful to be resentful of your parents for not giving you anything not on this list.

 

[JMapleton]

Originally posted by: nkgreen

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: TallBill
It's not worth discussing this with you OP, you are an idiot.

Thank you for your input, it has been noted.

Just curious, why do you think anyone is entitled to a car, computer, or college education?

I think part of growing up you almost need a car to experience your teen years. It's difficult to have friends or to date as a teen without one. Doesn't every kid deserve not to miss out on those things? I had a poor early childhood with many bad influences around me at an early age, but when in my teens I was bought a Lexus LS400 because our financial situation turned around dramatically and I my parents felt guilty for raising me around such bad influences and without a lot of money.

I don't think those things are entitled to anyone from the government, but I think if you as a parent have the ability to provide your child with those things and do not do that, you as a parent and not being fair to your child. A child did not ask for a specific person to be their parent and in the modern world, I think everyone deserves a normal as possible childhood. I don't think you can call yourself a good parent if all you do if give your kids food/roof and then kick them out at age 18 with nothing but the shirt on their backs (with the exception of parents in difficult situations who are unable to provide those things because of reasons outside their control like injury or disability - like I said, judge by effort).

 

[Iron Woode]

Originally posted by: her209
Food, clothing, and shelter until 18 years old. That's it.

and hookers and blow.

 

[Tiamat]

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: her209
Food, clothing, and shelter until 18 years old. That's it.

You see I disagree, I think if a child shows potential to become a productive member of society, that child deserves from their parents help to get them to succeed.

There many people out there who did not grow up with the things I mentioned and thus they feel their kids don't deserve anymore than what they had.

It is that bitterness is what causes kids to later resent their parents.

I think it is far more important for parents to each their children financial responsibility than to give away important things like cars, computers, etc. for free. By helping their child obtain a part time job, the child can earn wages and buy their own stuff.

Kids resent parents who do not teach responsibility and respect

 

[Kirby]

How old are you OP?

 

[JMapleton]

Originally posted by: Tiamat

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: her209
Food, clothing, and shelter until 18 years old. That's it.

You see I disagree, I think if a child shows potential to become a productive member of society, that child deserves from their parents help to get them to succeed.

There many people out there who did not grow up with the things I mentioned and thus they feel their kids don't deserve anymore than what they had.

It is that bitterness is what causes kids to later resent their parents.

I think it is far more important for parents to each their children financial responsibility than to give away important things like cars, computers, etc. for free. By helping their child obtain a part time job, the child can earn wages and buy their own stuff.

Kids resent parents who do not teach responsibility and respect

Ok, here is another one sure to rile people up. I personally believe kids deserve an allowance and are not required or even asked to have a job while in highschool as long as they do exceptionally well in school. If the child is a troublemaker their ass needs to work to instill worth ethic and responsibility in them yes, but not for a kid who does the right things.

 

[JMapleton]

Originally posted by: nkgreen
How old are you OP?

Late 20s.

 

[Zebo]

I owe mine making them into productive citizens.

This spans a gamut of discipline to enabling for the desired result. Like life goodies you talk about are earned.

 

[newnameman]

Originally posted by: JMapleton

Originally posted by: nkgreen
How old are you OP?

Late 20s.

Shens.

 

[lifeobry]

The only things that a parent owes their kids are food enough to prevent death from starvation, and clothes and shelter enough to prevent death from exposure.

 

[Farang]

"Owes," I would say just food and shelter.

For me personally, I like how my parents did it. I grew up with what were by American standards just the basics. I went to public school, shared a room, got a weekly allowance of $3 only if I cleaned my room perfectly, and asking for anything got me nowhere but for a yearly trip to the mall to get a few pieces of new clothes that would fit since I'd outgrown the year before. In the end I worked through high school and they paid for my state college education. A big sum, and I am eternally grateful. If I become a parent I will follow their example and tell my kids of pound sand if they want any money spent on them, that is until when they graduate high school and I give them the gift of an education with all the money I saved.

So for myself I owe my kids a roof, food, and absolutely nothing else besides a state college education.

 

[JMapleton]

Originally posted by: lifeobry
The only things that a parent owes their kids are food enough to prevent death from starvation, and clothes and shelter enough to prevent death from exposure.

That's very extreme, would you think. All a parent owes their kid then is spam and hot dogs for dinner every night and that used 1991 Guns and Roses concert t-shirt and one pair of pants?

I think perhaps our definition of "owes" is in disagreement. I think what I meant is, what should a parent aim to provide for their child?

 

[JMapleton]

Originally posted by: Farang
"Owes," I would say just food and shelter.

For me personally, I like how my parents did it. I grew up with what were by American standards just the basics. I went to public school, shared a room, got a weekly allowance of $3 only if I cleaned my room perfectly, and asking for anything got me nowhere but for a yearly trip to the mall to get a few pieces of new clothes that would fit since I'd outgrown the year before. In the end I worked through high school and they paid for my state college education. A big sum, and I am eternally grateful. If I become a parent I will follow their example and tell my kids of pound sand if they want any money spent on them, that is until when they graduate high school and I give them the gift of an education with all the money I saved.

So for myself I owe my kids a roof, food, and absolutely nothing else besides a state college education.

I can respect that and I understand your parent's method. An education is important and in my opinion a right to every kid.

 

[Skyclad1uhm1]

Originally posted by: Dumac

Originally posted by: datalink7
Maybe I have a different perspective, because I only got one of those things (computer, and I helped pay for it though they did pay the majority). I never had my own bedroom (shared with my sister untill I moved out). My first car I got when I was 23 and just graduating college (they did teach me how to drive though). I payed for my own education (mostly through loans).

I never felt like my parents owed me any of those things.

Here is what I think, with having only put 5 minutes of thought into it.

-Education though high school (as in, make you go), with necessary supplies (pencils and all that)
-Food
-Clothing
-Roof over your head
-Spend time instilling good moral values so you can intereact with society
-Caring environment (this can be tough love though as well)

In terms of "things", your parents don't owe you any big budget items IMO. You can earn them for yourself.

Pretty much this. A lot of parents give more, but I don't think it is rightful to be resentful of your parents for not giving you anything not on this list.

If your parents are too poor to give you food/clothing/housing (e.g. if you live in a third world country or parts of the US at this moment) you cannot blame them since they are in the same situation. If they can afford it and don't give it that's something else. Just like if they don't bother giving you a caring, safe environment.