*UPDATE* Argument with the gf - Am I coldhearted?

LuckyTaxi

Diamond Member
Dec 24, 2000
6,044
23
81
Don't want to write out a whole story cuz I don't want to bore you guys.

Anyways, gf's sister and her husband (she's 16 and he's 20) just had a baby. Baby girl was born Tuesday evening and now there's the mad rush to buy the necessities. From what I've heard from her other sisters, they (the parents) got it all figured out. Their relatives/friends will be supplying their kid with items such as diapers, milk, cribs, strollers, etc... Nothing wrong with hand me downs, but there's something wrong when they are seeking welfare when the guy can actually work. He does work but he hasn't saved up money in the past 3 months when he actually has a job! It pisses me off knowing they plan to abuse the system and at the same time leech off of their closest relatives because they don't have money and aren't ready to be parents!!

So anyways, I got called twice to lend a hand. Mind you I was off because of the snow and wanted to run some errands. So i was called to go take the husband to the hospital, which I did, neglecting to go shopping for water for my own house. Tonight I get another call stating I needed to bring a carseat over ASAP. LIttle stuff like that bothers me because the guy doesn't drive and his wife is in the hospital until she's discharge tomorrow. I know for sure they'll call me to pick them up.

What bothers me is her (the gf) saying I'm coldhearted and I dont like her family. I dont because the dad doesnt want to do anything. I go over on the weekends and it's "Sam do this and Sam do that" hello, the man can drive but chooses not to do anything for his wife and I have to drive ppl around. So I told my gf no!

EDIT -

Spoke with the gf this morning on our commute to work and I told her how I really felt. Now, she along with some ppl think I may be coldhearted because I tried to shun them away for a simple ride to the hospital. But if you think about it, first it starts with a ride, then it's buying clothes for the baby once she grows out of it, next it's paying for food. It will never stop. Personally, I feel bad for the baby and the grandmother. The baby is too young to know anything, but I wonder if she'll feel ashame knowing her parents counted on others to raise her. As for the grandmother she should be working but she's not. Now her job is to take care of her grand daughter. Just yesterday she went out and bought a blanket for her, but I found out later the baby has NO CLOTHES!!!! What the hospital gives you isn't enough so obviously you would need more sets. As for the parents, they have no money and are depending heavily on others including my gf. We're going out to Target after work to pick up a couple set of baby clothes. That's where I draw the line. I figure I will help her out initially, but don't come to me for anything else.

Geekbabe - I know where you're coming from, but I am really pissed off knowing that these two planned this out. They dated for less than a year and got married because she got pregnant, but had a miscarriage. Yet they tried again!!! I'm not saying to throw your kids out the house if something like this happens, but it does start with the parents. Her parents do not know how to raise her kids. It's no wonder the three youngest kids are overweight. The 10 year old girl is over 100lbs, the 7 year old boy if 145lbs and the little 6 y/o is 90lbs.

As for me and the lady, I'm staying in this relationship. I've tried my best to avoid seeing the family, and once I start making more money and saving what we can, we'll move far far away.

BTW ... the guy doesnt drive because he can't pass the initial exam (he can't read that well). :confused:
 

Feldenak

Lifer
Jan 31, 2003
14,090
2
81
Your girlfriend's 16 year old sister and husband just had a baby?

Christ, where do you live? West Virginia?
 

amoeba

Diamond Member
Aug 7, 2003
3,162
1
0
well, it depends on how long you've been dating.

What is a 16 year old doing married to a 20 year old anyways? let alone having a baby.

In my opinion, if you don't want to help, its not such a big deal. Not like you are married
 

Kelvrick

Lifer
Feb 14, 2001
18,422
5
81
Originally posted by: lilcam
Don't want to write out a whole story cuz I don't want to bore you guys.

Anyways, gf's sister and her husband (she's 16 and he's 20) just had a baby. Baby girl was born Tuesday evening and now there's the mad rush to buy the necessities. From what I've heard from her other sisters, they (the parents) got it all figured out. Their relatives/friends will be supplying their kid with items such as diapers, milk, cribs, strollers, etc... Nothing wrong with hand me downs, but there's something wrong when they are seeking welfare when the guy can actually work. He does work but he hasn't saved up money in the past 3 months when he actually has a job! It pisses me off knowing they plan to abuse the system and at the same time leech off of their closest relatives because they don't have money and aren't ready to be parents!!

So anyways, I got called twice to lend a hand. Mind you I was off because of the snow and wanted to run some errands. So i was called to go take the husband to the hospital, which I did, neglecting to go shopping for water for my own house. Tonight I get another call stating I needed to bring a carseat over ASAP. LIttle stuff like that bothers me because the guy doesn't drive and his wife is in the hospital until she's discharge tomorrow. I know for sure they'll call me to pick them up.

What bothers me is her (the gf) saying I'm coldhearted and I dont like her family. I dont because the dad doesnt want to do anything. I go over on the weekends and it's "Sam do this and Sam do that" hello, the man can drive but chooses not to do anything for his wife and I have to drive ppl around. So I told my gf no!

I'd be the same way.

I personally dispise my gf's sister's boyfriend and refer to him as the "loser." My gf's old best friend is referred to as the "b1tch." You know, conversations like.

Her: Honey, wanna coem to my house for thanksgiving dinner?
me: Is Loser going to be there?
Her: No
Me: Sure, I'll come.

You're a little cold, but nothing too bad. She's just too soft cuzz she's a woman.

EDIT: WTF?! She's 16?
 

murphy55d

Lifer
Dec 26, 2000
11,542
5
81
Don't be their errand boy. Tell them to fsck off, you have your own things to worry about. If your gf doesn't see and admit they're taking advantage of you, maybe you should re-think your status with her.
 

Encryptic

Diamond Member
May 21, 2003
8,885
0
0
It sounds like they're basically expecting a free ride from everyone, you included. I wouldn't feel guilty about refusing to go along with it, even if your GF tries to claim you're being cold-hearted.

Her sister should have kept her fscking legs closed in the first place.
rolleye.gif
 

ohtwell

Lifer
Jan 6, 2002
14,516
9
81
The fact that a 16 year old married a 20 year old, and they've just had a baby, bothers me. That's not the point of the thread though. I don't think you are cold hearted. I think that you have taken enough crap from them.


: ) Amanda
 

ElFenix

Elite Member
Super Moderator
Mar 20, 2000
102,393
8,552
126
Originally posted by: oniq
Originally posted by: ElFenix
Originally posted by: oniq
Shouldn't he be arrested by now?

what for?

Hes 20, shes 16. Not legal, though I guess it depends on state laws...

it's legal to have sex with your wife in every state in the union
 

Ketteringo

Banned
Feb 2, 2002
4,302
0
0
Sounds like her family is pretty FUBAR. You definitely arent cold hearted. If I were you I would take your GF and move as far away from her family as possible.

If they arent going to be responsible for themselves, why should you be responsible for them?
 

digitalsm

Diamond Member
Jul 11, 2003
5,253
0
0
You are not cold hearted. You are smart.

I'd trying and do as little as possible. It will eventually cause your relationship to fail, but that would be because your girlfriend is a dumbass.
 

waggy

No Lifer
Dec 14, 2000
68,143
10
81
Nope you are not cold hearted. you aren't the one who got her knocked up.

I have kinda the same problem with my wife's family. they keep wanting me and my wife to do stuff for them. Not just moving stuff but financially (we have a good amount of money and income). heck her mother wanted us to co-sign on a car for them about a year ago. now they are filling for bankruptcy! bah!

My wife gets mad because i always say no. There is no reason why her mother cant get a job (she has 2 degrees. one in child care and one as a vet). I dint mind lending people money if they are in trouble. but she refuses to help herself. so why the fvuck should i?

stick to your guns. If you start giving in for everything they will expect it.
 

digitalsm

Diamond Member
Jul 11, 2003
5,253
0
0
Originally posted by: ElFenix
Originally posted by: oniq
Originally posted by: ElFenix
Originally posted by: oniq
Shouldn't he be arrested by now?

what for?

Hes 20, shes 16. Not legal, though I guess it depends on state laws...

it's legal to have sex with your wife in every state in the union

I would take a guess she got preggo then got married. Though she could be in a state where the legal age is 16.
 

MystikMango

Senior member
Jan 8, 2004
367
0
0
Stand your ground now while you still can.

Don't make the mistake of getting further involved with this family, time to move on.

One man's brutality is another man's efficiency.--> quote, but I forget who
 

CaseTragedy

Platinum Member
Oct 24, 2000
2,690
0
0
no, you are not coldhearted. that opinion might change depending on their side of the story though.
 

freakflag

Diamond Member
Mar 22, 2001
3,951
1
71
I think you made the right move. If you don't nip that sh!t in the bud right away, the next thing you know they'll be calling you up in the middle of the night to check the tire pressure on their house because their crack pipe keeps rolling off the coffee table.
 

LuckyTaxi

Diamond Member
Dec 24, 2000
6,044
23
81
oh ... i'm really starting to rethink this relationship. even my mom is mad and tells me i deserve better. why i still stay with her i dont know.

Asian traditions are all fvcked up if you ask me. I'm sorry if I offend the other asian ppl on this board. I'm not saying all asian, but I've seen enough especially dealing with this personally and seeing my cousins going through the same sh!t before. They got married a little over a year ago after they thought she was pregnant. I think she had a miscarriage or something. So, then I heard these two were trying to get pregnant but couldnt because he kept smoking that herb or whatever he was on. Now she actually got pregnant and they'll be messed up cuz I know damn well the girl's mother will be taking care of that kid. The 16 y/o doesnt know any better.

The guy stated awhile back that his kid would be getting a free ride from welfare. Thats cool and all if you really need it, but to abuse it and not work because you get "free" money aint coo.

and what's messed up is her mom keeps saying we make lots of money and we should contribute some to her monthly. this woman is in her mid 30s and needs to freakign work!!! my mom is in her 40s and she's working like every other folks! why should she be any different. I can't imagine what it would be like if we were rich.
 

Ameesh

Lifer
Apr 3, 2001
23,686
1
0
if it were me i would break up with her (your GF) cause she has a bunch of hillbillys as family and i wouldn't want that in my family. I come to that conclusion as niether her nor her parents talk/beat some sense into a 16 year old for getting knocked up by a loser 20 year old and the marrying his loser ass and in my opinion anyone who wont stand up for their family and tell/make them do the right thing is suck0rz. so basically you are dating a screwed up person too and should just rid yourself of the whole miserable family and go have a beer
 

Rage187

Lifer
Dec 30, 2000
14,276
4
81
Dump your girlfriend, and for the love of god, please do NOT spread those genes she is caring.


The world has enough trailor trash as it is.
 

Ameesh

Lifer
Apr 3, 2001
23,686
1
0
Originally posted by: Rage187
Dump your girlfriend, and for the love of god, please do NOT spread those genes she is caring.


The world has enough trailor trash as it is.

hahaha wicked, same message, same time, 4:20

the stars were aligned for that one.


ps: you were too slow! BONG!
 

Shame

Platinum Member
Dec 28, 2001
2,730
0
71
Solution #1: Stop answering the phone.
Solution #2: Move.
Solution #3: Call the police! Most states (except in a few southern states) have 16 as the age of consent.