Wedding Planning Woes...

[Saulbadguy]

Elope.

 

[Lorax]

Originally posted by: intogamer
Anybody know how much Asian weddings(banquet) cost?

in chicago (crappy chinese food), it's around 600 for a table of 10 for the high end (shark's fin, etc). not sure if you have to add tax/gratuity on that.

low end is around 300/table i think.

 

[dmw16]

Originally posted by: Superwormy
Why do you expect *anyone's* parents to pay at all? Take some responsibility and pay for it yourself. If you can't afford that much, then *don't have such an expensive wedding*. I assure you, weddings can be done for less than $18,000.

Again, I don't expect...but they are offering help w/ strings attached. In our area weddings of the traditional nature can't be done much cheaper than what we are doing.

There is some pressure from her to have a "typical" wedding. I'd rather do dinner and ceremony. And take a longer honeymoon. But she isn't really feeling that.

But I'd ask that you not judge and assume Im some spoiled kid who expects all this stuff. I have paid my way for pretty much everything up to this point.

 

[MrDudeMan]

My wife and I had the best wedding we've ever been to (our opinion as well as a lot of others, we've been told this several times) and we spent $5000 on the ceremony and the reception. If you work at it, you can save big time doing things yourself. We had a very nice meal with a full 3 courses, flowers everywhere, etc. We didn't cut corners, but we did do things cheaper by working at it. $18,000 is fucking retarded, imo. My wife would have shit a brick if our wedding was anything near that. Yes, she's been planning it since she was 5, but she also realizes our financial future is important as well.

Fine to ask, wrong to expect. We asked for and expected nothing.

 

[NoShangriLa]

Originally posted by: Lorax

Originally posted by: intogamer
Anybody know how much Asian weddings(banquet) cost?

in chicago (crappy chinese food), it's around 600 for a table of 10 for the high end (shark's fin, etc). not sure if you have to add tax/gratuity on that.

low end is around 300/table i think.

The year 1990 Victoria BC Canada. Chinese restaurant charged my parents $700 CAD a table for 10 people (sis wedding).

 

[Crucial]

I am so glad my wife was reasonable. Our wedding cost $5000 including the rings and we had a great time and I have no regrets. In hind sight the only thing I would have spent more on was the photographer.

 

[loup garou]

Originally posted by: Saulbadguy
Elope.

Bingo, and stick her parents with the cancellation fees...that $7k should cover them nicely. 😛

 

[ITJunkie]

Originally posted by: dmw16
We can't really scale back anymore at the current location. We are already doing a Saturday afternoon minimum # of people. By "on the hook" i mean we'll need to spend $9000 as the wedding is planned now.

I don't want to spend too much, but I don't want to regret it years if we dont have a memorable wedding.

We are spending about $18k total on the wedding as it's planned now, which by current standards is a tight budget.

Let's start with "memorable wedding". Memorable is what you make it. You can spend 50K+ on a memorable disaster or 1K on a happy one that lasts a lifetime and vice versa...that's up to you to decide.
My wife and I chose the latter and 18yrs later we still talk about how nice and simple it was. No one paid for it but us. As someone else said, we'd rather take that money and buy a house.
I swear, it seems the more money invested the more headaches the bride and groom receive.
Good Luck buddy...

 

[dmw16]

For those that said they only spent a little money. How many guests? How did you do it? We have to invite at least 75 to 100. 45 of that is her family.

 

[imported_Imp]

Originally posted by: NoShangriLa

Originally posted by: Lorax

Originally posted by: intogamer
Anybody know how much Asian weddings(banquet) cost?

in chicago (crappy chinese food), it's around 600 for a table of 10 for the high end (shark's fin, etc). not sure if you have to add tax/gratuity on that.

low end is around 300/table i think.

The year 1990 Victoria BC Canada. Chinese restaurant charged my parents $700 CAD a table for 10 people (sis wedding).

2005: About $700 a table and the parents are loaded. Waste of money if you ask me, they even asked people to go to the reception that they haven't seen/talked to in over 10 years (me + others). I didn't even remember that they existed until then. What a waste...

 

[TwiceOver]

Originally posted by: dmw16
For those that said they only spent a little money. How many guests? How did you do it? We have to invite at least 75 to 100. 45 of that is her family.

Inviting doesn't mean they will show up.

We did our wedding for less than $2k. We invited ~130 people, 60 showed up. Nice backyard wedding, no church, borrowed tables and chairs from friends and family. Grilled the food, bought sheet cakes.

Went to a local bar for the reception.

Still more than I wanted to spend.

 

[se7en]

Too much money is spent these days on weddings. When we got married I laid it out clear if parents don't want to help thats fine but dont expect an invitation. My wife wanted to plan it so she did and any money given went into an account for her to spend on random things she wanted to do.

Her parents aren't in a good place so they helped more with the labor help than money but that was totally fine with me. My parents picked up what they could do and we paid for the rest. In total we spent about 3k out of our pockets and had a beautiful wedding with all the bells / whistles.

If you go into debt getting hitched I can tell you where you'll be in 3 years. . . in L&R complaining about your divorce. Let her deal with her parents and she basically needs to say "Give me the 7k and I will spend it on the wedding how I like". If they don't want to help their own flesh and blood without having some control who says they even have to come?

 

[amdskip]

My gf is helping a good friend plan her wedding and the costs are out of control. They really want an open bar and they are letting that control the location of the reception. Personally I say no open bar, it's not worth it. Sure some people won't be happy but they'll just have to pay up if they want a drink.

 

[Tiamat]

Originally posted by: intogamer
Anybody know how much Asian weddings(banquet) cost?

The most recent one I attended had 12 tables of 10 seats.

We had Shark Fin soup, lobster, roasted duck, and the usual 9-10 other courses. It was 800$ per table.

 

[Gilligansdingy]

wow... 24 years old and still acting like spoiled little children. Skip the wedding and go straight for the divorce.

 

[D1gger]

Originally posted by: dmw16
For those that said they only spent a little money. How many guests? How did you do it? We have to invite at least 75 to 100. 45 of that is her family.

This is where you are wrong. You don't HAVE to do anything. Plan a simple wedding with immediate family invited only, and have a nice dinner at the restaurant of your choice. You CAN have a very nice wedding without spending $18,000. One of the nicest weddings I ever attended was for a friend (I was best man) and he had a total of about 30 people there. He said the entire event cost <$5,000.

 

[NoShangriLa]

Originally posted by: Imp

Originally posted by: NoShangriLa

Originally posted by: Lorax

Originally posted by: intogamer
Anybody know how much Asian weddings(banquet) cost?

in chicago (crappy chinese food), it's around 600 for a table of 10 for the high end (shark's fin, etc). not sure if you have to add tax/gratuity on that.

low end is around 300/table i think.

The year 1990 Victoria BC Canada. Chinese restaurant charged my parents $700 CAD a table for 10 people (sis wedding).

2005: About $700 a table and the parents are loaded. Waste of money if you ask me, they even asked people to go to the reception that they haven't seen/talked to in over 10 years (me + others). I didn't even remember that they existed until then. What a waste...

I though it was a waste too, because my parent house that they purchased in 1983 cost slightly more than twice the wedding.

My dad & sis went crazy & invited over 140 people to the reception and if recall correctly it was 153-155 people showed up, therefore my dad had to order 2 more tables.

The alcohol is an additional $4K CAD on top of the reception.

As for me, I politely refused the offer of $30K from my mom toward my future wedding, because I wanted to do things my way.

 

[moshquerade]

never expect anything and you won't be disappointed.

 

[oiprocs]

I agree with the rest of them. You don't need some fancyschmancy wedding. It's definitely possible that your wife might want one, but to me it doesn't sound like you do.

I'd rather opt for a small, friends/immediate family only wedding, under $1000. Who cares about some big huge wedding if there is a 50% chance you'll get divorced?

As for you, you can ask her parents to help, but I wouldn't. Instead, figure out what to do on your own. That way, they'll never be able to bring up the fact that they "paid for your wedding" next time you piss them off. Which will happen. A lot.

 

[crystal]

Oh wow, your own wedding and you expected them to pay for it. And what is this crap about no invitation if they will not help out?

 

[rivan]

Originally posted by: dmw16
I would have NO issue paying for what we could afford to have. But...it was more that they'll let us have $7000 if we use it on some "extra" that we don't really want. If they simply said "no, we won't help" or "no, we can't afford to help" then fine. It was more the offering of help w/ so many strings that seemed messed up.

And I also agree that young people have a sense of entitlement, but I also think that older people are quick to think I am out looking for a handout. Guess we all have our soap boxes...

I don't see the issue. Put it into the down payment of a house. Or a car. Or a rockin' honeymoon. They're wanting you to think about getting something special with their cash instead of just having it absorbed into the cost of the wedding. Ok, so it's a little weird - but they're offering you $7k to blow on something special. Quit whining and figure out something creative that will a) make you happy and b) make them happy to write the check.

Originally posted by: dmw16
We can't really scale back anymore at the current location. We are already doing a Saturday afternoon minimum # of people. By "on the hook" i mean we'll need to spend $9000 as the wedding is planned now.

I don't want to spend too much, but I don't want to regret it years if we dont have a memorable wedding.

We are spending about $18k total on the wedding as it's planned now, which by current standards is a tight budget.

You and your wife make the occasion memorable, not spending $18k+.

If your wife is insisting on "The Show?" complete with 8 bride's maids, a $3k dress, a 5-tier cake, etc, let her know that all that crap isn't what makes a wedding memorable. Something creative will.

My wife and I did things a little differently, and have some wonderful memories of the whole thing. We went to Mexico with another couple we're very close to, and they served as our witnesses as we were married on the Bay of Banderas, barefoot, with sand in between our toes. Cost: ~$2900 all-inclusive for 6 days at a 4-star resort, including the costs of the wedding planners, beautifully flowered arch on the beach, photographer, etc.

My *only* regret there is our photographer wasn't great. It was difficult to research photographers remotely.

About a month after the actual ceremony, we had a party (reception, essentially) at our favorite restaurant (later featured on a Rachel Ray show), almost closing the place down on a Saturday night. Open, premium bar. ~80 guests. Total for the night, including bar - ~$2600.

 

[Tiamat]

Originally posted by: Oiprocs
Who cares about some big huge wedding if there is a 50% chance you'll get divorced?

Thats not entirely true. Here is an interesting read. Although I couldn't find any statistics for cost of wedding vs. divorce rate. The trend of educated spouses vs. divorce rate is promising.

 

[Modular]

My wife and I spent about 4K on our wedding (probably less) and we have been told multiple times that it was "the best wedding I have ever been to". We had aboout 125 people show up out of 150 or so invitations, wedding in a white church with a steeple, 3 course meal, my mom made cherry pies (homemade crust and all) and someone we knew did photography for cheap. We had a family member DJ the whole thing etc... The only thing I wish we had done differently was hire a videographer for the ceremony, but to be honest, I almost like having the memory instead of a video.

Spending more than you can afford is ridiculous, but hey...it's the 'Merican way. Enjoy the debt and the ruination of the potentially amazing relationship you should have with her parents for the rest of your life because they wouldn't fork over $$..

 

[NoShangriLa]

Originally posted by: Tiamat

Originally posted by: Oiprocs
Who cares about some big huge wedding if there is a 50% chance you'll get divorced?

Thats not entirely true. Here is an interesting read. Although I couldn't find any statistics for cost of wedding vs. divorce rate. The trend of educated spouses vs. divorce rate is promising.

It is an interesting read, however it didn't factor in the marriage age group vs. divorce rate.

The educated spouses vs. divorce rate could simply meant that the greater rate is due to maturity than the teens that got marry before post secondary.

 

[Tiamat]

Originally posted by: NoShangriLa

Originally posted by: Tiamat

Originally posted by: Oiprocs
Who cares about some big huge wedding if there is a 50% chance you'll get divorced?

Thats not entirely true. Here is an interesting read. Although I couldn't find any statistics for cost of wedding vs. divorce rate. The trend of educated spouses vs. divorce rate is promising.

It is an interesting read, however it didn't factor in the marriage age group vs. divorce rate.

The educated spouses vs. divorce rate could simply meant that the more successfully marriage age group is more mature than the teens that got marry before post secondary.

Yeah there are other links out there that show age vs, divorce percentage, I just didnt want to flood this thread that is about weddings with links about divorce 🙂

I was just saying that a blanket 50% divorce rate isn't very accurate, and perhaps completely incorrect depending on your educational background, age group etc.