Not, talking to idontknow, but hey, i know how you felt about your parents making you help out with the family business. Same thing happened to me, However, i began to see what they were doing and realized that my parents were too caught up in "family", "Culture", and bla bla bla (stupid asian beliefs) to care that i had a social life, and being a teenager, i also felt that i was important that i got to know people and actually work for others so i can have some kind of record that i have had previous jobs. Me helping out at my parent's restaurant lasted a short time, i now do still help them out whenever they need it (big parties resreved, etc.) but they understand. Sorry, just wanted to share that. . . .
Not, talking to idontknow, but hey, i know how you felt about your parents making you help out with the family business. Same thing happened to me, However, i began to see what they were doing and realized that my parents were too caught up in "family", "Culture", and bla bla bla (stupid asian beliefs) to care that i had a social life, and being a teenager, i also felt that i was important that i got to know people and actually work for others so i can have some kind of record that i have had previous jobs. Me helping out at my parent's restaurant lasted a short time, i now do still help them out whenever they need it (big parties resreved, etc.) but they understand. Sorry, just wanted to share that. . . .
Wow, I think you need to contact your local PD again, and have them transfer you to a lieutenant or a sergeant. That's crazy...make sure you tell the police that they'll be responsible if anything happens to you, since you already tried calling them. They won't really be responsible, but it mght, at the least, light a fire under someone's ass. Also, have the police give you the number of your local health and human services/foster care agency. The most important thing for you now is to get into a warm, friendly home environment.
rh71
No Lifer
- Aug 28, 2001
- 52,844
- 1,049
- 126
Ahh... helping with the family business... the other side of the Chinese coin.
My mom was 1 of 6 kids... when she was still back in HK with all her bros/sisters, her dad (my grandfather) cared only about his business and "forced" them all to help him out. As a result a couple didn't make much of their education at all and are struggling here now in the US financially as well. Fortunately, my mom made use of what education she got and is living well enough to have given me a pretty good upbringing.
The two extremes.
MrColin
Platinum Member
- May 21, 2003
- 2,403
- 3
- 81
The police can only help you when you want to report a particular incident of assault agianst you.
Make a copy of the extra key you used today, and like I said before try only to come home when your parents are asleep or at work, leave before they get up keep a bag packed with some non perishable food , maybe 2 meals, and a change of clothes & whatever else you might need for a quick evacuation of the house. Go to a bank and get your own account and get your money out of the joint account. Look for a job and get your paperwork in at the financial aid office at your school, update that to include student loans. Find someplace to live using those funds when they become available. Try to talk to your parents when you encounter them, without anger if possible, and tell them your plans. Instead of acting angry or making demands tell them that they are hurting you and that is why you need to leave.
PM me if you have any specific questions about how to achieve any of the above objectives, if you let people here know where you are they might offer you help in the form of rides or temporary lodging, don't be afraid.
Make a copy of the extra key you used today, and like I said before try only to come home when your parents are asleep or at work, leave before they get up keep a bag packed with some non perishable food , maybe 2 meals, and a change of clothes & whatever else you might need for a quick evacuation of the house. Go to a bank and get your own account and get your money out of the joint account. Look for a job and get your paperwork in at the financial aid office at your school, update that to include student loans. Find someplace to live using those funds when they become available. Try to talk to your parents when you encounter them, without anger if possible, and tell them your plans. Instead of acting angry or making demands tell them that they are hurting you and that is why you need to leave.
PM me if you have any specific questions about how to achieve any of the above objectives, if you let people here know where you are they might offer you help in the form of rides or temporary lodging, don't be afraid.
Felix De Cat, I am 100% certain that it is not he, Mr. Code Dude. From my recollection, he was still in high school as of this year. Generally, people older than 18 aren't in high school, except if their real ages were hidden from the schools. Also, he's White according to his statements.
Storm Rider, thanks for explaining what should have been obvious to some. You're the man!
I am at least 95% certain of who this is. You're the member who actively participates in parent related threads. However, from your past posts, you hardly indicated this much resentment. You did indicate that your parents had high expectations, but not this sign of assault/battery or anything like that. I suppose when you say you have no car, you are referring to the fact that the car you drove in the past was your parents'?
In any case, you are one of the few members I appreciate. I'm sorry about your situation. Here's the deal, for which I will not disclose your identity: Seek help in real life. From your update, it appears you have began seeking help. But wandering the streets is not the way to do it. I can understand though since you've described yourself as one who isn't fond of people. . . . What about your sibling? Have you tried to get refuge from him? Or is he as well a struggling student too poor to help you in any way? What about emotional support from your sibling? Or does he support your parents' views? You sounded so scared of your parents as if you were a minor under their spell. So I suppose contacting your relatives would be again putting you at the mercy of your parents? I guess it's moments like this that we come to realise the essence of friendship. Here's what I'll say: Sit down, ponder for a while, not under the spell of your parents. Then muster courage and speak to them. Take the courage to stand up for yourself, list things you resent that they have done to you. Speak angrily if you must. When you're done with that, I'm sure there's one thing you appreciate about them, say it. Then make it clear to them that under no circumstances will you accept that kind of behaviour if they lay a finger on you. Make clear what the consequences will be, such as charges of battery/assault if that should happen again.
You have to be able to wear courage in times like this and make the best of life. If you don't start with your parents and family, you won't be able to do it in the real world. Generally, when you step your foot down, even immigrant parents start to respect you and treat you better. However, if you cannot work things out with them, leave the expensive school you're in and go to a community college . . . well, I guess that wouldn't work for you since you've probably finished or are about to finish your GE courses. Try loans . . . you asked about that before, but speak to your advisor. Explain your circumstance and ask what options you have. You won't be able to get anything if you don't ask. As someone once said, the key to success in the USA is information. As others suggested, try non-profit organisations. If you know what available resources there are, then you are on your way to success with will power.
You're a cool person and I really wish the best for you. It's obvious from your past posts that you have never learned to be independent and still see yourself as the little kid depending upon his parents. Just calm down first and think. Using your past posts, I would think there's more story to it as far as why you have reacted this way and are so resentful . . . I mean a particular incident that led to this climax. Best of luck!
P.S.: How do you get access to the 'net? Through school, library, what? Has this whole thing affected your academic performance? I mean, how are you able to study, since this is still school time?
Storm Rider, thanks for explaining what should have been obvious to some. You're the man!
I am at least 95% certain of who this is. You're the member who actively participates in parent related threads. However, from your past posts, you hardly indicated this much resentment. You did indicate that your parents had high expectations, but not this sign of assault/battery or anything like that. I suppose when you say you have no car, you are referring to the fact that the car you drove in the past was your parents'?
In any case, you are one of the few members I appreciate. I'm sorry about your situation. Here's the deal, for which I will not disclose your identity: Seek help in real life. From your update, it appears you have began seeking help. But wandering the streets is not the way to do it. I can understand though since you've described yourself as one who isn't fond of people. . . . What about your sibling? Have you tried to get refuge from him? Or is he as well a struggling student too poor to help you in any way? What about emotional support from your sibling? Or does he support your parents' views? You sounded so scared of your parents as if you were a minor under their spell. So I suppose contacting your relatives would be again putting you at the mercy of your parents? I guess it's moments like this that we come to realise the essence of friendship. Here's what I'll say: Sit down, ponder for a while, not under the spell of your parents. Then muster courage and speak to them. Take the courage to stand up for yourself, list things you resent that they have done to you. Speak angrily if you must. When you're done with that, I'm sure there's one thing you appreciate about them, say it. Then make it clear to them that under no circumstances will you accept that kind of behaviour if they lay a finger on you. Make clear what the consequences will be, such as charges of battery/assault if that should happen again.
You have to be able to wear courage in times like this and make the best of life. If you don't start with your parents and family, you won't be able to do it in the real world. Generally, when you step your foot down, even immigrant parents start to respect you and treat you better. However, if you cannot work things out with them, leave the expensive school you're in and go to a community college . . . well, I guess that wouldn't work for you since you've probably finished or are about to finish your GE courses. Try loans . . . you asked about that before, but speak to your advisor. Explain your circumstance and ask what options you have. You won't be able to get anything if you don't ask. As someone once said, the key to success in the USA is information. As others suggested, try non-profit organisations. If you know what available resources there are, then you are on your way to success with will power.
You're a cool person and I really wish the best for you. It's obvious from your past posts that you have never learned to be independent and still see yourself as the little kid depending upon his parents. Just calm down first and think. Using your past posts, I would think there's more story to it as far as why you have reacted this way and are so resentful . . . I mean a particular incident that led to this climax. Best of luck!
P.S.: How do you get access to the 'net? Through school, library, what? Has this whole thing affected your academic performance? I mean, how are you able to study, since this is still school time?
I'm not sure if you left your parents house yet but you should make SURE you got everything you NEED. Since this will probably be the last time you sneak back in, take all the stuff you will need like ID, Social Security card, etc. and put it in a bag. Take warm clothes too! I say at least 2 bags worth of clothes and at least 2 pairs of shoes. Don't forget to pack some food that won't perish easily as well as water.
And although I understand that you are not very sociable, now is the time to break that barrier. You NEED to get in contact with someone in case of a desperate emergency or for some assistance. If you don't have anyone's # handy, I suggest you post your location like many have suggested before. That way anyone that lives near you can maybe give you their ph# for you to have handy. Now isn't the time to keep to yourself. You NEED help which is why you're here. And I don't mean just advice.
And although I understand that you are not very sociable, now is the time to break that barrier. You NEED to get in contact with someone in case of a desperate emergency or for some assistance. If you don't have anyone's # handy, I suggest you post your location like many have suggested before. That way anyone that lives near you can maybe give you their ph# for you to have handy. Now isn't the time to keep to yourself. You NEED help which is why you're here. And I don't mean just advice.
choosing to hide your identity is your right. but if you REALLY want help, it seems to me that you would reveal your identity. it's really difficult to give good advice based SOLELY on the info you have provided, if for NO other reason than because you have provided it at a very crucial juncture. things that you might have said when things weren't so bad are left unsaid.
again, it is your right to keep your identity hidden, but i'm curious as to why keeping your identity secret is so important where soo many more important things are happening in your life right now.
again, it is your right to keep your identity hidden, but i'm curious as to why keeping your identity secret is so important where soo many more important things are happening in your life right now.
remember he said he wasn't very sociable. i'm guessing it has to do with the way he has kept to himself.
mb i'm just being overly suspicious here, but it seems strange to me that he finds keeping his identity a secret soo important when there are so many more important issues at hand.
StageLeft
No Lifer
- Sep 29, 2000
- 70,150
- 5
- 0
I've not been in your position but I really think it's best to go home to your parents and just pretend that they are right, even if they are not. Don't try to get your point across because it seems that your mother is a bit of a bitch (laughing at you then leaving and whatever else). I would simply put that stuff behind you and live with them in peace as long as is necessary for you to complete your education and move out with money and a plan.
As you've now learned going outside with no education and money sucks. Doing it puts you a c*&* hair away from being a homeless wreck on the street or suicide victim. No matter what, you don't want that.
Go home and every time your parents are giving you crap and you hate it just take it and revel in the fact that your time will come when you can leave and say screw you, but do it properly when you have a plan and future. And for that you need your education.
Plus, it's possible that with time you'll see more eye to eye. Teenagers are communcatively (new word?) incompatible with adults, but you may in time learn to understand why they do what they do (unless they are just stupid poo poo heads!).
In the meantime suck it up and go home. The alternative is not good.
As you've now learned going outside with no education and money sucks. Doing it puts you a c*&* hair away from being a homeless wreck on the street or suicide victim. No matter what, you don't want that.
Go home and every time your parents are giving you crap and you hate it just take it and revel in the fact that your time will come when you can leave and say screw you, but do it properly when you have a plan and future. And for that you need your education.
Plus, it's possible that with time you'll see more eye to eye. Teenagers are communcatively (new word?) incompatible with adults, but you may in time learn to understand why they do what they do (unless they are just stupid poo poo heads!).
In the meantime suck it up and go home. The alternative is not good.
StageLeft
No Lifer
- Sep 29, 2000
- 70,150
- 5
- 0
Oh yeah, my point is moot if you're being physically abused. In that case call the police because your parents deserve it.
Also, if you have to leave now the armed forces recommendations are top-notch. It's definitely the best place for an 18 year old to go if they have to run away from home and don't want to bust their ass in burger king living in a basement apartment for the rest of their lives. The armed forces will take care of you and the future is not dead end. And they'll pay for you to get the hell away from the 'rents!
Also, if you have to leave now the armed forces recommendations are top-notch. It's definitely the best place for an 18 year old to go if they have to run away from home and don't want to bust their ass in burger king living in a basement apartment for the rest of their lives. The armed forces will take care of you and the future is not dead end. And they'll pay for you to get the hell away from the 'rents!
MrColin
Platinum Member
- May 21, 2003
- 2,403
- 3
- 81
The police told him to go find some cardboard, I know we all would like to think that help is just a phone call away, but what he needs is to fly the coop and start living independently. You can still go to college if you're independent of your parents, I did. You have to work about 30 hrs a week and maybe not finish as quickly and take loans, but it is doable.
There's no magic bullet for this and it will take years for him to resolve these issues. here are the steps to independence in outline form:
1. job
2. bank account
3. student loans
4. place to live
5. get ongoing counseling
6. sue the parents
There's no magic bullet for this and it will take years for him to resolve these issues. here are the steps to independence in outline form:
1. job
2. bank account
3. student loans
4. place to live
5. get ongoing counseling
6. sue the parents
DanTMWTMP
Lifer
- Oct 7, 2001
- 15,908
- 19
- 81
i've been lurking this thread for awhile so now time to respond...
YGPM..
it's a long shot, but you said you're asian (and the last ATOT meet, 90% of 'em were asian lol)...so there's a good chance you live in so. cal.
so....if you live in so. cal...i can probably hook u up w/ some support...
i have korean parents and they were strict when i was little, but now they're pretty lenient..i'm really sorry to hear what you go through, and I understand that you do not want any harm to them...but i'll tell you this, if there is no closure btwn you and your parents now, u'll regret it forever after they die (as in when you get older and you're over 40-50+...)
it'll be just harder to talk to them over time...
so somehow, somehow you have to talk to them and clear things up....and i remember my dad despised me crying and such..he wanted me to grow up to be a strong man, and i'm sure that's the case w/ a lot of korean parents.....so try showing some courage, but don't show you're going against them in any way...but i'm sure you already know that.
YGPM..
it's a long shot, but you said you're asian (and the last ATOT meet, 90% of 'em were asian lol)...so there's a good chance you live in so. cal.
so....if you live in so. cal...i can probably hook u up w/ some support...
i have korean parents and they were strict when i was little, but now they're pretty lenient..i'm really sorry to hear what you go through, and I understand that you do not want any harm to them...but i'll tell you this, if there is no closure btwn you and your parents now, u'll regret it forever after they die (as in when you get older and you're over 40-50+...)
it'll be just harder to talk to them over time...
so somehow, somehow you have to talk to them and clear things up....and i remember my dad despised me crying and such..he wanted me to grow up to be a strong man, and i'm sure that's the case w/ a lot of korean parents.....so try showing some courage, but don't show you're going against them in any way...but i'm sure you already know that.
Pepsei
Lifer
- Dec 14, 2001
- 12,895
- 1
- 0
You watch out for luvly, she outed a few people's identity in the past.
As for Asian style parenting, my parents stop hitting me after sixth grade, but back then, even the teachers hit you.
I'm glad we moved to USA after that... no more spanking, and my parents gave me the chance to experience American education. From reading all the advices, I think you should go home, try to avoid any interactions with your parents, finish school and leave. You don't want to be another statistic.
As for Asian style parenting, my parents stop hitting me after sixth grade, but back then, even the teachers hit you.
I'm glad we moved to USA after that... no more spanking, and my parents gave me the chance to experience American education. From reading all the advices, I think you should go home, try to avoid any interactions with your parents, finish school and leave. You don't want to be another statistic.
"jeesh now I know why they attack you...get therapy soon. You are unstable my friend, chances are your parents have a WAY different take on this situation than you are portraying."
I was thinking the same thing, Alkemyst. It just sounds like a really weird story that would have to have been from extreme abuse case or similar. However, by his own admission even though he's been assaulted by his parents, it's not been severe cases. It's also rather odd that he hasn't mentioned seeking help from his sibling or family members, unless of course they always side with his parents and think he's got an issue.
Having uncovered his identity with now 99.99999999% assurance that it's he, I can understand his whole reaction. He's been on anti-depressant before and perhaps still is on it. Maybe his depression exacerbated his reaction to the incident in this case. In spite of that, I'm convinced that his parents' way of training has significantly affected his willingness and ability to fend for himself, speak up in circumstances such as this and handle the matter more maturely. I suspect he'll be back to normal soon, though. But I really do hope he starts to do things by himself to have some sense of independence.
Of course, the above is my opinion. Things seem to be getting better for him now that he's a little more relaxed, so good for him!
I was thinking the same thing, Alkemyst. It just sounds like a really weird story that would have to have been from extreme abuse case or similar. However, by his own admission even though he's been assaulted by his parents, it's not been severe cases. It's also rather odd that he hasn't mentioned seeking help from his sibling or family members, unless of course they always side with his parents and think he's got an issue.
Having uncovered his identity with now 99.99999999% assurance that it's he, I can understand his whole reaction. He's been on anti-depressant before and perhaps still is on it. Maybe his depression exacerbated his reaction to the incident in this case. In spite of that, I'm convinced that his parents' way of training has significantly affected his willingness and ability to fend for himself, speak up in circumstances such as this and handle the matter more maturely. I suspect he'll be back to normal soon, though. But I really do hope he starts to do things by himself to have some sense of independence.
Of course, the above is my opinion. Things seem to be getting better for him now that he's a little more relaxed, so good for him!
You walked six miles in barefoot?
What I don't understand is why your friend didn't loan you a pair of shoes...
What I don't understand is why your friend didn't loan you a pair of shoes...
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