The things my customers say...

[highland145]

3 for today.

Customer comes in and says that her daughter went blind in one of her eyes. "She had a seizure behind the rectum of her eye and you know those rectums don't heal." Shitty deal if you ask me.

"I got a new great grand baby. He's fine but that naval cord was wrapped around his ankle."

"I'm gonna pay my husband's bill like a good Samarian."

Posted a few years back about a customer telling me how much she loved the fornicates at the local craft show. That would be funnel cakes to the rest of us.

 

[Ichinisan]

"rectal/rectum"

The Good Samaritan helped a complete stranger...not his spouse.

 

[mikeymikec]

"She had a seizure behind the rectum of her eye and you know those rectums don't heal."

Some people really need to get their head out of their arse!

 

[tynopik]

"rectal/rectum"

retina?

The Good Samaritan helped a complete stranger...not his spouse.

right, but what's a Samarian?

 

[IronWing]

"Is this couch stain resistant?"

"Yes ma'ma, it's been sodomized."

We think he confused Scotchguard with sanforized and then went down hill from there.

 

[highland145]

Another one that I posted a while back. Customer tells me her daughter is going to tech school to be a lobotomist. Good career choice, I say.

phlebotomist

 

[IronWing]

Another one that I posted a while back. Customer tells me her daughter is going to tech school to be a lobotomist. Good career choice, I say.

phlebotomist

I don't know. Lobotomy seems to be a pretty popular choice.

 

[highland145]

I don't know. Lobotomy seems to be a pretty popular choice.

Don't go all P&N on me. :colbert;

 

[BoomerD]

I don't know. Lobotomy seems to be a pretty popular choice.

Come on now...don't be a ballbearian...

 

[Svnla]

I know two guys. One is running a chain of small liquor stores (15-20) and another one is running a few C-stores (4-5) with check cashed and such plus a couple of full furnished/all bills paid weekly/monthly apartments/motels.

I did visit them a few times and it was amazed and sad at the same time to see the clients/customers. I believe the OP.

 

[shortylickens]

I remember hearing a guy say "Could we please stop the god damn blasphemy?"

 

[GagHalfrunt]

Things my customers say: "How much for two girls for the entire hour?"

 

[BD231]

" Yeah this guy didn't know what to do before you people would show up and ask him about sh*t and he was .... ummmm, he didn't uhhhh .... "

" Deligate ? "

" Yeah no definitely not that just contacting correct people and such "

" Mhm "

 

[Stopsignhank]

Not a customer but a guy at my work.

Me: Do you have a computer at home.

Him: No I don't have a computer, I have a laptop.

 

[Billb2]

Inability to use language correctly is going to be the downfall of western civilization.

When the stranger you're talking to pulls out a gun and shoots you, or the goof in Nothh Korea nukes us, it will likely be caused by a language issue.

 

[who?]

I remember hearing a guy say "Could we please stop the god damn blasphemy?"

That's an old joke.

 

[shortylickens]

That's an old joke.

he wasnt joking. he was angry about something I can no longer recall, and the rest of us were trying to ignore him.
He flipped out.

 

[highland145]

Inability to use language correctly is going to be the downfall of western civilization.

When the stranger you're talking to pulls out a gun and shoots you, or the goof in Nothh Korea nukes us, it will likely be caused by a language issue.

Damned texting....

I still have a flip phone.

 

[Sonikku]

Not a customer but a guy at my work.

Me: Do you have a computer at home.

Him: No I don't have a computer, I have a laptop.

My mother calls the desktop "the CPU".

 

[olds]

"rectal/rectum"

The Good Samaritan helped a complete stranger...not his spouse.

Rectum? Damn near killed him.

 

[Ichinisan]

My mother calls the desktop "the CPU".

Lots of people do, unfortunately. I went to an "introduction to microcomputers" class where that terminology was taught.

 

[Fanatical Meat]

My mother calls the desktop "the CPU".

My Father calls it "the hard drive"

 

[Fanatical Meat]

"rectal/rectum"

The Good Samaritan helped a complete stranger...not his spouse.

Interesting fact, Samaritans were known as pretty dastardly people. So dastardly finding a "good" one was generally unheard of.

 

[mikeymikec]

My mother calls the desktop "the CPU".

The usual one I hear is people calling the computer case "the hard drive".

 

[Azuma Hazuki]

Ahhh, yes. We refer to users like this as "throwing ID-10-T errors" internally. Mostly because they're the ones who come in with every popup and toolbar under the sun, still open, and after they "called the man from Microsoft like the sign on the screen says to and paid them $350 and the virus is still there."

while(humanity.isStupid()) {
exec("mount -o force,ro /dev/hazuki/face /mnt/desk")
}