We choose not to have children.

[jersiq]

Originally posted by: seemingly random

Originally posted by: jersiq
...
We have taken a 6 month old hiking up one of the White Mountains in New Hampshire. When that same child was younger, my wife and I took her on a ~1000 mile journey in a car.

You are only limited by how much you make yourself limited.

It's very strange how you reference this child. Whose child was it? Did you have permission to have it?

lol, yes it is my child. I don't know why I wrote it that way.

 

[DangerAardvark]

Originally posted by: jersiq

Originally posted by: seemingly random

Originally posted by: jersiq
...
We have taken a 6 month old hiking up one of the White Mountains in New Hampshire. When that same child was younger, my wife and I took her on a ~1000 mile journey in a car.

You are only limited by how much you make yourself limited.

It's very strange how you reference this child. Whose child was it? Did you have permission to have it?

lol, yes it is my child. I don't know why I wrote it that way.

I thought it was a rental.

 

[seemingly random]

Originally posted by: DangerAardvark

Originally posted by: jersiq

Originally posted by: seemingly random

Originally posted by: jersiq
...
We have taken a 6 month old hiking up one of the White Mountains in New Hampshire. When that same child was younger, my wife and I took her on a ~1000 mile journey in a car.

You are only limited by how much you make yourself limited.

It's very strange how you reference this child. Whose child was it? Did you have permission to have it?

lol, yes it is my child. I don't know why I wrote it that way.

I thought it was a rental.

It's curious that you say that. I had the same thought - like taking one out for a test drive to see how it fits in with our things.

 

[marvdmartian]

OP, easiest reply, when people ask you if you have any children, would be this:

"None that we've been told about!"

 

[Special K]

Originally posted by: IHateMyJob2004

Originally posted by: Nightfall
My wife and I have been married for almost 9 years. We have been together for about 15 years in total. We have a nice home, have good jobs, and give back to the community in various ways. Yet, there are some people who choose to judge us by what we don't have.

You don't realize what you are missing out on. Is your goal in life to realyl die with a fancy toombstone that says "Here lies a person that had alot of stuff?"

I attended a housing meeting for our neighborhood a few weeks ago, and I was asked point blank why we don't have any kids. When I responded that we are not going to have any, I was asked if there was a problem with our relationship. My jaw almost dropped, because I have heard a lot of questions poised to me when I say we aren't having kids. This was just unanswerable.

Your neighbor had unfortunate phrasing. To inquire about the ability to get pregnant might be OK but to question your relationship. WOW.

I have heard some pretty bad responses though. My sister in law's pastor tried to turn it into a religious issue saying that god meant for us to have children and to not do so was "bad". I had an acquaintance ask if there was something biologically wrong with me.

If you are catholic, your decision is pretty much going AGAINST the church. Your are supposed to have as many children as is financially reasonable.

Then I have the pressure by our parents, who can be a lot more controlled, but they want grandchildren and since we are the first married in our family its becoming more of an issue. Apparently no an answer they don't want to hear.

Raising kids is a tough job. Your parents went through alot of hell for you whether you like it or not. My kids are 1 and 3 right now and I already realize that I will enjoy my grandkids more because I get to spoil them and love them. Being a parent is much different from being a grandparent. You might as well trip your parents and kick them in the face a few times because from an emotional standpoint that is what you are doing. If I were your parents, I would consider disowning you.

Since when did the choice to not have kids be a bad one? With irresponsible couples pumping out kids left and right, I would think our choice would be an unselfish one. At least to the point where I won't be questioned about our motives.

People won't say it to your face, but people on the internet that don't know you will often tell the truth. If you were my neighbor and told me what you told us, I'd be very polite to your face. Then when our door closes my wife and I would both say how wierd it is and we would pretty much make a decision to not go out of our way to know you very well. That is, we would care less to be friends with you. Don't worry, I'm sure you've already noticed that your friends have a turnover rate of 5 years or so. Don't worry that trend will continue.

Any couples, married or otherwise, not having kids and getting the same pressure or comments from people? How do you handle it?

Why get married? there was/is teasing about more kids but my parents/in-laws both knew grandkids were a matter of time only.

Wow, your views seem quite extreme. Do you really think a couple should be forced to raise a child they don't really want? Do you think the parents will give that child the attention he/she deserves if they never really wanted to have it in the first place?

 

[irishScott]

I will never understand why some people don't want to pass on their genes.

I'm only 20, and already kids are a perfectly natural thought. Obviously not at this stage in my life, but I fully intend to be a dad at some point in the next 15 years, if not sooner.

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

Originally posted by: Special K

Originally posted by: IHateMyJob2004

Originally posted by: Nightfall
My wife and I have been married for almost 9 years. We have been together for about 15 years in total. We have a nice home, have good jobs, and give back to the community in various ways. Yet, there are some people who choose to judge us by what we don't have.

You don't realize what you are missing out on. Is your goal in life to realyl die with a fancy toombstone that says "Here lies a person that had alot of stuff?"

I attended a housing meeting for our neighborhood a few weeks ago, and I was asked point blank why we don't have any kids. When I responded that we are not going to have any, I was asked if there was a problem with our relationship. My jaw almost dropped, because I have heard a lot of questions poised to me when I say we aren't having kids. This was just unanswerable.

Your neighbor had unfortunate phrasing. To inquire about the ability to get pregnant might be OK but to question your relationship. WOW.

I have heard some pretty bad responses though. My sister in law's pastor tried to turn it into a religious issue saying that god meant for us to have children and to not do so was "bad". I had an acquaintance ask if there was something biologically wrong with me.

If you are catholic, your decision is pretty much going AGAINST the church. Your are supposed to have as many children as is financially reasonable.

Then I have the pressure by our parents, who can be a lot more controlled, but they want grandchildren and since we are the first married in our family its becoming more of an issue. Apparently no an answer they don't want to hear.

Raising kids is a tough job. Your parents went through alot of hell for you whether you like it or not. My kids are 1 and 3 right now and I already realize that I will enjoy my grandkids more because I get to spoil them and love them. Being a parent is much different from being a grandparent. You might as well trip your parents and kick them in the face a few times because from an emotional standpoint that is what you are doing. If I were your parents, I would consider disowning you.

Since when did the choice to not have kids be a bad one? With irresponsible couples pumping out kids left and right, I would think our choice would be an unselfish one. At least to the point where I won't be questioned about our motives.

People won't say it to your face, but people on the internet that don't know you will often tell the truth. If you were my neighbor and told me what you told us, I'd be very polite to your face. Then when our door closes my wife and I would both say how wierd it is and we would pretty much make a decision to not go out of our way to know you very well. That is, we would care less to be friends with you. Don't worry, I'm sure you've already noticed that your friends have a turnover rate of 5 years or so. Don't worry that trend will continue.

Any couples, married or otherwise, not having kids and getting the same pressure or comments from people? How do you handle it?

Why get married? there was/is teasing about more kids but my parents/in-laws both knew grandkids were a matter of time only.

Wow, your views seem quite extreme. Do you really think a couple should be forced to raise a child they don't really want? Do you think the parents will give that child the attention he/she deserves if they never really wanted to have it in the first place?

He is just a person that does things because he was always told its what he should do. He just can't accept that kid's aren't for everybody and thinks everybody should have them. He is ignorant, just ignore him and maybe he will go away....

 

[cronos]

Originally posted by: Ramma2
At the dinner table last night my little guy (almost 2) kept saying 'all done' when he was finished with his food, and I was pretending to not hear him and kept saying 'what?' over and over, and he would laugh each time. Then he got quiet, so I asked him if he was all done so I could get him washed up and he looked right at me and said 'what?' then proceeded to laugh his ass off.

good story Ramma2. that sounds exactly like how my son and i joked around (he's 3.5 now)

 

[seemingly random]

Originally posted by: irishScott
I will never understand why some people don't want to pass on their genes.

I'm only 20, and already kids are a perfectly natural thought. Obviously not that this stage in my life, but I fully intend to be a dad at some point in the next 15 years, if not sooner.

Another way of looking at this is: do you think that all people that do pass on their genes should?

And: if you for some reason didn't want kids, how would feel about others putting pressure on you to have them anyhow?

 

[Phokus]

Since when did the choice to not have kids be a bad one? With irresponsible couples pumping out kids left and right, I would think our choice would be an unselfish one. At least to the point where I won't be questioned about our motives.

Are you responsible (with your finances? With your SO? With your job? etc. etc. etc.)? Are you intelligent?. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to have kids to counter the idiotic yokels who pump out kids by the truckload.

 

[KentState]

I get crap from co-workers when I tell them I'm not really interested in having kids. I think mostly, I want to find someone that I could see having kids with. Easier said than done at this point.

Just remember that whatever you have when you die can't be taken with you. If you are not going to raise kids, hopefully it will be passed on to the next generation for a good purpose.

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

Originally posted by: Pacfanweb

Originally posted by: DisgruntledVirus

I really like the "Children are the greatest joy" comment pacfanweb. Happiness and joy can be obtained by other things in life. For you children might be the greatest joy, but for me and others on this board children would a lot of the joy from our lives. You may have never thought of this before, but to some (like myself) children would take away from our lives. You may call me selfish all you want, but I want the money I earn going to me not to supporting a child. There are many reasons I do not want a child, and that is just one of them. I (as would the other people who decide to abstain from having children) would appriciate it if you stopped trying to tell us we need to have kids, and go back to spending time with yours (if you have them). I honestly doubt you have ever had a person that didn't want children telling you how having a child was "wrong", so please don't tell us that.

See, that's why you're wrong...because YOU DON'T KNOW.

The rest of the story behind my comment is, I DID NOT WANT CHILDREN. I thought EXACTLY like you do.

Then we had our daughter....and I was DEAD WRONG.

All the stuff you think children would take away from....you don't care about it anymore.

No matter how much you can't stand other people's children, you completely change when you have your own. And you will never know this until you have your own. Until then, you cannot speak intelligently about the subject.

In my experience, older people who have CHOSEN not to have children are a bit cynical and bitter.

You seem well on the way down that path.

Your own children are different then another persons, because they are yours to raise and care for. You can build a bond with them that you cannot build with anybody else because they are biologically part of you. You get to share in their successes and failures. I am sure it is a very rewarding experience for most people. It is not for everybody though. You are right I cannot talk about how *my* kids are a good thing if I don't have them, but I can speak intelligently on the subject of what I see my friends/coworkers go through because of children. I see how much of their lives are determined by children, and I don't want that for me currently (I am not saying that might not change one day, but not in the near term). Children are the biggest investment of time, money, and energy a person can make IMO. That can be very rewarding for many, but it is not for everybody.

I happen to come from a family where I have 3 relatives that are married and all 3 decided to NOT have kids. They are some of the most caring people I know. They are very active in their community, and the Lance Armstrong charities among others. Choosing to not have kids does not mean you will become old, cynical, and bitter.

 

[irishScott]

Originally posted by: seemingly random

Originally posted by: irishScott
I will never understand why some people don't want to pass on their genes.

I'm only 20, and already kids are a perfectly natural thought. Obviously not at this stage in my life, but I fully intend to be a dad at some point in the next 15 years, if not sooner.

Another way of looking at this is: do you think that all people that do pass on their genes should?

And: if you for some reason didn't want kids, how would feel about others putting pressure on you to have them anyhow?

I think they should with a little common sense. If they're able and willing to love and support their children than I see no reason not to. If they're just morons who have kids for the child-support money, then by all means remove them from the genome.

I do agree with not putting pressure on others (on this subject at least ). Just because I don't understand it doesn't mean that I'll try to force my views on others. In any case, assuming it's an evolutionary defect, it's self-correcting. People who don't want kids shouldn't have kids. Doesn't make them bad people, and they don't deserve to be pressured over it.

 

[AreaCode7O7]

My husband and I have not chosen to have children. Sounds a bit different than saying we've chosen not to have children.

Our reasons:
- neither of us has ever, at any point in life, had the innate desire to have children. I didn't even play with dolls as a little kid.
- I have a health condition that can be inherited. It's not life devastating with the treatments they have now, but why pass on bad genes?
- we both come from 4 child families; the sibs will have more than enough kids to contribute
- the world really does seem to suck more every day and I don't have a lot of confidence that there's some inner human goodness that's going to turn it all around. WWIII or global starvation are virtual certainties at some point in the future, who knows how far out. Why would I want to add someone into that suffering?
- there are a ton of kids out there now that desperately need homes, parents, security and love. If we decide we want to have kids, it makes much more sense to me to take in one that already exists and needs a place to grow up.
- our kids would be a giant psychological experiment, if we had them. Heheheh...

I think it's worse to be a woman and answer the question about not having kids. It amazes me how many people flatly contradict me when I respond to the question. "Oh you will want kids, just wait til you're older." Or consider me a bad person or some kind of failed female for not having a strong maternal instinct.

I have a variety of reasons I give, nowadays, to people who want to know. Sometimes I'll explain that we simply have never wanted them, to people who actually know and care about us. Other times I'll talk more vaguely about overpopulation and kids that need homes. Sometimes, when someone gets in my face about it, I'll spit out the living conditions I would have to endure in order to be pregnant - unable to walk, unable to use my hands, in pain the entire time, etc, because of my disease. That's a good quick way to shut people up.

[edit] Oh, and I should mention that I have sibs that are much younger than me, that I helped to raise. I love them to death, wouldn't trade them for anything, but I still don't want my own. So there goes the argument that childless people don't know what they're missing. I've gotten in on every inch of parenting and yep, it rocks, yep, you love your kids more than life itself, and nope, I still don't want to do it again with my own genetic material.

 

[seemingly random]

Originally posted by: irishScott

Originally posted by: seemingly random

Originally posted by: irishScott
I will never understand why some people don't want to pass on their genes.

I'm only 20, and already kids are a perfectly natural thought. Obviously not at this stage in my life, but I fully intend to be a dad at some point in the next 15 years, if not sooner.

Another way of looking at this is: do you think that all people that do pass on their genes should?

And: if you for some reason didn't want kids, how would feel about others putting pressure on you to have them anyhow?

I think they should with a little common sense. If they're able and willing to love and support their children than I see no reason not to. If they're just morons who have kids for the child-support money, then by all means remove them from the genome.

I do agree with not putting pressure on others (on this subject at least ). Just because I don't understand it doesn't mean that I'll try to force my views on others. In any case, assuming it's an evolutionary defect, it's self-correcting. People who don't want kids shouldn't have kids. Doesn't make them bad people, and they don't deserve to be pressured over it.

I think in 200+ posts this is the first that this has been brought up.

You seem to be in the minority that doesn't hold extremist or authoritatian views. I hope you have lots of kids.

 

[irishScott]

Originally posted by: seemingly random

Originally posted by: irishScott

Originally posted by: seemingly random

Originally posted by: irishScott
I will never understand why some people don't want to pass on their genes.

I'm only 20, and already kids are a perfectly natural thought. Obviously not at this stage in my life, but I fully intend to be a dad at some point in the next 15 years, if not sooner.

Another way of looking at this is: do you think that all people that do pass on their genes should?

And: if you for some reason didn't want kids, how would feel about others putting pressure on you to have them anyhow?

I think they should with a little common sense. If they're able and willing to love and support their children than I see no reason not to. If they're just morons who have kids for the child-support money, then by all means remove them from the genome.

I do agree with not putting pressure on others (on this subject at least ). Just because I don't understand it doesn't mean that I'll try to force my views on others. In any case, assuming it's an evolutionary defect, it's self-correcting. People who don't want kids shouldn't have kids. Doesn't make them bad people, and they don't deserve to be pressured over it.

I think in 200+ posts this is the first that this has been brought up.

You seem to be in the minority that doesn't hold extremist or authoritatian views. I hope you have lots of kids.

Thanks (although I don't know about "a lot").

You too. (After reading your posts)

 

[James3shin]

Just mind your own business and do as you please. What does another couples' decision to have children or not have to do with you? Absolutely nothing.

 

[Chaotic42]

I have a theory, and mind you that this is just a theory, that says that people who want to have kids have to look outside of themselves for happiness. So many people say that their lives weren't complete until they had their kids. I don't know, I just think that people should be happy with themselves and with their partner before they think about kids.

 

[RaistlinZ]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42
I have a theory, and mind you that this is just a theory, that says that people who want to have kids have to look outside of themselves for happiness. So many people say that their lives weren't complete until they had their kids. I don't know, I just think that people should be happy with themselves and with their partner before they think about kids.

While I don't agree with you 100% on that I will say that people who try to force their opinions on you about NOT having children are people who have to look outside of themselves for happinees. I think they secretly are jealous of their friend's still having the freedom to go and do whatever they want at the drop of a hat. They're jealous that their friends can spend money on themselves for lavish things, vacations, etc.

They may still love their children very much, but under their facade I think they long to have their freedom back and try to make up for it by putting down others who choose not to have children.

 

[seemingly random]

Originally posted by: RaistlinZ

Originally posted by: Chaotic42
I have a theory, and mind you that this is just a theory, that says that people who want to have kids have to look outside of themselves for happiness. So many people say that their lives weren't complete until they had their kids. I don't know, I just think that people should be happy with themselves and with their partner before they think about kids.

While I don't agree with you 100% on that I will say that people who try to force their opinions on you about NOT having children are people who have to look outside of themselves for happinees. I think they secretly are jealous of their friend's still having the freedom to go and do whatever they want at the drop of a hat. They're jealous that their friends can spend money on themselves for lavish things, vacations, etc.

They may still love their children very much, but under their facade I think they long to have their freedom back and try to make up for it by putting down others who choose not to have children.

Seems like wildassed speculation. No need to be hurtful to people who want or have children.

The problem being discussed here is other people getting into your business with arguments like:
- you're shitting on your parents if you don't have kids
- you're going against the catholic church (and depriving the priests of new material) if you don't have kids