No, don't generalize what I just said. I honestly think by really talking, and reaching an agreement with his parents is the only way to solve the problem. By all means, the guys has made it clear that he doesn't want his parents in trouble. So...call the police and rescue line are out of question. (they will most likely haunt down their parents' ass)
No, don't generalize what I just said. I honestly think by really talking, and reaching an agreement with his parents is the only way to solve the problem. By all means, the guys has made it clear that he doesn't want his parents in trouble. So...call the police and rescue line are out of question. (they will most likely haunt down their parents' ass)
I think you have to take a deep breath and look at this situation seriously with no emotional attachments. If you are serious about leaving home then you'll have to make a lot of sacrifices.
Like previous posts have stated, go home and get your belongings. You may have to stay with your friend for a couple of weeks and in this time look for a FULL time job, at least until next August or September, do anything, McDonalds, Starbucks, etc.. I think school is something that you will have to hold off on for a little while. Find a place to live, craigs list, apartments.com, newspaper, anywhere, you'll probably have to live with roommates but, considering your previous living conditions it shouldn't be too bad. You may even make friends with your roommates and their friends perhaps, this is a good way to start a new life without your parents.
As for school, it depends on the school you currently attend is it a state, public, or private university? Considerable amounts of loans and or grants can be given to single non-dependent students. You may be able to live off of loans for all 4 years of school if you decide to not work. JC's are also a possibility, tuition is super cheap and you will definitely have time for a part time job to pay for your living expenses. By next August you should have some money saved from working and hopefully you will have a decent place to stay and managable transportation to and from school/work.
I know that this is overly simplified and definitely IMHO, so good luck and keep us updated.
Like previous posts have stated, go home and get your belongings. You may have to stay with your friend for a couple of weeks and in this time look for a FULL time job, at least until next August or September, do anything, McDonalds, Starbucks, etc.. I think school is something that you will have to hold off on for a little while. Find a place to live, craigs list, apartments.com, newspaper, anywhere, you'll probably have to live with roommates but, considering your previous living conditions it shouldn't be too bad. You may even make friends with your roommates and their friends perhaps, this is a good way to start a new life without your parents.
As for school, it depends on the school you currently attend is it a state, public, or private university? Considerable amounts of loans and or grants can be given to single non-dependent students. You may be able to live off of loans for all 4 years of school if you decide to not work. JC's are also a possibility, tuition is super cheap and you will definitely have time for a part time job to pay for your living expenses. By next August you should have some money saved from working and hopefully you will have a decent place to stay and managable transportation to and from school/work.
I know that this is overly simplified and definitely IMHO, so good luck and keep us updated.
Chaotic42
Lifer
- Jun 15, 2001
- 34,787
- 1,968
- 126
I'm about as non-Asian as it gets, so I can't understand some of your reasoning. It's not my place to tell you to do something that is apparently so counterculture.
My opinion is that you need to dress yourself up a bit, borrow the clothes if you need, and head down to the local Air Force/Navy/Army/Marine (in that order) Recruiting Station. Listen to the recruiter, but remember to get everything in writing. Go for computers, or whatever interests you. Tell him you want to ship ASAP.
Even if you only go in for four years, that will give you a stable platform upon which to really decide what to do. College? Regular job? Military career?
Not much is more honorable than serving your country, so it's not like you'll be shaming your family. The military will give you 3 meals, a bed, training in important skills, and some discipline. Just remember that your TI/Drill Seargent is a jerk to everyone. Try not to take it personally.
My opinion is that you need to dress yourself up a bit, borrow the clothes if you need, and head down to the local Air Force/Navy/Army/Marine (in that order) Recruiting Station. Listen to the recruiter, but remember to get everything in writing. Go for computers, or whatever interests you. Tell him you want to ship ASAP.
Even if you only go in for four years, that will give you a stable platform upon which to really decide what to do. College? Regular job? Military career?
Not much is more honorable than serving your country, so it's not like you'll be shaming your family. The military will give you 3 meals, a bed, training in important skills, and some discipline. Just remember that your TI/Drill Seargent is a jerk to everyone. Try not to take it personally.
rh71
No Lifer
- Aug 28, 2001
- 52,844
- 1,049
- 126
While I detest your parents just from your stories, I have a lot of questions as to what brings this stuff on... but I'll try to restrain myself...
The worst part: your dad beats you, not just hit... he beats you
2nd worst part: you bring this upon when you admittedly first "yell back" and confront them, all the while knowing he will beat you
Assumption: they're not drunks and will not beat you if unprovoked (sorry I sound blameful and heartless - but that seems to be the case to me - please correct me if I'm wrong)
Given the fact you are in an Asian household, there are a few things to consider...
You should've learned by now that the ownership they've taken upon you restricts the things you can and cannot do/say around their house. They didn't let you stray from the school routine much so you're stuck depending on them. It's an unfortunate circumstance that you can't fight through the excessive nagging and constant nitpicking like a lot of asian kids have/do. You say that you "are only human" and can only stand so much. Whatever the case, DON'T FVKCING YELL BACK IF YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET HIT. I'm not condoning physical discipline by any means, but if you know the triggers, don't provoke it. In fact, do things to avoid it - like clean up before they see the mess, etc. It may be a moot point now anyway...
You've probably heard people in other threads say that if you don't like it at home with parents, move out. In this situation where you have next to nothing, it's tough to get out there on your own. The armed forces idea is the best one for you at this point. It's not a bad idea for stable kids with no direction, and it's certainly not a bad idea for someone who is mentally without a place. They will set your mind back on course if nothing else.
The worst part: your dad beats you, not just hit... he beats you
2nd worst part: you bring this upon when you admittedly first "yell back" and confront them, all the while knowing he will beat you
Assumption: they're not drunks and will not beat you if unprovoked (sorry I sound blameful and heartless - but that seems to be the case to me - please correct me if I'm wrong)
Given the fact you are in an Asian household, there are a few things to consider...
You should've learned by now that the ownership they've taken upon you restricts the things you can and cannot do/say around their house. They didn't let you stray from the school routine much so you're stuck depending on them. It's an unfortunate circumstance that you can't fight through the excessive nagging and constant nitpicking like a lot of asian kids have/do. You say that you "are only human" and can only stand so much. Whatever the case, DON'T FVKCING YELL BACK IF YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET HIT. I'm not condoning physical discipline by any means, but if you know the triggers, don't provoke it. In fact, do things to avoid it - like clean up before they see the mess, etc. It may be a moot point now anyway...
You've probably heard people in other threads say that if you don't like it at home with parents, move out. In this situation where you have next to nothing, it's tough to get out there on your own. The armed forces idea is the best one for you at this point. It's not a bad idea for stable kids with no direction, and it's certainly not a bad idea for someone who is mentally without a place. They will set your mind back on course if nothing else.
Well, if you learn to love S&M then everything will be alright.
Just kidding. Seriously though. If i was in your situation I would go home. say sorry, go to your room and have less interaction with them in your everyday life as possible. If that doesn't work Come back and post a follow up and we'll think of something else.
Just kidding. Seriously though. If i was in your situation I would go home. say sorry, go to your room and have less interaction with them in your everyday life as possible. If that doesn't work Come back and post a follow up and we'll think of something else.
Azraele
Elite Member
- Nov 5, 2000
- 16,524
- 29
- 91
Even if you're disobedient, your parents have no excuse to beat you. None.
I think the best you can do is try to gain your feet and get away from them. That's going to take some serious planning and sacrifice.
If you're leaving, you'll need to get your things. If you can, take a friend with you. Going in there alone might not be a good idea.
Take heart. The road ahead is rough, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I think the best you can do is try to gain your feet and get away from them. That's going to take some serious planning and sacrifice.
If you're leaving, you'll need to get your things. If you can, take a friend with you. Going in there alone might not be a good idea.
Take heart. The road ahead is rough, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I kind of wonder what the real situation is like too. What is bringing on these situations? I just want to make sure it's not like the following:
Mom: Are you playing with the Playstation again? You play too much! You should study more to bring up your grades so you can get a good job. The economy is not good you know.
GG: Stop nagging me! I'll study when I want to! Jesus Christ! Just leave me the fvck alone!
Mom: I'm just trying to be helpful...
GG: I said, "Shut the fvck up and leave me alone! I'm only human and I just can't take this any more! You are the worst parents in the world!".
Dad: Don't talk to your mom like that! We give everything for you and this is what we get in return?
GG: <<Rolls his eyes>>
Dad: Don't look at me like that!!! <<Picks up a newspaper and throws it at GG>>
GG: Don't hit me!!!! You stupid ignorant fvcking bastard!!!
Dad: Goddamn it! Get out of my house!! Get out now!!! <<Picks up baseball bat and chases after GG>>
GG: <<Runs away from the house with no shoes>>
Mom: Are you playing with the Playstation again? You play too much! You should study more to bring up your grades so you can get a good job. The economy is not good you know.
GG: Stop nagging me! I'll study when I want to! Jesus Christ! Just leave me the fvck alone!
Mom: I'm just trying to be helpful...
GG: I said, "Shut the fvck up and leave me alone! I'm only human and I just can't take this any more! You are the worst parents in the world!".
Dad: Don't talk to your mom like that! We give everything for you and this is what we get in return?
GG: <<Rolls his eyes>>
Dad: Don't look at me like that!!! <<Picks up a newspaper and throws it at GG>>
GG: Don't hit me!!!! You stupid ignorant fvcking bastard!!!
Dad: Goddamn it! Get out of my house!! Get out now!!! <<Picks up baseball bat and chases after GG>>
GG: <<Runs away from the house with no shoes>>
wait til they go to work tomorrow. break in and take as much as you can and never look back.
edit; if your situation is exactly the way you say. i however, do not condone this action.
edit; if your situation is exactly the way you say. i however, do not condone this action.
dude you don't get it do you? They are trying to maintain an asian way of life. they want everything good for you so you can succeed. They don't want to have your life as an american way, where after 18 you leave and college is based all on loans and you have to do everything on your own. Your parents are trying to help you. How do i know this? Because i'm asian and i going throught exactly what's happening to you but instead of revolting and running away, i prove to my parents that i am succeed throught my grades, personality, and the way i act in front of them.
You cannot solve a problem by running away from it.
1. Call and tell them you are OK
2. Set up a time and netural place where you and your parents can talk this out with a third party present ( see #4).
3. Use the assets of the school you are attending.
4. If the school cannot help talk to the psychologist about setting up a meeting between you and your parents.
1. Call and tell them you are OK
2. Set up a time and netural place where you and your parents can talk this out with a third party present ( see #4).
3. Use the assets of the school you are attending.
4. If the school cannot help talk to the psychologist about setting up a meeting between you and your parents.
they are probably worried sick by now. They will probably give him much more room than he had before because of this. well, hopefully.
Despite their flaws (which all parents have), Asian parents are really good. I actually prefer many aspects of the asian family upbringing over what I've heard from non-asian families.
Jeff7
Lifer
- Jan 4, 2001
- 41,596
- 20
- 81
They are beating you, and threatening you. Verbal and physical assault I'd say. Spanking people, I've got no problem with that, as long as it's used with restraint. Kids should know that their parents are the ones in control. But in this case, they've lost control of themselves. My own mother used to be the kind to get really pissed off - she picked up her lightning temper from her father. There were a few fights between my parents (shouting only, never any hitting between them, ever) over the disciplinary actions, usually with my father taking the more lenient side, in mine (and my sister's) defense. Yes, we were wrong sometimes, but it rarely was anything to warrant a hit. Her temper did, over time, get much better. She doesn't blow up anymore.
Tempers can be controlled, but she had the advantage of a "damper" - my dad. For you, it sounds like there's no contrast between the parents. They see themselves as being in control, and you are just the kid who doesn't know how things are, and they want it to stay that way. At a point like that, I'd say that it's a good time to bring in help of your own.
And no, asking for help with something like this is not pathetic. You don't deserve this treatment the way you are talking. Something like grades, or watching TV you say can set them off? Maybe if your grades are low, yeah, consequences of some sort, like severe restrictions on some activity you enjoy - for me, it always entailed no computer time for a number of days. It was enough for me. You seem like you've got a sense of decency, and a desire to do the right thing. You're approaching adulthood now; yes, you can make mistakes. Hitting is not required to get a point across. In my view, physical violence is generally the "solution" used when having a REAL solution is simply too much work.
Hope I didn't repeat myself anywhere in there; I do that sometimes. I unfortunately can't make any good suggestions that haven't been made already as to exactly who to go to for help. I doubt your parents would be accepting to the idea that THEY go to a counselor, especially if you are the one to suggest it, as they don't seem to take your point of view to heart very easily. Someone from outside the family is likely needed, for an outside viewpoint.
AgaBoogaBoo
Lifer
- Feb 16, 2003
- 26,108
- 5
- 81
Seriously, I think I have a few suggestions.
First, go to a church and talk with someone for some time. Find out if you can live with someone for some time in exchange for work around the house. After doing this for maybe a week or two, get information about joining the army or go out and get a job. Save up money until the point where you can buy a used car and rent out an apartment and pay all bills like water, gas, electricity, etc.
If I was in your position, I'd go to church and find a way to get into the army ASAP.
First, go to a church and talk with someone for some time. Find out if you can live with someone for some time in exchange for work around the house. After doing this for maybe a week or two, get information about joining the army or go out and get a job. Save up money until the point where you can buy a used car and rent out an apartment and pay all bills like water, gas, electricity, etc.
If I was in your position, I'd go to church and find a way to get into the army ASAP.
Yup....Asian parents. I have Chinese parents myself and I would get whipped and beat sometimes when I was young. But this was when I was an ass and I didn't behave. I needed discipline. Now that I'm getting close to 21, my dad doesn't do that anymore. He tells me that he has done all he can to raise me right and when I turned 18 I became my own man. He doesn't discipline me anymore because I'm an adult now. I have to figure out things on my own and my dad/mom can only offer me advice. I've heard some kids (like this one) who can't stand it anymore. The stories I've heard were unbelievable. It was like jail to some of my friends and they ran away cause they couldn't take it. Sometimes Asian parents are TOO controlling when they don't know it. It can drive anyone crazy. Luckily, my parents weren't like that. They were understanding. And plus, my dad was in the Vietnam war, so he knew what it was like to live through a hard life. My dad also said that he wouldn't mind if I joined the military when I was still in high school. He said it was straighten me out and you'll come out a responsible young man. We're all praying for you IDoNotKnow. Pray to God that this all works out.
Geez, I'm asian too but my family was never like this. (just want everyone to know that not all asians grow up like this 
)
Anyways, if I were you I would wait til they are not home (don't you know their schedule by now? do they work? etc?) and go home and get your shoes, some clothes, your ID, SS card, any money they may have in the house (that's the least u can take from them for what they have done to you). And try to get a job on your own. Ask your friend if you can stay with him while you get your feet on the ground, and that you will pay him back when you are able to. It seriously cannot be that hard to go into the house when they are not home right? Or just when your dad is not home...I can't imagine that a grown man lets his mom beat him too?
And I think it's really weird that you are 18+ and you still let your dad do this to you. Are you small and scrawny? If not, you should really stand up to him. Or even call the police on him. He needs a wake up call and you need to stop being scared of him.
Lastly, do you have any family you can turn to? Even though they are related to your parents it does not mean they agree with what they are doing and since they are related to you they might be more willing to help you out. You should have a better feeling of which of your relatives would be against your parent's behavior and ask them for help. And you should have no shame of coming to them, family is family. I know if I was in your family's situation I would know who I could trust and go to. Hopefully you do too.
If all else fails, do go back, and do get beat (with the knowledge that this will be one of the last times) Lay low but while you are living in their house, start finding out what you can do to get recruited into the Army and start working towards that. As a lot of people already suggested I think this is a good option for you.
)Anyways, if I were you I would wait til they are not home (don't you know their schedule by now? do they work? etc?) and go home and get your shoes, some clothes, your ID, SS card, any money they may have in the house (that's the least u can take from them for what they have done to you). And try to get a job on your own. Ask your friend if you can stay with him while you get your feet on the ground, and that you will pay him back when you are able to. It seriously cannot be that hard to go into the house when they are not home right? Or just when your dad is not home...I can't imagine that a grown man lets his mom beat him too?
And I think it's really weird that you are 18+ and you still let your dad do this to you. Are you small and scrawny? If not, you should really stand up to him. Or even call the police on him. He needs a wake up call and you need to stop being scared of him.
Lastly, do you have any family you can turn to? Even though they are related to your parents it does not mean they agree with what they are doing and since they are related to you they might be more willing to help you out. You should have a better feeling of which of your relatives would be against your parent's behavior and ask them for help. And you should have no shame of coming to them, family is family. I know if I was in your family's situation I would know who I could trust and go to. Hopefully you do too.
If all else fails, do go back, and do get beat (with the knowledge that this will be one of the last times) Lay low but while you are living in their house, start finding out what you can do to get recruited into the Army and start working towards that. As a lot of people already suggested I think this is a good option for you.
Wow, this sucks, but with all due respect, this is a crossroad. This is where great people are made, step up to the plate and provide for yourself and build your life the way you want.
I dont really know what Asian has to do with it but if my parents hit me..... Id hit my dad back (but they dont so whatever).
I feel sorry for your hurting but its really time to grow a pair and get your ass into gear. Dont feel sorry for yourself, just use the anger to boost yourself.....
Good luck...
I dont really know what Asian has to do with it but if my parents hit me..... Id hit my dad back (but they dont so whatever).
I feel sorry for your hurting but its really time to grow a pair and get your ass into gear. Dont feel sorry for yourself, just use the anger to boost yourself.....
Good luck...
I am sure that this turmoil will make you a stronger and wiser person.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best.
I would like to know where you are. Nothing specific, but just what state you are in. If you are in, say.. California, there is very little I can do to help you. But if oyu are on the East Coast, I there are a few options I can offer.
As a parent, I will say that NO child should be beaten and made to feel useless. Not to say I dont believe in spanking, cause I do, but beating is wrong. I will not pretend to understand the asain culture, cause I am clueless.
But let me know where you are. I am sure there are loads of ppl willing to help you out. But I, for one, cannot do anything unless I have a general idea on where you are.
and btw, try boystown.
As a parent, I will say that NO child should be beaten and made to feel useless. Not to say I dont believe in spanking, cause I do, but beating is wrong. I will not pretend to understand the asain culture, cause I am clueless.
But let me know where you are. I am sure there are loads of ppl willing to help you out. But I, for one, cannot do anything unless I have a general idea on where you are.
and btw, try boystown.
sygyzy
Lifer
- Oct 21, 2000
- 14,001
- 4
- 76
A few points I'd like to make.
First of all, all you asian kids who are actually surprised that this goes on, I'd bet you are probably third or fourth generation. Once asian parents become Americanized or born here, they adopt less strict rules and enforcement. But what surprises me is that some of you actually are surprised by this. As if you sit there scratching your heads saying "I had no idea this was going on!" I mean...really?
All the advice about seeking revenge or retaliating is not going to work. You wonder why IDK is saying he does not want to hurt his parents in any way. The reason is what this all boils down to - respect. In the asian culture, respect rules above all else. In fact there are even special titles when greeting elders. It sounds odd but in a way I think when the system works (and it can), it is very effective. Having respect is important and it spills over to other parts of your life, such as how you treat women, coworkers, etc.
Why is everyone saying that he is getting *beaten*? I did read all the pages but don't remember this aspect. Did he say he was BEAT? I seriously doubt it. Spanking, feather duster wooden handle, thrown slipper. Those are common asian parents' arsenal. To say beat, one conjures up images of Rodney King. I think OP should clarify. Using the word *beat* has everyone up in arms.
I will say that I can totally understand what he is going through. The way I dealed with it was very unique. I just stopped talking to my parents. I ate meals alone when they went to sleep. I always left any chance I got, even if it's just sit at a friend's house to watch tv. I didn't do anything that would upset them. This started in high school, long after the spankings stopped, but the verbal abuse was still rampant. I also tried my best never to ask them for anything. I am talking within reason. Sure I still ate and had clothes but in terms of going out, etc.
The result? Now I have a very strong independent mindset. It hurts me to ask my parents for anything, because I feel no attachment to them. I still have the same practice of avoiding them when I go home to visit. I don't ask them for a dime. In fact they ask me for money. I graduated from college, work full time, and have lots of nice things.
And as a poster said in a previous page, now my parents regret it all. They are not getting any younger and now they don't have the relationship with their son that they see their friends or people on TV having.
Long blurb. My advice, either move out and never contact them again, or go home and suck it up until you can get the hell out of Dodge. I will tell you this though. If you handle it the way I did, you will have to live with never having a normal relationship with your parents. I regret it, but I can't really just flip a switch and be all lovey dovey with them. Emotions don't work that way.
First of all, all you asian kids who are actually surprised that this goes on, I'd bet you are probably third or fourth generation. Once asian parents become Americanized or born here, they adopt less strict rules and enforcement. But what surprises me is that some of you actually are surprised by this. As if you sit there scratching your heads saying "I had no idea this was going on!" I mean...really?
All the advice about seeking revenge or retaliating is not going to work. You wonder why IDK is saying he does not want to hurt his parents in any way. The reason is what this all boils down to - respect. In the asian culture, respect rules above all else. In fact there are even special titles when greeting elders. It sounds odd but in a way I think when the system works (and it can), it is very effective. Having respect is important and it spills over to other parts of your life, such as how you treat women, coworkers, etc.
Why is everyone saying that he is getting *beaten*? I did read all the pages but don't remember this aspect. Did he say he was BEAT? I seriously doubt it. Spanking, feather duster wooden handle, thrown slipper. Those are common asian parents' arsenal. To say beat, one conjures up images of Rodney King. I think OP should clarify. Using the word *beat* has everyone up in arms.
I will say that I can totally understand what he is going through. The way I dealed with it was very unique. I just stopped talking to my parents. I ate meals alone when they went to sleep. I always left any chance I got, even if it's just sit at a friend's house to watch tv. I didn't do anything that would upset them. This started in high school, long after the spankings stopped, but the verbal abuse was still rampant. I also tried my best never to ask them for anything. I am talking within reason. Sure I still ate and had clothes but in terms of going out, etc.
The result? Now I have a very strong independent mindset. It hurts me to ask my parents for anything, because I feel no attachment to them. I still have the same practice of avoiding them when I go home to visit. I don't ask them for a dime. In fact they ask me for money. I graduated from college, work full time, and have lots of nice things.
And as a poster said in a previous page, now my parents regret it all. They are not getting any younger and now they don't have the relationship with their son that they see their friends or people on TV having.
Long blurb. My advice, either move out and never contact them again, or go home and suck it up until you can get the hell out of Dodge. I will tell you this though. If you handle it the way I did, you will have to live with never having a normal relationship with your parents. I regret it, but I can't really just flip a switch and be all lovey dovey with them. Emotions don't work that way.
TRENDING THREADS
-
Discussion Zen 5 Speculation (EPYC Turin and Strix Point/Granite Ridge - Ryzen 9000)- Started by DisEnchantment
- Replies: 25K
-
Discussion Intel Meteor, Arrow, Lunar & Panther Lakes + WCL Discussion Threads
- Started by Tigerick
- Replies: 22K
-
Discussion Intel current and future Lakes & Rapids thread- Started by TheF34RChannel
- Replies: 23K
-
News NVIDIA and Intel to Develop AI Infrastructure and Personal Computing Products- Started by poke01
- Replies: 403
-
Facebook
Twitter