We choose not to have children.

[Nightfall]

My wife and I have been married for almost 9 years. We have been together for about 15 years in total. We have a nice home, have good jobs, and give back to the community in various ways. Yet, there are some people who choose to judge us by what we don't have.

I attended a housing meeting for our neighborhood a few weeks ago, and I was asked point blank why we don't have any kids. When I responded that we are not going to have any, I was asked if there was a problem with our relationship. My jaw almost dropped, because I have heard a lot of questions poised to me when I say we aren't having kids. This was just unanswerable.

I have heard some pretty bad responses though. My sister in law's pastor tried to turn it into a religious issue saying that god meant for us to have children and to not do so was "bad". I had an acquaintance ask if there was something biologically wrong with me.

Then I have the pressure by our parents, who can be a lot more controlled, but they want grandchildren and since we are the first married in our family its becoming more of an issue. Apparently no an answer they don't want to hear.

Since when did the choice to not have kids be a bad one? With irresponsible couples pumping out kids left and right, I would think our choice would be an unselfish one. At least to the point where I won't be questioned about our motives.

Any couples, married or otherwise, not having kids and getting the same pressure or comments from people? How do you handle it?

 

[0roo0roo]

you were given the chance to live.
its called passing it on. society only survives because we reproduce. each one of us a product of an unbroken chain of ancestors that didn't fail to do their duty. if you choose to weed yourself out, well fine. they question because sometimes people regret the decision not to. the clock ticks despite all the hype about fertility treatments. and some people realize too late they waited too long.
as for irresponsible parents pumping out children. well if good people do nothing....

 

[StevenYoo]

reminds me of the movie Idiocracy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upyewL0oaWA

 

[Praxis1452]

it's your choice. Simple as.

 

[radioouman]

Don't worry about it...

My wife and I may not have any kids either... but that's because we aren't trying.

 

[Baked]

Going against the grain is frown upon by the colony. You and your wife will be eliminated swiftly by blood ninjas.

 

[pravi333]

there's a ex-colleague of mine, a lady, she lives with her boy friend of almost 10 years now & she has two kids with him, they recently bought a house and all four of them live together as a happy family.

she gets the "why haven't you both got married?" question all the time. She doesn't have any strong reason to not marry as far as she told me but they just chose not to be married.

 

[TheKub]

No plans for kids here either.

 

[BurnItDwn]

Originally posted by: StevenYoo
reminds me of the movie Idiocracy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upyewL0oaWA

Was gonna say the same thing....
Awesome movie BTW.

 

[njmodi]

Your choice - people will get over it...

 

[PingSpike]

Originally posted by: 0roo0roo
you were given the chance to live.
its called passing it on. society only survives because we reproduce. each one of us a product of an unbroken chain of ancestors that didn't fail to do their duty. if you choose to weed yourself out, well fine. they question because sometimes people regret the decision not to. the clock ticks despite all the hype about fertility treatments. and some people realize too late they waited too long.
as for irresponsible parents pumping out children. well if good people do nothing....

Stupid people pump out to many kids that can't be supported...so the smart people should counter this by...pumping out tons of kids they can't support too?

 

[AntiFreze]

Just use my response:

"I'd rather be a cool rich uncle, then a bad father."

 

[child of wonder]

Dang... someone beat me to the Idiocracy reference.

OP, at least have a baby and give it up for adoption to keep the collective IQ up there.

 

[0roo0roo]

Originally posted by: PingSpike

Originally posted by: 0roo0roo
you were given the chance to live.
its called passing it on. society only survives because we reproduce. each one of us a product of an unbroken chain of ancestors that didn't fail to do their duty. if you choose to weed yourself out, well fine. they question because sometimes people regret the decision not to. the clock ticks despite all the hype about fertility treatments. and some people realize too late they waited too long.
as for irresponsible parents pumping out children. well if good people do nothing....

Stupid people pump out to many kids that can't be supported...so the smart people should counter this by...pumping out tons of kids they can't support too?

smart people would be able to support their children by definition. smartness defined by spending on frivolous luxuries instead of a family is questionable.

 

[Xavier434]

Originally posted by: njmodi
Your choice - people will get over it...

Ya, don't let other people's religious and moralistic views about having children get between you and your wife's idea of what will make you the most happy. It is your life. Not theirs. I feel it is very rude and inconsiderate of those people to question you about it. It's none of their business. How would they feel if all the sudden a bunch of people started questioning them about their choice to have kids?

 

[Regs]

Likey because some people think having childrean is a gift.

In essense-- they swimmy swimmy and the other thing ferty ferty.

 

[zinfamous]

because the purpose of marriage is to have children, or so says the Catholic Church and all the anti-gay marriage people.

didn't you get the memo?

 

[PingSpike]

OP...you mentioned a "housing meeting"...what is that? Like a meeting of a home owners association? If so, WTF are they asking those questions for?


Next time just tell them you're unable to mate successfully because you were born with elephant penis.

 

[m1ldslide1]

I say good for you. Whether or not you breed is a personal choice and those other people should be bitchslapped for asking you those questions. Respond by asking how much money they made last year, and if they really feel like they're achieving all they should.

The present generation seems to be more concerned with self, and if you have no kids, you can generally devote your life to yourself. I don't see a thing wrong with that, especially since the world's population will double this century because of all the asshat breeders and their selfishness and lack of foresight.

 

[Dirigible]

Being different is an affront to those who have bought into the system. You are confronting many of them with an option they did not consider or even realized existed, and they'd rather attack you for being wrong than have to face the possibility that their choice is not the only choice. (Obviously not true in all cases, but I'm cranky this morning.)

I'm a dad, and glad of it, but respect those who choose not to have kids. It's freaking hard work, a huge commitment, and not for everyone.

 

[tw1164]

Just tell everyone you have slow swimmers.

 

[Nightfall]

Originally posted by: AntiFreze
Just use my response:

"I'd rather be a cool rich uncle, then a bad father."

Best quote ever. I will use it.

 

[D1gger]

Don't let them get you down. You made the right choice for you and your wife.

 

[ShawnD1]

Originally posted by: NightfallI was asked if there was a problem with our relationship.

They're intimidated because you voluntarily stay together rather than have a bunch of legal obligations (kids).

Basing this on nothing of course. Sounds like the people you talk to are just assholes.

 

[Rill22]

I find it appalling that someone would flat out question your relationship to your face because of it.

(<-- No desire for children.)